As I finally begin to drift into consciousness, I begin to think about everything that has happened in less than a day. I arrive in Equestria, annoy both Twilight and Princess Celestia, get hit in the back by Twilight, get into a dream with Luna appearing to help me, actually perform Pinkie's smile Song to a Goddess who's upset because of her past and then get tricked by her into telling her that I know a fair bit about Equestria. At least today can't get worse.
Then I finally become fully conscious. I begin to look around me to figure out where Twilight actually took me. I slowly begin to see what looks to be bales of hay along with a fair bit of farming equipment.
Yep, I'm at Sweet Apple Acres. I guess Applebloom persuaded Twilight to take me here, I honestly expected either Applebloom or Applejack to be around when I woke up, but to my surprise they seem to have given me some time to relax. I start to look around me for anything that may have been brought with me after I blacked out. To my luck the guitar seems to be here along with my bag, I began to wonder if they had had the decency not to open the bag to see what I had on me.
I was surprised to see that not only did the bag have my laptop in it, but it also seemed to include my headphones and the charger for the laptop. Funny considering how the charger could be useless it does not like there's electricity to charge it with. I decide that I might as well load my laptop up and try to listen to my music. “I hope it wasn't damaged when I got here” I whisper. As it slowly loads I notice there appears to be no damage it, but to my dismay there appeared to be no internet access "no surprise there" I sigh.
I then look up as hear what sound like a door opening. I quickly shut the laptop, and place it on the floor just behind me, as I see Applebloom look towards me. As it happened she was the first one of us to say anything “ya seem to be awake now, how are ya feeling” she said calmly
I simply laugh and say “better thanks for asking, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to ask you your name earlier with the whole Twilight hitting me in the back thing”
she just looked at me and said “Fair enough, ma name is Applebloom” she then looks at me and says, “ay how do you know Twi's name?”
I just look at her and say “Princess Luna spoke to me whilst I was out”
I then hear another voice from towards the door “ah guess you know who I am to then sugercube”
I just look around for whoever it is that just said “nope”
I hear her once again as she says “I can tell ya lying ya know”
Applebloom then said to the voice I couldn't recognize “Applejack I bet he barely knows anything about ya”
I simply laugh and say, “I know Two things about you one I learned from Princess Luna of which that you are one of the Elements of Harmony, to be more exact the Element of Honesty. I also know that you are one of the strongest ponies in Ponyville.”
Applejack then came into view and said, “now I know that you ain't lying about that. But I actually came to ask why you shouted at my sister an her friends?
I then looked at both of them and said, “I'd rather not say. It's not something I'm proud of, if I have to tell anyone I'd rather explain it to everyone all at once” I just sighed and said “Luna found out and I became a quivering wreck and Applebloom you saw the reaction to that word that your friend called it me”
Applebloom then looked at me and said sadly “yeah I remember” she then looked at me and said “Ah never did ask ya your name”
I just looked at her a put my hand out to her and say, “my name is Craig, I'll be honest I expected you to be scared of me. Why aren't you?”
Applebloom then looked at me and says, “I've met another creature that everypony was scared of she went by the name of Zecora. I trusted her and she wasn't that bad. Why would I not give you the same chance”
Applejack then looks at me and asks “can ya please answer my question now”
I then sigh and look at Applebloom and tell her “whisper the word to your sis, just don't let me hear it, and Applejack please don't ask about the reason why I dislike being called the word”
They look at me and say in unison “OK” after this I reach down and grab my laptop and put my headphones in so I don't hear them say the word. After I look back up I see Applejack's face look confused as she asks me “why does that word annoy ya so much and what are ya doing on that thing?”
I just look at her and sigh “I'm afraid I will not tell you why I hate that word until I have everyone in one place and in terms of this. it's called a laptop and I was going to listen to some music on it”
Applejack just looks at me and just laughs whilst says, “that thing has music on it? I'd love to see that”
Applebloom then looks at me and asks me “can ya show me how it works”
I look at them and say “Applebloom, of course, I can and Applejack I'm going to make you eat those words and you know what I'll play one for you as well ”
Applejack then looks at me and says “your on”
I then start to look through my list of songs until I find one that is suitable for them I decide on Mountain by Biffy Clyro
I then just look at them as I unplug the headphones and ask “are you ready?”
