Prologue
Cave Allan Kojack
Airsoft Arena in North Carolina
18 Hours Before Accident
"Cave! Behind you!" yelled John. Cave looked behind and saw three enemies that have spotted him and opened fire.
"Ah geez!" shouted Cave as he dove behind a tree for cover. Using his FN-SCAR with a holographic sight, Cave and his friends, John and Connor, returned fire at the enemies; two of them yelling, "Hit!" and the other retreated. The trio continued moving forward through the forest towards the objective. It was a Capture-the-Flag airsoft game with thirty players on each side and they were getting close. They were tactically moving forward until they encountered a large group of seven people up ahead. The three quickly ducked with their backs against the grassy hill.
"Should we open fire to drive them back?" suggested Connor. When a person was hit, they must yell "hit" and retreat towards their base before going back into battle.
"That would just make the game more difficult because then, they'll be near the flag," replied John.
"Well, then what should we-," all of a sudden, a barrage of pellets came soaring over their heads. "Crap! They know we're here!"
The opposing team accidentally saw Connor's red cap and started pinning them down.
"I told you that silly red cap will blow our cover!" said John; hitting Connor on the shoulder.
"Hey! Red caps are cool! If I were you, I'd deal with it!" replied Connor while he was returning fire with his Tokyo Marui G36.
"Guys, I have an idea!" yelled Cave. He took out one of his smoke grenades, activated it, and chucked it at the opposing fire team.
"Now guys! Move off to the right!" Cave directed. With the help of the smoke, they managed to escape their predicament without being seen. They were now in an area with tall bushes and proceeded with the mission while checking for any more enemies.
"Good thinking. We could've gotten owned back there," commented John.
"I could've done the same thing," replied Connor.
"Yeah right. Look where your camouflage strategy with that hat of yours got us."
Cave chuckled at their little argument as they pressed forward. They were calmly strolling towards the enemy flag until something zoomed right in between John and Connor. They stopped, ducked, and scanned the area; but they couldn't see anyone. All was silent except for the constant rustling of leaves up in the tree canopies. Cave was ready to get up until he heard the impact of a pellet right behind him.
"Aaugh! I'm hit! I'm hit!" Cave looked behind him and saw Connor on the ground. He was shot by a sniper.
"Guys...you must...go on...without me," said Connor as if he was about to die.
"Darn it Connor! This isn't real warfare! Get your rear end back to base and try to rendezvous with us after!" commanded John.
"Geez, I was just playing around," Connor replied back. After he left, more pellets were shot at Cave and John. The sniper has alerted the others of their location. Enemy players started to arrive guns blazing.
"Oh shoot! Run!" shouted Cave. John kept running for the flag while Cave was following him and giving him cover fire. But it failed when at a hundred and fifty yards away from the flag site, John was hit in the left shoulder. Cave had no choice but to leave him behind for the flag.
"You're almost there! Don't stop!" yelled John in the background. Cave was sprinting like he was running for his life. He could hear the enemy chasing right behind him. He found a rather large area of tall grass and decided to quickly dash through it. The tall green blades gently smacked his face and their swaying motion obstructed his sight of what was in front of him. After a sense of relief from regaining his sense of direction, Cave managed to lose the enemy from the grass and made it to the flag site. It was poised on a wooden stand in the middle of an open area in the forest where there was no trees. The blue team's base was about a hundred feet away from it so the enemies were still close. He silently checked his surroundings as he tip-toed for the flag. When he grabbed it, he smiled as if he had accomplished something. The mark of victorious ambition now lied in his hand. But right when he was about to make a run for it, ten enemies of the blue team came out from hiding behind the trees surrounding the flag site and aimed their guns at Cave. He was completely surrounded and could not make an escape.
"Aww. You little camping sons of-," said Cave before they fired. Red team lost.
After the game, Cave and the rest of the players went back to the pavilion to pack up and go home. While placing his equipment in his messenger bag made of jean material, Cave overheard a conversation coming from John and Connor.
"Hey, did you see the latest episode of My Little Pony yesterday?" asked John.
"Heck yeah! It was freaking awesome! That was the first time I ever saw Rainbow Dash perform the Buccaneer Blaze!" replied Connor.
"Dude, no one has ever actually seen what the Buccaneer Blaze looked like until that episode. That episode of My Little Pony is probably the best one I have ever-"
"Okay guys. Really?" Cave interrupted. "I still can't believe you people actually like My Little Pony. You guys first saw the show, like, two months ago and now instead of hearing MANLY things like video games and movies, I hear tons of conversations from you two about a show that's meant for FIVE YEAR OLD GIRLS! Do you realize how embarrassing that is? I don't wanna have people think that I watch the show because I sit with you guys at lunch in school. Seriously guys, what makes it so interesting? What do you two have to say for yourselves?"
John and Connor looked at each other, John whispered something to Connor, they both nodded and looked back at Cave.
"Three words: Love and Tolerate!" said Connor and John at the same time. Cave stood there confused.
"You see, Cave, to us, My Little Pony is a show that anyone can watch no matter what its designated age-group is," said John.
