Sunset's eyes followed Applejack for several moments before appraising the town, noticing evidence showing that Ponyville was waking up for the day ahead. There were more chimneys billowing smoke, and several ponies were quickly traveling the street with purpose, several greeting the mayor as they passed.
Feeling an impatient dragon on her back poke her lightly, Sunset turned back to the open door, following after Twilight. Shortly after entering, Spike hopped off Sunset's back, book in claw, as Sunset closed off the cold outside air.
As she took in the interior of Twilight's home, she couldn't help but find it a little enchanting. The stone of Canterlot failed to compare to the interior of a warm tree. The walls were naturally adorned with books, and there was a set of stairs leading up to a loft, and another set down to a basement. There were decorations for Hearth's Warming all over the place, making it look quite festive. In the far side of the main room was also a chalkboard, a teacher's desk, as well as a small number of foal sized desks stacked away next to the wall.
Traces of Twilight's previous lesson still remained on the board, a long line with several of Equestria's races plotted on it. On the left side, labeled 'Harmonic', were Ponies right at the edge, and other races plotted out between Ponies and the middle, Griffins taking the center. And on the right side, labeled Chaotic, were other races such as Dragons. Sunset briefly wondered why Twilight would teach magical affinity to anypony besides a unicorn, then abandoned the thought as Twilight turned to her guests.
“How long will you be in Ponyville?” she asked curiously, giving Sunset and Spike a hopeful look. The question prompted Spike to stop and turn to Sunset, matching Twilight's expression, his face practically begging Sunset to say 'for as long as we can!'.
“Well...” she began teasingly, smiling to herself, thanking Luna in her heart for giving her 'time off', “Luna has practically forced me to take a vacation, so I'm off until after New Years.” Saying that made Twilight's eyes start to glow as her smile grew. “So I suppose we could stay till tomorrow,” Sunset finished with an exaggerated sigh, making Spike frown.
“Oh come on!” the dragon exclaimed, “Let's at least stay till Hearth's Warming!”
“Well, I don't want to impose-”
“You're not fooling me, Sunset Shimmer,” Twilight affirmed as she started writing a list, “You want to stay for as long as you can, don't you?” Sunset made a defeated gesture as she nodded.
“Well I guess you've got me figured out,” she admitted, getting a happy grin from Spike. She still intended to talk to Luna about the gift she had in store, but didn't see why that would keep her from Ponyville. Sunset then briefly considered the fact that she'd need to return to Canterlot at some point to pick up Twilight's gift. That, and there was also that date for tomorrow. Suddenly thinking of Shining Armor while standing in front of Twilight made Sunset blush slightly, making her shake her head before looking to her friend. “Are you fine with housing us 'till New Years?” Twilight nodded as she waved the list around.
“That's what this is for!” she quickly affirmed, “I'll need to pick up some things, but it's no problem.” As she continued writing her list, Sunset started to take in the library- “So, how's Cadence been?”
“Oh, she's doing great!” Spike stated, cutting off Sunset's reply, to her slight annoyance, and amusement. “You should see how Page talks to her, it's pretty amazing!” he added, getting a smiling nod from Twilight as she rolled up the list. Her brow then furrowed as she looked to her friends.
“Wait, don't tell me Cadence is going to be looking after her for the holidays.”
“Oh, no, she isn't,” Sunset quickly affirmed, “Tell Tale is taking Page to Manehatten.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at that as Sunset considered the notion for a moment, “I guess that means Cadence is free for the holidays. I wonder if she'll visit her adopted family...” Twilight smiled at that as she packed the list away. Spike, realizing he still had the old book in his claws, moved up to Twilight, offering it to her.
“Here Twilight! Luna wanted us to give you this!” Twilight paused, adopting an intrigued look as she took the book from Spike.
“Thank you Spike,” she then gave Sunset an amused look, “Sunset, if I didn't know any better-” Twilight then paused when she read the title of the book. She blinked for a moment before her face came alive with excitement, prompting her to look to her friends. “This- This is-!! Did you read this!?” Sunset shook her head in surprise, realizing she had never even read the title. “Oohhh~ I've got to read this right now!” She then looked to Sunset, a pleading look in her eyes. She then blinked, and let out a small, bemused sigh as the put the book on her desk next to a pair of spectacles, her smile becoming more humble. “Actually, it can wait a bit.” She then turned back to her friends, giving them a heartfelt smile.
