my name is Kennel Hoof and the name belongs to both the red and green pony. gonna be a story about that at some point.
Twilight and Flash have been together for a couple of years now. they have a good relationship and lives in the castle in Ponyville.
But Flash is sent out to appleloosa due to a changeling invasion and this is where tragedy hits.
(first fanfic ever. please come with critic and feedback)
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The minute I saw the picture of Flash and Twilight I clicked on this story. Not bad so far. I'm off to read the rest of it.
You ruined it! That's so sad
. I know there's a dark tag, but still...I feel my insides melt
. I applaud you for turning this story around.
5633267 glad to hear you like it :) and sorry for making the flip on the story :P but had to do it like that to make their relationship feel real :D
Did Twilight committed suicide?
she killed herself?
onoo
twilit has dedded1111
Fuck your story.
My Waifu.
5633819 maybe :3 (definitely)
5635003
5635043 sorrt for doing this to your waifu
It's pretty good, just make sure you capitalize next time O.K.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5639300 ty and will do for the next fic :)
Its okay but where is the diaper ponies? There needs to be diaper ponies
5640486 wow that would have been dark then :P
5640520 it will if you did that i will love it :D you will be my waifu :D Diaper ponies 4TW XD
5640995 maybe in another fic :P
Hi there, stumbled upon the story, found it interesting.
Will read it now and comment directly while I am about.
There are some minor typos I found.
Things like "Hoofsteps was heard" should read "Hoofsteps were heard" in my opinion.
Then pegasi is the plural of pegasus. So if you referencing to ONE pegasus - it should read so. (unless its havin a multiple personality disorder)
This typos are in the very beginning. So I assume there are more of them. Propably you should re-read it (or let a proof-reader look over it)
You tend to repeat words and passages. This is no error per say - but variety is more convinient to read. And if you state once that Twilight is Flashs wife - you don't need to reminder the reader every few sentences. They know already.
All in all its a bit rushed but okay to read.
This is about the writing of yours.
Two things about the story:
Flash Sentry, seems to be as competent in tactics like a crate of cobblestone. I mean... 16 guards entering an unknown cave with an unknown number of enemies? And split? With this wits he shouldn't have been promotet to more than a coorporal. No... better send him in the kitchen - there he could do no damage...
You could do a dramatic fight-till-death. But this way its more hillarious than dramatic.
Second: Suicide seems to be en vouge around here. Characters who have faced many many threats and things throughout alone the series kill themselves after the first dramatic loss. I mean - how did they survive so far? Is this the only way to cope with the loss of loved ones? Has Twilight this little willpower? This little dedication to her subjects? I mean her husband (whatever tactical failure he was) had at least the sense of duty to fight till his dead against the threat. And he is a mere captain of the guard. Expandable if necessary. But Twilight is a Princess. Its her god darn duty to protect her subjects. Subjects which loved ones may be even part of the Royal Guard. Subjects wich sacrifice themselves in your describet battle against the changelings. But she has nothing better to do, than to jump?
Let her cope on the loss - maybe let her think about killing herself. But for Celestias sake - there are so many more ways to write dramatic loss and the cope with it. Not only the cowards-way-out.
After all it was nice to read. So have a like.
5652444
haha no no its fine :) i see it as good critc so i can get better. with the flaws in the story, yea there is a lot of flaws, and im probably gonna update it along the line (right now im just working on some other fictions)
and i can see what you mean with the desition flash makes with the cave and that he shoudl have been something else when it comes to rank.
and with the suicide, yea i should have put more work into giving her the thoughts about it first, and i understand the part with "its exaggerated" i will even call it a cliche myself. :)
so no worries im not discouraged at all. but i will take this and use it to my advantage. this was my fist fic and i was a bit fast to get it out and i know that :)