The Lonely Mare
On one beautiful late winter afternoon, one Pegasus pony watched another soar in the sky and burst through the clouds. The mare that watched from below was a little pony named Derpy; she watched, walking along a country road before she started gazing above at the delightful sight. She was captivated as always. The way the rainbow mare controlled the sky was almost like a dance, a kind of choreographed brilliance. Derpy watched her with nearly the same enthusiasm that this Rainbow Dash showed in her perfect grace.
An airy trail of rainbow was always left in her wake. In a way, Derpy did the same, leaving her own trail behind in the form of mail wherever she went. She was a mailmare, a deliverer of the town’s letters and packages. She toted a bag full of well wishes, gifts, birthday invitations, and so many things that brought laughter and hope. Like Rainbow, she was just being herself out in the wide world.
She had gone to the post office before the sun was up and was greeted by that overstuffed bag of hers. She knew it would weigh as much as a pile of bricks and her day was going to be a long one. But, that seemingly impossible task was dealt with and she had finally whittled it all away to nothing more than a couple things. Just one more delivery was left on this street.
She could tell a visitor the name of every resident of town. She knew where everypony lived too, the name of every street. But her mind was blank as her attention was so heavily focused on that pony. It was a pony that could turn flying into an art form and had shaken the sky before most other Pegasus foals even left Cloudsdale. This came at a painful cost as she went straight into a metal pole. She had been listing to the side. She was so used to it that it didn't even register that she was walking on the left. Striking it with her head rattled her vision. Her hooves nearly slipped. She would have taken a dive if she hadn't stabilized herself in time. Her front hoof pressed her bag to her chest. She was relieved. Protecting her precious mail was the only thing that mattered.
She blinked, letting her off-balance eyes readjust themselves. She looked around and was glad that nopony along the rural road had witnessed another example of Derpy hurting herself by accident. Derpy blew her nose with her handkerchief and saw that the corner of the white cotton was bloody. She sighed and tucked it into her bag. She was used to getting hurt.
Rainbow Dash was gone by the time she pressed on. But she wasn’t disappointed. She would see her soon; at her last delivery of the day. Even the pain from her little accident receded into the back of her mind as she thought of seeing Dash once more. It was as if even her memory was a natural painkiller.
There was only one reason why her bag was so heavy that it affected how the mare walked. Why everypony loves to receive their letters personally. It was Hearts and Hooves Day, a time that ponies always expected to be cheerful; even the weather was made to look perfect. It was not just a time for foals; they always kept to the mornings and adults wouldn’t play around with glass gems and glitter but Derpy knows the contents only got more intense, a burning passion that youth simply lacked. It was a day, and sometimes night, of love. It’s impossible to overlook how an entire day was suited for them. Every restaurant would be packed with couples. Merchants peddled flowers, jewelry, and other trinkets. Even the radio played nothing but love songs. But the ponies on her route had no idea what she thought about the holiday as she had drifted through town square and played along with their joy. They hadn’t known that it was like an estranged family member she had tried to relate to. When it came, she couldn’t help but feel bitter. But they didn’t need to know. It was none of their business.
Derpy went up and rapped softly on the door of Time Turner, a good friend of hers that she always got to last. She heard his familiar clopping as he reached the door to open it. He wore a scarf, probably ready to go out on a moment’s notice.
When he saw her, he had a familiar expression on his face.
“Hello, Derpy. You’re a few minutes late,” he jested. Yes, a mailmare’s worst enemy was time. Good thing he was never a stickler about it.
She chuckled. “Thank you for reminding me, Mr. Turner…and happy Hearts and Hooves Day!” She held out a pretty pink envelope sealed by red wax with the image of a rose. She caught a whiff of rose perfume from it too. She of course knew who had sent it to him. Few can keep secrets from a mailmare.
He looked at it with a sugary grin then thanked her before returning inside. He seemed to be in a big hurry like everypony else on this holiday. He would probably get something awesome as a reward later as long as he did his part and whatever it would end up becoming must make him feel wanted more than ever. It’s probably what being a special somepony feels like.
Derpy was happy for him. She knew that he didn’t have the eyes of a pony which was all but invisible. He was a pony worth caring about, especially on Hearts and Hooves Day. She can tell that all those little things are what makes the true spirit of that day. And that’s how it goes every year. The line between apathy and empathy can be crossed by the mere sparkle in a stallion’s eyes. It at least made her work easier to bear.
