This is a small collection of my top three favorite one shot fics that I have posted on Google+ or written on paper! Enjoy!
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 3rd Oct, 2014
- offline last seen May 31st, 2016
Dead Nation
I primarily work on Tales from the Frostlands, both the main storyline and the side stories. I am planning a video game related to TFTF as well. Not much else to tell.
Dead Nation
Joined 3rd Oct, 2014 ·
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Errors.
Spelling mistakes.
Bad use of spacing.
Rushed plot.
Cardboard cutout emotion.
Rushed, jummbled and just plain bad pacing.
Execution was off by let's just say alot.
And Character development is-well not here for one.
Sorry if I'm coming off as a Bad Pony or something but this one shot was just really rushed and out of place- A little detail and character development can go a long way in anything.
I'll read the other two and continue my review from there.
At the risk of sounding like a Mule - I wasn't expecting much from this story I thought it would be well like Pinkies.
But no this one was in all sweet and cute as a one shot.
Errors, spelling mistakes, The spacing was a bit better in this fic.
Pacing was a little jumbbled but evened out imo- A bit more detail and setting up of the scenes as well as perhaps some character development with the Timberwolf and Fluttershy as they grew closer.
And you could expand this one shot into a very cute story.
Overall this one shot I enjoyed-over looking the above problems.
It was good-very cute and dare I say made my heart feel warm.
Again might be a story you one day might want to expand upon as something more then a One shot.
This whole One shot felt like a Inside joke- and well you kinda left your audience out of the punchline.
I mean Alot of Points of the story is missing- let thy list thee ways!
Why?- as in why is twilight trying to kill her friends.
What.- As in what did they find out or do to deserve being killed.
Who- as in who is in the cave.
How- as in how did twilight find the cave or how did the creature end up inprisoned i'm guessing in said cave.
I mean the Plot holes in this fic just well destory the whole story overall- you tried to set up a moral or something at the end saying we are all evil but instead you just have the readers saying -huh?
Well The spacing was again a bit better and the errors again....I'm sorry I can't even delve into those this one shot is soooo open with questions it boggles my mind and just ruined it for me.
Take this One shot back and put it in the oven-let it cook for it is not done yet.
More of an idea if anything.
Ok that out of the way I'll give my overall Review- why not?-I came all this way to read all the one shots as it was.
Plot- Well beside Fluttershys story I'd say it needs alot of work, it all comes off as rushed or just plain jumbbled most ponies will read these and sigh.
Pacing- I can see it trying to poke through the many, many errors but in the end is just a whole lot of rushed writing.
Story/Stories- Pinkies- Ehhhh, Twilights- Meeeeh, Fluttershys- could be something if treated with some TLC.
Detail to Story- Well no, this is missing just about all around again except in Fluttershys story and well I guess I can also give you a bit of Twilights- if delved a bit more into you could kinda make out the cave I guess.
Character Development- Pinkies tale- No, Twilights Tale- Could maybe have some but just ended up being way to confusing.- Fluttershys Tale- Yes.-It had some inside and showed her fear as well as facing said fear to offer aide to another-again with some TLC could be something great.
Plot- 1 out of 5
Pacing- 1 out of 5
Story- 2 out of 5
Detail- 2 out of 5
Characters- 2 out of 5.
Overall Rating-
out of 10.
Judgement!!!!- Give it to the thing in the cave!!!
Thank you for taking the time to read these! Most ponies wouldn't I'm sure. I'll be honest, I tried hard not to rush, but being in a inspirless rut I can't think out plots and story lines as well as normally, and I am very impatiant. I'm willing to go back at definatly give more attention to Twilight and Fluttershy. As for Pinkie. I've rewritten that Idea so many times it's almost become repetitive and needs to stop. Thank you for the feed back. I personaly thought very lowly of them all (low self esteem) but now I see that there is possabilities for me. I'll look into working more detailes.
As for what The Thing is... I kinda thought as him as, I really dunno. Maybe death itself.
I'll give Twilight the just of my attention for a bit.
Its_Rainbow_Dash has a point.
5660669
This story is full of spelling, grammar, pacing, etc mistakes. I would have enjoyed this story much more if it wasn't so rushed. You could have easily turned this into a much longer story from the information in this one chapter. Her death was much to rushed, along with the explanation why she hung herself, and Twilight's reaction. I do, however like the idea behind the story. But if you ever need an editor for some other stories, I'd be glad to help.
I don't feel the need to repeat anything already stated, so I will say I agree with everything
5660687 said.
Very cute shot though!
I honestly am really confused with this... Actually... Would you mind if I rewrote this shot, but turned it into a full story? I will give you credit for the shot that inspired it, and I won't use your exact words or anything. I have a few ideas on why she would want them dead, along with some other things in confused about.
Go right ahead. Knock em out
Twilights rewrite is done, lemme know what you think!
Much better! One thing: "a lot" is two words.
5705952
Thanks! I might rewrite Pinkies, but I'm undecided...
5660738
I gave Twilights story some tender care and let it mature a little.
Think you might want to take another look at it?
Hmmmm.
The spacing within this fic could use some work, It's all so scrunched together at times it feels hard to read.
The story feels a bit padded in a area, as if you were using filler to fill out the cracks.- this being Twilight entering the cave, Idk just seemed to drag with her there.
Slight redundancy here and there.
And a few spelling mistakes etc.
Overall though.
This rewrite was better than the original, more detail, a bit less vauge and all around a near solemn ending.
Nice job, you are improving quite a bit.
Good job!
Coupled with the score of the Fluttershy Fic I gave, I'll boost your score in the review and even change The Crying FS to let me see...
Still could use some work, rewrite Pinkies into something not so bland I might up the score a bit more.
Thank you for re-sharing this with me, I'd love to be invited back again anytime.
I am a bit busy,but you did go through a rewrite etc, If you'd like I could help you do a rewrite of Pinkies story or merely offer help in anyway I can- just drop me a Pm or a message on my page and I'll see if we can discuss things.