I´m a highschooler.I wrote lots of stories throught my short life and I´m finally ready to share them.
A one-shot, you may correct/critic me yet be kind while doing it, it´s my first story.
Sweetie and Spike get to talk and share secrets like real friends, maybe more.
Takes place 2 years after Season 4, making them both teenagers.
Don't be upset just because it´s SpikeBelle.
I got the cover from Google and I don't know who made it. If it was you, you're awesome.
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multiple punctuation errors. Missing spaces. Could be more descriptive.
and missing spaces in description.
I was lost reading as to who was talking to who, Go and read it out loud and ask who is talking to who, (Pretend you're me and I have no idea what the story is about) Have fun ,
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2014/342/d/f/no_time_to_rest_by_hillbe-d8974n8.jpg
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/207/234/you-must-be-new-here-willy-wonka.jpg
Okay, I realize that you probably just worded that really poorly, but I just thought I'd let you know that that right there could possibly be misinterpreted.
You do not say that people 'may' critique you. You do not grant them permission to do so. People will give you their opinions whether you like it or not. They will be kind or rude whether you like it or not. They will do whatever the hell they want to do whether you like it or not.
The point is, you can't control how people will react to your story. You can ask politely that they be polite in turn, but you can't control what other people will do. You can, however, control how you react to them.
All that being said, let's see what I have to say about this story.
There are numerous spelling and grammar mistakes, some of which I can only assume are typos. I can only suggest that you try to find an editor or proofreader who would be willing to offer their services.
With typos like those, I have to ask: Did you write this on your phone or something? Because I really don't understand how a mistake like that could be made on a compiter. If you did write this on your phone, I don't know if that's the best thing to do, as that would probably be pretty hard. If you actually wrote this on your computer... I got nothin'.
Another problem is that the wording in this story is just really, really awkward and incorrect in a lot of places.
Let it be known that I don't have a problem with the base idea for this fic; quite the contrary, really, as I actually rather like it. The base idea could make for a good fic, but then again, pretty much any idea could make for a good story if executed properly. The problem is that the execution of this story isn't very good.
I don't have anything against swearing in fanfics, but this just really came out of nowhere for me, and to top it all off, it's Spike. I'm not necessarily saying that there will never be times in his life where he might cuss, but seriously? He is a baby dragon who has never shown behavior that suggests that he would swear in situations where it's largely unnecessary. Yes, I realize that the 'swear' word he uses isn't that big of a deal, but my point still stands. He could have easily just used words like annoy, tick, upset, or words like that.
...I don't get it. Why is Spike surpised/confused/whateveremotionheisfeelinghere? There isn't any clarification, nor is there any logical progression or proper hints given for the reader to make assumptions without fearing that they've screwed up. I mean, is Spike surprised that Sweetie considers him a friend or something? Granted, that wouldn't make sense, as he thinks of her as a friend, and friendship is generally a mutual practice.
While Pinkie may seem random and illogical at times, there is always a method to her madness. I wouldn't go so far as to call Pinkie irresponsible; I mean she does hold two steady jobs by working as a baker and Ponyville's resident party planner. Saying that she could never be considered a responsible adult is a bit of a stretch.
I'm not gonna be unreasonable and hate on what is probably FlashLight. I only ask this: Since when was Flash a part of Twilight's guard?
And this especially relevant how? They were talking about Twilight, not Cheerilee or Big Mac. Yeah, they are both loosely connected by the topic of love, but that isn't really a good reason.
The pacing is bad, and there is a severe lack of logical progression. I'm sorry, I just had to get that out there. There isn't really a sense of flow from one action to the next, so it comes off as really choppy. Another part of the problem is the fair amount of telling to be found. Here's a general rule of thumb: show don't tell. Look it up.
This area is rather vague, I know, and a lot of times it's hard to explain the specifics. The thing is, all of this probably wouldn't seem as bad if you got rid of all the errors in grammar, spelling, and awkward wording. As it is, these issues are only amplified by each other.
I do this a lot with new authors, but I gotta point you over to The School for New Writers right here on this site. Seriously, give 'em a look and see if their lectures won't help you out.
cf.chucklesnetwork.com/items/5/7/8/8/6/original/one-does-not-simply-ask-for-a-follow.jpg
You earn them.
But yeah, I hope you found this helpful and inoffensive. I wish you luck with improving your writing skills!
5518161 you´ve been watching too many doctor Wolf. however you´re really rigth, thanks 4 comenting
I think you should continue the story.
5588335 thanks but I won´t .I´m working on something right now
Many accounts of grammatical errors, maybe try to recieve a proofreader for your stories?
6448629 I don´t wanna sound like a dumbflank but What´s a proofreader?? thanks 4 your time, BTW
6448694 A proofreader reads your story and fixes any grammar errors and other things of that nature.
6448707 oh yeah, sounds like a great idea, actually. but I don´t know anyone who would be willing to do that.Whatever, good advice there, I´ll see what I can do.Ba Bye