How was the universe created? A certain lavender Alicorn wanted to know. But she didn't want to hear all that Big Bang junk. She's heard that a million times! The Alicorn looked up at star-lit sky. Beautiful, her mind wispered, and she agreed. It was beautiful! But how was it created? She activated her horn and levitated a quill, an ink jar, and some parchment over.
Dear Princess Celestia,
How, may I ask, was the universe created? I understand the Big Bang theory, but I would like to hear what you have to say. You are the immortal Alicorn of the Sun. I believe you would know. If you don't know exactly, I would still like to hear your opinion.
Your faithful student co-ruler,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
The lavender Alicorn, Twilight Sparkle, ativated her horn again, but this time sent the letter she just wrote to Princess Celestia. A few minutes later, her horn lit up without her having to activate it, and a scroll appeared. The Alicorn unrolled it.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I understand why you are curious on this topic, the universe. Please meet me tomorrow in Canterlot, after the Sun has risen. I hope to see you then, my newest faithful co-ruler.
You fellow Princess,
Celestia
Twilight took one last look at the night sky that Luna had sculpted tonight, and then she went to bed in her new palace, eager for tomorrow.
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Twilight woke up to the Sun shining on her face. She smiled at the warmth of Celestia's Sun... The invite! Twilight's eyes snapped open. She needed to get packed. Now. She threw together a few necessities and a book. Wait, she should get rid of that. She was flying and teleporting there. She wouldn't be able to read while flying. She threw that on her bed. Twilight doubletriple-checked everything in her saddle-bags, and then she flew off her balcony towards Equestria's capital, Canterlot.
Once a few miles away from the castle, Twilight activated her horn and charged up a teleportation spell, and she appeared in the throne room. Where Princess Celestia was currently holding court. Oops. Celestia looked slightly suprised, but then she cleared her throat delicately.
"Hello, Twilight Sparkle," she spoke regally, "I suppose you interrupted my Solar Court because of your letter?" The youngest Princess nodded. "Script Tracker cancel my 8 o'clock and the rest of the Solar Court, please," Celestia continued. Her secretary sitting to the right of the throne nodded while writing something down. Celestia began to walk away and motioned Twilight to follow. They arrived at Celestia's bedroom, and she walked in and sat on her king-sized-bed. She motioned for Twilight to join her while taking off her regalia.
"Honestly, Twilight, I don't know how the universe started," Celestia said, "In fact, I wasn't there, so I don't know how it happened. All I is that the first to ponies created were my parents, but they performed a bad deed. Said they ate from 'the tree of knowledge,' and then they were thrown out of the 'garden.' I don't know what garden they were talking about though, but I know father named all the animals and species and plants. Any questions?"
The purple Alicorn thought for a moment and said, "How do I get to the astral plane?" Celestia activated her horn and made a scroll appear.
"Here's the spell. I hope it helps in whatever you doing, Twilight," the Solar goddess said, "Goodbye, Twilight." She watched as the young Alicorn studied the spell, charge up her horn, and disappear.
-------–------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight appeared in a star-lit space with nothing but Space. She lit up her horn and said, "Show me the creator of the universe." Suddenly a pony formed. He was pure white with a brown mane, tail, and a short beard, not whiskers. He was an Alicorn, and when he opened his eyes, they were normal, except for the color. His eyes were beautiful as rainbows, like a kaleidoscope. He smiled warmly at the gapping purple Alicorn.
In a low, rich voice, he said, "Hello, young one. How did you find me?" The purple Alicorn shook her head to clear her thoughts.
She cleared her throat and said, "I am looking for the creator of the universe. May I presume you him?"
"Yes, you may." His voice was rich like honey, and poor Twilight wanted to just go over there and kiss the handsome stallion.
"Um... Wh-what's your name," said a blushing Twilight. The stallion thought for a moment, as if his name hadn't been used for a long time.
He smiled. "I am God. Yehwah. Abba. I go by many names, but my most common one is 'God.'"
"God?"
"Yes?"
"Who were the first 2 ponies you created?"
