A beginning in a new life?

by Night_Striker

chapter 7 FUCK IT! i'm out off here

Author's Note:

havent have the motivation to keep making the story upp but fank's to an friend off mine i may keep tis upp just a bitt more.

and dont forget to give feed back to what you fink coss it allways help to have some motivation to keep this story upp.

and i know i'm not that well when it comes to english gramma and the shous but hoppe fully i willbe beter whit time.

and i hoppe you all keep having an nice day

It took me a few hours to learn how this fucking teleportation magic works and apparently it just to easy to cast well i haven't done it yet. So let's stop wasting time and get out of here! I closed my eyes to visualize the area to teleport to and i feel my magick get to work.

". . . wait i can feel my magick? when did that happen!" ignoring that bit of information i cast the spell. when i open my eyes again i find my shelf in an room.

"hmm dark room stars decorating the ceiling and painted dark blue around the walls and a sleeping luna in her bed"

I made a double take at the last part and staring at Luna sleeping and she looks so peaceful sleeping no care at all and i should stop being an weardo.

I looking fast for a door to get out and finding it an glass door i open it stepping outside to the balcony and looking for where to go.

When i was looking out of canterlot i noticed that a few guards was out and about.

" I can't believe that it was that easy to escape the dungeon. well i could have been a bit more respect full to sunbutt but naah"

spotting a nice place to teleport to i concentrated and begin the spell again. "why did i ended up in Lunas room anyway? meh i will figure that out maybe sometimes but now it's time to get out off here" and whit that i teleported.

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privet silver wing is one of Luna’s night guards and he was tasked to check on the prisoner in the dungeon and to give him the food.

"I can't believe the guys made me! to go down and give the prisoners food, just because i lost a bet which i can't even remember i even agreed on! uugggghhhh. . . . this better end up interesting or something cause i'm not an maiden!"

When silver arrived to the cell he noticed instantly that something wasn't right looking around he found it empty.

"are my eyes playing whit me or are this the wrong cell?" doing a double take on the cell number "nope this is the right cell alright cell number 127 . . . . ."

"shit! the prisoner have escaped!" silver shouted out loud and began running to deliver the news to the princess.

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Celestia was sting on her throne and just finished the days curt off today and thought she could finally relax the rest of the day.

Nope dient seems so the universe was going to give her that when one off hers guards come storming in and had urgent news.

privet Lightning one off the unicorns guards come and addresses her.

"what is it that is so urgent private Lightning that requires my immediate athens?" she said with her calm motherly tone to the private, he straightened himself up to a athensun pose before he addressed the solar princess.

"ma'am one off Luna's guards named silver wing went to the dungeon to deliver the prisoners food when he detected that the prisoner was gone"

Celestia blinked her eyes an bitt rapid when she got this bad news and surprised, that the prisoner have somehow managed to escape the dungeon from his cell "how did he escape! he barely could use magick and now he somehow managed to escape his cell in less than an few hours!"

She saw that the guard was still standing there waiting for order. "guard i want all available guards to spread out canterlot and stop the prisoner before he getting any where else"

The guard saluted and sprinted off back where he came from and to report the order out to the rest off the guard's.

Celestia gave out a long sight and talked low to her shelf "this is absolutely not my day" she raised up and headed to hers room to a rest she desperately need.

Mean while.

Silver wing was patrolling with the rest off the guard's to find Night Striker the stallion that have escaped but nopony have seen him yet, It's

laite and the sun is on it's way down though it's 3/4 off the day left before Luna will rise the glorious moon, put in it's rightful place in the sky.

"i can't believe we haven't find him yet, how can an unicorn without any experience off magick or cutiemark even escape us this long!"

Silver wing sighs off his partners complains, Night shade she was not happy about this they have basically flying around town eight times now and still got no lead, and night shade have been know to lose paisent fast when she get tired.

"come on Night shade it’s not that bad we have at least found some news that he hasn't leaved town yet and that he hasn't eaten yet that the information we got" Silver tried to tell her to lighten up her mood, she has hoped to get into a fight or at least stop a criminal.

Shade stared at Silver whit her dark green eyes which was very uncommon for therestal to have with an disapproved look on her face.

