Just a young man that found the MLP series and is looking to give a shot at creating an exciting book series that people will be able to enjoy.
A young adult male ends up in Equestria and is forced to survive. These are the series of events that happen with his arrival in Equestria.
Author comment: Leave all hateful comments at the door. I won't post those types of things on your stories, so don't post them on mine!!!
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What i saw next couldn't be explained by human words.
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GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIC! Not inherently bad, but be aware of it.
Okay, for one; I have no idea what the hell is happening. For two, user above says it all. It's generic. Do try and make things not so...Overused? Oh well. I'm not going to track, but I'll come back later and see if it even improves.
I don't usually leave comments, but when I do...
Well, where do I start? For one thing, I'm really sorry, but I could hardly get past the prologue, and I stopped reading after the first chapter. The prologue is barely one at that, really. It's three paragraphs strung together while simultaneously doing nothing to motivate me to read further. We know nothing about the character, or anything about the scene except for a brief description of events. A story like this (and believe me, I know, I'm currently writing one) can succeed or fail based on the first impression alone.
Look, I don't want to discourage you from writing, I really don't. But there needs to be more substance. Like the comment above says, it's generic, but that doesn't have to be a fault if it's executed correctly. If you happen not to care what others think, then disregard my advice. But if you actually want this to be considered read-worthy, try some of these tips:
Clean up your grammar. Seriously, every uncapitalized 'i' or unnecessary space between punctuation and letters just breaks flow.
Characterization. Endear your character to us. Tell us his name, give a brief description. Show us more about who he is than just a steady stream of "I did this." and then "I did that next."
Pacing. Events are happening way too fast to make sense of. Take the time to describe what is happening using plenty of detail to set the scene. Adjectives and adverbs are your friends here.
In my honest opinion, this story needs a LOT of work. I won't down vote out of principle, but you aren't going to be going anywhere until this is readable on a basic level. Good luck, you're going to need it.
Wow, I like the story, but there is way to many cliches. Honestly, I freaking knew Rarity was going to get pissed off at his clothes and make him some new ones before it even happened. Good story, but...Jesus.
579590
He had no clothes...
578999 OBJECTION
i liked it, i admit its not the best intro i've ever seen but it doesn't suck so lets keep the epic facepalms into the safe where they belong to be used on something that really is worth that facepalm.
I'm luvin it so far
Finally the plot thickens
583230 It was needed. Soooooooooo cliche.
Its around 6.30 A.M. haven't slept all night and was ready to go to bed, suddenly i get a notification: Differences UPDATED well no sleep for me.
Pie flavor LOL EPIC ASDF MOVIE REFERENCE!
578999 is one facepalm enough?
Yet a twist to the story!!!
What is happening
603814
wait til the next chapter. its being set up for an epic finish. about 4 to 5 more left.
yay im teh first!!
good story by the way, bro
okay... now its kinda creepy
138 weeks....................