They both just look at me and say “yeah”
I then press play and let the song begin.
After the song finishes, I just look at them as they both just sit there staring I decide to say something first “told you”
Applejack then looks at me and says “so what. I bet ya can't play that guitar very well, though”
At that, I then look towards the guitar and decide to challenge her on that “how about a bet?”
Applejack just looks and asks me a question “what sort of bet?”
I just look at her and laugh “I bet you that I can play a song, lyrics and all on here, and then show you the song from the laptop and the music be similar. If I win you have to admit you were wrong and that I can play the guitar, but if I lose I will tell you why that word Applebloom told you annoys me so much” I look back at her as the considers the idea. I then say on more thing to her “Deal?”
I knew Applejack would never back down from a challenge as she says “Deal”
“OK,” I say as in hold the guitar in my hands. I then say “ready?”
Applejack stared at me again then says “ready”
“Right then this song was made by a band called Green day and is called Good Riddance (Time of your Life)” I then with that I start to perform the song.
After the song has finished I begin to reach towards my laptop but then Applejack Puts her hoof in front of my hand and says “ya don't need to play the real one, I trust ya”
Applebloom just looked at her sister and said “Ya seriously saying he wins”
“That's just what I'm saying sugercube” Applejack replies
I just laugh and say “that's the last thing I expected of you Applejack”
She just looks at Applebloom and me and says “I know when I beat”
We then hear another voice from nearby that says “I think you could still be 20% cooler”
Applejack just turns around and says “Rainbow what do you want”
I just turn around and say "probably to raid your fridge"
Rainbow Dash then continues looking at Applejack and says, “I heard from Twilight that she brought a strange creature to here to recover after a 'misunderstanding'. Then I hear from the squirt that he shouted at her for calling it a freak” She then turns towards me and says “seems pretty accurate to me”
At that, I then stand up and shout her “oh you think I'm a freak do you? Do you want to see what a freak can really do to a jerk who thinks it can push me around! I could snap both those wings faster than you could blink!”
Rainbow Dash then started to smirk at me and says “yeah I'm the best flier in Equestria, I doubt you could even catch me, never mind never mind harm me”
I just look at her and say, “you want to test that theory?”
She then starts to move towards the door and says “yeah bring it on”
I then feel my the body then become very warm as the lower part of my body is enveloped in a bright blue light. I then blink and she begins to turn around and she take just one step and begins to launch herself towards the open barn door. As she begins to get close to the door I am already standing with my hand on the back of the large doors and I push them shut as she flies face first into it. I then look at her and laugh and say “brought it”
She then starts to crawl away from me and says “don't break my wings anything but my wings”
I then turn to her and say “I won't harm you in any way” I then laugh and say “your pride though is another matter already broke that”
At that, both Applejack and Applebloom start laughing uncontrollably until Applejack says “Is he cool enough for you now Dash?”
I just turn to them and stare at both of them. They then quickly stop laughing and back away. I then slowly walk back up to Rainbow Dash and say “sorry about that. Are you OK”
Rainbow just looks at me and says “Yeah... but how did you do that? Nopony is faster than me.”
I just laugh and say “well for one I'm not a pony”
After this, both Applebloom and Applejack just start laughing again
Rainbow dash just stares at them and say “It's not funny”
I then look at them and say “Applebloom for one I don't think your Cutie Mark is in humiliating other ponies” She quickly stops laughing “and Applejack if you don't stop laughing I will break all of your legs”
Applejack then stops laughing and just looks at me and says “ya wouldn't dare”
I just look at her and say two words and she begins to cringe “try me”
Applejack then says back “after what ya did to Rainbow. No thanks.”
