Memoirs of a Magic Earth Pony

by The Lunar Samurai

VII. Messages

The next morning, I awoke a few hours earlier than usual. My mind could not keep my body at rest, as it desired an answer to that burning question. I read through that letter once again, ensuring that my semi conscious mind was still halfway coherent. I spent nearly an hour revising, redrafting, and recreating that manifesto I had declared the night before.

Finally, after I had edited the page to within an inch of its life, I was ready to deliver it to the council. I still needed an envelope to deliver the letter and a quick recollection reminded me that I had none. I neatly folded it in half and placed it inside the pages of Tabula Rasa. The book’s hard cover would keep the invaluable paper from being wrinkled in my journey to the courier. It wasn’t a treacherous one, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

As I left my room, I realized how powerful my stride had become. Seemingly overnight I had adopted an air of confidence as I moved from my dorm to the courier’s office. My head stood high, and my strides were long. It seemed odd at first, for my body to be so readily carrying its weight, like it knew that I finally had a glimmer of hope in that vast sea of doubt. I wanted so desperately to become great, and the opportunity was finally in my grasp.

The day itself was like any other, with students and the occasional professor trotting about the grounds. The air was crisp and cool, just enough to make me wish I had a scarf but not chilly enough to do anything about it. The autumn leaves were scattered across the courtyard and they crunched underneath the hooves of the students as they raced to class. This was it, the day that I was going to take the first step toward my destiny, and every part of my body was confident it was the right decision.

I had either completely forgotten the fact that I was somepony who should have been lesser, or I realized that I could truly rise against the norm. Either way, I was ready, and prepared to make my way into my destiny. I strode with confidence into the courier’s office and withdrew the book from my saddlebag.

“I would like an envelope please,” I said as I withdrew my letter from the book.

“Alright, that will be one bit,”

I slid the payment across the desk.

“Do you need a stamp?”

“Not today,” I said as I carefully slid my letter into the envelope. “This is going to the Council.”

“Alrighty then,” the teller said as I tried to discretely lick the adhesive.

I was sealing that piece of paper that was to be sent to the most powerful leaders in the school. The formality of the entire thing was enough to put me on edge. “Do you know how long it will take for the Council to send their approval?”

“Oh. The council will typically respond within the week.”

Within the week! my mind shouted as I tried to wrap my mind around such a long time. “Do they ever respond faster?”

“Sometimes the response can come within the day, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

“O— Oh, alright,” I stammered as I tried to calm my swirling thoughts. “I guess that’ll have to do then.” I tried to smile, but the disappointment turned my grin into a frown of disatisfaction.

“Have a nice day!”

“Thanks,” I muttered as I strode out into the grounds once more.

Class was about to begin, and I was dead set on being on time today, but somehow I couldn’t shake a growing feeling of despair. I had made my decision to advance my future, but now I was unsure as to whether I would actually have a shot at making that future a reality. I knew what I wanted, but the council only knew me through the name of the pony who wanted to change their major. I prayed it was enough.

The day was fraught with a sense of dread that loomed over me like a stormcloud. I was ready to tackle the challenges of the classes, but I couldn't quite keep my mind from drifting away from the increasingly difficult work. My grades were slipping, and my college life was becoming the textbook example of a stallion who had bitten off more than he could chew. I was never one to really excel in school, and this was the perfect example of that failure to thrive. I was ready to live in a world that I could only start to imagine, but I couldn’t even keep my head above water in my studies.

I was quite foolish to think that I, an earth pony who had no prior knowledge of magic, could possibly succeed in the heavier course load of the magical world. I absolutely loved the idea of performing magic, to create those incantations that could one day change the world, but I had yet to be introduced into the technical aspect of the course. I was daring to blindly fly into that strange new world, and nopony was going to stop me. The very thing that was keeping my hopes high was beginning to bring them down. I was slowly realizing, once again, that I was breaking boundaries, venturing to places where nopony had been before, and I was, as always, completely alone in my venture.

The day crawled by as these revelations rolled through my head like a storm through a valley. I would see them on the horizon, their massive looming forms foretelling untold possibilities because of my choice. I would try to keep my mind clear of those distractions, but the storm would always inevitably come, drenching my mind in despair and terror at what lay ahead. Eventually, however, it would pass. Each time one of those dreadful feelings arose, there would always be a silver lining on the edge of the cloud. It was then when I would remember that I was still alright and that my decision was going to ultimately benefit me. I had to reassure myself of that ultimately unknowable fact, I craved that hope.

That hope was what would become the driving force behind my studies. I could envision myself becoming great, rising above the rest, and truly making the world a better place. I wanted so badly to be in that position, and nopony had told me it was impossible. In my ignorance, I found hope in the thought that I could truly accomplish my dreams. I wanted so desperately to pursue the destiny that I had so magnanimously conjured up. I knew I was destined for greatness.