With Sunset's curiosity piqued, she moved to the desk, raising an eyebrow to Twilight, who looked like she was considered something. Sunset's eyes then fell to the glasses, and briefly wondered if those were the special one's Twilight had crafted for herself. Sunset's speculating was interrupted by Twilight appraising her. “Would you two care for a tour of Ponyville? I can pick up what we need while we're at it. With any luck, things will be getting started by the time we're done!” Sunset recalled Tell Tale's words concerning Luna's arrival at noon, and nodded to Twilight, genuinely curious to see more of Twilight's new home. Then, a thought came to mind.
“I'd like that, but so soon?” she asked, “I mean, we just got here.” Spike nodded in tandem with Sunset's words, looking to the warm clothes he had just liberated himself from.
“Oh, well,” Twilight began, glancing to the book on the desk, “To be honest, if we stay here, the fact that the book is sitting there, unread, so close to me, is going to drive me crazy.” Sunset's brow furrowed, and she took in the book, reading the letters on its old, worn cover. Reading the title, she resisted the urge to place a hoof on over her face, now understanding why Twilight was so excited.
'Poetry and Prose, by Clover the Clever.'
“Actually, Twilight,” Sunset began, giving her friend an apologetic look as she levitated the book over to her, “I didn't realize who wrote this. You can read it right now if you want, we can wait.” Sunset knew how much Twilight idolized Clover, considering Twilight always played as her in O&O. Besides that, Twilight was a very fast reader, and the book didn't look to be particularly long.
“Thanks Sunset, I really appreciate that,” Twilight said with a big smile, then proceeded to the door, putting the book back and grabbing a scarf as Sunset gave her a confused look. “Like I said, it can wait a bit. I'd rather take my time with it, and it'll still be here when we get back.” She then looked to Sunset and Spike, “It's been a whole month since the last time we were together, so I want to spend my time with my best friends. And you know, Luna's coming to Ponyville too. It wouldn't surprise me if Trixie showed up as well.”
She then helped Spike back into his winter clothes, getting a small 'thank you' from the dragon as Sunset put her scarf back on, choosing not to play the should/shouldn't game with Twilight. With that, still looking to Sunset and Spike, Twilight opened the door, revealing a blue unicorn on the other side, who was just about to knock.
“Eh?” Trixie said, caught off guard as she noticed Sunset and Spike, her voice grabbing Twilight's attention as they all stared at each other for an awkward moment. “Sunset? Spike? You're here too!?” Sunset nodded, a smile starting to grow on her face as Spike ran up and hugged Trixie, to her surprise.
“Trixie!” Spike cried out joyfully, “Where've you been?”
“Oh. Eh heh heh,” Trixie began sheepishly, taking in a deep breath to regain her composure, clearing her throat. “Oh, The Great and Powerful Trixie!? She's been out seeing the world, spreading the word of her amazing deeds! Lighting the fire of wonder and joy in the hearts of ponies everywhere!” she proclaimed proudly, head held high as Sunset reached the door. “And, Trixie is very happy to see you all.” She then appraised Spike as he ended the hug, “Spike! You've gotten taller!”
“That's right! I am a growing dragon after all,” he proclaimed as he puffed his chest out.
“Well, Trixie happens to have just the thing for a growing dragon,” she proclaimed as her horn started to glow. As it did, a speck of blue light appeared in front of Spike. The light grew, glowing and forming into a sapphire that shimmered radiantly, its light captivating Spike as he bore a toothy grin. The glow persisted as the gemstone reached its full size, as big as a hoof, and Spike looked to Trixie eagerly. “It's a bit early, but, Happy Hearth's Warming, Spike.” Spike immediately gave Trixie another hug.
“You're the best!” he proclaimed as he took his gift, giving it a quick lick before nodding to himself. Sunset briefly considered what magic Trixie used, certain she could replicate it.
She assumed it was a use of three spells, levitation, illusion, and invisibility, then recalled the last time Trixie had explained that trick to her with a small smile. It wasn't three spells, but a simple use of illusion, with a little sleight-of-hoof on the side. Sunset could mirror some of Trixie's spells, but she doubted she could mirror her tricks, and found that she didn't have a problem with that. Sunset then noticed that Trixie's eyes were focused on hers, and almost in unison, their brows furrowed as they both smiled.
“You just happen to carry that on you?” Sunset asked, getting a scoff from Trixie.
“One such as Trixie needs to be prepared for anything.” She then blushed slightly as she avoided Sunset's gaze, “That, and Trixie … may have just purchased it ten minutes ago,” she admitted, before coughing into her hoof. She then regained her composure as she adopted a smug smile, “And what, Trixie asks, is Sunset Shimmer doing here?” She stated as she gave Sunset an aside glance, a playfully antagonizing tone in her voice.
“Falling for Luna's schemes, yet again, apparently,” Sunset replied, clapping her forehoof with Trixie's as they shared a fond smile. Trixie then looked to Twilight, stepping forward, and they shared a brief hug.