Applebloom then looks at me and says, “hey didn't ya get a similar flash of light on your hand when the princess appeared behind ya earlier today?”
I begin to think about what she just said as I realize “yeah. But I only had a ring appear when the Princess was behind me. This time, my speed increased. Do you think the events are connected somehow?
We then hear the barn door open behind us as I hear two very clear voices one I instantly notice as Twilight's but the other one I vaguely sounds new I only become able to guess who it is when I see everyone beginning to bow. Without turning around, I say “Hello Twilight, Princess”
The first pony I hear speak was Celestia who said “Good Afternoon, I see that you are feeling better about what happened earlier today”
I just turn around and look at her and say “you can thank your sister for that”
She just looks at me and says “so my sister already has met you then”
I just smile and say “yeah. She also knows my reason for getting annoyed at that young filly earlier. If you want to know the reason ask her”
Twilight then looks at me and said, “how dare you disrespect the princess. She just asked if you were feeling better”
Celestia then turns to Twilight and says “Twilight I'm sure it has its reason for how he reacted”
We all then hear another voice from behind us “that he does sister”
To that, I just look up and smile and say, “it's good to see you again Princess. I guess you weren't lying when you said I'd see you again soon”
Luna just looks at me and says “it's not the time for that now, but we do believe that Miss Sparkle has something she wishes to say to thee”
To this, I just look at Twilight and say “Well then fire away”
Twilight just looks at me and says “what are you on about”
I just sigh and say “it means I'm listening tell me when you're ready”
Twilight just looks at me and says “Oh OK, here it goes” I see her take a breath and then she says “I know you may hate me for what happened, but I'm sorry about everything. I just hope you can forgive me for my actions”
I then reply back “I know for a fact you could have done far more than incapacitate me. So on that account I may not trust you completely but if I know one thing it's not to hold a grudge against anyone”
Twilight then looked at me and said, “thank you. But could I ask what your name is”
Rainbow then looks up at me and says “I never did ask your name”
Twilight then looks at Rainbow Dash and says, “I have never seen anyone get you to show them so much respect. What happened?
I just laugh and answer for her “let's just say her pride has taken a beating”
Applejack then speaks up “Craig listen to ya self ya have outclassed her in every possible way. Heck, you are even faster than her for Celestia's sake. Ya 'ave earned respect from er”
At that, I turn to Applejack and say, “you don't earn respect by being better at something than somebody, or somepony in this case. You earn it by treating them in a way you yourself would want to be treated. In other words treating them like a friend”
Princess Celestia then turns to look at me and said, “that's a strange way to look at friendship. I never considered that as an idea”
Twilight then looks at me and says, “I agree. It's not the way I considered to make friends before”
I just laugh and say,” it's probably not a way to look at it. It's never worked anyway back home, all it caused was pain and suffering. It's why I gave up trying to make friends a long time ago”
At that comment, they all gasp in surprise. However, Twilight is the first to speak up “Wait did you just say you haven't had a friend for a long time”
After that, all am can manage to say is “yep to be more accurate about 6 years If you don't mind me I need a little time to myself” at that I pack my laptop up pick up the guitar and walk towards a hill just out of the view of Sweet Apple Acres.
Once I get out of the view of the farm, I just pick up my guitar and get ready to play a song. However, just before I start I see another bright white light appear just in front of me. Once the light fades I can see that a set of turntables is there. As I walk up to them I can see that there is already a record there along with the case right next to it. I just look at it and think right I've had three things appear in bright lights. First the ring, then I gain speed that rivals Dashes and now these turntables either somepony is trying to turn me into some sort of hero or the portal did something to me. The second choice seems more realistic
I then feel someone tap me on the back of my leg. I turn around to see none other than both Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. I just look at them and then ask “hello do you want something?”
