appledash lover, and not too much else.
Kate and other fans of MLP find themselves turning into their My Little Pony OCs, and have to meet the people behind it in Chicago. Also, I'm aware that this is featured in Overly Stupid Fanfictions. Meh, whoever added this is in kinda right...
Part of the amazing OTverse by ChaoticMidnight.
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Neat concept.
I was just thinking about this the other day. But I feel like turning into a anthro version of my oc would be better. At least I would still have hands
5635759 Heh, yeah, hands are good. And this isn't my concept. It's a universe.
5635764 whoops
universe, not concept thanks for the correction
5635775 Sorry, not what I meant. It's someone else's universe that a bunch of people are writing in.
5635778 its all good.
5635784 Yep.
This was just confusing...
5635786 eyup
There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with spelling or grammar. That's at least half the battle right there. Good on you, first time author.
I think your biggest improvement could be made with more detail. This story progresses awfully fast and doesn't really answer a whole lot of questions the audience might have. That, and it's a self insert. Those tend to get more downvotes just on principle.
Still, you seem to have potential. Keep writing.
Welcome to the verse, new author. We're proud to have you.
We need to care about these characters first. All I know about them is that they're bronies, and that's it. You throw in a bunch of characters, and their development suffers from a new author not really knowing what to do with them. Maybe only have one or two OCs, then expand from there. Also a lot more detail would be nice.
*waves fanfic author veteran cane* Listen to your elders! I've been doing this for 11 years now! ...or was it 12...? Anyway! You need to add a lot more detail. I'm seeing a chapter with 1500 words that covers enough ground that it should be over 10,000! Don't just throw characters and plot points at as in such a rush. That is a common mistake among new comers to writing, you're rushing to get to the 'good part' but in the process accidentally making the parts leading up to that shallow and boring.
Think of it this way; the events of the main character waking up to when she gets to the mirror should have been the climax and conclusion of this first chapter and taken a solid 1000 words just for that... with about 2000 to 3000 words preceeding that giving basic introductions for her friends, and by basic I mean one solid paragraph at least, and the protagonists day leading up to the sudden pony ears. Get the reader invested in the characters before throwing in the plot twist.
Most of all, take your time. Don't feel like you need to pump out chapters as fast as possible. If it takes you a week to make a solid chapter so be it, if it takes you six months then your readers will just have to deal with it.
On another note, if I turned into my OC I'd either end up as a CMC aged pegasus colt... add the fact I live in Australia and you have one grumpy nerd complaining about not only not being able to get to Chicago (bloody Yanks!) but also very likely having to go through puberty again.
Okay, you need to add a lot more detail
Moar details pls.
-Everyone
5636601 Haha, yep. Working on that. The majority of this was written on a tablet later than I usually go to sleep. I'm editing it now.
5636359
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5635982
hue hue, i got noticed by OP.
5636341 Thanks for the welcome!
5636610 I just woke up, so that was pretty much a response to all of you. And thanks to everyone for the advice.
5636620 You can respond to multiple people at once by pressing the response buttons of multiple posts. Just in case you didn't know that.
5636673 Thanks... I didn't know.
Awesome story!
5637114 Did you even read it, Caleb?
I like where this is going, but it feels rushed. :( Thumbs up for wanting to join, and welcome to the group. :3 just a friendly suggestion, perhaps adding more to certain parts of this narrative would entice people to read it more. It's kinda barebones, and I'm lost on who the characters are :P one thing I'd totally jump on was explaining why the narrator's mom goes from like 100% chill, to outraged in a mere matter of moments. :/ just food for thought! ^^; I really support your creative ideas here, and can barely contain my thoughts on where this story will go! :)
Um, if you need anyone to discuss ideas for you're story I'd like to sign up. It's your story overall, but I can't help but see the creative potential here! 8D
5637555 That would be really helpful, thanks.
Just finished the updated chapter.
You're still rushing it.
I'll be waiting. . . .
Haha <-- like a chuckle, added to the Overly Stupid Fanfictions group yet so casual. And your story doesn't have a crazy like/dislike ratio like the others I've seen. Good job! Now to start reading.
My god. That's the exact thing that happened to me, except it was my younger sister who led me me to the show. *My younger brother LED not lead me to the show.*
I like it.
Just finished it. The idea is awesome. I like how the OC and friends doesn't just teleport straight to Equestria. Use of good grammar, I approve of that. It doesn't sound very rushed, but maybe the personality of the OC's parent is a bit off. Unless the OC was adopted, the parent/guardian wouldn't just dismiss the problem like the way the guardian/parent did but would try to help the OC.
5666686 Thanks. Yeah, I've gotten that. I'll work on it when I have time. I agree, the idea's pretty good. It's not mine, so I can say that. It was REALLY rushed before, though. Thanks for taking the time to review.
It's a nice start for a story I'll admit, so Welcome to the verse! But um... details and such may need to be added. I could barely follow through this as it is, and there are a lot of things that could use improvements. Perhaps writing it down in a word document and/or Google Docs before reading through it backwards would help some. It's what I do when editing and I always spot a lot more problems when doing so.
This is just a small piece of advice and not a command. You can ignore this comment to your hearts content if you so feel.
Umm... What Grag said
Other than that welcome to the family! Im the overly drunk and perverted uncle
5744670
5744848 Alright, thanks. I'll do that.
5745255
Intresting concept, but you need to add a lot more detail.
L
5776337 Alright, will do. Thing is, I'm the sort of author that has twenty ideas bouncing around in my head, and I don't have any idea how I finished this so quickly. Maybe I'll get to it soon, but probably not. Thanks for the feedback!
5777516
No problem. If you ever need help with something, I'm always willing to help. Just PM me, and I'll do the best I can.
L
5777526 Will do, thanks!
If you need to shove a few OCs at the convention, mine is a black and gray griffin. Her head is gray with black feather spots on her chest. Her head-feathers are tipped a violet, and she has green eyes. Her lion butt is gray, and her torso is black with gray talons as her front legs. Now, just shove some female, human qualities on her.
I hope this proves useful to your story if you need her!
Awesome radio commentary! ^^
5887756 Thanks!
Don't order any meat or chicken or fish at McDonald's.
5887831 Alright!
5887836
Though I think Peter and Matt might be ok with meat...
5887842 Yeah, maybe.
why do i feel that with that last note, about every other fandom who heard that broadcast freaked out about turning into their pokemon, furry, warrior, and any other fandom oc not listed.
5888428 They most likely did.
Great chapter really sate's my hunger for entertainment for the time being.
5888442 Glad you enjoyed! And I finished editing.
Wow......... that was (sorry for this) IFINENTLY better than the last chapter. Would you consider Maybe guest stars? Add some more people to the mix?
Y'know, I find this part confusing.
It's apparent it's non-contagious, isn't affecting anyone outside of a specific group, and stops at a certain point with no explanation as to how it started – other than 'insert technobabble here' – or why it eventually stops where it does. What exactly are they going to do, waffle around before throwing their hands up in disgust? On top of that, the government knows exactly who caused it, and has done nothing about it?
Oh well, I'm just guessing the world governments for this universe are all just idiots.