"Ahh... That would be Adam, and then I took 1 of his ribs and created his wife, Eve."
"You took 1 of his ribs?!"
He chuckled. "You ponies are so strange today. I shall have to visit Equs."
Twilight's eye twitched. "Strange?! You're the one being strange!"
"Twilight, please calm down."
"How can I calm down! You said you took one of his ribs! You broke one of his ri-. How did you know my name?"
"I know all of my children's names."
"All of them?"
"Everypony is my child. I love them all, and I will never stop loving them."
"Never...?"
"Never. And as an example..." God's horn lit up, and a certain pink mare appear.
"Hi, TWILIGHT," Pinkie Pie screamed, "So you met a Father God. Yay! I need to go plan a Twilight-Finally-Met-Father-God Party when we're done doing whatever we're doing!" She began to bounce everywhere. On the invisible walls, ceiling, and (of course) floor. Twilight's eye twitched again.
"What? You knew about him," the purple Alicorn screamed.
"Of course, silly! I know everypony! I am Pinkie Pie, after all!" Twilight used Cadence's calming technique several times.
"Ok. So God created the universe, and Pinkie Pie knew the whole time," Twilight asked God.
"That's correct. In fact, Pinkie Pie is actually the first immortal earth-pony to be born." Twilight's eye twitched.
"WHAT?!?!?" God calmly nodded, walked over, and touched Twilight's forehead with his horn. Twilight calmed down without realizing it.
"Better," God asked. Twilight nodded. "Good," God replied, "Pinkie Pie, ready to go home?"
"You bet Father God! I can't wait until you invite the rest of Mane 6 here, or at least, I'm pretty sure that's what the writer, DiscordFan, is planning to do. Well, bye," the insane pink mare said. As soon as she left, Twilight broke down, sobbing. She stayed like that even when God came over and stroked her mane. After a few minutes, she got up and thanked God.
"Anymore questions," God asked. Twilight nodded.
"Why did Pinkie call you 'father?'"
"That's another one of my titles, and I am the father of all ponies." Twilight nodded, still having trouble speaking.
"Does only Pinkie know you?"
He smiled, "Not Anymore." He lit up his horn and four other ponies appeared. Onemore pony appeared after ripping a hole through the invisible ceiling. Now two earth ponies, two pegasi, and one unicorn were in the astral plane with two Alicorns.
"Twilight, why are we here with a hunk," asked a cyan Pegasus.
"Girls, God. God... You already know the girls," Twilight said. Four of the five non-Alicorns blinked.
"He does," asked a certain white unicorn.
"No offense, Twi, but that's creepy," said the orange earth pony.
The pink mare who had come back said, "No it isn't AJ. That's God. He knows and loves and is the Father to everypony!"
"Everypony?"
"Everypony!"
"Film and Flam?"
"Yes!"
"Discord?"
"Yupper-doodles!"
"Sombra's?!"
"You betch'ya!"
"Ah'm just gon'na sit down." Applejack plopped her plot on the floor.
"Well, um...," said God, "Pizza, anypony?"
Little Twilight: How are trains made.
Me: God
5520466
What?
the line was from the parody of MY little pony. it called My little pony: friendship is witchcraft. episode 9 i thing
5520498
Oh ok. Cause I had no IDEA what you were talking about!
You might wanna edit so the dialogue doesn't use 1 instead of 'one', it just looks REALLY bad to me when seeing that.
5520503 no one knows what me talk bout
5520505
K! Thanks for your opinion!
That is all.
5520518
????
Worth a chuckle or two, but the subpar writing kinda takes you out of it. You did good.
6-7/10 might read again.
5520555
What's a subpar?
5520563 It means "below an average level." In other words, could use an editor or a proofreader or both.
5520576
Okay! Thank you for the supportive criticism! It'll help me in the future!
Lay not Thy works before our eyes
Nor vex us with Thy wars
Lest we should feel the straining skies
O'ertrod by trampling stars
5520544 As in I can't tell whether or not you're trying to say something with this story...
5520627
Oh!! I'm just saying I'm Roman-Catholic!