But Derpy could finally sigh, stretch out the old bones and relax now that it was over. Only Rainbow Dash remained and Derpy couldn’t wait to hear her lovely laugh and to speak with her as friends do. She rose into the air and began to fly towards her house, the familiar place modeled after the famed Pegasus city.
Whenever Derpy flapped her wings, they would move about, jerking as a dog would paddle about in water. Her left shoulder still dragged down, even from a weight that was no longer there. More often than not, she usually caused accidents. She had to train herself to be extra careful, to make sure to scan her surroundings twice over. She eventually spotted the columns made of cloud and the gleaming flow of rainbow that splashed down to the earth.
She landed on the edge of the house, an outcropping of cloud connected to its front steps. She went and knocked on the door, making sure it was loud enough for Dash to hear even if she had gone and thrown herself on her bed. But this time, the door was opened in record time. Derpy had seldom seen her so excited as if she had drank a whole liter of coffee. Not since she got her acceptance letter into the Wonderbolt Academy over at Cloudsdale.
“The mail’s here!" She briefly hovered in the air, her wings beating a thousand times a second, before settling down with an awkward smile. “Uh, I mean, good evening, Derpy. You got any mail for me”? She rubbed a hoof anxiously behind her neck.
Derpy chuckled. “I actually do, Dash. It’s a whole package.” She reached into the bag to retrieve it. It was a solid object wrapped in brown paper that didn’t rattle when moved. She didn’t recognize the writing of the pony who had sent it and the address must have been really far if she couldn’t tell where it came from.
“Um, is it related to uh, today…by any chance?" Derpy tried very hard not to let Rainbow let on to her feelings. About Hearts and Hooves Day or her. She would never knowingly do anything to upset her friend, to make her think less of her. She just couldn’t go without knowing if there was a special somepony in Rainbow’s life.
Rainbow had always thought that the holiday was lame and already, she smirked back.
“For what? A sappy card or something”? She laughed. “Nice one, Derpy!”
She went and ruffled Derpy’s greasy mane. Derpy gave a goofy giggle in response as if she was just kidding. She couldn’t help but be somewhat relieved though.
“This is actually something that’s cool. Actually the coolest thing right now in all of Ponyville!” Dash declared.
“Wow, the coolest? It must really be special then,” Derpy said. Of course, she could easily figure what was inside. Dash wasn’t subtle about much. It was one of those things that Derpy felt attracted to. Rainbow Dash was also so strong willed that no pony ever stood against her or told her that she didn’t belong. When she laughed, others joined in. When she wanted to race, her friend was always by her side to see who was the fastest. Derpy always wished that she had the courage to act the same.
Dash unwrapped the package in one swift motion, discarding it to the side in a blur. She held the treasure to her chest and squealed joyfully. The thing her hooves touched as lovingly as a newborn foal was a book with the picture of a heroic mare on the cover. It was too far for Derpy to read the reddish words but she knew it had to be another book by A. K. Yearling, Dash’s favorite author. No wonder she had not recognized who had sent it.
“Another book?” Derpy said happily. “You really love collecting them.”
“That’s saying it lightly!” Dash replied. She turned back inside the house and Derpy followed. They were in her living room. It was spacious with everything soft and the same as the color of the sky except for a shelf that held a bunch of golden trophies. Other than the castle, this was somehow the cleanest smelling home in town. She would know; she’s been in everypony’s house. Dash was one of those really obsessed about polishing her wood furniture and waxing her trophies. Most things in her house had a pungent lemon smell.
Pictures of her family, friends and of her flying squadron hung from the walls. She knew that there was a picture upstairs that was of her and Rainbow, posing in front of the newly rebuilt Town Hall. It was close to her bed on a nightstand.
Dash slid the book into her saddlebag and put it on. She also got a pen and asked to sign the mail form. Derpy gave it to her and she scribbled her signature on it.
“Where are you…and the book off to in such a hurry?” Derpy asked.
Dash returned the paper and clipboard. “I’m heading to see Twilight. She’ll be jealous…as usual…now that I’ve gotten another Daring Do book that she doesn’t have in that library of hers” she said with a smug tone.
“That’s what I would do,” Derpy encouraged. “Well, I hope we can still hang out sometime?”
They went outside. Dash locked her door after she closed it. “I would love to, Derpy. We’ll see what we can do, okay?”
