The Future is....Ponies?

by TheDawsonator1

In case of Anti-Brony Emergency, break this glass for ponies!

With no time to lose, I run for the town in front of me but my legs must be desperate to get there cause I feel like I am running 100 miles an hour or something…wait a moment, I look at the ground and…WHAT THE FUCK?! I AM RUNNING 100 MILES AN HOUR!

I screech to a halt before landing gracefully face first into the grass, let me tell you, that really hurts. But enough of that, what the actual fuck? Since when could humans run that fast? I certainly can’t! Unless I turned into Sonic the freaking Hedgehog! (Preferably the earlier Sonic because the fanbase doesn't like New Sonic at all!). Either this is something being in the future gives you for some weird reason or…that mad guy did something to me before I woke up.

But that can’t be right, can it? I don’t feel any different, but I know what I experienced, the feeling of the wind as I ran…it felt…good, I don’t know how or why but I feel like I wanna run the rest of the distance there.

I start the run and it happens again, that feeling like I’m going 100 miles and hour and I don’t care who knows it as I reach the town and slow down to walking pace. For all I know, this running fast power thing could be prohibited and hunted after and I’d rather not spend the future doing that. Believe me, I've seen enough of those movies.

Welcome to Ponyville! 23 days since the last disaster…

---

Ponyville? Seriously? What were these guys thinking when naming this town? What’s next? Ratville? Cute-Doggyville?

I walk right in and the first thing I see are technicolour looking ponies, it seems strange to me, but maybe it’s a future fad or something? Maybe it’s the "cool thing" people do, dye the pony colours of the rainbow?

But they seemed to be doing something, but not now because they are staring at me. They won’t stop staring at me, to be honest it’s starting to annoy me a bit. I don’t remember ponies staring at you this long before, what would I know? I’ve never really been to a farm much? (Note to self: Zombie Apocalypse may still be possible, avoid staying at any farms and check for hidden zombies in barns)

A more closer look reveals something quite strange, some have wings and some have horns, none have both but some have neither. The winged ones seem a thinner build, the horned ones seem average and the ones with neither seemed a bit bulkier and muscly. But they all shared something in common, each had some sort of tattoo on their flank. No two marks seemed to be the same at that too.

But where are the Humans at? I can get this must be some old-fashioned town at the VERY least, but surely to have such a town you’d need humans surely?

These ponies followed me, that’s strange, the only thing that would follow me is either trouble or my pet dog who died a year ago…or 3001 years ago to be precise. I wish he were here, he’d make some good company right now.

Now the ponies were crowding behind me, but the town’s design seems a bit weird to me. I saw a building looking like a Gingerbread house, one that looks like one of those thingies you ride on a horse and it goes round and round, hell, I even saw a treehouse building just then. But no sign of a human being anywhere! Where are they? Did they all run off somewhere and left their weird horses here?

Out of the treehouse, a horned Purple pony came out, a star on her flank I noticed and I could tell there was a most curious expression on her face, just a crazy idea…perhaps these horse may be…what’s the word for it…sentient? Nah, that can’t be right at all!

“Uh, excuse me? Hello? Can you understand me?” I hear a female voice to my 11 o’clock

I turned into the direction of the same purple pony that came out of the treehouse, did she just talk? Or is this weird confusion finally getting to me?

“You just talk?” I ask her stupidly
“Of course I talk, and it seems you understand me too! My name is Twilight Sparkle, what’s yours?” She seems supper happy to know that I talk

Okay, this future has officially gone out of the Zombie Apocalypse zone and into the weird zone! Twilight Sparkle? What kind of person names a pony that?

“Uh, my name is Joel” I say
“Well Joel, welcome to Ponyville” Twilight says with a happy look, like she's excited to meet me.
“Uh, not to be rude but, have you seen any humans around that I could talk to?” I asked
“Humans? What are Humans?” Twilight asks

What? How does she not know about Humans?

“Uh they’re like me really, surely you’ve seen some around somewhere?” I answer
“I’ve never heard of any “Humans” before, maybe it’s one of my books? Say, Joel? You must be tired, why not follow me and I can find out more about humans and where they might live?” Twilight offers me

A Girl inviting me into their home? If she weren’t a pony, I’d say I’d be close to scoring!

“Why not just Google it?” I asked as I follow her
“What’s a Google?” Twilight asks in confusion as she trots back to the treehouse.

Gee Joel, it’s been 3000 years apparently, what’s next? Gonna ask her to accept your friend request on Facebook? I must sound out of date much like Myspace did back in 2015!

“Uh, never mind” I shrugged
“Well please come in” Twilight opens the door for me

I look back towards the ponies that crowded around me, and they started muttering to each other. So, they all can talk after all, but now’s not the time, I got to find the humans of the Future and I guess this Twilight is helpful enough.