To my surprise, the first one of them to speak to me was Fluttershy. However not so surprisingly she was almost unable to talk and I could only just hear her as she said “hello”
I sigh and say, “I'm sorry miss did I scare you if that is the case I can ensure you that I mean you no harm. Now if you don't mind could you tell me your name”
She just looks at me and says “its Fluttershy”
I just look at her and sigh and say “sorry I didn't catch that. Could you repeat that, please?”
she slowly just backs away and I can tell that it's getting worse. I just sigh and then put my bag and guitar down and Kneel down onto my knees so I am about her size I then say “if you are really scared miss you can trust me when I say I mean you no harm”
she just looks at me still terrified.
“OK I'll tell you a secret, but I need you to do something for me” I then look at pinkie “both of you” they both just look at me and nod. “all I need you to do is Pinkie Promise to me that you won't tell anyone else what I am about to say”
At that Pinkie brings her head up to look at me and says and Says “cross my heart and hope to fly, Stick a cupcake in my eye”
To this, I just look at her and laugh. I then say “Pinkie Pie I can see why you are the Element of Laughter”
At this Fluttershy mouth just drops open as she says “How did know that”
I just look at her and say “the reason I know is the same reason why I asked you two to make a pinkie promise to me”
I just look at them and them and am about to speak when pinkie interrupts me and says “you know our names because you are from an alternate dimension on which we are part of a TV show that helped you to not want to take your own life when you were bullied on a daily basis. You also have no idea how you got here or how to get back home to your family"
I just look at her and say “Yep you are one hundred percent correct” I then look over at the turntables and look at both of them and say “if you don't mind I have just had to deal with a problem before I came here. I was going to play a song to calm me down if you wouldn't mind giving me a bit of space.” I then turn and walk up to the turntables and once again same as with the guitar when I first arrived in Equestria I knew that I have never used real turntables before, but I had a sudden feeling that I knew how they worked.
I finally reach towards the turntables and instantly notice that there is a few track there well 3 to be exact I decide to do two 2 of these at random. This was the first song
As the first song finished I then select the second song and I instantly know it as The Nights by Avicii and I just grab the microphone and step out in front of both Fluttershy and Pinkie and say “I would like to dedicate this song, to the memory of my father” after this I then reach over the turntables and begin the song
After I finish I then turn to them and they are both silent. Then Fluttershy looks at me and says “did your dad really tell you that”
I just look at her and say “Yeah. I miss him.” I then just sit on the floor and begin to cry “I miss all of my family”
At this Pinkie and Fluttershy both walks up to me and sit down beside me.
the first one of them to speak is Fluttershy who looks at me and says "I'm sorry"
At this, I just whimper back an barely audible noise as I try to say "you have nothing to be sorry about"
Pinkie then looks at me and says “I haven't seen my family in a long time”
I just look back at her and say, “the difference is though your family can easily be sent a letter. Mine probably think I'm dead”
At this, we then hear a large group of ponies walking up towards us. Both pinkie and Fluttershy look around to see who it is, but I just sit there lifeless as all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders all walk up to me and look at me.
The first one to speak to me is Applebloom asks me “Craig are ya alright” I don't answer and continue to sit there like a lifeless statue.
I then hear Scootaloo speak up and say “listen I'm sorry about what I said earlier I didn't know about your past.”
I just look at her and say, “listen to me, you have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn't look at the past. for well my past was hell on Earth” I then laugh “well I guess you'd call it Tartarus on Equestria”
After this we all start laughing, then after a while we look at the edge of the hill to see everyone there looking at us after which they then begin to walk up to us. I then reach for my guitar one last time and decide there is one last song that I want to perform for them. I then close my and as I open them I see not just is there a Drum kit on the ground, but my guitar has also changed from and acoustic to an electric guitar. After this, they are all looking at me. Well, all but Pinkie who is already sitting at the drum kit I then hear her shout up to me and say “I know what song you want to play. Let's do it”
At this, I just look at her and say, “you really want to perform with me?”
