How It All Started
Usually I'll have these at the bottom but I need to bring up a few things up front. Before you start typing at your computers yelling at me, every villain is either a side antagonist in the show or is a new villain. And before you ask, I DO enjoy "The Rise of Spike the Dragon" faults and all, as the author improves with every chapter and is a nice guy. The only reason he blocks comments is that there's a difference between constructive criticism and being a troll. Constructive criticism is very welcome as I find it makes me a better writer, but don't scream your head off at the story.. I know it's an unpopular opinion to like the original, but a lot of mine are. For example I hate Drawn Together yet I love Home Alone 3. Now let's begin
Long before Equestria was formed, and the three races still lived in a state of hostility, dragons were ruled by greed. And the most greedy dragon was the Czar, who considered ponies to be inferior and took every shot he could at them. But after several rules had passed a dragon named Igneel had formed a friendship with two young mares. Having had enough of the Czar's rule, he had decided to combat the regime with the Elements of Terra. Six jewels which could purify a dragon's heart of greed and keep it's growth to an adolescent level. Igneel had eventually won after a long struggle and created a new land. The Draconic Empire.
He died at the age of 2546 in his sleep leaving his son Mako and granddaughter Athena to watch over the country in an alliance with the recently formed Equestria. However soon after Mako stepped down from the throne, and Athena married a young soldier named Travis, things took a turn for the worse.
A believer in the old Czarist ways named Acnologia began rising to power, becoming the Archdeacon of the Draconian Church, making it a nightmare for any pony who happened to live their. One day Celestia came to visit the country for a festival but was disturbed when Acnologia refused to stop his soldiers from harassing a deformed dragon. In a twist she humiliated him and his men with her magic. Acnologia demanded war for this humiliation. Travis refused.
Enraged, Acnologia decided he had enough of the pro-pony reign and began freeing demons and renegade dragons from Tartarus. By the time he had finished he had formed an army strong enough to combat Travis's'. A combination of this and Acnologia's propaganda drove the family and what followers they had left out of rule.
They hid in a stronghold named Hikari and when discovered held out for 18 days before falling. Only three drakes avoided capture and only one dragoness was killed. Travis and Athena were killed by a freed demon named Maoza. Mako was knocked out by Travis before his death and forced to retake the mantle of Emperor of the Igneelese Rebellion while Acnologia reinstated the Czar title and renamed the Empire the Sarric Empire.
Travis and Athena's child. Killed.
Elements of Terra. Missing
And Celestia. Powerless to do anything lest she bring her country to war right after losing a princess.
Now a state of hostility exists between the Rebellion and Sarric Empire, but neither have acted upon it. That is, until one night…
It was a pitch black and peaceful of the edge of a wall where several dragon guards lay in wait for any possible attacks.
A guard marched silently at his post as did the others but unlike them he was knocked to the ground by what appeared to be a falcon.
He shrugged it off and began searching for his helmet only to notice a claw had just attached itself to the edge of the wall. He curiously tip-clawed over to the spot, only for several dragons to fly up. He knew exactly what it meant.
"We're under attack! Light your flame!"
He flew as fast as he could toward his torch even as two enemy dragons swung their swords and breathed their sandy fire at him. Once he had made it to the torch he began breathing heavily as to create a strong enough flame.
He instantly jumped back though once a large dragon who had gray scales and black hair like spines with yellow eyes like a bird of prey landed in front of him.
He looked towards the torch and in the small window of opportunity he had, he lit the fire which every dragon on the wall noticed and lit their own.
"Now every dragon in the rebellion will know that your here"
The shadowy dragon merely smirked and answered.
"Good that's exactly what I was hoping for…"
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"Emperor Igneel II, the Sars have breached the Ming wall" a bronze scaled dragon with a hunched back and several facial dents wearing a samurai helmet walked in to a large palace like room to an elderly dragon with dusk scales and forest green spines who sat down on a throne with a long white beard.
Next to him was a red dragon wearing a blue uniform with a thin black beard, mustache, and eyebrows holding a notepad and pen.
"Impossible General Ying, no one can get past the Ming Wall. That's why we built them!" The red dragon spoke arrogantly.
"Shā Qiū of the Eleven Titans are leading them. Shall I set defenses around your palace?"