“How's Twilight?” Trixie asked, “Trixie gets letters, but she wants to hear you say it.”
“I've been doing great,” Twilight replied with a smile, “The foals are a real hoofful, but I'm managing.” She then gave Trixie a contemplative look. “Let me guess, Luna asked you to come to Ponyville to put on a show for the celebration?” Trixie nodded.
“How could The Great and Powerful Trixie resist such a request?” She stated loudly, then sighed a little, “Luna does love to do things in a roundabout way. Though, I suppose she just wanted to surprise us with this reunion.” She then stepped to the side, freeing the doorway “Were you leaving? If so, Trixie wishes to follow.” Twilight and Sunset shared a look before nodding.
“Well,” Twilight began, “I was gonna show these two around Ponyville.”
“And I suppose we can suffer a tag-along,” Sunset stated as she stepped outside, Spike hopping on her back so he didn't have to trudge through the snow, sapphire still in his hungry grasp. Trixie scoffed at Sunset's words, holding her head high as she held a hoof to her chest.
“You know you can't manage without Trixie~! So Trixie will come along!” She then lowered her voice slightly, “Trixie's doesn't need a tour, for she's been here before, but, she does want to be with her friends.”
“I think we can all agree on that,” Twilight quickly replied, and with that, the four of them set out from the library, walking around Ponyville. As they walked about, they took in the sights, seeing stalls and decorations for both the Solstice celebration as well as Hearth's Warming.
Twilight's tour took them by several places that she seemed particularly fond of. A boutique that sold clothes, as well as jewelry. A clinic that was open to both animals and ponies. An apple orchard looked after by a particularly stout stallion and his little sister, one of Twilight's students. They also passed a candy store run by a particular pink pony, which happened to be right next to another candy store.
As the four of them walked through the now trodden snow, they conversed over old times, the trouble they got in, and how things have been going for them as of late.
“Wait,” Trixie began in surprise, “you're going to raise the sun for Luna!?” she exclaimed, getting an odd look from a random passerby as Sunset made a hushing motion.
“Well, yeah,” Sunset replied in annoyance as she moved close to Trixie, “that's what I'm trying to do. But, it's a secret. So don't go yelling it out at the top of your lungs!”
“Eh heh. Trixie is sorry. But, doing that? Though, Trixie supposes that your magic was always strong...” Trixie looked to the side, considering something as Twilight spoke up.
“You got the spell down, right?” Twilight asked, getting a confident nod from Sunset, “Mind showing me sometime?”
“Count on it!” Sunset assured.
“So,” Trixie began, “Besides casting spells no normal unicorn should, what else have you been up to?”
“Well...?” Sunset replied hesitantly. She didn't really have a task that carried a title, but she would be considered... “I guess I'm now something like Luna's assistant.”
“No surprise there,” Twilight quickly replied, which surprised Sunset.
“What do you mean?” Sunset asked.
“Well, you've always worked very hard at anything you do-”
“So have the both of you,” Sunset quickly interjected, suddenly fearing that her friends felt inferior to her.
“Trixie thinks what Twilight's trying to say,” Trixie quickly added, “Is that it's really fitting for you.”
“What?” Sunset asked, confused by how confidently Trixie said that. “I thought being Luna's assistant was fitting for each of us...” Trixie and Twilight shared a look, then shook their heads.
“Well, I suppose any of us could have been her assistant,” Twilight stated, briefly smiling as she noticed Spike start clawing off slivers of the sapphire to taste, “But, I'm quite happy with the work I'm doing here in Ponyville.”
“Trixie is happy too. It can be hard at times, but it's still fun, going around and dazzling Trixie's audience.” Sunset looked to them both, then let out a small sigh.
“I don't really get it,” Sunset admitted, “You both feel happy when working for others, while I feel happy working for myself.”
“That's not true!” Twilight quickly replied, “You're happy working for Luna, right?”
“That's not quite it. Yes, I'm happy to help Luna, or any of you. But complete strangers?” Sunset let out a small sigh, “I guess I'm just not that giving.”
“Trixie thinks that's fine. Trixie likes you as you are.”
“It would be nice if you were less hostile to others,” Twilight stated, “but, you always come around when you need to.” Sunset adopted a small smile as she looked to her friends.
“It's hard sometimes, with the two of you no longer in Canterlot," Sunset admitted, revealing a side of herself she only showed to these three, and Luna. "When you both left, I thought everything would be fine. And it is. It's just, sometimes,” Sunset turned to Twilight, “I want to talk to you about a particular part of a spell. In person, not through letters. And other times,” she turned to Trixie, “I want someone I can beat heads with, someone to argue with that I needn't worry about hurting.” Trixie's brow furrowed slightly.