"Silver stop even trying lighter up my mood it not like we just would happen stumble across hi-" she stopped talking when they heard some pony shouting off pain after a sound off barrels that was falling over.

they both shared a look and dived to the location off the sound.

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Night Striker have so far evaded guards from discover him by hiding in dark alleys and behind building and so on.

i haven't managed to get out yeah coss i don't want to teleport out and accidentally teleport me down the ravine or something stupid, and to top it off i somehow manages to keep me hidden before some idiot crashed on some barrels that fall over and landed on me.

And they were not empty the were filled with ale and wine and manages to land on my back, i did not have the time to react by jumping out off the way.

I hope my back isn't broken, but it hurts like hell! I have managed to steal some food so i'm not on an empty stomach and hungry.

I was about to remove the barrels that was over me when i heard an pare off wing beat coming my way.

"shit! i need to come up with something fast or i will get back to that cell and possibly won't get out again"

I tried to come up with something anything! Then i got it and just hopped it would work, i charged up my magick to the ide i have and just hope it would work.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Night shade was the first to come to the area where they have heard the sound come from, and after her was Silver wing the poor guy barely manages to keep up with her when they have figured out where the sound come from.

"common silver i didn't fly that fast you know”she teased him.

"uuugggghhh not the time shady" When they returned there athensun to the barrels they saw that somepony was under them and seemed to be hurt.

"common we got to help that pony out shade said" she vas about to move to help but silver stopped her, by holding a hoof on hers shoulder.

"hold on shade, we don't know who that pony is, it can i wen still be the prisoner" Silver said a bit urgent and was that a bit of concern in his eyes?

Shade rolled her eyes. "what's that silver are you saying you are scared?" she says with a playful smile.

"what? me are you kidding no-" he didn't got the chance to finish that sentence before they saw the pony or rather stallion showing himself.

The stallion pushed the barrels off him and stared at the to guards.

"what?" he said

Silver and Shade took in the feature off the stallion he have a black coat white mane and tail and his eyes is brown colored.

so they did the only logical fing "sir we heard some sounds coming from here, and would you happen to see some pony suspicious come around here?" silver asked.

The stallion put a hoof to his chin while thinking. "no i haven't caouse i wass under some barrels that landed on my back, but what i do know is, that it just happen by accident, why do you asking if i may?" he says with a small hint off uneasy and irritation.

Silver Wing stepped forth to the stallion and said firmly with a stolid face. "nothing that we can handel sir that you need to worry about, and i don't fink we got your name?" he said with a slight suspicious towards the dark unicorn stallion.

The stallion in question raised an eyebrow and say with a simple voice " well if you must know my name is Night Shadow"

"Night Shadow huh? i don't recognize that name by any off the ponies that lives here" Silver shoot back.

"well maybe it's because i don't live in canterlot, and i'm just an simple tourist here and i hope i was somewhat to help" shadow said.

"and if you don't mind i would like to be my way back for the night" he ends the talk and trotting away.

shade walked up to silver and spoke with a slightly low volume so the strange stallion won't hear them "well he was some what a odd one wasn't he?"

"sight, i don't know what you fink Shade but something tells me that. We may meet him more of than not"

"oh? and why do you fink that" she said slightly intrigued by his mode switching.

Silver didn't answer just looking to whee the mysterious pony went, after a while finking silver dechide they have wasted enough time.

"common shade we still need to find the prisoner" And they flayed off to the sky to keep up the search. But Silver can't shake off that feeling that the stallion knowed more than what he gave.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I stopped a while after i'm sure that, i was far enough from the guard's i just met. "I can't believe that actually worked! how in hell did i manage that? eh it worked i better us this time to get the fuck outta here"

After a very close call with the night guard's, i went off to try find i secured spot for me to teleport from. "But i'm not that sure how i even managed to pull a hallucination spell. i just come out of nowhere! eh either way i'm okay for now. "

So with every thing crazy shorted out in my head and found an well hidden place. I charged up the teleport spell to get the fuck out of Canterlot and pray to god that no shitt storm happens for now.

I imagine a place quite the way far away from this capital of equestria and i release the spell. after the blinding light i found my shelf with a few trees and. . . out of fucking nowhere a sword perched the ground inches from my head! blinking a few times i saw who's sword it is.