Igneel II quickly answered "Of course not, those in the outer wall are in great danger. Send your armies to keep them from getting any further in and protect my people. Chi-Fu send out draft notices. I'll let you handle the recruits. We need as many recruits as possible. And give them plenty of tea for their troubles."
"Sir I believe my armies will be more than capable of defeating the Sars on their own!"
The General tried to convince his king.
"I'm sorry Quasi but I can't take that chance. It's likely they've been long preparing for this! So we'll need to bulk up our defenses to fight this powerful foe!"
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It had been about two days since the Ponyville Day ceremony had been concluded and Spike was still sore from helping Rarity throughout the entirety.
Whether it be preparation for the celebration or trying to impress Trenderhoof in some odd way, Spike had been besides her to help.
But this was actually beginning to grate on his nerves, as not only did she fall for somepony she barely knew again but he got no thanks for all the help he did. And though he didn't know really pay attention to it, a thank you was something he had gotten less and less of throughout his life, and not just from Twilight or Rarity.
He had a feeling that today would be different. Cause today wasn't any old day. It was the day he had first been hatched and met Twilight.
"Twilight, guess what day it is?!" The baby dragon said as he slid down the rail of the stairs.
He ran throughout the workings of the library looking for the allicorn who appeared to be nowhere in sight. Once he made it into the kitchen he saw a note on one of the cabinets that read
'To Spike, gone out to help Fluttershy with bathing the animals. Here's a list of chores to do while I'm gone'
Spike stopped reading there.
"She really forgot… Oh well I'm sure one of the others will have something to talk about." The baby dragon tried to make himself feel better about his neglect.
He walked out the door hoping that this special day would get better. Needless the say this was misguided.
When he came back it was dark and the day hadn't treated him much better. Rarity simply stared at a stallion client throughout Spike's visit not even paying attention to him even placing him outside with her magic.
Rainbow Dash had just pranked him by picking him up and dropping him only to catch him at the last second.
Pinkie Pie also pranked him, though it wasn't as harsh or nearly as life threatening as the previous one it still served as a reminder of his lack of wings, which was likely permanent.
Apple Jack just ignored him again when he asked if she needed help with the harvest. But after the whole timber wolf incident that wasn't very surprising.
And then their was Fluttershy. While she treated better than the others, he was still getting sick of being babied. He was only 5 years younger than any of the and starting that day he wasn't a baby dragon but a teenager. Knowing Twilight would be there, he had just skipped that last stop.
He drowsily trudged to a stack of books and put them in their own section. But their was one stack he had missed. While it wouldn't normally cause any major changes, this would create a shift in the fate of not only in Spike's life, but for an entire lost culture.
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"Spike, get down here right now!" Twilight angrily called her assistant from downstairs.
He opened and rubbed his sunken eyes and turned to a nearby clock to see that it was almost 10:30 pm. Though he was very tired, he managed to pull himself out of bed.
"Coming Twilight!"
When he made it down he saw Twilight with an agitated expression. The allicorn used her magic to move a stack of books in front of them.
"Books? You woke me up to show me books?"
"They're not just books. It's one of the seven stacks I asked you to put up today while I was gone. And your to foalish to even get that right! You had one job Spike! I expect to come home to clean library, not the cluttered mess you leave behind! Especially since Applejack and Rarity are coming over later tonight!"
"Bububut Twilight."
"Honestly I have no idea why I put up with you sometimes Spike, Not only are you the laziest pony I know, but your also too childish to be of any help when you actually work!"
"Twilight."
"And to top it all off your always gawking at Rarity even though she's way older than you!"
"Twilight!"
"Why Celestia put an incompetent dragon you in my hooves I'll never know, when I can hardly count on you for anything!"
"SHUT THE HAY UP!!"
The moment he finally snapped a tense silence filled the room. By this point Spike was so seething with rage smoke was coming out of his snout.
Twilight was only filled with shock but began to speak again in a squeaky voice. "What did you just say to me?"
"I said shut up for once Little Miss Princess."
"S-ssSpike!"
"Last time I checked you aren't my mother!"
At this point there Twilight was shaking a little but was still angry, but before she could retort, they were distracted when Applejack and Rarity came in, both looking incredibly confused.