My worry finally got the best of me as I left my final class of the day. I couldn’t help but race to my mailbox to see if the council had responded. I knew the odds were slim, but I couldn’t stop that curiosity from driving me to the courier’s office. On my way there, I felt myself beginning to gallop, the anticipation was killing me, and I wanted to discover what my destiny would be. It’s funny how quickly emotions can change, and the dread I felt as I stepped into the office overtook my excitement within the blink of an eye. There, just signing his signature at the desk of the courier, was Professor Spark.

I quickly began to rethink my decision to look into my destiny, but I couldn’t bear leaving without an answer. Regardless, dread still filled my mind.

“Hello there, Starswirl,” he said as he noticed me on his way to the door.

“Hey.”

I felt him sensing my shame as he watched my gaze drift toward the opposing wall.

“I suppose we are both considering the same thing,” he muttered as he stepped closer. “You do realize you have missed two quizzes now.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I hadn’t known about the quizzes, and I had almost completely forgotten about the class in the few days I had been skipping. Magic had taken over every thought in my mind, and it had left chemistry as an afterthought to an old dream.

“Oh,” I said as I let my gaze drift to the floor. I knew my absences were inexcusable, and the thought of failing my classes was becoming more real every day. “I didn’t know about the quizzes.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. You haven’t been in my class for nearly a week now. What do you have to say for your absence?”

In that moment, I remembered what he had said on the first day of class. He told us that we were to be equal, to be a class united under one subject. He was one of the few on campus that believed that the boundaries weren’t quite as solid as society had claimed, and he was testing them on a daily basis.

“Well…” I started as my mind raced to collect the thoughts that had immediately run rampant. “I guess I’m just not getting the concepts in your class…” I couldn’t believe what I had just said. I could have, in that moment, declared my true intentions to the one stallion who would have supported them wholeheartedly, but instead I lied.

“Well being out of class surely hasn’t helped. That being said, you were doing above average before you mysteriously disappeared.”

“Yeah…” I muttered as I tried to figure out a way to keep my lie alive.

“I would like to see you attending my classes more frequently, but I would also like to offer you something in return. I would like to extend my office to you so that you may catch up on your studies. I want you to exceed, Starswirl, and I am here to help you.”

I knew he meant well, I knew that he was on my side, but I couldn’t stop that small voice of pride in my heart that was trying to push him away. It wanted me to leave him and pursue my endeavours alone, or at least with the help of a select few.

“Well thank you,” I said politely as I started to stride off toward the door. My body was, once again, pushing me away from the true desires of my heart. I wanted so desperately to go back to Professor Spark and tell him of my triumph over the status quo, but I couldn’t. Instead I let myself leave that building in pursuit of nothingness.

Just as the door closed, I turned to look at that professor who had offered so much to help me succeed. It it felt as though he was downtrodden, saddened by the fact that I had dismissed his offer, but he didn’t let it show. I guess it was that instant that I realized that what I had become was damaging the ponies who cared about me. Maybe I wasn’t just pulling inward, maybe I was also pushing those around me away.

I reached out and forcefully pulled the door open once more. “Professor Spark?”

“Yes, Starswirl?”

“I want to apologize.”

“For?”

“I want to tell you what’s really been happening.”

Comments

[Kevin Lee]

FINALLY!!

At last, the kid pulls his head out of his own ass and starts networking with the folks who can/will help him achieve his future!

This is an interesting take on the character & I like how this version of Starswirl is progressing. Definitely looking forward to more

[The Lunar Samurai]

FINALLY!!

IKR! I almost didn't add this in this chapter, but my editor pointed it out so I tossed in that last little moment. He's got to learn sometime, so why shouldn't he learn today?

Hopefully Act 1 will be finished really soon. I hit the end of my backlog, which means I have to actually create content now. Terrible, right? That being said, I also get to entertain A WHOLE SLEW OF NEW FOLLOWERS AFTER I GOT FEATURED TODAY. I swear, this really threw me for a loop, but they all want the backstory. I want to push that out first, but I've got some extra time this week so I should be able to make a good dent in both. (If not finish them)

I'm glad you're enjoying this though. This is my favorite story as of late, and I'm really having fun giving Starswirl terrible emotional struggles exploring the complex emotions one goes through during these intense self discoveries. I'm glad you're enjoying it!

[MudakTheMultiplier]

Chapter VII
Messages
Or:
"In Which Doucheswirl The Stubbly Pulls his Head Out of his Butt"

[Divine Path]

Yes, the social skills are improving