Being Facetious
Velvet yawned as she stretched out on the too-small bunk and started to sit up. There was no point in trying to be sneaky or delicate in her escape; any small movement on her part would wake him up.
"Mm?" Tumble stirred from his half-asleep lull, his head falling to the side to look at her. One eye didn't quite open all the way, but it was a good enough effort. "You leaving?"
Velvet flashed him a smile. "Yup. Gotta get back to my parents' place before they wake up, and you wouldn't believe how early bakers rise." She snickered to herself.
The joke seemed lost on him, as he merely nodded idly. "All right." He yawned. "My roommate's going to start getting suspicious with the excuses I keep giving him… Do you think maybe next time we could meet at your place?"
"Nope," she said quickly, hopping off the bunk. "No can do. My roommate never goes anywhere."
Tumble rolled onto his side to look at her. "Oh, really? Okay… Well, all right."
"Sorry, but that's the price you have to pay to get on this ride." Her tail swished as she sashayed over to the door, grabbing her delivery cap and satchel on the way. "I look forward to your next order of cupcakes, Mr. Tumble."
With a soft laugh, Tumble dropped back down onto the bed. "You're an odd mare, you know that?"
"Yup! It's my charm!" And with that, she was Late Night Delivery Mare returning from a completely unsuspicious midnight cupcake emergency. A delivery mare with a song in her heart and a skip in her step.
Crystal was likely having a great night of her own. It was her wish to be given some alone time with Silent, and Velvet was happy to oblige. Crystal needed to get laid more often. She always had this lovely glow the next day, like the stars aligned and shined just for her.
Velvet had never seen anything like it before, but it meant Crystal was happy, and that was what was important. Even if it did make her gag a little from just how sickeningly cute it was.
When she got to her parents' condo and found that it was completely dark, a twitch ran down her sides. The lights were never off; Sunbeam always left one on. That was so that there was continual light coming in under Red's nursery door and he wouldn't know when they get up in the morning.
Right as she shut the door, a lamp flickered on. Sunbeam sat in the recliner, her hindlegs crossed and one forehoof meeting the other to steeple menacingly.
"You went out," Sunbeam said in a low voice.
Velvet froze in place, then frowned. "Yeah. I do that. I'm not a foal anymore."
Sunbeam gestured at her with the steepled hooves. "You're dressed like a Sunridge delivery mare."
"Yeah…" Velvet slipped the hat off and set it on the table by the door. "I do that."
"Are you using our good name for your dirty deeds?" Sunbeam started to tap her hooves together, like the quiet drums of war in the distance.
Velvet huffed and walked over to flop on the couch. "I'm delivering cupcakes to a stallion who gets late night cravings." For more than just cupcakes.
Sunbeam eyed her with suspicion. "Velvet Buttermuffin Step, are you lying to me by omission?"
Ponyfeathers. When the fake names came out, that only meant one of two things: that she was in serious trouble, or she wasn't in trouble at all. Sunbeam's poker face was unrivaled, so it was impossible to know if she was wading into hot water or not.
Finally, Velvet settled on giving a tentative, "Maybe?"
"Maybe? Maybe!" Sunbeam frowned. "Velvet Twinklehooves Step! What are you up to?"
Velvet groaned as she rolled on the couch, shifting this way and that until she gave up the squirming fight. "It's Tumbler, Mom. He lives on base and I don't want rumors, so yeah, okay, I'm using Sunridge Sweets for personal reasons. But we're selling cupcakes because of it, so is it really a big deal?"
"It most certainly is if ponies start associating Sunridge Sweets with late night cutie calls!"
"Cutie calls?" Velvet sputtered into a laugh that she quickly tried to smother under the weight of her mother's glare. "No, Mom, it's fine. It's not like I'm going around town doing this. It's just Tumbler, and he's not going to brag to all his friends or anything."
Sunbeam snorted. "And just how can you be so sure, dandelion? How long have you even known him?"
"Long enough, Mom. It's fine. Can I just go to bed already?" She stuffed one of the throw pillows under her head and tugged the blanket off the back of the couch.
Sunbeam gave a soft huff and the recliner squeaked as she rose to her hooves. "Don't make this a habit, crumbcake. You know your dad and I support you unconditionally, but you also know how important Sunridge Sweets is to us. We don't sell those kind of pies."
Velvet sighed. A pit of guilt formed in her gut and started to gnaw away at what remained of her good feelings. "I'll figure something else out. Sorry, Mom."
After a pause, Sunbeam's hoof patted Velvet on the shoulder. "We'll talk about it later. Get some sleep. I'm sure you need it, considering how long you've been out of the house."
Heat rose to the tips of Velvet's ears and she tugged the blanket of her head. "Good night, Mom," she muttered through clenched teeth.