"Now what are ya'll two doin' being so loud in here? I swear I'm surprised ya haven't woken up halfa Ponyville by now!"
"I concur with Applejack. What one earth is with all noise around here?'
Twilight regained her stance of debate and began explaining "It's ok girls, me and Spike were just having a discussion about his recent laziness."
"Are you kidding me, I'm lazy! In case you haven't noticed I do almost everything around here. I write letters, I reshelve the books. I get supplies. Most of the time it's cause you asked. And you have the gall to call me lazy? I guess I'm not even really a friend to you anymore, more like an indentured servant!"
That last statement shocked everyone greatly. Seeing Spike was clearly enraged past a natural point, Rarity approached him in an attempt to calm him down.
"Now Spike, I know your upset at Twilight, but there's no reason to say such harsh words."
The drake swiped away the hoof she tried to put on his shoulder, and pointed a claw at her.
"I don't want to hear anything out of you!I don't want to hear anything out of any of you! I'm never invited to do anything, I have to carry your crap around whenever I am, or I'm humiliated or injured. Oh yeah, and let's not forget the time you guys nearly killed me last Winter Wrap Up!"
Rarity was very intimidated and backed away. Unable to come up with a convincing counter-argument. Both her, Applejack and Twilight looked incredibly ashamed as his words began to truly sink in.
However Twilight's pride drove her to once again argue, though it was much meeker "Your supposed to help us out with things and watch the library while we're out."
"Really, your perfectly fine with putting my life in danger whenever something like Discord or the Plunderseeds happens but whenever it's just time to have fun, I have to work my tail off."
"Hey if you don't like being my assistant then why don't you just get out!"
Realizing what she had just said Twilight blocked mouth her hooves. Spike had a flash of pain on which quickly faded into anger.
"Oh I get it. I already know what you were going to say to me. Keep the dragon around until he won't be pushed around anymore. I see how it is." Spike said as he turned away . Now his anger was pushed beyond belief to the point where his scales were glowing red and his spines looked like they were a blazing green fire.
"Spike that isn't what I-"
"I always wondered why Fluttershy was the only one around here who treats me with any respect. I guess it just goes to show you why I've been left in the dirt so many times!"
"Please listen, we never meant to-"
"I guess it's really time then. After all starting today in a teenage dragon, so I'd have to leave my nest eventually."
While she wondered when Spike became a teenager she realized just what the date was. But an even grimmer epiphany appeared when she re-evaluated his last statement.
"Wait a minute there Spike, whaddya mean by leave the nest?"
Spike began walking towards the door before turning around and further explained himself
"Don't you get it. I'm leaving, think it's about time I start my own life as a free dragon. And there's not a thing you can say or do to stop me!"
All three mares gasped in shock at what they just heard, with slightly different reactions. Rarity simply fainted after a bit of hyperventilating, Applejack tried to calm him down again but recoiled from the heat radiating off of him, while Twilight only remained paralyzed, before remembering her magic. But the magic simply bounced off of him and turned a nearby cup into a coconut.
"Sorry but now that I'm 13, my scales are magic reflective. Goodbye girls, it was fun while it lasted"
And with that Spike slammed the door to the library, never to return. After a few seconds of a thick and dreary silence, Twilight collapsed and broke down into a river of tears.
"What have I done…oh Celestia what have I done? I can't believe I said such things to…"
She no longer had any will to speak or even move. All she could do was cry. Applejack was going to run after Spike but she didn't think her friends were in any condition to move around with Rarity being unconscious and Twilight being to upset to think about anything else at the moment, the farmer decided to simply comfort her sobbing friend and search for him in the morning when they could get the whole group together.
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Spike ran past Fluttershy's cottage, being quiet as to not get caught. At this time his main destination was the Everfree. Not only did several dragons already live their, but it was so big that finding him there was almost impossible.
Once he was sure none of the animals she was taking care of were to hear him (especially not Angel Bunny) he headed into the Everfree on the nearest path.
"Alright Spike, first order of business is to find a cave to live in. Preferably one with lots of gems to munch on."
He ran towards the mountain since he knew that was where most of the caves would be. It took about 30 minutes for him to reach the mountainside.
