Friday has arrived and you were nervous as hell. But hey, you really want to impress Applejack, that's why you joined Sweetie Belle at this whole school talent show thing with your guitar. Which both Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle thinks it's neat as hell. Yes, that Jackson Warrior that you play?
"Are you okay?" Sweetie Belle asked you with that tone in her voice. She knows you're nervous.
"Yeah," you said with a shaky voice. "I'm just nervous, that's all. Are you nervous?"
"Eh, not really. I've done this about once or twice. So yeah." She said with a smile on her face of excitement and a crack in her voice.
"But hey." She said as she asked you to make eye contact with you. "It's gonna be okay. I promise. just pretend that everypony's not here. That's what me, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom did when we first performed in front of everypony. It wasn't bad." She said giving you a warm smile.
Oh wow. You're taking advise from... a kid, and she's right. Just pretend that everyone's not here. It'll be fine. After you two were called up. You start off with a slow and steady guitar solo. After a few seconds, Sweetie Belle pops in singing the course. Then the electric guitar sound kicks in and you start bobbing your head a little as your front hair covers your face and bounces as you start headbanging a little. Like... Toki Wartooth headbang.
As you and Sweetie are up on stage just... well jamming. The crawd starts to enjoy it. Until. Something fell from the sealing on the stage and it hits you in the head. Causing you to fall to the floor with your guitar landing on your face. Not if you catch it on time. As you move it out of the way, something else falls off and lands on your left arm and barley stabbing it straight through. Causing you to scream in pain. Sweetie Belle and some other ponies help get the large sharp object off of your arm. You're bleeding really bad, and you're shaking violently in pain as tears of pain start to fill your eyes.
"OH MY GOSH!!!! ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?" Sweetie bell asked, but you could barley hear her as to how hard you got hit in the head. But instead. You black out.
***
Everything is still black. You hear a heart thermometer as you start to wake up. You slowly open your eyes and look up just a little.
"Oh thank Celestia!" Said Sweetie Belle as she came and hug you. As you try to hug her back, but your left arm is in extreme pain.
"Mmm... what happened?"
"Somethin' hit you on the head, and somethin' else stabbed you in the arm." Said a familiar voice. It's Applejack. And she's not alone. Her friends are here, and so are the cutie mark crusaders. Your head also hurts really bad, and you notice that theres a bandage around it. And bandages around your arm, covered in blood. "Somethin' went through your arm." Said Applejack walking beside you. "That somethin' that stabbed your arm went almost all the way through. It almost cut your arm off. The doctor said you had to get fifty 'er so stitches for that." She said with that worried look on her face, her friends, and the fillies.
After a few seconds of breathing to calm down. A door opens. A moderate cerise coat. And flowers on her cutie mark. It's Miss Cheerilee. She has that really worried look on her face.
"Oh thank Celestia you're alright!" She said as tears start to form in her eyes. "Are you alright?! I didn't know what happened back there! I'm really really sorry it happ-"
You cut her off. "It's okay. We all didn't know it was gonna happen." You said giving her a warm smile. "It's okay. Accidents happen. And... how did it happen?"
"Well... that's what were trying to find out." Said Cheerliee with a calmed smile. She's finally relaxed. "It is good to here that you're alright." She said as she got next to Applejack and smiled at you. Sometimes accidents really do happen when you don't even know what's coming at you. The door opens, it's Nurse Redheart.
"How's our patient doing tonight?" She asked as she walked in.
"I'm great." You said with a smile. "And in very bad pain."
"I'm sorry. We'll give you some pain pills in the morning. It's time for you to go to sleep." She said with a warm smile.
"Huh?" Asleep. You don't want to. Not yet.
"Well come one guys." Said Twilight as everyone was about to walk out. "We'll come and visit you tomorrow." She said. But as Applejack was about to leave.
"Applejack!" You said as you grabbed her. "Don't go." She looks back at you. tears start to form on your eyes. "Please don't go! I don't want to be in here alone!"
"Honey." She said also crying and facing to you. "It'll be okay."
"No it wont!" You said as you can barley keep control of your breath, and pull her into a really tight hug. "I don't wanna be alone in here! By myself in this room! Alone!"
"Sugarcube. It'll be fine."