“Thanks?” she asked skeptically, getting a little laugh from Sunset.
“See! That right there, you both make me happy, and there's been less of it, since you left...” Sunset adopted a small smile as she looked to the sun. It was something she had been keeping to herself, her loneliness, and she didn't want to share it with her friends, but she felt she owed them the truth. She trusted them with her emotions, so she was fine appearing vulnerable around them. When she was in Canterlot, she'd lose herself in a task in order to distance herself from that loneliness, and for a brief moment, she couldn't help but wonder if that habit only worked to feed itself.
Her smile then faded as what lay in the center of her gaze became the focus of her thoughts. The Sun.
Something about it still looked off, and that feeling was now more prominent as the sun was getting closer to midday. Her attention now absorbed by it, she felt something click in her head. It felt as if some sort of connection had just been made between herself and the orb. As if she had just found something she had lost long ago, something familiar. The entire sensation brought to her mind the image of her cutie-mark, and the vague traces of the dream she had that gave her it. Before she could begin to speculate on the strangeness of what just occurred, Twilight hugged her, in public, making her blush as her previous thoughts were completely abandoned.
“I'm sorry,” Twilight said sweetly, raising an alarm in Sunset's head, the 'Twilight's gonna put herself down if you don't reassure her' alarm.
“N-No, neither of you are to blame,” Sunset quickly assured, “I'm the one who has the hard time making friends, so it's my problem.” She returned the hug, then quickly separated herself from Twilight. “The two of you are happy, and I don't want to take from that. So, don't worry. I'm a tough one, remember? I'll manage,” she finished, her eyes adopting a determined fire.
“Hey now,” Spike began, “You've still got me, right?”
“Yeah, that's right!” Sunset affirmed, “In Canterlot, I still have Luna and Spike.” And maybe somepony else... she thought wistfully as she pictured a particular stallion.
“Hmph, as quick as always,” Trixie replied as she rolled her eyes, getting a confused look from the others. “Honestly! It makes it hard for us to comfort you if you get over being glum so quick.”
“Which is fine too,” Twilight affirmed, all of them sharing a fond smile for several seconds. After a small pause, Twilight turned to Sunset, a curious look on her face, “So once you start raising the sun everyday, then what?”
“Then?” Sunset asked, adopting a playful grin. “Well, maybe Luna will make me a princess, and give me a Kingdom of my own to run!” Sunset then blinked as she saw Applejack approaching, giving them a smile.
“Hah!” Trixie let out, getting an annoyed look from Sunset, “Princess Sunset Shimmer? The day that happens is the day Trixie becomes an earth pony!”
“And what's wrong with being an earth pony?” Applejack asked with an un-amused tone as she reached them, still smiling, her inclusion to the conversation catching Trixie and Twilight by surprise.
“T-Trixie meant no offense!” Trixie then nodded in affirmation, “She in fact finds earth ponies to be quite rugged and pleasant to talk to!”
“You don't say?” Applejack replied, now clearly amused, “Purple hat and cape, eh?” Applejack said as she eyed Trixie's attire, “So yer Trixie? Didn't get the chance to see yer show last time you were in Ponyville. Anyways, I've been lookin' for you.” She then offered her hoof to Trixie, “I'm Applejack, the new mayor of Ponyville.” Trixie cleared her throat and shook Applejack's hoof.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie, Disciple of the Moon, at your service. And congratulations.” Trixie then considered something, “What happened to Mayor Mare?”
“You'll pardon me if I pass on that story. Not fond of it. You can ask Twilight 'bout it later,” she quickly replied, “Now, I'd like to go over the particular's for yer performance.” She then looked to the others, “You all mind comin' to town hall with me?”
“You need all of us?” Spike asked, getting a nod from the mayor.
“Luna should be here around noon, I figured you'd wanna be there when she arrives.” Her eyes then widened as she lowered her voice, “But, keep that to yerselves, the Princess isn't makin' a public appearance till sundown.”
“We understand,” The three dryly responded in unison, catching Applejack off guard.
“Oh, sorry AJ,” Twilight replied, “We get that a lot as her students.”
“I see,” Applejack then let out a small sigh, “I swear, keepin' secrets is the biggest beef I have with this job. It's like you can't trust anypony with the truth when yer in charge.”
“Luna does like to be secretive,” Sunset quickly affirmed, prompting Applejack to sigh again as they returned to Town Hall.
As they arrived, a number of ponies addressed Applejack, and she managed each of them in turn in a manner similar to how Sunset once saw Luna managing a group of nobles. The area around Town Hall itself looked almost completely different from several hours ago.