I enter her treehouse to discover that it was more a library, filled with books and such. It has a certain beauty to the design of this place. My attention turns to Twilight as she goes through books to find humans.

“Nice place you got” I complimented
“Thanks” She said without looking my direction
“Your welcome” I mutter to myself as I sit down

---

About 30 minutes later…

“There’s nothing about Humans ANYWHERE!” Twilight said in frustration
“Well that sucks” I muttered

No humans? Then…they must have been wiped somehow and IT WASN’T A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?! GOD DAMMIT! So what did? Or perhaps they just didn’t decide to live on this planet anymore and horses with tattoos on their butts take over, what’s next? This turns into Planet of the Apes, only with ponies?

(GET YOUR DAMNED DIRTY HOOVES OFF ME YOU PONY!)

“Either your race is new or never heard of from around anywhere, but it makes no sense! But…it is exciting to meet a new species I haven't heard of until today…” Twilight rambled on
“Well, I haven’t heard of technicolour talking ponies with butt tattoos until today, that makes two of us” I replied to her mumblings
“Maybe Princess Celestia knows about you humans, she’s really old but she knows almost everything!” Twilight held her head up in hope

I waited as Twilight grabbed a quill and paper, I guess this place must be REALLY going for the old-fashioned look or something. She wrote words on the parchment that I could not read from here. How does she even send a letter to the Princess of this land and be heard?

“SPIKE!” Twilight shouted up some stairs

What I next saw as a dragon, a baby purple dragon, it had to be a dragon from the tales and such, what else would it be? I was rather shocked to see one nonetheless…real and alive…just what happened here?

“Send this to Princess Celestia please” Twilight ordered as she floated the scroll to him
“Now?” Spike asked
“Yes, now” Twilight said

Wait…did Twilight give the scroll through levitation or something? Am I seeing things?

Then Spike takes breaths on exhales flame onto the paper Twilight wrote on…okay…WHAT?

“Why did you burn the paper?” I asked Spike in confusion
“What? Haven’t you heard of Dragon Mail?” Spike asked a bit rudely
“Spike! Sorry, Spike here can sends messages to the Princess with his flame, I’ll probably get a reply any-“ Twilight was cut off with a burp from Spike
"...Minute" Twilight finishes

Spike burped out a bit of paper…okay…how the bloody hell does that even work? I can understand it flying away but just turning into a dragon’s stomach to be burped out? This future is weird and I want a refund!

“The Princess is coming here?!” Twilight half-shouts in shock as she reads
“Oh boy…” Spike groaned
“Quick Spike! Clean everything to look spotless on the double!” Twilight said
“Er, can I help?” I asked Twilight
“Oh no, we’ll be done in a couple of minutes, just wait by the couch please” Twilight instructed me

---

About 5 minutes later…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“She’s here! She’s here!” Twilight said in a panic as she scrambled to the door

Oh the expression she has is priceless, I couldn’t help but give a smile from that OCD mare that is called Twilight Sparkle.

“Hey, if you think she’s crazy now, wait till you mention there’s an exam coming up” Spike said next to me
“So what’s the deal with her anyway?” I ask
“Oh, she’s a Princess now, hasn’t got the castle yet and she was once Princess Celestia’s protégé” Spike explained
“Twilight’s a princess? She doesn’t really look it to me” I said honestly

Well she doesn't, she just looks like the other ponies I've seen and where's her castle or something? Or she is Princess of the Books? Maybe if she annoys me I'll just yell out NEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!

“How can’t you? She has Wings and a horn for starters which we call an Alicorn” Spike asked
“Er, well…I have never heard of ponies like her until today” I said honestly
“Oh…no wonder you look more confused that Rainbow Dash with a maths test” Spike said

Yeah…I’m gonna assume this Rainbow Dash isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed on that comment alone…hey I’m judgemental just like you, don’t even try to hide it!

But through the door came a much taller pony of white and a flowy mane with a sun tattoo on her butt…or flank, she was clearly a much more royal looking figure than Twilight but like Twilight, she possessed a horn and wings…

This Princess’ name is Celestia, Princess Celestia…

(Cue the James Bond theme)

Author's Note:

Let's be honest if you looked at Twilight and compared her to other ponies with no idea of their cultures, wouldn't you find it hard to believe she's a Princess? For all we know, Celestia and Luna could of had a disorder and passed onto Cadence and Twilight just for a way to show they're Princesses. (or they knocked both mares out and stuck Horn and Wings respectively with glue)

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[drone_r0m-3]

(GET YOUR DAMNED DIRTY HOOVES OFF ME YOU PONY!)