Scootaloo dragged the girls outside to a zipline. Sweetie was sweating with terror and Apple bloom was shivering. Locks just sat there staring like our cuz, Maud. You see, my mom is a changling and my dad is related to Maud Pie's mom(three times removed, then rejoined,then removed once more), meaning yes. We are related to Pinkamenia.
I was just staring at my sister getting dragged into a crazy stunt. I almost wanted to yell. But I didn't. They were gonna end up in tree sap anyways. Diamond said they always do. So I decided to sit back and watch. " Maybe later I'll tell them what they have to do to get a cutiemark." I muttered walking away.
I trotted back to school and peered inside. Diamond was at the front desk glaring at her teacher.
" Yes Diamond, you and your friend can go now." she sighed.
" Thanks Ms. Cheerilee." she replied dragging Silver out.
" Hey. My sis is still working so, maybe we can, you know, get some smoothies at Sugarcube corner. Pinkemenia works there. She might give me a discount." I suggested. They stared at me.
" You know as Pinkie.?" I snorted in disbelief.
" Oh. Her." " Cool." they said.
" Watch out!?!?!" Locks screamed.
" Huh?" She zoomed past me green in the face.
"Scoots, we're not zipling ever again!" the white one said.
" Why not ?" she asked.
" Nevermind." Apple bloom groaned.
" Help me!!!" whispered Loxy.
I trotted away regretfully. I had to look arogant to the CMC or they could suspect something. Sorry I mouthed to my sister. She groaned then meekly raised a hoof.
" On guard." she whispered. I nudged Tiara and we started giggling. Just then Pipsqueak passed by. Loxy started blushing like mad. I raised an eyebrow then mouthed home.
I have seen other writers use the my-OC-is-related-to-a-canon-cast-member ploy, and in my opinion, it has never worked. This is no exception. If the girls are only changelings on their mother's side, how can they have full changeling powers? It would be much more interesting and engaging to see Locks struggling to control her changeling powers, even if they flicker out sometimes because of her having both earth pony and changeling blood.
The grammar, wording, spelling, and pacing in this was not only poor, it was on the edge of offensive. Remember that your target audience is not a group of ten-year-olds. Try to use a thesaurus for some more sophisticated synonyms, and spell check while you're typing. Try using the FAQ's writing guide as a reference next time you write a chapter.
Hmm, I wouldn't relate my OC to a cannon character, work on your grammar a bit more too.