Lunar Rainbow
This life just goes on.
This world has seen and suffered many loses, but somehow manages to keep on going strong. Even in these dark and gloomy times, this life just keeps going.
I live an average life: I work, own a decent home, and I have my own secrets. Every day I walk to work, I dont own a car, but luckly I can walk past the most beautiful forest that still stands in these times. If I remember correctly, that forest has been standing straight up tall ever sense my childhood life with my parents. Sadly, they recently passed away leaving me to fend for myself in these times, but I know that they are watching me every moment I live, helping me through those difficult choices in life that I choose. I work late and walk back on the same path I went previously in the day. Also, I'm a open brony, I don't care what people think of me, because I know that my friends, true friends will accept me for who I am. My lively neighborhood has been sold to an industry which have planned to get it torn down and build a machinery.
I've always loved physics, but with the help of my rubbish job at school, it is very difficult to follow that passion. Although I don't know a lot, I still know enough to conduct my own experiments, test theories, and my own ideas.
While on my way home from a long day at work, I ponder on the idea of trying to create a portal that will teleport me to Equestria or at least get a glimspe of its beautiful colors, being able to see the world for what it is. I decided that when I get home I would prepare myself for the following day in which I will completely put all of my attention into this experiment. Allowing me to hopefully see the colors of the day once more.
Still on my way, now passing the magnificent forest, I notice something. I look and see a small dimly lit area deep in the forest. With my curiousity taking over my body, like an excited dog going on its first walk, I decide that I should go check it out. I creep up towards it trying to make no notice of me. As I get closer, I here the crackling of what seemed like a fire that echoed from the direction of the light. As I got closer, I heard strange sounds. I stop. I listen closely from behind the trunk of a tree which I am hiding behind. Slowly, I turn to look past the corner of the tree trunk to get a look at the creature which has befuddled my mind, making me not notice the sounds from behind me inching closer as I sit there not noticed by the sound. Suddenly, something grabs me.
"Aaahhh!" I scream trying to fight free from the mysterious foe's mighty grip squeezing me like a python suffocating its prey. I finally get free and was about to turn around, when suddenly my vision goes black.
I awake from the sound of the birds chirping from the trees that tower above the piece of grass on which I lay. I stand up, brushing off the bugs and dirt, making sure that nothing was missing. I finally conclude that what ever it was didn't take anything, but it did leave me unconscious. I then notice my surroundings, it is day, the blistering bright sun above my head gleaming its warm beams of light through the small hole in the canopy of the trees. Then I turn, looking at the spot in which the mysterious light came from, and I noticed it was a dried out campfire. I got confused, the creature that I encountered was definitely not human, it didn't sound human, and had incredible strength, so how did it get the knowledge of making a campfire. After pondering about this I decided that it can't be bothered with any more so I found my path in which I entered and started walking home. I finally get home, and go straight into the thing I said I would. I went to my expiraments table in my basement, yes I know the creepy basement, and got set up for when I get wake up from the nap I decided to take while still walking home. I finish setting up, then I start walking up to my bed and I notice that I'm limping. After noticing this I decide to go take a shower because the warm water will help with the leg of my right leg.
I get out of the shower and notice the time 8:00 pm. I decide that I can start the expirament but maybe not be able to finish it. I go to my basement and start working. After trying everything I can before I go to bed, nothing happens. I stopped there and called it a day. I went upstairs, into my room and slept.
In my dreams, I'm lost in what seems like a forest, but it is really hard to tell because of the small light that is coming from a distance. I open my mouth in hopes of being able to call out, "Hello?" to ask if anyone was there, but no words leave my mouth. I stand there feeling paralyzed, continuously trying to speak. After what seemed like eternity I here a sound, but I was confused. The sound I heard wasn't my own. It sounded very distant, but it still echoed through the forest as if the voice came from right behind me. I look up and notice the full moon dead center in the night, not moving what so ever. I gave up on questioning weird things. My attention was only on the task at hand, where was this voice I keep hearing coming from. I continue on down the dark path in the foresty dreamland of mine with high hopes on what I am about to witness. My surroundings suddenly change, now I'm outside near the forest. I decide that I have to go to the lit area in this land than the real. I get to the spot behind the tree that I was at when my concious body took on this journey. However, this time it was different. This time, I'm not blinded by curiosity, so I was able to hear the footsteps creeping up from behind. I turn around, then suddenly the object stopped abruptly, having a confused look on its face.