He looked at one specific cave with luster. He didn't know why but he was drawn to this cave as if something was calling to him from inside.
"Hello is anyone there?" Luckily for him there was no large pillar of irritated fire, to indicate another dragon had occupied this cave unlike his last runaway.
The ceiling of the cave had a trail of green gems embedded into it. Due to instinct the drake decided to follow the line, whenever their was a fork in the path. Eventually he reached an area where the rock on the top of the cave had eroded away and in the center, on a pedestal was a green fire shaped gemstone.
"Ok downside only one gem. Upside it looks delicious!"
Without any hesitation Spike ran towards the gem and grabbed it off it's pedestal. Before he could put it in his mouth though, the moonlight hit it, and the gem started glowing with a light that spread across his entire body. This caused an agonizing pain to the young dragon, though he could only clench his teeth from pain, as the light had already covered Spike's mouth.
Though he struggled as much as he could, the stinging feeling reached his eyes, and everything went white.
Then the stinging just stopped. Once Spike could feel he could move his body again somepony came out of the void.
"Greetings Spike the dragon." Luna said as she approached him with a warm smile on her face.
"Oh no, you're here to take me back to Twilight aren't you. Well you might as well forget it, cause I'm never going back there!"
"I understand your plight young one, I too know what it is like to feel overlooked. But your destiny is not to be Twilight's assistant forever. Your destiny is to reunite your country."
"Reunite my country?" Spike asked very confused as to what was going on.
Luna took notice of this and decided to further elaborate.
"Those dragons who didn't had given into greed formed the Draconic Empire, which is a lot like Equestria, except they eat fish instead of vegetables. After the death of their founder and an old friend of mine and Celestia's, Igneel I, the empire was passed on to his son the wise Mako Igneel II who retired and passed the throne to his son-in law Igneel III who made an alliance with our nation." Luna explained with a smile on her face, which faded seconds later.
"However there was point where things turned for the worst."
"What? Everything was going so well, what could have happened?"
Luna's sulk turned to an angry scowl as she spoke a name with great malice "Acnologia"
"Um, I kind of have no idea who that is. Could you explain it a little more?"
"Acnologia was the archdeacon of the draconian church during the reign of Igneel III, and thought ponies as inferior pickpockets, constantly accusing them of crimes the didn't commit. After being humiliated by Celestia at a dragon festival for torturing a deformed dragon, he began freeing prisoners from Tartarus and attacking and conquering cities, using propaganda to brainwash dragons into idolizing him and demonizing Equestrian's and anyone who supported them. Eventually Igneel II, III, and his queen Athena had to flee the capital city to the one village that would hide them, giving Acnologia complete control, renaming it the Sarric Empire. But when Acnologia found out where the dynasty was hiding, not even we could predict the atrocity that would happen next."
The scene around Spike and Luna changed to a burning village with drakes and stallions alike being tied up and forced into the middle of the square. The thing that was most notable was a black dragon with glowing blue tattoos, and a bulky orange draconeques among the Sars.
Spike could only look on in horror at what the did to the dead bodies lighting them ablaze and dumping the ashes into a nearby river.
What caught Spike's eye the most however was an emerald green scaled drake who was tied up front, with a proud look on his face despite his terrible situation.
"Who is that Luna? He looks kind of familiar to me, but I don't know why." Spike asked curiously.
Luna gave the young drake another very somber look and answered softly "That would be because that Drake is your father Spike. Travis Midori."
"My father! But that doesn't make any sense!We look nothing alike!"
"That's not exactly true. He's actually where you got that green shade in your spines from. The purple color comes from your mother. Now let's keep watching." Luna explained to Spike who nodded in response.
The black dragon spoke to the restrained drake with a slight maneglish accent.
"Finally after all these of years of watching you kiss up to that pony witch, I can punish you for your heresy."He turned to Draconeques and said "Maoza on my command kill him, and then Mako's daughter. I'll take care of the rest."
In response the Draconeques glowed before gaining a stoic expression and putting on a bowler hat, trench coat, and an orange and black mask with only one eye on the orange side. He turned his hand into a rifle and asked in a cold tone "Last words Travis."
"Yeah, quick warning. I'm a screamer."