Derpy knew she meant it. There could never be another pony as loyal as Rainbow Dash. The mare would be there for her, whether it’s her house being broken into or a pack of mean dogs chasing her down the street. Then again, it’s Daring Do she’s talking about. Chances are that she wouldn’t see Dash again until tomorrow or maybe even the day after. And Derpy was okay with that. She wanted Rainbow Dash to go and have fun with those friends of hers.
Derpy swooped low from the sky towards the row of nondescript apartments which were about half a kilometer from the new royal castle that was built last year, the place where Rainbow Dash went off to. Derpy had gone and returned her bag to the post office already and picked up a hayburger and fries on the way home. She was already thinking about settling into her chair with one of her own books. Hers had large print so she can read it. Even then, she had to wear special glasses that helped her focus on what she was seeing.
She knew that greasy fries and a thick burger weren’t any good for her. The doctor told her to cut back many times already and she either forgot or didn’t bother to care at all. Either way, she needed something comforting to replace the heavy feeling in her stomach. Her unfulfilled desires were going to just sit and rot in her gut, keeping her up worse than any acid reflux. Or her fantasies would fester in her mind, giving her nightmares. Either way, it didn’t bode well for a good night’s sleep. And it all came from the smallest thought. Thinking about Rainbow Dash and daydreaming of ways to speak to her every time she delivers the mail. When they became friends, she could see them together. Two ponies together on a cloud. Rainbow would sometimes drape her wing over her body. They would share their warmth whether it was day or night, summer or winter. She would have the right words to say and would never stutter.
Another year was another opportunity gone. She could do nothing about it. That night, she would sit by the fire and rest. Maybe sleep in her chair. She would also find that yearly fantasy and watch it burn. An act of futility of course; it would rise again as things driven by hope tend to do.
The special letter she wrote…the things she would say to Rainbow Dash…was on a desk by the window where she kept her saddlebag and uniform. Derpy put the food on a table then went to the shed to get a log. The temperature was plummeting despite the sun having shone all day. It would be freezing tonight.
The wood weighed a lot. She brought it inside and set it in the fireplace. She struggled with the matchbox, finally managing to get one alight without singing her own fur. She set it on some dry paper and the wood soon began to burn. She held her hooves close and rubbed them for warmth.
She sat down in her chair and reached for her food. She popped a few of the fries in her mouth. They were crunchy and dry. They weren’t as good as they usually were. The cook must have been distracted from the deep fryer. She even forgot the seasoning. Derpy was annoyed and got up. She headed to the kitchen and opened her refrigerator. Inside was a tiny bit of spoiled milk in the back. Also, she had a jar of pickles, leftover fried noodles from yesterday and a bottle of ketchup.
She grumbled and retrieved the sauce. The refrigerator was so empty. She hadn’t gone to the grocery yet but she still forgot to go and restock her bare shelves. It didn’t surprise her. She just had so little time for anything but work. She practically lives only to deliver the town’s mail. But she never minds all those double shifts. She takes them whenever she can and there are only a couple other ponies that delivers, a couple stallions she barely sees; and they mostly go to other towns. And it’s not as though she gets anything in return. Ponies never want to help her go grocery shopping or help pick out clothes that actually matches. Instead, her neighbors avoid her and the foals laugh behind her back about her eyes they call “weird”.
Her mind wasn’t yet at ease. The letter she wrote tugged at her, making her glance over at the desk. She knew it had to go. Standing up, she went over to it. Strangely, it wasn’t where she left it. She didn’t panic though. Having lost her keys on more than one occasion, it was always only a matter of time before something else disappeared. It was something she got used to. Still, after 15 minutes of rummaging around her desk and in every single drawer, her heart thumped faster in its irregular beat. She started to look everywhere. Under the desk, behind it, around it, under the coffee table, near the front door.
That letter…what did she do with it? She would have sworn to anypony that she had put it safely on the desk right next to her saddlebag as she packed her water bottle. She tried to force her weak mind to retrace her steps that day. To try to visualize what happened to it. But the image of her letter was lost in a deluge of Rainbow Dash. Only fragments of her words remained. Somewhere, she had written that she wanted to know the mare more than she knew herself. That it would never be too late because Rainbow Dash was the fastest pony in Equestria.
Frustration boiled to the surface and her things took a beating as she took out her feelings upon them. Now desperate to find it, she knocked chairs over and tore the place apart. It couldn’t be possible that she lost it. If somepony found it, it might be the end of her. She couldn’t stop. Not until she could see it be destroyed and no other living pony would lay eyes on it. Her head ached and her stomach felt twisted. Panting, she crawled under the desk just like some animals hide underground. She could only cower. From there, she saw the last of the sun’s rays bathe broken dishes, splattered fries and a pile of papers.