What was she going to use as a cover instead? Maybe she could just… not use one. After all, how many ponies did she run into when she visited the base? She let out a sigh when she heard Sunbeam shut the bedroom door, leaving her alone.
---
"Welcome home," Crystal said from the couch as Velvet walked into their condo. As usual, she had her notebook in front of her and was in the middle of working on her story.
That was what Velvet hoped, at least. Crystal had a tendency to dawdle lately with her writing, but there was rent to pay. Fighting about money wasn't exactly high on Velvet's list of priorities.
Tossing the overnight bag aside and giving Crystal her full attention, Velvet waited a moment to size her up. She could tell in an instant that something was wrong. Crystal wasn't overflowing with radiant love.
"So?" Velvet finally prompted when Crystal offered nothing first.
Crystal waved a hoof at her. "He was busy."
"What?!" How could she say that so calmly?! Velvet's gaze darted along Crystal's form to examine her posture—the way her ears were relaxed, how her legs were casually stretched out on the couch.
No, Crystal just had to be irritated, but she was hiding it. Why was she hiding it? Well, Velvet had no intention of hiding and let her displeasure take hold of her expression, tugging her lips into a deep frown. "Oh! Oh, I'll give him a piece of my mind! I'll—"
"It's fine!" Crystal, for some reason, started to laugh. "It's fine. You don't have to go punch a royal guard." She shook her head and smiled. "He dropped by to apologize last night."
So an apology was all it took? That made everything better? Velvet snorted derisively. "You are way too easy on him. Isn't the point of being in a relationship knowing that somepony is there for you and making sacrifices for each other?"
"Compromise." Crystal looked back down at her notebook. "Relationships are about compromise."
Tomato, so-same-o. Velvet bit back the snark as best she could as she started over toward the pillows, but the feelings boiled over. "Well, it sure seems like you make a whole lot more compromises for him than he does for you." She flopped down with an exaggerated huff.
Slowly, Crystal returned her gaze to Velvet, a frown on her face. "You make it sound as if it's a bad thing! I spent the day alone. He spent it working! I think I got the far easier end of the deal."
Always with the excuses. Could Silent do no wrong in Crystal's mind? "Fine, whatever." Velvet rolled her eyes. "Sorry for being worried about your happiness." She shifted on the pillow to turn away from Crystal so she could make all sorts of faces in private.
"There's nothing to be worried about."
Velvet scrunched up her nose and went cross-eyed. Nope, nothing to be worried about at all, just her best friend getting stood up on her birthday for 'work'.
"I'm happy," Crystal continued, her voice growing softer, "even if I do wish I could take precedence once in a while."
With a lash of her tail, Velvet tried not to sound as irritated as she felt, keeping her jaw set rigid and firm. "Then just tell him that or I'll step in and do it for you, and I won't be nice about it."
The only response at first was a sigh, followed by some light rustling and a groan from the couch. "Are you hungry?"
A change of subject. Velvet ran her tongue over her lips as she mulled over her options. She could stand her ground and force Crystal to deal with the issue, or she could have lunch. Her stomach voted for lunch. Her head nodded in agreement. Her mouth compiled with, "Always."
Crystal made her way to the kitchen, the fridge and a cabinet door opening under the guidance of pink magic. "Are you all right with just some broccoli and pasta for lunch? I'm not in the mood to make a fancy meal."
"Sure!" Bitter Velvets didn't get lunch, so Cheerful Velvet came out to play. She pushed herself up off the pillow and went over to her overnight bag. "By the way, my parents wanted to give you—" Shampoo bottle, toy she forgot to give Red, a bag of some rolls and muffins... There it was! She picked up the gift from Sunbeam. "—this! They said happy birthday, they hoped it was good, blah blah and all that."
Crystal giggled and looked over with a gentle smile. "Your parents are the sweetest. Mine just send a card. The same card. Every year."
Bitter Velvet reared her ugly head as she glared and seethed, "Hey, at least they're reliable. Pretty sad when your parents are a better companion than your stallionfriend."
After a brief frown, Crystal relented with a roll of her eyes and brought the present over in her magic. She undid the ribbon and the wrapping, paused for an awkwardly long moment, then looked up. "Velvet."
Velvet's ear flicked. "What?"
"Seriously?" Crystal levitated a pair of little pink and blue foal booties and pointed at them while squinting at Velvet.
Booties! Foal booties! Oh, Sunbeam was the best! Velvet tossed her head back to let out an unrestrained cackle.
Crystal huffed. "You learned your subtlety from your parents!"
Velvet breathed in and out a few times in an earnest attempt to stop laughing. It took a few tries of holding her breath until she didn't break out into another fit of snickers and giggles, but she finally calmed down enough to grin. "Yup!"
Crystal just continued to glare.
"Aww, come on, Mom probably made those by hoof! You can't be mad!"