To this, she just answers “yep please let me”
I then pick up my electric guitar and the notice that there is a headset that is linked to see the sound system on the Turntables. To this, i just think how didn't I see that earlier. To this is just shrug and put it on I then just talk into it to check it work and say “pinkie has asked to perform a song with me, who would I be to say no. So here it is Welcome To The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance.
Both myself and pinkie then begin to play the song.
After this, all of them look at Pinkie and me. Rainbow Dash then looks at us and says, “You know when I said you could be 20% cooler. I take it back you are awesome”
To this both me and Pinkie smile and say “oh we know”
After this Sweetie Belle looks at me and says, “did you sing that song to follow on from the song you sang this morning when we first met you?”
To this, I rub the back of my head and say, “yeah I had to find a way of singing something to link to what I said. Oh by the way. Pinkie how did you know the song”
Instead I hear Twilight say “it's just Pinkie being Pinkie”
To this, I just laugh and say “let's leave it at that”
I then look at Pinkie and say “and one more thing Pinkie I predict that you want to throw a party to welcome me to Ponyville”
At that everyone just gasps and Pinkie just says “No ponies Predicted me before”
I just look at Dash and say, “do you want to say it or should I?”
Dash just laughs and says “Pinkie he's not a pony”
Pinkie just looks at us and says “Oh I know that silly”
I then look at pinkie and say, “Pinkie may have one request, that you throw this party tomorrow night. I think I want one day to just get to grasp what has happened to me and what these powers are about. After the amount of strange things that have happened to me I think I need that”
At this not only does Twilight but both Princesses turn to me and say “And we want to help you find out what these new skills are”
To this, I just look at them and say, “Thank you. I think I need all the help I can get if I'm going to understand this. But Princess I was just wondering you aren't planning on using me a weapon to help you stop any evil that emerges are you?”
Celestia just looks at me and says “I will not use your powers as a weapon but if I need your help can I rely on you to help us”
I just look at both her and Luna and then bow to them and say “That much I can do” I then stand up and say “right then I now need to find somewhere to stay for the night whilst I'm here.
Then Applejack looks up towards me and says “I'll be honest with ya the only place that is big enough for ya would be the barn. An I don't think that you could stay there”
I just look at her and say, “I didn't expect anything less, and I wouldn't want to be stepping on your toes … erm, Hooves in any way.” I then look up onto the hill and then say “That strange ability of mine seems to create objects I can use maybe I can create a tent to stay in for the night”
At that Twilight looks at me and says “and have you out here alone, by yourself what sort of friends would we be if we let you do that”
I then hear pinkie speak up and say “I'll camp out here with you for the night” I then see her disappear in a pink blur to only appear second later with everything that would be needed to set up a tent.
I then look at Twilight and say “if it works would that then be acceptable if Pinkie stayed out here with me”
“I suppose there's no arguing with you or Pinkie. But only if it works”
I just look at her and say “OK then here goes nothing” I then shut my eyes and suddenly there is a bright light that appears just in front of us. Then as I open my eyes I can see a tent has actually appeared and is already set up I then look back at Twilight and say then say ”I guess I'm camping out here for the night”
I then hear Applejack Say “well ya better make a fire an make space for one more tent I'm joining ya”
I then hear Applebloom speak up and say “Sis can I join ya”
I then hear both Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo say “what about us”
At this time, I just decide to pick up my stuff and walk towards my tent. I then start to get in so at least I'm warm whilst this continues. Once the tent is opened up I realize that not only is the tent ready to sleep in, but there is a sleeping bag as well. “well that's lucky” I then turn around and poke my head out to see what's going on and to my surprise I see that Pinkie's tent is set up already. After this I see that both Applebloom and Applejack are walking back to Sweet Apple Acres, Rainbow Dash flying towards her house and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo heading back towards town. After this, there is only Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie and the Princesses left.
The princesses then look at me and then Celestia says, “we will go back to Canterlot for the night and shall return after you have had a bit of time to become accustomed to your new powers. We shall see you tomorrow Craig you to my faithful student” with that both her and Luna teleport themselves back to Canterlot.