Derpy was certain that it was all likely coming to an end. She couldn’t see much. Without a lot of light, much of the room was in shadow. If it somehow slipped into her saddlebag…put into her mail bag. Given over to Rainbow Dash by mistake...then it was surely over anyway. She considered just lying under the desk until morning. Would Rainbow Dash come and confront her? A few scenarios ran through her mind. The most dramatic involved the mare coming in a fit of rage, upset over the very notion that somepony like Derpy could possibly see anything more than friendship in her. Then it really would be the end.
Derpy would have been reduced to a weeping mess on the floor if she hadn’t suddenly remembered that Rainbow was away from home at the time. She was at the castle, probably still showing off that new book of hers. She began to hope that it wasn’t too late after all. If she could get the letter in time, she could prevent anything bad from happening. But she had to hurry.
She saw her reflection in the mirror as she threw on her saddlebags and a winter coat, in a rush to recover what bore all of her emotions. Her image was nothing but an antithesis to everything she adored. Derpy’s mane fell flat over her face, listless and dull. Her wings hadn’t been preened in forever. She knew that she wasn’t looking at a mare worthy of being at the side of a Wonderbolt, an athletic, beautiful pony. A special somepony shouldn’t be somepony that has to be taken care of. But that’s not Derpy. She would probably start to grow mold or starve to death if she was totally on her own.
The wind was biting at her fur when Derpy shut her door. The horizon was a deep purple. Even the sky looked frigid. Derpy was more focused than usual, flying as fast as possible towards Rainbow Dash’s house. The windows were still dark when she arrived. Nopony was home. She landed then trotted over to the door. Remembering that it was locked, she went to the window and tried to look inside. With her vision, everything inside was a haze. She reached in her saddlebag and pulled out one of her early morning tools, a flashlight. When she used it, the beam went along the floor. She quickly found the discarded paper wrapping from Dash’s package. She then noticed that something white was peeking from underneath. That had to be the letter. It must have somehow become stuck to the package when it fell into the bag. It was certainly a weird way for a letter to end up someplace.
With all her strength, she attempted to pull the window up; but it wouldn’t budge. It was probably locked too. She tried to think of something. There was no way she could break in through the window and not get caught. There had to be another way. She walked around the side of the house and flew upwards, looking for an opening. A chimney was the most promising approach. The flashlight was held in her teeth as she looked inside. There was barely enough room for her to fit although she couldn’t spread her wings enough to hover inside.
The chimney was filthy. The sides of the metal was coated in this black gritty stuff. There were particles of it in the air as her hooves scraped down and she was forced to sneeze in her coat to not disturb any of it.
About halfway down, Derpy hit something with her hooves. It was some kind of metal grate. It was probably there to prevent birds from getting in but Derpy was worried. She couldn’t get back to the top and there was no way she was going to get stuck in there. She was going to have to force her way through it. She pounded on the grate with her hooves until it buckled and suddenly collapsed from underneath. Derpy’s body tumbled down, banging against the metal loudly on the way to the pile of ash at the bottom.
Derpy shook with pain as she lay on her back. It was more of a shock to her senses than anything else. The flashlight was a few meters away and faint with dust obscuring the glass. She got up and wobbled away from the fireplace to pick it up. Her chest convulsed and she sneezed. There was a pressure in her chest that hurt when she did. She sniffled and caught a familiar smell in the air. She breathed it in deeply. Could it be…the smell of muffins? She tried to disregard it, as much as it reminded her of home. Rainbow Dash couldn’t really cook and baking definitely wasn’t her thing.
Even with the light, it was hard to see. Her eyes refused to focus back into one image. One half was in darkness and the other could make out where the letter was. The light started to flicker randomly as she stumbled forward. Her hair and nose tingled with every step she took. Even as her breathing labored under the stress, her only concern was to reach the letter in time. If escape was impossible, she would at least keep her friend from knowing the truth. Before the mare lost consciousness, she had touched the letter with her hoof. At least, she had it. For a moment, Derpy was at peace.
Derpy woke up in a dark room. Her left eye had twitched open and she stared around her. The room was decorated with old posters and she could see Rainbow Dash’s nightstand. The picture they took together was facing her. They looked so happy that she could barely recognize that smiling mare as herself. That memory felt like it happened a lifetime ago. Then, she heard garbled speech from her other side.