"Yeah!" agreed Connor, "And we're not afraid of anyone that criticizes us for liking the show. We're proud bronies and also not afraid to show it!"
"Well, to me, if a television company makes a t.v. show targeting little girls in the first place and promoting a franchise that's also for little girls, then the show is for little girls!" Cave replied, "And although I may never understand the whole psychology of this brony phenomenon, even though I tried seeing one episode and it ended up nearly torturing me to death after twenty seconds into it, you guys can't force me to like it!"
"Dude, we're not forcing you to like it just because we're friends," said Connor, "Honestly, we don't care if you don't like the show either; although if you did, it would be pretty sweet; but that's not the case. We can all still get along despite our interests."
"That, I know," replied Cave, "The issue is, I just don't know if I'll ever understand the whole meaning of this brony thing at all. Anyway, I'll see you guys later."
Cave got on his bike and left the airsoft site while everyone else was waiting to be picked up. The rest of his day went normally and began to wonder about what was going to happen tomorrow when him and his friends go through another game of airsoft. He chose to forget about their dispute over their "unusual" interest. They were still his friends and he knew better.
Cave Kojack
The Kojacks' House
9 Minutes Before Accident
Cave was getting ready to leave for yet another airsoft game with his friends at noon. He had packed his equipment in his messenger bag and strapped it over his right shoulder with the bag on his left side. He's also dressed in long, dark-blue jeans, a regular-blue t-shirt, black sunglasses, black fingerless gloves, an Armitron digital watch, black and white sneakers, and a jean jacket. Before he left, he waved goodbye to his parents and his sister, Claire, who was of the same age as he is, and gave his dog, Raleigh, a border collie, a good pet on the head. As he left, he went on his bike and took off; leaving his suburban neighborhood behind and onto the streets.
He was taking his usual way to the arena; around the Appalachian Mountains and to the forest preserve. It was cloudy but there was still enough sunlight to see. He noticed that there wasn't that many vehicles on the road but he still remained on the road's shoulder. He was preparing to turn right when, all of a sudden, a bright light flashed at Cave's eyes and caused him to go over a pothole that drove him off course. He crashed into one of the road barriers and he fell over the edge of a one hundred foot cliff. Oh crap!, he thought, I'm gonna get owned by gravity! As he fell head first, he saw, at the bottom of the mountain, flashes of lightning that were accumulating at the middle. Cave found that strange but didn't think much of it. He closed his eyes, held his arms in front of his face, and braced for impact. At that point there was a brief moment of white and then blackness.
Cave Kojack
Everfree Forest, Equestria
2 Minutes After Accident
Cave opened his eyes and found himself lying on his back. He raised himself to a sitting position with his arms supporting him behind his back. He looked around and noticed that he was in some sort of cartoon-like forest where the air smelled very fresh with a hint of sugar.
"Okay, this is weird," Cave said to himself, "Either I survived that fall and I'm currently in a coma and my mind created a cartoon world for me to live in until I wake up, or I just traveled to another dimension." While Cave was observing his surroundings, he had an unusual feeling that someone was watching him. He turned and saw a glimpse of a pink figure that quickly disappeared into the bushes before he got a clear look at it. He looked around in all directions and still saw that pink figure looking at him and disappearing again. Curious of the mysterious world that he was in, Cave got up, gathered his things and started walking with his SCAR in his hands while having no idea where he was going. While Cave was sauntering, he saw a glimpse of another figure off to his right but it wasn't pink at all. It looked as if it had blonde hair and it also seemed human-like.
He was about to go back and follow it until he tripped over something and he fell face first. He rolled over on his back and noticed a pink pony with a very puffy and curly mane staring down at him with a curious expression on its face. Cave contemplated the filly and realized that he has seen something like that before somewhere.
"Woa. Sorry about tripping over you there little fella. You know, you look very familiar somehow," Cave said to the pony.
"Do I?" the pony replied.
"You know. For a minute there, I thought you just said something in English," Cave laughed.
"Oh, but I did!" cheered the pony.
Cave crawled backwards against a tree; dumbfounded on what he had just heard from the young filly.
"Wait, what? WHAT!? Did you just...t-t-talk?" Cave asked.
"Well duh, of course I talked; so does everypony here in Equestria. By the way, my name's Pinkie Pie. Would you like a cupcake?" said Pinkie Pie; holding out a red velvet cupcake with light-blue frosting and topped with rainbow sprinkles on her hoof. When he heard that name, that was when he realized that he knew exactly where he was. He was in a world where every brony dreamed of going; but to him, it was the complete opposite. He refused to believe that he was in Equestria, the magical world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The whole thing, to him, was incomprehensible.
"Oh crud," said Cave, "I'm so going with my coma theory."
End of Prologue
Seen it unfortunetly.