"We haven't even set a date for the wedding." Crystal's ears folded back and she turned back to the stove to resume cooking, the booties returning to the box.
Velvet gave one more snicker on her way over to Crystal's side. She propped her forehooves against the counter so she could look at the pot of water slowly coming to a boil. "Yeah, well, you're basically my sister, which makes you basically their daughter. They want grandfoals!"
Crystal glanced at her. "Well, they have you for that, don't they?"
Velvet froze at the inconspicuous question. What? She didn't want to get pregnant! She'd have to give up her career, and she'd worked too hard for that. Not to mention that having foals meant settling down, and she wasn't ready to have the conversation with Crystal about her resistance to that yet, and—
When her heart started racing, there was only one way to handle it. "Sure," Velvet said in a sarcastic tone, then laughed. "That would require a stallion in my life and no, thank you."
Crystal glanced between the steaming broccoli and Velvet. "You could always adopt."
All of the buzzing in her head came to a sudden halt and she just gawked. "What! Me? Adopt a foal? Alone? At my age? Are you crazy?!"
"I didn't mean right now! I just mean—oh!" Crystal stuck her tongue out at Velvet and turned her head to focus on making lunch. "Don't be so contrary. You knew what I meant!"
Contrary? Hardly! She was being serious! Where had this come from? How was she supposed to respond in a situation like this? Had Crystal been thinking about this before the conversation came up? Was this an intervention or something?
Velvet pushed off the counter. Her head felt suddenly light. What did Crystal mean, exactly? She said she didn't mean 'right now', but what did she mean by 'not right now'? When she was in some sort of relationship that Crystal expected her to be in?
She fell onto a pillow a little harder than she meant to. The world felt strangely distant. She was dizzy. Just dizzy from too many thoughts. They needed to get out of her head, one way or another.
"I don't know," she finally said around the lump in her throat. "Maybe someday?" She did the best to laugh normally and shook her head. "This is silly! What kind of pony adopts a foal without a partner?"
Crystal looked over with a soft, almost motherly smile on her face. "A pony who wants a foal but not a partner would. It's not like you'd be the first single mother in Equestria!"
Right. Of course. Crystal would say the thing that Velvet had no response to. What she wanted to say was, 'So you're okay with me having a foal and no partner. What about sex and no partner? No foals, no partner, just dirty fun?'
What she did instead was raise a hoof and quickly shake her head. "Stop. It's actually starting to sound like a good idea, which is just crazy. Let's just focus on you and your messed up relationship before we mess up my life, okay?"
"Excuse you! My relationship is just fine!" Crystal huffed and puffed up like an angry bird. "It just—"
Three knocks came from the door. Silent Knight's predictable and reliable tell. And it couldn't have come at a better time, because Velvet was pretty sure she was sweating.
"Are you serious?" She groaned, rolled off the pillow, and hit the floor with a loud thud. "Ugh! I was so close to food!" Not that she would have been able to eat with her stomach twisted up in knots. She pushed herself to stand upright and made a show of stomping to her bedroom. "Okay, pretend I'm not here, and talk to him. Okay? Just schedule a date or something. When was the last time you two went on a date?"
Sealing the deal with a stern look, Velvet grabbed her bag and disappeared into her room, where she dropped the act once the door was shut. She sucked in a breath and clenched her eyes shut.
Images of Crystal's disgusted expression flashed through her mind, urging her heart to race even faster. She needed to focus on something else. What did her mother say when she got like this?
Leaves. Stream. The thoughts were leaves on a stream. Let them drift by. Watch them disappear around the bend. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly, Velvet felt the tension ease from her muscles and she was finally able to move again.
Crawling under the covers and curling up, Velvet tried to push past those thoughts onto something else. The idea of adoption bubbled up to the surface. Did Crystal really suggest she adopt? Was that actually an option?
What a crazy notion—adopting a foal of her own! A smile spread across her lips and she relaxed into the soft embrace of her bed while the sounds of Crystal and Silent's conversation carried on in the background.
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A less nuanced approach is needed. Perhaps Velvet needs to take a lesson from his drill sergent if she wants him to stand at attention and appreciate her wit.
Indeed, Sunridge Sweets does not, Red's Executive Sweets however has the motto "Smiles Delivered" for a reason.
"Then jus—"
What is the sound a spinning pony makes when they appear from thin air? Whatever it is, it sure was loud. The crashing and banging however can easily be explained. The poor pink mare kept right on spinning until she landed in the kitchen and was rudely stopped by the cabinet only to be attacked by a lone plate.
"Uuuugh. Ow."
Stumbling on unsteady hooves back out of the kitchen, Velvet, looked at Velvet and Crystal. "First things first," she said while eye to eye with Velvet, "forty consecutive pirouettes will give you more than enough angular momentum, remember that."
