CURRENTLY GOING THROUGHT A REWRITE
Sunset Shimmer, the prized student of Princess Celestia, is sent to Ponyville to prepare the Summer Sun Celebration. Unknowingly to her, her actual mission is to stop Nightmare Moon. However, she was never meant to be the Element of Magic.
With Celestia gone, Equestria is left unprotected against the mad alicorn. Twilight Sparkle, the faithful student of Princess Celestia, is determined to avenge her master and save the kingdom.
IMPORTANT: While this story was being written, some things in canon changed. That means a few things here are going to conflict with canon. Please bear with me on this.
For example, here Maud is the older sister, with Limestone and Marble being middle twins, and Pinkie being the youngest. Also, the friends Twilight had in Canterlot are not the same ponies that live/visit Ponyville frequently. Because silly canon is silly.
A very interesting start.
7030172 Oh, thank you!
... Oops.
7037686 Indeed. Oops!
7038282 She can still save this! She just needs to roll the Sun over NMM! It's like... aggressive Zorbing!
7040208 Naw, man. The fireball fell in the center of a huge forest, and exploded in a burst of light. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7041365 Oh sure, shoot down all my good ideas.
YOU KILLED OFF CADANCE?!
7176169 What?! No! Of course I did not.
Nightmare Moon just...gave her a little poke...with a spear...through her ribs.
She is probably fine.
So, is this Dark as in "things get pretty nasty but eventually turn out more or less good" or "I would have put the Tragedy tag on except I wanted to keep the deaths of everyone not strictly required to keep Equestria from complete extinction a sneaky surprise so no one would avoid the story"?
7185590 Hum...
The first.
Last chapter, I got a dislike. I am not even mad, it was exactly the reaction I was looking for!
? on widow peak commet not sure whe he/she mean, but I do like the story and look forward to more ch . thought it suck on what sunset is a bout to do but she will have to lear the hard way about fiendshipe and I do hope she does. again alwsome ch
7270128 I mean what I said. When I uploaded chapter 3, I got a dislike, which is the reaction I wanted.
I am very glad you are enjoying it thus far.
I hope next chapter will come faster. It is about as long as this one.
Well now, this looks like a particularly grim version of Nightmare's takeover - dropping Canterlot from the mountain, maiming Blueblood, almost murdering Cadence? Yeah, something tells me this adventure will be more dangerous than the one in the show.
And then there is the lingering question of Celestia's fate - I'm sure she didn't simply die once the sun shattered (if she had, I imagine the area would have been stuffed full of her aura that Twilight would have picked up on - instead it simply wasn't there at all), but there is no telling what condition she's in; the loss of sun couldn't have done her incorporeal state any good, that's for sure.
Though this does raise one serious question - if Equestria had it's own minature sun, sequestered inside a "forcefield" that surrounded Equestria, what has happened to the rest of the world? Is there a "normal" sun beyond Equestria's boundaries? And if yes, why did they feel the need to create their own miniature version? And if not, does that mean the rest of the world is dead? (Shouldn't be, since Twilight mentions other nations).
And speaking of Celestia, I wonder how she managed to make such a blunder as to send Sunset instead of Twilight in search of the Elements - after all, Twilight's cutie mark is engraved straight in the middle of the Tree of Harmony; one glance at Twilight's mark and Celestia should have picked up on the fact that Twilight's destiny has been marked by the tree and she's destined to be connected with the elements.
And speaking of Sunset, wow - sure didn't take much for Nightmare to subvert her, did it. I guess she never got over her unpleasant ways, despite what Twilight thinks - just got better at hiding them, if such an obvious ploy is all it took to lure her to the dark side. I guess power is all she cares for, in the end. Guess Twilight will have her work cut out for her, having to deal with Sunset as well and not just Nightmare this time around. I'm eager to see how she does.
7300357 I am not used to long comments! But it feels good!
Now, let us answer some questions.