I then see both Fluttershy and Twilight look at me and then Fluttershy is the first to say “I need to get back to my animals. I'll head back home as well. See you tomorrow” and with that Fluttershy begins to walk home. This then just left me, Pinkie and Twilight.
Twilight then said one thing that surprised me “room for two more campers?”
I then look at her and say “Two? Why do you need two tents?”
Twilight then looks at me and says “I've got spike to bring as well and we will only need one we'll share a tent”
“Oh I see”
“OK I'm going to run home and get a tent and me and him will join you,” Twilight said
I then laugh and say, “Or you could just teleport home get the tent and teleport back with it and Spike?”
Twilight just looks at me and says “guess your right see you in a few minutes” and with that just teleports away.
I then turn to Pinkie and ask, “what was the outcome with Applebloom, Applejack and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo?”
“There are all grabbing a tent then coming back oh and Sweetie Belle said she was going to try to get Rarity to come as well”
I then laugh and say, “there is more chance of a lightning bolt striking me this second than Rarity joining us. besides it's not like your pinkie sense has given us any warning about anything strange happening ”
“Yeah”
I then look back at Pinkie and say, “I'm going to have a bit of a rest. Can I ask you to make me aware when somepony arrives by shaking my tent that should be enough to wake me up”
To that pinkie replies by saying “Okey Dokey Lokey”
With that I crawl into my tent, close it up, crawl into my sleeping bag the shout Pinkie and tell her “See you later on” after that I just fall to sleep.
it is done the next chapter of this story is complete thank you for waiting this is likely to be one of the longer chapter I will be doing I hope you enjoy it
5708998
Do you know how many fics have had this exact same premise?
5709261 no now many I've heard the fact someone said that there was one under the same name but couldn't find it
5709314
It's pretty obvious that you're new to this site, and fic writing in general. Let me put it this way: If Fimfic were an online multiplayer game, Brony in Equestria fics would be the annoying 14 year-olds: annoying, crude, and much, much too common.
I'm not saying that they're inherently bad- on occasion, you'll get a fic or two that manages to take the concept and make it good- but all too often they come off as half-baked self-insert fantasies, in which Human A bangs Ponies B, C, D, and E. Unless you really know what you're doing, it's nearly impossible to make a fic like this good.
My recommendation: scrap this fic, then try again with a more original concept. Trust me, it'll help a lot!
Best regards,
Flint-Lock
5709966 my answer to you is no when i start something i finish it no exceptions so no i'm scrapping this it is staying till it's finished besides it's just the beginning. if you give in at the first obstacle you will never improve or mange to do anything in life
5709996
Harsh criticism is hardly an obstacle. It's more of a guide.
...and it sucks. A good beginning is like a lure. It draws the reader in, then hooks them. From then on, the writer just keeps reeling it in.
5710019 Listen mate the OC's personal to me to vet my hatred of my own life before recent events for me this is just me writing my own personal fantasy. I'm sorry about flipping i needed to get that off my chest i guess i put a bit of the temper into the character i just didn't want to use my name being a closet brony and all. but the characters past is based on my own in some ways. so sorry for my reactions to your post i don't mind criticism it's just i don't like being told to give in on something. i don't ever want to give up not back when life was tough not now. and once again sorry for the rant
5710049
It's ok.
5710068 thanks i guess i just don't want to give in for those who faverated this or are even following it
well. im not giving it a glowing review, but for what it is id give it a 3 out of ten. spelling errors, repeated words, little logic in several parts are the reasoning behind the low rating
5711893 OK i will be going back through the chapter and doing a mass check. but i was just wondering when i didn't use much logic? To be honest its people like you i want to comment on my stories as if there are mistakes i want to know so i can sort them out. it doesn't help i have nobody else to check them and i have to write this alone
Nice story please write more.
5712579 the forth chapter is on hold there seem to be issues with chapter 3 which i need to fix once the chapter is sorted i will start chapter 4. Though i may do a bit of later chapters when laptop goes offline but i don't know.
