Iponi's World

by Palm Palette

The Plot Device

The gateway to the human world was once a closely guarded secret. Now, it was a tourist attraction. A line of ponies stretched from the giant mahogany doors of Manehatten's visitor center well over the horizon. Apple Bloom groaned on the inside. Sneaking in was not going to be an easy task, if, for no other reason, than the ponies would yell at her for cutting in line.

Dressing up for the occasion, Apple Bloom tugged at her tight-fitting black jumpsuit. The snugly fabric made her little pony hide sweat. Well, she hoped it was the fabric. Her actions exhausted her far more quickly than they should have and she felt the disease lurking deep inside her like a lava lamp full of maggots. Lyra had never mentioned how long her spell was supposed to last, and Apple Bloom wasn't going to be able to do any cutie mark crusading if it wore off too soon and left her as a comatose lump of pure misery.

Acting quickly, she pulled out a black marker. Lyra had inadvertently given her an idea. Tip-hoofing her way through the crowded city street, she darted her way through the throngs of gathered ponies. Her attempt at being inconspicuous earned her a lot of strange looks. A filly ninja, she was not. Reaching the front of the the building, Apple Bloom reared up on her spandex covered hind legs and scribbled on the sign. Once she was finished, it read, 'For three days ONLY, visit the HUMAN HAMSTER world!'

“Hamster world?” A grey stallion with a grumpy-cat face for a cutie mark walked over to her. “You mean to tell me that all this time I've been standing in line for the wrong place?”

“Um... yea?” Apple Bloom looked up at him. With his stubble beard and grease-stained, gray tie he was an imposing sight.

The stallion groaned and tipped his black fedora down. “I don't suppose you'd know where the actual entrance to the human world is?”

“Well...” Apple Bloom blinked. Thinking of hamsters reminded her of somepony. “It's in Ponyville. You can find it in Fluttershy's cottage near the Everfree Forest.”

“Aagh! Contrived plot devices! They're always in the wrong spot!” He whipped about so suddenly that the coattails of his jacket smacked Apple Bloom in the face. “You hear that, everypony? If we want to go to the human world, we'll have to go to Fluttershy's cottage in Ponyville!”

There was much groaning and moaning and thundering of hooves as the herd galloped away. They kicked up so much dust that Apple Bloom had a sneezing fit. Once her nose settled down, everypony was gone. Well, that was easier than she'd expected. Now all she had to do was to get past the guards and find the device itself.

Within the lobby, two white unicorns stood proudly at attention. They were donned with solid gold armor, giant plumed helmets, and each held a spear decorated with a full-sized Equestrian flag. Apple Bloom relaxed upon seeing them. She had been worried that they might have some actual security here, but these were royal guards.

The black-clad filly wearing a big red bow plodded up to them. “Do either of y'all know where the contrived plot device is kept?”

One of the guards grumbled and pointed a hoof behind him. “Go straight down the hall, past the rack of brochures, and you can find it in the bathroom to the left.”

“Thanks.” Skipping gleefully, Apple Bloom hopped right past them.

---

After she was gone, the younger guard risked a glance at his older comrade. “Uh... That filly looked kind of suspicious and rather unsupervised. Do you think we should have stopped her?”

“Stop her? What do you think we are, actual guards?”

“Uh...”

“That stampede was suspicious too, and you didn't ask to investigate that.”

“Well...”

“Don't sweat it, boy. It would have been a bad idea anyway, and you know why? Because there could have been a giant monster out there. I mean, we look like guards, so ponies would have actually expected us to do something. Nevermind the fact that solid gold is too soft to offer any real protection and weighs us down like lead. Plus, our weapons are glorified flag poles. Have you ever tried to hurl a flag? No! Because it's stupid.

“You want to know what our real solemn duty is? It isn't to protect the innocent or even to defend our county. No, those kinds of things are best left to inexperienced little girls with their fancy-schmancy friendship magics. Our real duty is to stand around, looking guard-like. Whenever a danger looms or a crisis arises, we can feel secure at our posts knowing that a tiny filly out there somewhere is fighting with her life to protect us.”

The older guard's speech brought a tear to the recruit's eye. He sat up straighter and held his head higher. In a brotherly bonding moment, both ponies stood there, looking as guard-like as they ever had in their entire lives.

---

Apple Bloom couldn't resist picking up a brochure for Manehatten's water park. She tucked it in her mane under her bow and plodded down the hall. Before reaching the end, a small group of six ponies in lab coats opened the bathroom door and stepped out. Apple Bloom jumped and attempted to hide behind a potted plant. It was too small for her, and her tail, bow, and most of her head stuck out. The scientists gave her odd looks, but none of them did anything. Each of them could see the others looking at her. They all must have assumed that she was somepony else's problem.

In the end, they all walked off grumbling about the stampede, missing tourists, and useless guard ponies. Apple Bloom breathed a sigh of relief and darted into the bathroom.

She was shocked.

The smooth, marble walls sparkled and shined. The floor squeaked as she walked on it. It was so polished that she could see her own reflection in its surface. The air had a soft, pleasant aroma, with a hint of lemon. Apple Bloom could only come to one conclusion: this must be the colt's room. She'd never seen a bathroom look so dirty before.

Well, regardless of the filth, her interest was consumed by the strange devices cluttering up the room.

Standing alone was a tall mirror framed by a giant, purple horseshoe studded with gemstones. It was sitting on a short stand that was also rimmed with horseshoes. Apple Bloom walked up, but rather than seeing herself, she saw a small yellow-skinned human girl looking back at her.

“Whoa.” The little pony unconsciously took a step back, and accidentally tripped on her tail. Grumbling, she unzipped her black suit and tossed it in a corner. She was paler than she'd expected and dripping with sweat. Apple Bloom sat there panting. She forced herself up and got a drink of water from the faucet.

Also in the room was an impressive arrangement of tall stones. The gray slabs were roughly rectangular, standing on end, and arranged in a circle. Horizontal slabs lay across the tops of the crude pillars to keep them stable. Inside the center of this stone hedgerow was a shimmering black, starry void lightly outlined by a blue glow. It looked as if somepony had torn a rift in the fabric of reality itself, revealing the primordial essence that lurked between dimensions.

Behind that was a giant metal ring engraved with fluid alien symbols. The steel structure was anchored with sleek poles. Evenly spaced around the ring were softly glowing triangular yellow lights. A shimmering puddle wavered in the air inside the ring.

She also saw a circular platform enclosed by a glass tube, a weird electronic seat with a slowly rotating hypnotic spiral for a backrest, what looked like a ordinary cardboard box with the word 'teleporter' written on it, and several other strange things she couldn't identify. Apple Bloom scratched at her mane. She knew that a contrived plot device was going to be in this room, but she hadn't expected to find so many of them.

“C'mon, Apple Bloom, think,” she told herself. “Ah don't want to use the wrong one and accidentally erase myself from existence.” Her cute little yellow lips turned down into a frown while she contemplated. If only she'd picked up the information pamphlet at the front desk. She couldn't go back without risking being apprehended; she was stretching her luck as it was. Which one of those things was the contrived plot device she was looking for?

Apple Bloom's big, orange eyes glittered, widened and sparkled with insight. Of course! It all made so much sense. It would be the actual device meant for actual plots.

Having made her choice, Apple Bloom walked over to an open stall and climbed into the toilet. She pulled the handle, flushing herself into the human world.

Comments

[Lab]

Having made her choice, Apple Bloom walked over to an open stall and climbed into the toilet. She pulled the handle, flushing herself into the human world.

Reminds me of Boogerman.