Yes, this story is already shaping to be pretty grim. Though the last piece will appear in the next chapter. Canterlot used to contain many things...
The whole 'forcefield' surrounding Equestria is an idea I got from an old comic which I have not been able to find. I loved the idea because it made Celestia and Luna far less powerful, while still making them actually control the day-night cycle; and explained the unusual fact that ponies have to make their own weather, while being far enough that it does not disrup the dialy life (After all, the magic field ends on the sea, a desert and the mountains, where nopony lives).
I also like to think Icarus was an actual pegasus that literally flew into the Sun.
The rest of the world is not dead. The whole contraption was made by the unicorns both to have some power over the pegasi and the earth ponies (Since, strictly speaking, they could flourish without the unicorns) and to protect themselves against exterior threats.
Hum...I think that covers all I can say...
I am glad you are enjoying the story!
7300578
Hmm, if that's all the 'forcefield' is, couldn't the Earth Ponies and Pegasi simply migrate away to other lands not covered by it, leaving the unicorns high and dry? It also feels kinda odd that the sisters would keep around such a blatant symbol of unicorn oppression after the tribes united. I could understand keeping the shield if it actually keeps threats out (does it? Other nations seem to be doing fine, and Zecora got in anyway, so its purpose feels iffy), but why the actual sun/moon cycle?
Regarding Canterlot - I'm actually surprised how small you made the place to be. 12,000 inhabitants? That's positively tiny - it would barely qualify as a town by most metrics, I think. To put it into perspective, one Nimitz aircraft carrier has a full crew of upwards five thousand people. You could fit all of Canterlot on two such ships
Obviously it holds a symbolic importance and represents Celestia's reign, which is why Nightmare went after it, but overall? It's hard to imagine Equestria feeling the loss of this settlement (can't really call it a city
) , because demographics wise it should barely be a blimp on Equestria's radar with those numbers :P
7300622 Because there are other races that may not be very keen in the invasion. Besides, Equestria is a pretty good land, and they were not aware of the scheme of the unicorns. In the past, it was more secure and would not allow anyone to just walk by. Any army wanting to go though it would be slowed down, as it woud phisically repel them, and the Princesses would be aware of the attack instantly.
Equestria was young and the Princesses were not around, so the shield was actually very useful. Nowadays, Equestria has a poweful military, and two demigods, so the shield can be walked past (Though the dragons actually need to have an opening made for them).
As for the day-night cycle...well, it worked. And if you control the weather, you get protection against natural disasters.
My home town has 55 thousand inhabitants, so I am aware of tiny Canterlot is.
But it is a city perched on the side of a mountain, so space is precious. Back in its foundation, it was large , but it is not the case anymore. The importance of its destruction is indeed symbolic. Nightmare Moon has no intention of destroying the kingdom she has desired for so long (If she did, she could have just destroyed the city instantly).
Also, I can not make the city very large, or evacuating in a single day would sound very far-fetched, to say the least.
7300732
I guess that explains the shield, then. And my hometown actually has a population of 16,000
So my reaction to something even smaller than this place serving as the seat of government for a country ... you can imagine how that feels. Wouldn't Nightmare simply give a longer time period for evacuation, if Canterlot was larger? Like you said, there is no ruling over a mountain of corpses.
And speaking of Nightmare and the aforementioned Equestrian army - shouldn't the later be organizing a raid on Nightmare? I mean, she certainly is strong and ruthless, but considering the performance she displayed against Cadence ... that doesn't seem anything that a concentrated effort from a few dozen pegasi, backed by unicorns, couldn't subdue. She certainly seemed strong for an individual, but kinda a few miles short of being powerful enough to actually fight armies on her own.
7300815 Well, you do not really have that much peope ruling a country...specially with a absolute monarchy.
As for actually fighting Nightmare...she was playing with Cadance through the entire fight, even at the end. She could have ended her much faster and effectively...but that would not have been as fun for Nightmare.