Ignoring the stunned looks passing back and forth between Crystal and Velvet, Velvet leaned in close to Velvet and whispered. "Self time-travel authentication, Shoot for the Moon and grab the pie."
At that both Velvet's grinned.
"Now Velvet," said Velvet, "you've got to remember to treat Crystal right. Many chapters from now you'll be all worked up and take a trip to the Crystal Empire to yell at a certain bonehead. Don't take your eyes off the prize, helping out Crystal. If you play your cards really right you might even get a chance to jump to an AU and get a threesome out of it."
A Master of Masks indeed.
Hehehehehe Busted! Granted I have been in Sunbeams position.. just not with kids.. More like dumb ass friends who i have to watch over like children.
Oh dearest velevt, you do have a stallion in your life -laughs like alucard from helsing, the shipping intensifying-
I sense so much foreshadowing in this chapter.. You tease us shippers so much! and velvet is such a fun character to follow. I can understand why shes nervous though and wants to hide her ways from Crystal.. but I have a feeling that will change possibly
Fkdhasdjk!
Fpsn!
This —
That —
...
I am getting you a pizza!
It's 1:30 am and I have a sudden hankering for cupcakes. Lots and lots of sweet, moist, piping hot, creamy cupcakes.
7121479
I think Thunder's a classic "who dunnit" misdirection from the obvious, met-once-in-passing choice. There is another shipwalker...
(Okay, that sounded cooler in my head. Oh, well, it's already written. Nothing I can do now.)
7121613 Nah its insinuated this aint their first meeting.. nore will it be their last. I bet she ends up with either him or dawn. or both o.o
Yes, way busy.
I'm enjoying myself immensely still. You have become my steady supplier of emotional drama, Crystal.
7121627
Multiple appearances of the misdirection only emphasizes its obvious importance while masking the real target of interest. It really is a classic theme!
7121653 This is velvet we are talking about. and shes sorta bouncing around like Sunny Day.. sooo. yeah
Velvet... she never changes.
7121476 Velvet was particularly proud of her wit, and I'm glad someone else appreciated it. :D
Oh, Red delivers smiles, all right!
Hahaha. Your little rewrites always amuse me. Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll take them into consideration... so don't stop trying.
7121479 I do love to tease. Of course, I'll have to resolve things someday, but for now, I'll just delight in stringing y'all along!
7121510 Tehehehe. I was hoping you'd notice.
I was completely unable to resist throwing that in there because I love that phrase so much.
7121613 Mm, just be careful, cupcakes can be messy if you dive right in. You have to take them slow and savor each lick of frosting!
7121629 I live to serve! And don't worry, I have much more for you in several stories.
7122136 Well, to be fair... It's hard to change when you're not trying to.
7122305
Madam, please, avoid using such sentences while addressing an amoral creature like me. Lest I start getting peculiar ideas! :mischievous grin:
Aside from that... oh, I am looking forward to more turmoils, always.
Somepony secretly wants a foal.
Ooo, some more Tumble action.
Uh oh.
Whoops, looks like the cupcake delivery gig is up. Or at least, it needs to remain professional (and boring) at all times.
In before Velvet runs into Azurite. Er, runs over? Steps over? Completely misses her presence. Heh.
Ooooo, so this was the birthday night. Talk about an unfortunate evening. Velvet gets in trouble, Silent, er, causes trouble.
Love the present, though it's a shame that Crystal and Silent have not yet gotten around to giving those booties purpose.
Yeah, I dunno about the adoption idea. Even if not right now, unless the new company changes things Velvet is in a career that involves a lot of traveling, and that would be challenging for one single pony to reconcile with the time commitments required for childcare.
Great chapter. Too tired to make witty comment. Must return to stats.
7122305
Your advice seems contrary to the previously-given indications, but okay...
"Cutie Calls."
That's the best. I might actually start calling them like that from now on. XD
7122305 Your an evil writing mistress! but I love it all just the same lol.
7122536 It's certainly no secret that she loves foals, at least!
7122638 There's never enough Tumble action! I adore him so much.
Yup, Sunbeam sees all, and she looks disapprovingly upon some of it!
Hahahah, perfect.
Having a foal, through adoption or otherwise, would require a serious life change for Velvet. Good thing she has Red as a surrogate in the meantime!
7122662 Glad you enjoyed it, sorry you're so tired!
7123103 Oh, 7121510 gets ALL the credit for that one. Cutie calls are, as far as I'm aware, his creation... and I LOVE the phrase.
7124057
I finally did it, Crystal. I made something into a thing.
But don't worry! I won't let it go to my head.
Now, I just have to make Carmen Sanfratello a thing, and I'll be all set.
I think that there is a typo. Did you mean "rose"?
I vote Velvet adopts a foal! I'm on board with that story option!