The snow in the area had been cleared away, and a number of stalls and booths were around the building, forming a ring composed of all sorts of set-ups. Food stands, toys, souvenirs, games and attractions, all were lined up, several of them ready to go, while others were still being propped up, still being prepared for the start of the celebration.
Applejack led them to one 'booth' that stood out from the rest. It was a red and yellow carriage, its side opened up into a small stage, and a small sign attached to the carriage bore Trixie's cutie-mark.
“I reckoned this'd be a good spot fer yer show,” Applejack stated, looking to Trixie, seeing an approving look on her face, “Mind tellin' me what you have in store, as well as your time-frame?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie intends to start an hour before sundown, opening up with the story of how she bested the Ursa Minor with a clever use of her illusions, the very same one that accosted Ponyville half a year ago.” Trixie's horn then glowed, and a small illusion of her stage appeared in the air before them. She then presented a small reenactment of the story in question with the illusion. “That is, of course, after Trixie opens with a grand display of fireworks and feats of magic sure to amaze everypony!” Applejack nodded, then gave Trixie an appraising look.
“It's a little bit more... embellished, from what I've heard.”
“But of course, the best stories are exaggerated to be all the more dazzling!”
“Mind telling me how you got it out of town?” Applejack asked, “You know, the particulars? I've heard different takes on the whole thing.” Trixie nodded with a small sigh.
“Trixie ran it out of town by making it follow an illusion of its favorite meal, astral honey.” Trixie then winked to Twilight, who winked back. Applejack sighed again as she nodded.
“Alright, its not the whole truth, but it's yer job to tell tall tales, so, do yer best.” With that, Applejack nodded to the four of them, giving a smile to Twilight, before leaving, “I'll come get you when the Princess arrives.”
“Thanks AJ!” Twilight quickly replied. After Applejack was a distance away, Trixie scoffed.
“What was her deal?” Trixie asked, a little annoyed, getting a sheepish look from Twilight.
“Applejack... she has a real issue with lying,” Twilight said sheepishly, “It bothers her, but she tries to keep herself level headed, considering her position.”
“Level headed?” Spike asked.
“Not losing her cool," Sunset explained, "I suppose she has to put up with a lot of liars,” she offered, having no difficulty picturing ponies putting on a good act in front of Applejack to try and earn her favor. Not unlike the nobility, in regards to Luna.
“So, she's an honest politician?” Trixie asked, getting a nod from Twilight.
“That can't be easy,” Sunset affirmed, certain Luna managed as well as she did through subterfuge. Applejack had left them under the shadow of town hall, and with her gone, Twilight eyed their surroundings, before looking to the others.
“Since we're here,” she began with a youthful smile on her face, “How about we-”
She was interrupted by a sudden flare of light, the sky instantly glowing brighter. The increased glow momentarily blinded everypony but Sunset, whose eyes adjusted to the change rather quickly. Moving several steps outside of town hall's shadow, she stopped when her eyes took in the sun.
It looked different. It had taken on a sinister orange hue, and flames seemed to be arcing away from the orb. And it felt hot under its light. Far hotter than it should be in winter. Indeed, standing under it felt akin to a hot summer day.
“Well, that's certainly not normal,” Trixie stated simply as she moved to Sunset's side, trying to appraise the sun, then looked away, rubbing her eyes. “Either of you know what's going on?” Sunset looked to Twilight, who looked back, their faces mirroring uncertainty. Sunset wasn't put off that she didn't know what was happening, but she found it greatly disturbing that Twilight hadn't a clue.
Looking back to the sun, a thought crossed Sunset's mind, and she started casting the spell she had used shortly after waking up this morning. Her horn glowed bright as she separated herself from what was going on around her, curious if some sort of spell had been cast on the sun as she touched it with her magic-
Her spell faded as Sunset came to a realization. Sweat was now beading down her head as she looked to her friends, her eyes wide.
“The sun. It's completely still! It's stopped moving through the sky!” They all looked to her in surprise, and Sunset didn't need to say anymore. As the weight of her words fell to her friends, they could only stare to the heavens, wondering just what was going on, and what was in store.
SHE'S HEERRREE~~!
Time to say hello to Celestia, Equestria!
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I was expecting to meet the rest of Twilights friends, guess I will have to wait a bit longer to find out what Rainbow Dash job is. Still curious about the rest of them.
Well what to say about this chapter.... well nothing much. It good, pacing was okay and it was mostly filler, some hints were given such as the Ursa thing and others but beyond that nothing really happens until the very end. I guess there was simple a certain tension missing which we had in your previous story. The build up is necessary but I have the feeling more could have happened here.