5520649 I figured that with the 'Big Bang junk' line. Guess how amused I am.
5520622
Sooo... You don't like it?
5520652
You're not amused at all. I get it! Like, I believe in the Big Bang theory, I just thought Twilight (being Twilight) would want to expand upon that theory/thought!
Do you understand what I'm saying now?
Ok I like the story sweet but nice.
I would like to have Celestia and Twilight have more of a dialogue. Or backstory it feet a bit rushed.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/there-be-a-shit-storm-a-brewin.jpg
It might have already started. Just a warning. I had some bad encounters talking about religion on FiM.
I like!
5520649
Good for you for standing up for your faith, and using your interests (fan fiction) to evangelize.
5520928
Thank you!
I thought it might be a good idea!
And turns out, it was!
AND GO POKEMON!!!!!!
5520946
Definitely was. They say it takes an average of seven positive encounters with Christianity before a nonbeliever will come to know Christ. I can't imagine how this - explaining and respectfully defending your faith - wouldn't count as a "positive encounter with Christianity". Although you may not see it, God may very well be using this story, and these comments, to grow His kingdom.
Great work on the story; it was fantastic.
. . .
Stay true to your beliefs, stay faithful to God, and I guarantee He will bless you with a wonderful, meaningful life.
5520928
I'M a catholic and I totally disagree with using Fimfic as a podium for evangelism. Not to say that it was the writers initial intention, but encouraging such behavior on an internet site where we hope to keep things secular is pretty much gonna start a fire under people's asses...
5520503
If you're looking to take a poke at organised religion or atheism then expect people to get pissed about it. I mean I gather that you're still 13 and this was just a cute story you wrote with (I'm assuming) no ill intent, but not everypony is gonna take it that way. For the sake of having a good rep, I'd avoid poking at ANY sensitive issue at all. Religion, politics, racism... Just don't go there.
5521048
There is nothing more important than having faith, sharing faith, and knowing what happens to you after you die.
Think about it this way: everyone's going to die. And everyone's going to be dead a heck of a lot longer than they're going to be alive. So what could be more important than knowing what happens after death, and once you do, trying to protect nonbelievers from the fiery depths of Hell? As Charles Spurgeon put it, “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
You may disagree with me, but I think FIMfiction, and everywhere else in the world, is a perfect place to evangelize. If someone goes to Hell and I had the opportunity to stop them, to talk to them about Christ, to bring them to His Kingdom . . . I just don't think I could live with that.
. . .
Just as a side note, I'll be praying for you. I'm sorry for whatever's going on in your life, and I know He has great plans for you.
5521087
If you wish to spread evangelism then do so where you don't offend or insult others who don't share the same faith or belief system as you. Any moderator would agree that this is NOT the place for it.
A very god thing to say.
btw: In all seriousness I think we should keep the religious arguments to ourselves ya know off the chat forums.
5521110
Sadly, there is no such place. Jesus says so Himself. Mark 13:13 says "Everyone will hate you because of me . . ."
And you're right: the moderators would agree this is not the place for a religious debate. And you're right, I'm probably offending people. So I'll be the bigger person and back down. I've said my piece; no one can deny that I've stood up for the Lord. But please know that I'm praying for you. Please know that God loves you, and that He wants everyone to follow Him. And please know that whatever's going on in your life will get better, if you pray and have faith in Him.
Hello there! Hope you don't mind a little review of this particular story.