Now, consider the punishment Cadance has taken, and make it an order of magnitude greater.
Formatting problems!
7443013 Damn it! The importation worked flawlessly all the chapters before! I should not have trusted it!
7443013 Right. I do not know what sort of unholy mess the program did with my chapter this time, but the whole thing was filed with formatting annotations. Very strange. Hope it does not happen anymore.
It should be good to read now. Tell me if you see anything else.
Princess bride and gypsy song! Love the fic so far.
7634977 Thank you! Next chapter should be coming sooner than later.
Princess Bride? Oh, right! I forgot about that one entirely!
It was a last minute addition.
I'm not usually one for pointing out typos, but I really reaaaally think this one should be fixed, pronto. XP
*cough* *cough*
7645395 Best typo ever, hands down.
Enjoy the rest!
Aha! I suspected the identity of the mystery pony back when they first appeared; turns out I was correct.
This is a story I greatly approve of.
7798103 Hehehe...it was rather obvious, was it not?
I am glad you are enjoying the story so far! :D I would be happy to asnwer any question you might have.
7300622
I don't think we should try shipping all of Canterlot.
7836924 ...wait, how did you reply from The Stars to a comment in The Traitor?!
7838159
That's a very good question. I just don't know what went wrong...
No, seriously - I don't know how I did that.
7839100 Were you reading The Stars?
7840405
That's the most likely scenario, although I read them in order. Pretty sure I commented in order too.
It's strange.
Uh oh. Sunset is an alicorn now? Thigs are just getting more difficult for our heroes...
It's nice to see this story updated again.
8129974 Indeed. Nightmare Moon needed more power in her side, as a precaution.
Again, sorry for the hiatus...things should go faster from now on. I have started the next chapter, The Emperor; and the third from this one is already written.
They should also be shorter. Because, bloody Tartarus, 12K words is a tad too much.
you should add a 5 word chapter
8161378 Huh?
Noooo!!
Why Trixie
Good story though
8355764 Oh wow. To be honest, it has been so long since I wrote this chapter that I forgot that happens this early.
Anyways, I am glad you are enjoying the story so far.
Just picked this story up, nice read.
8356894 Thank you! I am glad you are enjoying it so far.
You are a fast reader, are you not?
Sunset is an alicorn now right?
8357599 Yes, she is. Nightmare Moon ascended her in the previous chapter.
On a side note, I doubt I will update Hanged in a long time.
8357641
Thank you for clarifying.
Ah shoot, now I'm caught up...
I hope you are still working on this because this is really good so far.
I will admit though, there are a few things that seem odd
Like characters being there once or twice (blueblood) and I have no idea if they will play a part later or if they are just... there?
Also nifty little things like Twilights ability to, what, smell magic? I hope that comes into play again.
Then things like her fangs, that's usually something that is hinted at by the time it introduced her grandfather... idk, just small little nuance like that that seems like it could benefit from a pre mention of it.
Idk, I'm not a writer so I don't really know how to say what I intend to.
BUT I really am enjoying this nonetheless and I'm hoping for quick updates.
8363046 Hi there! I am glad you are enjoying it so far! As for your questions:
I have something planned for Blueblood, yes; though he will not play a big role. Trixie will play a bigger role (As the great and powerful Trixie should!
).
About the fangs, I did not mention them because they are...well, they are not substantial. She just has two small teeth when most ponies have a hollow space. Her grandfather has proper, functional fangs.
In case you care, here is a picture of her maternal grandmother, when she was younger. [Link]
I am surprised nobody is commenting on Twilight and Rainbow Dash's far blood relationship!
8363375
Love the picture, thanks for that.
Also I do like that about Twi and Dash, just didn't really know what to say about it. It's unique and I like that.
Also I Primarily didn't say anything about The blood relation to avoid probable spoilers for people. Lol
Also... commenting while on my phone is weird... random words get capitalized... oh well.
Not surprised you had Rarity beat Twilight.
Its such a cliche in story telling