“Derpy….my love. Are you alright?" It was Rainbow Dash…and did she call her “love” just now?
Derpy opened her other eye and saw her friend standing over her and holding a candle. Rainbow looked incredibly pleasant as if she was glad to see Derpy there.
“Rainbow Dash…I’m so sorry,” Derpy said. She knew that only a fool would think that a mere apology could begin to make up for breaking into somepony’s house or writing a letter that nopony would want. But it was all she could do and it was better than nothing.
“Don’t be. I know why you’ve come,” Rainbow said soothingly. She extended a hoof to her and Derpy felt a touch on her cheek.
“What do you mean?"
Rainbow kneeled down to her level. “That letter. You must have overlooked it earlier. But it was sweet of you to go through all that trouble just for me. I just loved what it had to say.”
Derpy was never before so overjoyed than she was in Rainbow’s bed. Against everything the universe had told her, Hearts and Hooves Day wasn’t just for others anymore. Derpy loved this new side of her friend. She could never have enough of Rainbow’s sweet words and loving eyes.
“Please rest, Derpy,” Rainbow told her. She put the candle aside and leaned in close. Derpy closed both her eyes and felt the sensation of lips touching her own. It was like smoothly licking pure rainbow.
The last sentence of her letter was, “From your very own special somepony, Derpy”. Rainbow Dash was truly special to her. The only mare to ever accept her and include her in her life. For once, the grey mare with a bubble cutie mark couldn’t wait for next year.
Derpy winced as a bright light invaded her pupils. A few seconds later, it withdrew and she focused back on the doctor, a cute stallion with a tan coat and really stylish hair. She was in bed while he pressed a device to her heart to listen to it beating. It tickled her and she giggled. A few birds could be seen out the window in the morning after Hearts and Hooves Day but she didn’t notice. She would rather look at the doctor pony. She loved his confident smile.
Later, he packed his equipment in a leather bag and left the room quietly. He started cleaning his glasses while going down the hall and back down the stairs. Rainbow Dash shot a quick glance at him. She was still doing nothing but worrying that whole time, tapping her hooves on the sofa in her living room as if it was a lobby at the hospital. Even her new book was lying on the coffee table, ignored.
Rainbow sprang to life. “How is she, doc?” she inquired tensely.
The doctor gave her the notes he wrote on a clipboard. It had her blood pressure, heart rate and notes on her injuries. Derpy had a broken wing and numerous cuts all over her body. The fever Rainbow felt last night was over 100 degrees. But the mare didn’t really know what she was reading so he started talking.
“You know that Derpy is a pony I’ve seen on more than one occasion,” he said. “Even so, her situation is rather unique. I’ve never personally seen it before”. He had an interested tone of voice that doctors have when they want to perform lots of tests on something.
“Yeah, I mentioned that Derpy didn’t seem to be all there. I don’t even know what you would call it, doc….but she barely seemed to respond to me last night."
The doctor nodded. “Her eyes were also the worst I’ve seen yet. She’s constantly looking at a picture to her left and also watching me at the same time. Even as a professional, I think it’s just creepy”. He got his clipboard back and read the notes on her behavior. “And yes, she did seem to mention a letter a lot during our brief talk. I tried to get her to tell me what she was….you know, doing here. What do you think she meant by that?"
“Well, I did find something like a letter this morning before I had you come over. I put it on the table." The doctor saw the folded paper on the glass table. He lifted it with his magic. A huge black smudge nearly coated all of it. The envelope was in even worse shape.
“What’s this? It’s unreadable,” the doctor said.
“That’s what I would like to know."
They walked to her front door and the doctor put on his coat.
“Keep me up to date on her condition. If she becomes lucid, I’ll come by right away,” the doctor informed her.
“Sure thing” Rainbow replied. “So, did you have any fun last night?”
The doctor chuckled as he stepped into the hot air balloon tethered to the house. “Well, we had a little get-together with the hospital staff. Nothing huge but it was fun. Then I went home and me and Red Heart enjoyed the rest of the night. And, yourself?”
“I just hung out with friends. I don’t have a special somepony.”
“By choice, I presume?”
Rainbow smirked. “Yeah. A special somepony just isn’t for me.”
THE END
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can we get an optional sequel, or maybe an epilogue, where rainbow manages to get the letter into a readable condition, and decides to give Derpy a chance? this just made me feel so bad for her....
5703890 This guy. ^
5703890
We'll see. Thanks for reading though. I hope you like my interpretation of Derpy, at least.