So, the premise of the story is simple. Twilight is curious to how the universe started, digs into the proverbial treasure chest and ends up meeting the Creator himself. It's a premise that I've rarely seen to be explored in fanon, so that alone might attract the interest of a plentiful amount of viewers. In addition, the idea of the Creator being recognized as the God in Christian religion is rather daring to implement considering the varieties of beliefs humanity has pushed into fruition. I applaud you for that. However, there are some things that become somewhat cringe-worthy to look at. Take for example the overall reactions to God by the Mane 6:
Why are some acting as if they're in the presence of their high school crush? I would've figured that they would be more wary about the fact that they suddenly got teleported into this random place by some reality-warping being. Even if Pinkie Pie told them about it, there's the idea of them not taking her seriously and the sheer absurdity of it happening in the first place. In addition, the rather simplistic dialogue turns our lovably unique cast of characters into something much more bland. Aside from Pinkie Pie and maybe Twilight, I could take any of the mentioned characters and replace them with something else. Shown here:
"Twilight, why are we here with a hunk," asked a
cyan Pegasus.white unicornyellow pegasusorange Earth ponyNow, I know that some of those choices might be considered "OOC", but ask yourself: would Rainbow Dash REALLY say that upon first seeing him? Would one of Twilight's first reactions REALLY be blushing as if she's in the presence of Flash Sentry? In addition, there is something really wrong with God getting hit on. Maybe it's because I personally am a Christian, though.
As mentioned before, the rather simplistic writing style gives the impression of a short story or a children's book - something not really considered to be "bad". But it also gives the reader less reason to become immersed in the story, leaving him/her with a sense of wanting more. It does leave less stress on the mind for the more common reader who prefers it short and sweet as opposed to having to go through a bunch of detail in order to figure out what's going on. In short, your style of writing is a mixed bag.
Before continuing on with any later chapters, my advice to you is to look over this one and make sure that you yourself aren't feeling like you just rushed this out the door. Ask yourself "What more could I possibly add to this?" or "What can I do to make this even better than it is?" There's always room for improvement, after all.
That's all I've got. Until next time!
5521117
I thought so, and poor AJ... She was told somepony loved Flim and Flam... Oh well!
5521173
I made Rainbow Dash say "hunk" because she's actually the one that's bluntly honest... Yes AJ is the element of honesty, but don't tell me you haven't noticed RD is usually the one to just say what needs to be said.
Sorry if I confused you!
5521637 Not... exactly what I meant. I don't think that Rainbow Dash would go "OMG what a handsome stallion you are" over "WOAH, WHO THE F*** ARE YOU?!" After all, she's farther from the harlot/maneater type of character than she is from the tomboy/jock type.
5521675
Yes. Can't debate with you there, but this is God we're talking about. He looks perfect in everypony' eyes. Even super-tough-tomboy-Rainbow-Dash!
5521688 But would you also say that flirting with this omnipresent being would be the first thing a pony/person within reason would do? I know for a fact that if God teleported me into some astral plane or void to speak with me, I wouldn't find the comfort to throw out some Cassanova one-liner. I would be cautious, terrified even. That wouldn't change even if God showed itself to be female.
5521731
You wouldn't know it was God...
5520779
No frigging kidding, for a fandom as centered around the ideals of harmony and tolerance as that of MLP's you'd think people'd be a little more civil.
5521048
*sigh* Freedom of speech, I advocate it for a reason, So that people may speak about what they want wherever they be if the subject matter arises. Even if it flares into a heated debate, we can't ignore it, doing so would only make the debate hotter when the subject arises again, which it undoubtedly will.
5521006
While I am at a very confusing point in my life, I want to say seeing someone like you and Discordfan in this fandom is a refreshing sight. It's brought a smile to my face to see people that are that outspoken and kind about their faith and opinions. Continue to not care about your reputations, because frankly, I think it gives you character.
5521816 Wouldn't you?
5521998
Buck...
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!
How could you ask me such a hard question!
Nice
5522110
Thanks...
5522113 it's always nice to see stories like this. Especially since there are so few... le sigh
5522121
"Stories like this..."
You mean, like, based off religion? Or something I wouldn't understand as a 13-year-old?
5522121 yes indeed my good fellow.
5522138 yes
5520653 Haven't actually read it yet. I was just quoting the poem "The Prayer of Miriam Cohen"
5521968 You be surprised how many fans actually don't give a crap about the powerful messages the show teacher, but there are still a ton that do. And yes, I would like to see more mature stories that aren't afraid to talk about these sorts of topics.
5522051 I do that a lot.
5521968
Thanks for the encouraging response. Being outspoken like that can be difficult sometimes, and it's nice to hear when it's appreciated. So, yeah, thanks.