Perhaps Trixie could have made a more spectacular entrance, she's all flamboyant and over the top. Perhaps Sunset with her poor social skills accidental says a wrong thing and starts a fight. Or Twilight goofs up one her spells (Which she has done a lot in the main show.) and she and the rest needs to fix it.
But beyond that like I said it was a good chapter. I was just hoping to see some slap stick humor but I guess it isn't your style.
Cliffhanger!
Great
5754415 Danke.
How did Trixie arrive at such a convenient time?
Magic!
"One good fight in the garden and you warm up to people. It's your way."
Basically what Trixie was doing in the show, as well; the difference being that here Trixie really is trying to amaze and astound her crowd as her first priority, whereas in the show Trixie was mostly just trying to amaze and astound them in order to build up her own ego. Nevertheless Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash were a bit uncouth in interrupting her show the way they did before she'd even done anything wrong.
Mind, I'm not a Trixie apologist either; she definitely was an arrogant ass.
Hmm, not wasting any time, I see. Not a problem at all.
So...I forget, do you have a name chosen out for this iteration of Nightmare Celestia? Solar Flare is a classic, but - though I realize I'm kinda' tooting my own horn - I'm rather fond of Corona. Just Corona. It's simple and to the point, and it means "crown," which is awesome.
Please don't use Daymare Sun, the term "daymare" makes me sad for a number of reasons.
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5754703 Solar Flare? Corona? Solar Corona? Corona Flare? Decisions decisions...
I really like the dynamic between Sunset and Trixie you have going in this chapter.
Okay, this is gonna be a long comment so I'm sorry and you're free to ignore anything I say. I wanna start off by saying I really enjoy reading this and I cannot wait to see what happens! I have so many questions about the Mane Six I'm gonna diiiie! Any particular reason you decided to have Twilight teach, and exactly what was her motivation to move there if not for the study of friendship? Why does Pinkie run a candy store if her canon job would (at least from my point of view) still make sense? Assuming Fluttershy runs the clinic why does she all of a sudden treat ponies as well as animals? AND I'M DYING TO KNOW ABOUT RAINBOW DASH
Anyways I'm sure you're gonna answer those questions in the story, haha, just felt like writing them down so I figured the comments section would work. At any rate, love the ideas and I cannot wait to see how things will unfold (if you couldn't already figure that one out, lol).
Okay, here come the critiques. Know I don't mean to come off as a know-it-all or butthole but there are a few things I'd really like to address from a writer's point of view. So if you're not looking for critiques feel free to just ignore all this. Okie dokie, let's begin!
If I were you I'd avoid using the word "appraise" so often. It's a lovely word but my head almost exploded from having to read it almost three times in succession the previous chapter, haha. Don't take this the wrong way but "appraise" as a word has a pretty specific definition, sometimes you use it in ways that don't make much sense to me, and I'm not trying to say you don't know what you're doing or you don't know what "appraise" means, but I think it's a bit unclear to us as an audience at times. Besides the nit picking on definitions it is also a decent idea from an artistic point of view. Writing is really made colourful by the use of synonyms and creative wording. For example, instead of "Sunset's eyes followed Applejack for several moments before appraising the town", you could say "Sunset's eyes follow Applejack for several moments before assessing the town". Another example would be, instead of "... Sunset's side, trying to appraise the sun"; "... Sunset's side, trying to examine the sun".
Another small nit pick I have is Sunset's first observation of AJ is that she speaks with a mix of an Apploosan and Manehatten accent. But the way you write her voice comes off as very canon AJ. Considering the description of her voice I'd made the conclusion that AJ must've been brought up (or mostly brought up) in Manehatten. Thus the way she speaks in general would be pretty altered considering her aunt and uncle were upperclass ponies and were conditioning her to act as they did. The way I would try to convey this would be: “So you're Trixie? Ah didn't get the chance to see your show last time you were in Ponyville. Anyways, Ah've been looking for you.”. My reasoning is that AJ would have been told to pronunciate her words fully, high English doesn't shorten words and sometimes may even frown upon contractions. But since AJ still has that country girl in her I expect her to use contractions and her birth accent would probably come out on softer sounds like "I".
At any rate it's totally a nit pick and I'm certain you have your reasons behind why AJ speaks as she does. My opinion is that her Manehatten side doesn't show very well as it is but yeah. Sorry if that came off weirdly, I figured on the off chance you weren't sure how to convey the Manehatten mix an example might help, but I didn't assume that was the case. I like being thorough <.<.
5755514
You're not the first one to point that out. Guess I can't help it, but I'll try to take note of it.
I've appraised the first two chapters and replaced some uses of the word with other words.
Yep, I honestly don't know how to write a Manehatten accent, so your example was useful!
Answers are coming soon™.