"How did you know I was here?" the creature asked. It had a sweet soft voice, but it also sounded strick, like she was forcing her voice to sound friendly.
"I...I...," I stutter testing to see if my voice would be heard, luckly it could. "I'm not destracted like I was before so I was able to hear your very light footsteps." It was strange, I knew whatever the creature was, it was right there, but it was all a blur to me, so all I saw was a slightly moving blob of dark blue color.
"So I can tell," the creature replied, I couldn't quite tell what it was looking at, but then I new. Again like last time, my vision disapeared, but instead of darkness, all I saw was light.
Then I awoke.
Something was different, I wasn't in my comfortable bed in my house, no, I was back outside in the same spot from when I got knocked out. Suddenly I hear something.
"So I see you have awaken." The voice said, it seemed familiar, but I wasn't sure. "Would you like me to tell you who and what I am?" the creature asked. What it didn't know was that I recognized the voice, it was the mysterious creature.
"Please will you tell me, I am dying to know who you are." I reply,"my curiosity has taken control of my body twice now, and it is all been about who and what you are, so please let me see you." I call out, but there isn't a reply, but thankfully I hear ruffling of leaves behind me, I slowly turn around letting the true shape of the objet come into my view.
I stood there dumbfounded by what I was seeing.
"You're...." I trailed of from excitment, and out of curiousness.
"Yes, I am the Princess of the Night: Princess Luna." she replies, using the royal canterlot speaking voice. She starts to giggle as I stare at her with a look of what seemed like a mixture between confusion, happiness and shock.
"How did you get into this world?" I asked.
"I will tell you, but in good time, for now I want you to please help find me shelter for where I can lay in peace without being disturbed until I'm able to get back to my home world, do you know where I might be able to stay?" the Princess asks.
"Umm, well I own small home that has two rooms, but the other room is now used as a storage, but if you want I could clean it out for you if you choose to come with me, is that ok?" I ask in reply.
"Anything that is offered, is thankfully recieved." she replies. After that, she followed me to my home, which thankfuly wasn't far away. Hopefully my friend will be able to help me on this. I ponder to myself as we reach my home. I invite her in, and she thanks me with a nod.
One first thing-- you should change the source to just: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/200/9/0/mlp__luna_and_the_moon_by_cleventine-d40zst9.jpg
Anyways...
This seems like a pretty interesting concept. Instead of the standard human-into-Equestria story, we see Princess Luna coming over here. She has some kind of misson to fufill. And the protagonist is not an obsessive brony and seems to be overwhelmed. That's different than your usual fic.
You need to fix your typos and grammar errors. Just look over what you've written and make sure nothing has green or red squiggles under that shouldn't have them. I guess that's not very insightful of me to point out
Try not to use words redundantly: "...for now I want you to please help me find shelter for me so I can peacefully..." You probably shouldn't be using the word "me" twice here. It's awkward. Anyway, I saw that kind of stuff a couple of times.
The idea of the story seems pretty legit. You paint a character that can be easily identified with and create a sense of disorienting mystery. There are obviously a lot of unanswered questions at this point in the story.
I'm not really sure why some people are "closet bronies." Everyone I know (family, friends, and coworkers) knows I'm a brony and they're all cool with it.
537475
Yeah, I pretty much agree with all that.
Quite a lot of spelling errors and the like, but that's nit-picking so I won't go there.
And yes as said before, definitely a nice twist for the most part.
However ... there are a lot of parts ripped straight from "My Little Dashie". I mean come on,the whole turning the area into a factory thing with the desolate neighborhood?
Other than that, not bad.
Hate to sound patronizing or anything, but dang I feel sorry with you having so many downvotes... It's your first story so don't let it get you down.
Sorry if this isnt that good, i have been busy with school and stuff. I might go a bit crazy
ok i just got done editing it tell me now what u think.
thx for the other replies that helped a lot, im an okay speller, but i cant really type while looking up so i look at the keys so it is hard for me to spot some of my mistakes, that is where you guys come in. Helping me make this into a better fanfic.
Hey everyone, just so you guys know, chapter 2 is in production, as in im in the middle of writing it, i will comment when i finish hope u like
for those wondering, im sorry for publishing it, then depublishing it, its just that my friend, co-owner of this fan fic is reading it, so i wanted him to see what i am adding in, i am almost done and going to publish it, so plz be a bit patient
CHAPTER 2 IS NOW PUBLISHED.