"heh would you look at that my sword! and why does it have runes on it? and it appears it has been sharpened also? meh less works for me"

I said a bit loud to my shelf. after i collected my sword and straped it in it shed i started walking out off here.

After an while walking my sword started glowing like crazy! then there was a flash somewhere in the sky a bit far away and i think i heard someone screaming. "VAD I HELVETE!?!"

"eeeh.... was that just me or did someone or somepony just screamed what a hell in swedish?" when i realised that someone or pony i don't know yet screamed in swedish it only means one thing for me. and like a bullet i started running to where the screaming come from and hoppe no guards heard it.

Comments

[JohnIsOffline]

*See the title*
*See the comments below*
i.imgur.com/uDNqsKs.gif

[FordPrefect]

Fixed your story description

This story takes place after the encounter with Tirek. Will this teenager, soon to known as Night Striker, find a way home? What problems will he meet in the nation of Equestria?

Read and find out!

Story has been marked teen because of swear words and gore.

[Night_Striker]

6419837 thanks for the pointers there and the adviches i'm gonna try fix those miss stakes and dysklesia is really messing me upp at times

[Night_Striker]

6419747 is the facepalm towards me or not?

[PegaSeraph]

This story got potential, but you really need to get a English-speaking editor

[Night_Striker]

6421031 thanks for the encuransing words and i have one editor on the way and i will work whit chapter 8 when my frined have chugth upp whit the story.

[Mix-up]

Well, this is so far a fairly standard human in Equestria turn pony coming from someone how is just started writhing for himself, and how isn’t a native English speaker to bout. While I would never say that you are horrible at writhing a story per say, and I would encourage you to continue writing if possible, but it is just that there isn't really anything about it that makes it standout that would keep your readers interested in your story. That and your spelling need to be address as soon as possible.

So far, aside from knowing that he is from Sweden, we don’t know a thing about Night Striker, how he is what are his likes and dislikes, does he have family, does he work or is he a student. And he generally acts like a self-centered jerk around everypony. Aside that, we don’t know if he wants to go back home, where he is sake and familiar with, or that he wants to stay in Equestria to learn magic with the mane six; that ambiguity of his position doesn’t help your story. Your story still could become good; you would need to set a goals for your character to aim for and it will help to

There is also the big issue of your spelling in your story and I can see that you have no one to help you in checking your story. One prime example that I would like seriously to point out is that you must say “think” not “fink”; it is very annoying after the tenth time. If you can’t find someone to do some editing for your and so that you can actually see how your story sounds from your own ears I would suggest that you use an audio reader program, Like “Natural Reader” or “Work Q” so that you can pick-up what sound bad in your writing that you can’t pick-up while reading it, it could help you a lot. I can tell you being a non- native English seeker myself, that this type of program will help you a lot in your Writing just as it has for me.
If you need some reference of how you could improve you story better, go see One of the Crowd’s story “The Other Button” that I have commented a lot on it and that the story has gone thought a drastic improvement in a short time thanks for the help of the comments that the reader as pointed out the problems that they see in the story. I hope this helps you a little.
Also, not that I am complaining, but I would like to know what the Character is saying is Swedish, and there are thing about the culture that I don’t really understand and I would like some explanations to help me understand.
I wish you luck in your story, keep practicing your writhing, it will improve over time and you will stat liking it.

[Night_Striker]

6552769 thanks for the info i will keep it in mind and it will posebly help me allot,
allso you so far have given me pointer what you would like to know more off so I will try to do something abaout it in the komming chapter.

and i have an editor but we have had an bit issu whit the googledrive so the fing she fixsed didnt save for some resone :/

but i fink it have ben fixsed. allso its not easy to kow when people dont acsully say much what they fink would make an inprovment and i can't fink off everything.

allso the beggining chapter will have some more texsting soon added to it for an bitt depper unde standing how hes days are like. just an littel fast understanding and shus am damn lassy XD but i hoppe this storry will get better than it allready is

oh and i will add an thexs on english next to the swedish one so folks will under stand it better dman googletranslaye wont posebly do it right XD