5712663
I understand but the story is still good.
5713054 you are one of the few who have said that to find out an prime example look at the argument between flint-lock's and myself
5713591
Well he is right there is a few mis-ups here and there but I think it is still a good story.
5712255 one thing that you'll find as a rider is that no one will notice when you spell something right but everyone will see when you spell it wrong, or repeat words, as for the little logic, i think the randomly bursting into song like that just sort of... idk, at least build up to it or something. and then there was that part where he just you know freaked the fuck out when he was called a freak (no pun intended) that right there is something worth debate. the way he just goes into a rage just sort of is something someone his age just would not do. and then there was the part with pinkie, you could just say thats just pinkie but then again even when pinkie is being pinkie she is never that accurate. these are the things i can think of off the top of my head. the concept you set up in the description is a hard one to pull off, especially when your trying not to make him over powered, all he would need to do at the point you left off would to be to summon up the powers of a game like diablo 3 or idk any dragon ball z game. you need to put restriction on his powers, limit how much he can summon and how powerful they can be, for example say he wants to summon a super soldiers abilities like say master chief from halo, limit it so that he can only summon it for a short time or not to the same degree.
5715052 funny you say about the time limit go back to the first chapter when the ring disappeared he no longer has a ring i made that the point. also he has no idea that he can use insane powers he just things somethings happened to his DNA allowing him to summon things but the way it works is the stronger the thing he creates the less time it works. also notice how his speed left right after he humiliated dash. In the next chapter after he wakes up his guitar has changed back to an acoustic and the Turntables and drum will be gone so he will never be permanently overpowered. and the freak out OK i see your point but i am trying to say is that the issues he's had has made him emotionally unstable in other word he will snap at the littlest things the work 'freak' is a trigger to this many other things will do this like threatening people he cares about or hurting people he has promised to protect. Music it has everything to do with basic magic and something is going to happen in the next chapter to reflect this. i will tell he can picks things up instantly and that's how he learned the instruments as easily as he did Oh and one thing about him i left out that i will mention later on in the story. And to argue with pinkie never being that accurate i ask you to refer back to the end of the first Equestria Girls when she relays the last few events of that night. and when Human pinkie Identifies that there is a second Twilight and Spike along with her knowing but what Twilight was an Alicorn princess
5714981 yeah i'm sorting them out as i reread the chapter
5717927
Good luck!
this seems like it will be good ^_^
5740604 good to know people are thinking this the 4th chapter is going to take a while but is being worked on
5741442 Great! :D
I just started chapter three, and I already see a conflict with previous claims:
As I finally begin to drift into consciousness I begin to think about everything that has happened in less than a day. I arrive in Equestria, annoy both Twilight and Princess Celestia, get hit in the back by Twilight, get into a dream with Luna appearing to help me, actually perform Pinkie's smile Song to a Goddess who's upset because of her past and then get tricked by her into telling her that I know a fair bit about Equestria. At least today can't get worse.
I thought that in chapter two as far as you were aware you were asleep in your bedroom or something.
After I blacked out, I was unable to interpret many pieces of information from the moments before Twilight knocked me out, all I could could think was that I was still at home, and had just fallen asleep.
could you clarify this story conflict?
> and then he starts to cryOkay, that's it for me. This story needsa lot of work. Good luck with that.*2019-08-26*
Okay, giving it a second shot... though with massive in-head edits as I plod along.
Let's give the plot a shot.
This looks like a good read but for the life of me I can not stand how fast past it is. He is too accepting of everything around him you said he WANTED to learn guitar however in here it seems like he knows guitar too well already and the fact that he has small rage triggers and is just instantly better at thing it’s just no. This seems like a good story but for the life of me I can not stand it past and the protagonist so with this I’m sorry to say but I can not continue this. I hope to see this rewritten and pasting fixed but for now I’m sorry to say but I just drop it here. Keep at it and improve your writing skills I’m sure ya can write something amazing with enough practice.
broken song link in this chapter.