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Cheerilees Afternoon in

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Comments ( 6 )

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Comment posted by theguysaidhi deleted Feb 17th, 2021

Comment posted by Soft Shell deleted Feb 17th, 2021

Comment posted by TheMagpie deleted Feb 17th, 2021

PiMan

PiMan #4 · Apr 13th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Needs editing, as there are a small number of spelling errors and many grammatical errors.

I don't really know why Snips and Snails were there in the first place. They provided the magazine that was a catalyst of sorts for Cheerilee to begin, but the clop was entirely focused on her interaction with the toy. It would have flowed better if the catalyst had been the toy, perhaps as her deciding to use it immediately after receiving it.

Comment posted by thordwolf deleted Apr 14th, 2015

TheMagpie

TheMagpie #6 · Apr 14th, 2015 · · ·

5862036 Thanks for the feedback, I figured it would help with the story if she got it from those two as I have a additional chapter I'm working on that involves her meeting the stallion that gave them the book. But its involves a lot more characters and I haven't had the energy boost to get it all written out yet. But thanks again for the feedback its greatly appreciated.
Would you mind maybe sending me a note of the parts you spotted that are incorrect?