"No! I..." You pause as you blink a tear. Now could be the absolute time to tell her how you feel. "Can you guys step out for a minute? I need to talk to her." They all did as they were asked to do, with tears also in there eyes. "AJ. I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now." You said as tears run down your face.
"What is it Sugarcube?"
"I... I like you. I really, really like you!" This brings Applejacks face to shock.
"Wh-What?"
"I like you Applejack. I've... had a really huge crush on you ever since we've first met. I didn't know how I should tell you. I love working with you on the farm. I love everything about you. I love how you talk, your smile. I love all of it. I couldn't take it! I just want to make you really happy. I've gave you my entire heart. Even if it's a h-heart f-from a metal head er-" You can't say anything else. You just burst into tears. This also brings Applejack to tears. You're sitting there crying your eyes out, not wanting to leave her sight again. Now she knows how you feel, she knows how you will feel if she left you in the darkness of the room in Ponyville Heart.
"Sugarcube." She said as she brings you back into a hug. Her tears hitting your face. "You... you really mean all that?" You nod your head. You kept this to yourself this whole time. Except that two ponies know about it. You can't let her go, you don't want to.
"Honey. I know how you feel." She said as she breaks the hug. "But, we can't. I'm in love with another stallion."
"What?"
"I'm sorry ah didn't tell ya this. But, I'm in love with him, and he's..." She pauses. "You're really sweet, hard workin', you're really kind to mah family, you do know how to make me smile, plus you play that guitar really really well. But we just can't, I'm in love with him." She said as she brings you back into a hug. This causes your heart to drop to your stomach. Applejack breaks the hug and looks into your eyes. "I'm really sorry ah didn't tell you this sugarcube. I'll see ya tomorrow." She said as she got off the bed. You try to reach out to her, but she's already at the door.
"Applejack!"
She opens the door. "I'll see ya tomorrow sugarcube." She said as she shut the door behind her. You start to cry your eyes out as she did that. Now you're alone in the darkness of the room. You've just got your heart broke by the pony you really love. You lay your head on the pillow and you sob until you cried yourself to sleep.
5527342
Heh, well sometimes I like to show everyone how the ponies feel sometimes. But alright. I'll stick with less pictures and what not.
Saying this has some spelling mistakes is like saying that New York has just a few people living there. This is riddled with errors and mistakes and I need to wonder why it is you chose to write in second person? This is possibly the most difficult way to write effectively. Unless you know what you're doing, it's going to come out really strangely. There's even a point near the beginning where you switch to first person and use "I" instead of "you". I really would suggest redoing this in third person for no other reason than it gives you the most freedom.
And I need to repeat what rhg135 said. Get rid of the pictures and songs. They actually distract the reader from the story. If you feel the need to add them then it means your writing hasn't succeeded.
I would put what needs to be edited and what's wrong with this story, but I fear it would be longer than the story itself! And "Ur" is not a word. Or slang. Stop saying it.
"gr8 m8 no d-b8 i r8 it an 8 i h8 2 b in an ir8 st8 but its my f8
hey m8 i apreci8 that u r8 it gr8 u wanna d8 and mayb masturb8 i can ask n8 and we can meet at the g8 dont b l8
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 it an 8/8 plz don't h8
gr8 b8 m8 cant even h8 so I r8 8 outta 8
Gr8 b8 m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8., I'm str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8."
5527863
Well hey. At least I tried my best to do the whole... "Country accent" thing Applejack has.
5527868
Uh... What?
5527888
It's stupid talk, you wouldn't get it.
5527891
Probably not. but what you was trying to say. I couldn't stop laughing.
5527877
I have a somewhat country and southern accent. Saying this, I attest to the fact that this a terrible attempt, partner.
5527910
Yeah. i'm really not use to this whole "Country thing" at all. No offense. Country stuff is never my thing. but this idea was bothering the hell out of me. So yeah.
5527779
If you want to show us how the ponies feel, then do so through your writing. If a pony if shocked, tell us how their jaw drops and their eyes pop open. If a pony is happy, tell us about the spring in their step or the smile on their face.
Also, power metal is best type of metal.
It was a decent read, I guess.
Words can form a very vivid image—case in point: poetry—even if it's not easy. It's still worth striving for.