5704700 I did, very much so! just feel bad for her is all....
I really enjoyed this. It was very emotional
5705149
Thank you.
Because you asked for it! Oh, and if you haven't read the story yet, herein be spoilers.
————The Life She Never Recieved————
Grammar 50%
This story is actually quite baffling to me. Parts of it are written in perfectly, whilst others . . . not so much. Say this sentence:
This bit is perfect. You seem to be one of the few who knows how to use a semicolon correctly! And yet, I also see things like this:
To me, at least, it's a rather obvious error when the comma at the end of a quote is omitted. There should be a comma after "late." In general, all the punctuation about quotes is a little bit off. Reading up on grammar guidelines should help. The FiMFiction writing guide, in particular, is a great resource for these things; it's actually got a section devoted solely to dialogue punctuation.
+ Plot
The plot for the entire story is actually quite brilliant. In particular, I liked the way that you chose to subvert the popular conclusion of "happily ever after" and wrote something different instead. It has power in its uniqueness, and it makes this story stand out from the rest.
+ Ending
This relates to the plot, but it's significant enough that it warrants its own bullet point. The most powerful part of this story, by far, is the ending, both the false and real one. Personally, I cringed when I reached the false ending; romances never turn out that serendipitous! Luckily (or unluckily), this isn't the case for Derpy. People may disagree with me on this fact, but I'll take realistic over "happy ending" any day.
+ Show vs. Tell
Show vs. Tell is a concept wherein an author should, for the most part, stick to showing events as they occur, rather than telling readers directly what happened. You accomplished this brilliantly in this paragraph:
Some may say that this paragraph is out-of-character; I say that it just underlies that turmoil that Derpy is experiencing and emphasizes how important it is to her. This kind of stuff is what turns good writing great, and it's something I'm, in fact, still struggling with to this day.
– The Letter
I don't really buy into how the letter is weaved into the plot; it seems to make a plot hole in your story. Derpy wrote the letter to proclaim her love for Rainbow Dash; then she discovers that it's missing. There's no real reason for her to immediately suspect that it somehow fell into her mailbag, and somehow made its way to Rainbow Dash. Yes, it works, but it's not realistic. This is what I would call a contrived plot device.
– Tense Changes
I recognize that this story is written in past tense, and for the most part, it is. Paragraphs like this one, however, are particularly jarring:
I don't quite see a reason why this entire paragraph should not be written in past tense as well. Even when establishing prior knowledge, in this instance, I don't believe it is necessary to switch into present tense.
– Run-on Sentences
This may seem like another minor grammar issue, but I feel the need to make this a discreet point, as it actually can interfere with comprehension of prose significantly. Take the following paragraph:
Not every sentence in this paragraph is run-on, but quite a few of them are. When sentences go on and on like this and when they are uninterrupted by commas it's very easy to skim through the sentence and not read it fully.
– Oddly Specific
This actually is minor, but it's a problem with an easy fix; try not to be so overly specific with trivial details. Bits like "10 km away" and "half-liter of milk" really don't give any sense of scale, and they're unneeded in fiction, for the most part.
– Concision
The pace of this story is good, but it's bogged down at times by unneeded details and description. I come from a science background, so I may be biased, but concision has a lot of value in writing. Details such as Derpy's preference for fatty foods are not quite needed in this story and just add complication when it's really not needed. Even a fact like Derpy's incoordination is not entirely needed in this story because it's not immediately relevant to the plot. You shouldn't get rid of it entirely, but continuously referring back to it creates something of a Chekov's gun that is never shot.
————————
Enjoy your review! Feel free to reply or PM me if you have any questions or disputes.
BUMMER ENDING!!!
Aside from that, this is without a doubt your best story to date, and I don't just say that because Derpy is my best pony. Your grammar is better here than ever before, your use of 'show vs. tell' was very good, and most importantly of all, you told a self-contained story that wasn't too ambitious, and that made for a more effective story than your previous entries. Like I said, that ending was a BUMMER, but your story MADE me feel that because it drew me in and had me invested. Admittedly, there were a few moments where Derpy's physical condition approached borderline-absurd levels, but that's mostly because it's in violation of my head canon for her, and everyone's open to their own interpretation of what life's like for her, or any other character for that matter, so I won't knock ya for a creative interpretation. All in all, thanks for the touching entry to our contest, Silver Letter, and awesome work on continuing to improve your writing! 
5708286
I am glad that I can continue to improve. Thank you for reading/commenting.
5708763
No problemo.