Maoza proceeded to fire a wispy green smoke at the green scaled drake, instantly killing him. Spike could only watch as his father was struck down and his murderer just stood their soullessly.
The beast the grew large black wings and flew off into the night after it's next target.
Spike almost forgetting he was just a bystander to the flashback turned to Luna and asked "But what happened to my mother princess?"
Luna gave another somber look and shifted over to a nearby cliff where the Princess of the Sun flew over to observe the carnage with her guard. She was going to charge into the burnt village to slay the ice dragon as she saw him fly away, but halted when she saw a familiar heliotrope dragoness fly her way.
"Princess Celestia, please watch over my son for me. My husband is dead and I will soon be joining him. Until the day the Sars and the rebuilt Draconic Empire see true conflict with each other, keep him safe from harm."
Celestia didn't want to lose another, but nodded with a tear and with the egg in tow flew off into the night, not looking back as to see Athena getting shot and killed by Maoza.
Everything around Spike then turned white again as he let it all sink in. Minutes later, he got down on his knees and started tearing up.
"How? How could something so terrible like this happen?"
"Do not fret young drake, as while the past hurts more than any wound you must avenge this injustice. The time your mother spoke of has come. The Sars and the Rebellion have recently begun conflict again, so now you and five others must bring down Acnologia and save your people from his grip."
"But how? In case you haven't noticed that guys twice the size of Sombra and I could barely beat him with Cadence's help!"
"You will get stronger Spike I know it. I shall now transport you into the walls of the Igneelese Rebellion. This is where your true destiny begins, Spike Igneel: Element of Fire!" Luna concluded as the white void turned into a starry night, and she faded into the moon.
Spike woke up in a field with his Element on set on this underbelly. He picked it up and looked around to see a giant wall surrounding him. Luna's spell had worked. He went under a tree to get some well needed sleep. As tomorrow his true adventure would begin.
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Okay, I curious where this will go. So how many elements will their be?
5567940 six
The idea is good and I like the idea of a Draconic Empire (clever fusion of Chinese and Russian cultures) but you desperately need a proofreader.
In just the first paragraph alone I spotted these errors:
- "ruled by greed" would be a better choice of words.
- "past" should be "passed"
- "keepi it's" should be "keep its"
- This is an enormous run-on sentence.
5568049
. I'll try my best to improve these issues.
Thank you for the constructive critiscm my good person
Hmm... A story with divided opinions? You have The Pirate King's curiosity.
i.imgur.com/yPaWU6K.gif
Seriously, I'm down for this. The plot sounds extremely close to For the Ones we Love, my favorite adventure story on here, and I have always thought the dragons are an interesting and often underdeveloped part of the fanon.
My only words of caution are these. First, get a better editor. This foundation would be a shame to waste on a mistake riddled manuscript. Also, I noted you said this is an AU of another fic. I'm not familiar with the original story, but I'd advise that you not only take whats good you can from the source material but also learn from it's worse points and avoid them. A good AU uses its source as an example of things to replicate and things to fix.
I'll be watching this definitely to track if it fulfills the potential it has. One more note. Reading up on it, this song kept coming up in my head. Might be useful to listen to as you write for background music to set the tone.
A few grammar mistakes, but I'll follow it and see where it goes.
Ok I like it but here is my opinion in some stuff. Little pet peeve instead of igneal spike change it to Spike Igneal rolls off the tongue better. Also slow down while interesting you need to slow wayyyyy down and it was a lack of reaction on spike part he should have been freaking out wayyy more about LEARNING who his parents are not immediately sayin my dad when he shouldn't know. He's just wayyy to accepting but other that I'll keep reading
Oh shit... I've watched/read enough Fairy Tail to know things are gonna get ugly real soon
5569839
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Nice job getting the reference
This sounds very interesting, but wouldnt there be a element of sound or electricity im kinda curious is all
5746286
There is sort of an element of electricity. But she'll come into play later.
5746652 oh this is going to be interesting to see how this story continues on
when next chapter this is good i like it its good
5814544
Soon. I'm currently writing the very last scene.
5814631
okay good luck on writing so you think you might have the last scene done soon and this has some good ideas love it thank for writing it i enjoy it