Displaced Fic
Man my nose really itches, but it is to be expected when you are in stone. It wasn't my fault I got to be in this predicament. I was a normal teen Named Jeffery and I went to this con dressed as black suit Spiderman and I bought web shooters and the utility belt with a lot of extra web cartridges from a guy that looks very similar to the Merchant from Resident Evil 4. Once I bought them I got brought to Equestria with the same powers as Spiderman and the strange knowing of how to make the spider web fluid. The time I'm dragged to Equestria is during Discords rain about 1000 years ago when the princesses are trying to fight him off. After my fight with him a lot of crazy and insane shit happens to lead up to the crystal empire vanishing and me being turned to stone as punishment for failing to save it from Sombra.
Now let's jump to now where I'm a fucking statue that birds shit on and kids look at me with awe in their eyes. If i get out of here I swear by Uncle Ben, Peter Parker, Ben Reilly, and on my own eternal soul I will be seen as a hero again and not wanted by the princesses for being a criminal that escaped.
- Member Since 21st Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 20th, 2018
Dragon363
well as every reader on this cite I'm a fan of my little pony but I'm a brony I also like Burn notice, Devil may cry and many other things that are too many to say.
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Web-shooters and cartridges.Black Spider-Man.Something doesn't add up here.nevermind forgot he wore the black suit post-symbiote for a while cuz gotta sell comix
still there's no reason given for why this couldn't actually be Spider-Man instead of 'personalityless schmoe dressed as an actual good character' like all these fics go
this seems kind of meh, what you need to make this story even more awesome is a editor :P also glad that there's a displaced spider man ^_^
5823881 know any good one?
5823159 I see you have never heard of the Displaced, correct?
5823881 Agreed, because this, fuck me... you should SERIOUSLY consider having someone to help you with, well, a lot of stuff. I'm NOT going to downvote this. I think it has potential, just needs to be worked on better.
5823996 not really but there should be a editor group
5824051 Yes. I had never heard of it, and researched it. I'll delete that comment.
5824203 Well now you know the amazing multiverese of the Displaced, if you are interested you could PM me so i can give you some info, pointers, whats hot, etc.
Your guy is Spider Man and my guy is Iron Man. Would you like to do a collab?
Description:
During Discord's Rain...
Discord's making rain, Discord's making rain, Discord's making RAIN!
But wait... he still made rain after 1000 years... you got me confused.
At the end of the chapter you tried to do comedy, but...
It didn't really work.
You shouldn't get to the Pointe instantly.
I'm not very good at comedy either, but try to do it more like this:
I know, I know, this isn't better comedy, but its just to show you NOT to have a joke instantly resolving.
5825793 that's funny the rewrite you put I'll use that thanks
I'm terrible at spelling and correct them, but damn, not as bad as you. No offence. It is an okay story, once I figure out what you meant. For example I'll correct a paragraph or improve them a bit to the best I can. This either being correcting spelling or grammar mistakes or making needed changes. And this means, I would remove this word/(or part).
I'm jarred from my memories by a train whistle. And the conductor was looking for passengers, whilst saying[/b] "All aboard the last train to Ponyville! I repeat, last train to Ponyville till morning!"
Moving quickly, I snag myself under the train, to stick myself there. As the train rolls out of the city at a steady pace. I watch the scenery roll by. The train is too loud, for my mind to drift off into memory again. So I just started to wonder, things I didn't when I was a stone ornament. Did the merchant trick others into this? If so, is there a way of contacting them? Well, I do have that one machine I made, that can open a tiny rift in space & time. To which, the hole it self is only just big enough for something the size of a cell to go through. Might as well throw my brother's cell phone, after I glue my emblem on it. I also recorded an audio message, in case some other being in the multiverse finds it .... Maybe Superman And/(or)Batman. I'm smiling from this thought,since it would be funny. Though there is a chance of doom. That it will end up in Iron Man's Universe. Or worse, the real Spiderman finding my sorry message. Then he figures a way to find me and kick my sorry ass for this. Well, that is a risk I'm willing to take it."Even if I'm a bit reluctant to do so. Because who wants their asses kicked, by one of their favourite comic heroes" I think to myself.
Like I said before, I know where near perfect, but. I think you would agree that is a lot better, and more interesting then previous. I'm not doing this to be mean. But to help you and give you a helping hand.
Might read later.
I want to like this, I really do. I'm a big fan of Displaced fics, but you really need a heavy-duty editor. The story itself could use some structural work to make it look more appealing to readers, and a lot of text {character speech especially} could use re-wording. As is, it feels very stiff, like a computer is saying it rather than a person/pony.
It's not a bad fic, but it needs some serious work. Might post in the Looking for Editor's group.
i wonder what will be done with Hybrid...
That was short
Short but good
5906045 thanks
5906054 welcome!
Wow, I wonder what they think of there father.
5943457 next time they meet they will find out
great chapter
cant wait for more
...wha?
Stop. Wow, that was the most painless displaced fic I've ever read!
let it begin
Me waiting for new chapter
Me seeing new chapter 
Me after reading 
I would just Like to say thank you for such a great time since the start of the chapter. I hop we get a chance to write with each other again someday.
I can't help but think about H2O Delirious right now
Awesome chapter my friend and I'll be waiting for the next upload for this story and keep me posted on the story thanks
I love this story and chapter my friend I'll be waiting for your next upload my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
Awesome chapter my friend I'll be waiting for your next upload for this story and keep me posted on the story thanks