I've come to really enjoy your series (even if it's only 2 stories right now) and just like every good story I tend to find I can't wait for more. :D
Keep writing my friend, and may you never lose the spark that got you started. :)
Now things get really interesting. I wonder if the fact that Sunset was jimmying around with the sun has anything to do with Fusion Blast escaping? It is kind of ridiculous that Luna keeps the timing of her on-stage performance a secret, but I do love the idea of her being needlessly secretive. Did Luna even have a prophecy warning her of the return of Stellar Gasses?
Oh, and it's good to see that since Twilight moved in to Ponyville full time before she saved the world, she has to actually earn her keep on a daily basis by teaching the kids, and not just faff about doing research projects while Spike runs the library.
Oh hey a thing happened.
Characters still feel really flat. Trixie needs more snark, Sunset needs more sarcasm, Twilight needs more crazy.
The correct response is.
"I HAVE, THE SUN, ON MY, ASS!"
Again terrible mayor.
Her primary job is to tell people things are fine when they aren't so people will go back to their lives so that things will become fine.
I swear, if I live through this series, it will be a miracle. But just picture the tombstone: 'Here lies FlameSwordedLink. He died from laughter and too much adorablness.'
Ok i just noticed important about twilight's character that's changed that i feel dumb for not noticing and want to give props where it's due.
Twilight who learns the magic of friendship at a younger age Idolizes Clover the Clever, Not Starswirl the Bearded.
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She's been stated? What does that mean? And what are you talking about, "once she got her magic back"? This response doesn't make a lick of sense for me.
And yes, I understand the current set-up of powers and talents among the three main unicorns in this story makes them good foils for each other.
it's light captivating Spike
Though, Trixie supposes that you're magic was always strong
and she managed each of them in turn in a manor similar
it's side opened up into a small stage
an illusion of it's favorite meal
who's eyes adjusted to the change
1. Its.
2. Your.
3. Manner. I never understand why people use Manor. That's a building.
4. Its.
5. Its.
6. Whose.
Oh right, forgot about last chapter. Sunny and Shining. I'm sure they'll be the brightest couple around and set quite a shining example for other couples out there.
Yes, I pun. Very badly.
Sunset's racist!
Ooo, mention of Cadance finally. And count me really curious about what Twilight's special glasses are capable of. I really like her as a teacher, it feels right.
Looks like it's a reunion. Good thing, too, we probably needed all three protégés on hand for whatever is about to happen with Celestia. I really like how the three of them bounce off each other now that they're together.
Those are some interesting and fairly specific details of this alternate Ponyville. No mention of Dash yet, but everyone else seems to be accounted for, or at least their associated buildings are.
Sunset's musings about loneliness while looking at the sun feel important, it makes me wonder they will be related to the explanation for what went wrong with Celestia way back when. A loneliness from being put on a pedestal by her subjects, or something like that?
Sounds like we had a less antagonistic Ursa event all around, I really like that, too.
Looks like the sun emergency is on!
Luna's banishment was told as a foal's tale, 'The Mare in the Moon'. There's no tale of Celestia's banishment?
You're doing a SunsetArmor ship?
I think I like this Trixie. She's got the same solar class ego that her show counterpart has, but she's a lot nicer, and being a student of Luna's, she can back it up.
And now I like her even more.
Yeah, there's a difference between casting a spell, and making it showy like Trixie does, that's hwhat she excels at.
It's nice seeing them get along.
Technically, oh wait, never mind, I was thinking that Sugarcube Corner was a cake shop run by the Cakes, but, not here, never mind!
Makes sense.
Wonder why?
Fair enough.
Star Bear, astral honey. That makes sense.
Now ain't that a contradiction.
Oh dear.
Oh crpabaskets.
I believe the phrase is, "And here we go."
Oh no. It's Sinister Sunnyflanks!
Interesting that griffins are smack dab in the middle of the scale, probably makes them really versatile.
Be careful Sunset that take many high level unicorns to do normally.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i don't think it was get the book to her by noon, or was it have her read the book by noon? or did they assume she'd read it because it was a new book?
Solar Flare/Corona/Day Breaker time!
I like the idea that there wouldn't be much difference with Rarity. In my AU, the Trixieverse, Rarity is basically the same pony. But her relation to Maud during her Cutie Mark event, in which they got together, and by extension, the Pie family, Carousel Boutique is (in my AU) Carousel Jewelers.
Twilight's more or less the same in the Trixieverse. This is because she had the same upbringing, more or less. The only differences were the finer details of her Cutie Mark event and that Trixie was also Celestia's student. So the Trixieverse Twilight is a little less neurotic. The primary difference is that Trixie was sent to Ponyville while Twilight was specifically told to stay in Canterlot to run things while Celestia was away in Ponyville for the Summer Sun Celebration.
Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack have very different characterizations in my AU.
Of the four, Applejack is likely the least different. She's more or less the same, but she never left Manehatten to return to Sweet Apple Acres. She did, however, start her own farm in Manehatten. This has a more significant impact on Apple Bloom's characterization, though. Sweet Apple Acres was having trouble without AJ there to help. So they had to merge with Golden Harvest Farm in order to stay afloat, becoming Sweet Harvest Acres. Apple Bloom hates cities because she feels like the city stole AJ away which caused the farm to decline as it had. And because Mr. Rich had also assisted the farm, Apple Bloom had more interactions with Diamond Tiara. Apple Bloom in the Trixieverse is a bully, taking the place of Silver Spoon as Diamond Tiara's lackey.
Rainbow Dash is the second least changed of the four, though it's a significantly larger change. During the pegasus race (which Fluttershy didn't fall to the ground in my AU), Rainbow successfully pulled off the Sonic Rainboom. However, it caused her to wildly go out of control. Fluttershy saved her (I'll get more into that with Fluttershy), but they were both severely injured. Falling into the Everfree Forest, they were found and nursed back to health by Zecora. But because of how they landed, RD's wings were beyond repair. So she now has prosthetic wings that are enchanted to allow for flight. However, Rainbow Dash is now afraid of heights.
It's hard to determine whether it's Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie who's the most different from canon. But I'd say it's Pinkie Pie. Basically what I did with Pinkie and Fluttershy is that I swapped their personalities. Although I mentioned the Sonic Rainboom being successful, it actually caused a second phenomenon (which I'll get more into with Fluttershy) known as the Rainbow Storm. Basically, because it's a storm, rather than encouraging Pinkie, Pinkie instead gets scared. She still loves bringing joy to others, but the Trixieverse Pinkie is far more shy and introverted.
And then there's Fluttershy. Because she didn't fall off the cloud during the pegasus race (she almost did, but was able to grab onto the side and hang on), she was able to see RD go out of control from the Sonic Rainboom. So rather than being afraid of falling, Fluttershy kicked off of the cloud she was on right as the Sonic Rainboom passed through, causing a second event where the Rainbow energy of the Sonic Rainboom fused with the clouds to spread Rainbow storm clouds to spread across Equestria. After kicking the cloud she was on, Fluttershy was struck by lightning in that same cloud, supercharging her speed, allowing her to reach RD and save her. But thanks to the damage from the lightning and the crash, Fluttershy's hind legs were damaged beyond repair. Like RD's wings, Fluttershy has prosthetic legs. But that lightning bolt had a second effect. This effect is, for lack of a better term, wires being crossed in her brain. This causes her to become far more eccentric and less shy. She adopts the nickname "Flutters" since the "shy" part of it no longer applies. She also tends to divert into odd tangents during a conversation because of the "crossed wires" that she often has to be brought back to reality if she can't do it herself. And this Fluttershy is far more prone to finding things funny, earning the Trixieverse Fluttershy the Element of Laughter. Fluttershy is now the weather captain. I chose to have fun with how I would make Fluttershy different.
The Trixieverse Mane 6 are Bellatrix Lulamoon VII A.K.A. Trixie (Magic), Vinyl Scratch (Loyalty) (who's mute because a rainbow lightning bolt struck her in the throat), Thunderlane (Kindness), Fluttershy A.K.A. Flutters (Laughter), Zecora (Generosity) (Why has no other AU thought to make Zecora an Element Bearer?"), and Maud Pie (Honesty).
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Are you referring to the job of a politician, or Applejack's job specifically? Either way, you're wrong. It's not a politician's job to tell people are fine when they aren't (especially when considering the nature of real-world politicians). I'll grant that a mayor has a job to keep the people calm. But that doesn't mean telling the people things are fine when they aren't, it means that the politician's job is to tell the people that they're working on the issue, or at least saying that panicking won't do the people any good.
And you completely ignored the blatantly obvious joke. Applejack is an honest politician. It's funny because politicians aren't exactly known for their honesty. And even that is just a trope. On average, 80% of campaign promises a president makes get done. And it's not uncommon for the promises that don't get done to not be the president's fault. The only president that actually fits that cliched trope is Trump.
Also...
Why? To fit their characterizations as children and not acknowledge that they've grown up and matured? To fit their characterizations from the show and not acknowledge that this is an Alternate Universe? Or just to fit your personal preferences and not acknowledge that you are just a bystander and not in charge?
If your opinions have changed in the past 8 years, then I apologize.
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What makes you think that they passed by Sugarcube Corner?