567449
Who hasn't
The dialogue seems a little unnatural and the first half of the story seems really unnecessary. Also I hope this isn't gonna be 'Anti-brony hatehatehate' because even an anti-brony would be fascinated if he was sent to another world even if it did contain characters he previously disliked. Just be careful not to fall into this pitfall or the 'he actually lovey doves them a big huggy bunch after all!' ending because both are cliché. It's like a torture fic I stumbled across where Dashie went to earth but was tortured by an anti-brony. Even someone who hates the show wouldn't do that becaue it's a FRIGGIN TALKING PONY! Even if it's annoying to you you don't think about it at the time you just think 'SCIENTIFIC ANOMALY OMG' You know?
Work on your dialogue a little and be careful with this. It could turn out like a pile of horse-apples.
Edit: And it kinda is already. It's trite and cliché and half of it is unnecessary. Hope I don't seem to harsh, just saying.
Pretty good! I'm interested in seeing where this is going!
Keep 'em comin, bro!
567455
Thats probably some of the most logical observations I've ever heard. Why haven't you written one yet?!
567468 I may in the future
looks interesting... One thing that isnt really related though, when he falls off the 100 foot cliff. He thought "Oh crap, I'm gonna to get owned by gravity." While it is true that time does seem to slow when something like this happens (I know from experience) you usually dont think all that, its usually more just like "Fuck." and then impact. Anyways, cool idea.
I dont know why the people would dislike it
Its well written and different instead of a Brony an anti brony well played mister well played
567522
Hes not the first author to write a story about a brony hater.
It's not terribly well-written, but it's cool to see another Airsofting Brony! Also, you guys play every day?!? I'm lucky if I can find an event to go to each month.
I think this would be better as one of those tongue-in-cheek stories that try to sound really bad just to be funny. It just seems to fit the story.
>>dancing mop
Unfortunatley, I don't play airsoft, but I love the game and I wish I could freakin' play it! Hopefully no one is thinking that I'm making an Anti-Brony stereotype, because one of the guys, who in which I showed him it, thought that I was making an anti-brony stereotype. But he's not a brony anyway so yeah.
567496
Don't worry, I know what you mean! It's just that I don't swear and I also want to keep it appropriate enough for other people. Maybe I should have included a more "out there" thought that doesn't include swearing, but I tried my best.
567455
Yeah, I see what you mean. But the reason why I included the first half is in order to go more in deph of the character's background. Without it, people may not be able to fully understand the character.
i will read more when its out
The tense changes
569325
Yeah, I can't help it man! That's just what I do even though it doesn't fit. By the way, can you find any easter eggs in this story? There are a few.
569340 Didn't notice any, and I can't be bothered to reread it dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png
569403 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png
I don't get why so many people don't like this. I like it, and I have never read an anti-brony fanfic ever in my life. Dialogue was a bit unnatural, but still pretty good.
Of course, I haven't even started writing my first fanfiction.
570117
Don't worry! I understand how hard it can be starting out. In fact, I have yet to figure out what to put at the beginning of the first chapter even though I have the middle and end done! My first fanfic ideas tend to be a guy going into the show's universe and they embark on an epic adventure.
I'll admit it, I, too, thought that some of the dialogue was a bit unnatural but that was because I was trying too hard not to put any profanity in it. All I could say, is try to be original. Mine isn't that original but it's still in my viewpoint.
570175
Thanks for the input! I just started my fan-fiction (Can't put it off) with some sort of originality (OR IS IT) and some seriousness involved.
KEEP IT UP!
A few people say they don't like the beginning of the story. I, however, actually like seeing what this guys life is like before he crashes and is sent into Equestria. It shows you his dislike for the show and the changes he'll be going through in the future.
So great story bro. I can't wait to see where this is going.
587739
I appreciate your feedback! I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows how important character backgrounds are. That's why I put the beginning part of the story in it. Keep on the lookout for easter eggs!
Just another Human in Equestria story i.imgur.com/aZjli.gif
588995
You could say that. But keep in mind that despite it being an HiE or any other fic, you may be surpised on how interesting it is! And besides, it's only the prologue, things will get more interesting later on. Can't always immediately judge how good a fic is from the prologue. If HiE isn't your thing, then the only thing I could say is WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?
But don't worry dude, I know that I can't please everyone. Maybe in my other stories that I may type up at some point that aren't HiE related just might interest you. Who knows?
please read my fic :)
Suspension of disbelief right there.
Hmmmm... well, I found the concept interesting, but in terms of the story... I guess I'll have to pass on reading more. I don't know.
I can't really add much to what was said above. The dialogue seems like a kabuki theater thing. I mean... bronies just don't talk like that in real-life. Or at least I don't. I don't think that many people do. And the whole "brony-hater" thing, well... it would make more sense if he was just annoyed a bit by it rather than being a "hater". There are plenty of reasons not to like the show and to prefer other things (same way you'd dislike a band, a piece of artwork on the wall, et cetera).
The flip-flopping between tense also doesn't help. The whole thing could use some serious editing.
I won't downvote. I'm just commenting here because I like the idea of airsoft being tied to a HiE thing (maybe his airsoft skills play in later, with him discovering ponies playing airsoft in some contest setting that's important?) and I like non-bronies in Equestria.
1461509 Swiper go Swiper!
...
Okay, so maybe I think that Dora The Explorer is cute....