Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 37: Infirm Theories

The Mane Six, Amber Glitter, and the two stallions streamed out of the royal box, rushing toward the gladiator’s hall. They twisted and turned, dodging buzzing spectators, conscession servers, and other gladiators before they finally reached the wing of the Coliseum for the gladiators.

“Where’s Purple Heart?” Amber asked, skidding to a halt as they approached Melee Glorious. The old gladiator gestured with a hoof down a hallway.

“That way,” he directed. “First door on the right. It’s full of gladiators congratulating the young buck. He did a solid job out there. For a newb.”

The group began trotting in the direction Melee had pointed. However, as they neared the infirmary, a familiar voice sounded from behind them.

“Your friend is quite the skilled fighter,” Holdfast said, smiling at the surprised mares.

“Oh, Chancellor Holdfast,” Applejack greeted cordially. “Thank ya again for givin’ us directions to Princess Amber. An’ yes, he is.”

Holdfast’s smile grew wider. “I was hoping to speak with one of you about the fighting style he used. I’ve never seen anypony fight quite like that.” He looked pointedly at each of the group, his eyes resting on Wits End slightly longer.

Wits End’s eyebrows knitted. He turned to face the group with a smile. “I’ll take care of this. You guys go check on Purple Heart.”

“Okay, I’ll leave some wounds for you to poke,” Light Patch said, trotting away. Amber merely inclined her head before herding the Mane Six into the infirmary, shoving at several of the gladiators already there in the process.

With a nod of his head, Holdfast dismissed Melee and the other gladiators. “I’m surprised,” he said, pacing over a small area.

“How so?” Wits asked, staying exactly where he was.

“When I first saw you, I was sure that threatening your friends would inspire you to finish your task as quickly as possible.” Holdfast looked over his shoulder at the mint-colored unicorn. “Instead, I find you befriending the very pony you’ll have to… deal with.”

Wits felt his jaw tightening, but forced himself to remain calm, putting a smug smirk on his face. “If all you wanted was a simple assassination, you wouldn’t have waited to blackmail me,” he said plainly, matching the snow-colored stallion’s gaze.

“You have me figured out so quickly?” Holdfast asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I have some experience with plots like this.” Wits End took a seat on one of the benches scattered about the room, ignoring the fact that his experience was entirely in video games. “Even if I had stabbed Amber in the back in that box, it wouldn’t do what you wanted.”

While his smile remained, the humor was gone from Holdfast’s eyes. “Do tell.”

Wits crossed his back legs. “If there’s any hint of foul play around Amber’s death,” he thought for a moment, “or disappearance, for that matter, it’ll arouse suspicion from the king and his court.” His eyebrows narrowed as he watched Holdfast’s face. “Suspicion makes it harder for someone outside of the royal family to take the throne. Sound familiar so far?”

“You’re telling a very interesting story so far,” Holdfast replied.

“You don’t just want Amber dead,” Wits continued. “You want her destroyed, remember? You want to make sure she can’t be in your way, dead or alive. That takes time. And work.”

Holdfast’s eyes hardened. “And how do you plan to do that?”

Wits waved a hoof dismissively. “You don’t really want to know that. You want deniability, in case something managed to go wrong.”

“Humph.” Holdfast looked down his muzzle at the unicorn. “Maybe you’re not as thoughtless as I thought.”

“Thanks for the confidence.” Wits End stood back up, stretching his back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make sure my friend isn’t going to die any time soon.”

Holdfast narrowed his eyes. “You should take care to remember who’s in control.”

Wits looked back, staring back at the snow-white stallion. “And you should take care not to come near me or my friends ever again.”

Holdfast chuckled. “Or what?”

Wits’ mouth worked silently. He’d forgotten to think about the followup to that threat. “Well, I’ll…”

“That’s what I thought.” Holdfast walked past the mint-colored pony, stopping when the two were shoulder-to-shoulder. “You’re too good of a pony to make threats like that.” He chuckled, walking back out of the arena. “I wish you the best of luck.”

Wits End stood in the silence, feeling his jaw clench and unclench. Forcing himself to calm down, he put a relaxed smile on and walked into the infirmary.

The Mane Six, Amber Glitter, and Light Patch were all clustered around one of the infirmary beds when Wits End entered the room, elbowing past the departing gladiators. Rainbow Dash fluttered over the bedridden form of Purple Heart and chuckled in amusement.

“Boy,” the blue pegasus chortled, “that big lug was lucky you didn’t go after it.”

“Humph,” Purple Heart snorted. “In my experience there’s no such thing as luck. And I wouldn’t have been able to push a foal over, much less a 500 pound earth pony.” Twilight stared at the reclining earth pony, her brow furrowed.

“So,” she paused, “you were bluffing.” A pained chuckle drifted from Purple Heart’s lips and soon the purple barbarian was coughing.

“Twilight,” he hacked, “I was bluffing so hard I felt like a bureaucratic ponce. That should be an indication of how much hurt I am in.”

“Someone mention a ponce?” Wits End asked from the doorway. He stopped, staring at the wounded Earth Pony. “Holy crap, you got uglier!”

Purple Heart frowned and attempted to raise his hoof to bop the pinto in the nose but couldn’t even get it out from under the covers. “Yeah, well, having two colossus sized ponies rearranging your face will do that. I just hope the heals help. I can’t feel my face. That aside, those two behemoths were terrifying. ‘Rookie Ranked’ my arse. More like heavy weight boxer ranked.”

“Where does it hurt?” Amber Glitter asked softly. Purple Heart’s gaze shifted to the golden unicorn. One of his eyes twitched.

“My everything,” the purple earth pony growled, “with a side of ridiculous bruising. Hold the internal bleeding please.”

“Owch,” Applejack murmured. One of the infirmary attendants trotted over and pulled out a metal probe.

“I need to run a few short tests on you before we clear you for further care,” the unicorn nurse chirped.

“Could you walk instead of run?” Purple Heart asked through a clenched jaw. “I dun think I can take running.” The unicorn smiled gently and began poking.

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?”

“Astronomical.” Several of the ponies present winced. “My bruises have bruises.”

Poke. “Does that hurt?”

“No.”

The nurse frowned and poked a little harder.

“How about now?”

“Nope. Are you even doing anything?”

The nurse unicorn brought her horn close to the purple earth pony and let a mist of magic drift across Purple Heart’s face. Within seconds, Purple Heart was snoring softly. The nurse turned to the purple barbarian’s companions and gestured for them to move away from the bed.

“Is something wrong?” Twilight asked.

The nurse shrugged. “Yes and no. We usually see this with ponies who lose in the arena, not the ones that win. His brain is reacting to the extreme levels of pain that he’s feeling by shutting those senses out. It keeps him from being overwhelmed and paralyzed.”

“But how come he kept saying he was hurting?” Amber piped up. The nurse walked back over to Purple Heart and gestured with a hoof.

“If he just went completely numb, it could cause more damage. In his state now, if he couldn’t feel any pain at all, he might tear a muscle, or cut himself and not recognize it. So, his brain is remaining aware of the sensation of pain without letting his conscious mind be aware of the intensity.” The nurse smiled. “In other words, his body is screaming at him, and his brain is taking those complaints and writing them on a note to pass on later. Once he’s recovered, he’ll definitely feel what happened to him.”

“Ah,” the mares hummed.

The nurse looked up at them, a questioning expression on her face.

“One of you wouldn’t happen to be an authorized Cleric, would you?”

“I’m a cleric,” Light Patch said stepping forward, “My name is B.J. Ponicutt, and this,” he gestured to Wits End, “is my partner and philosophical focus, Ferret Face.”

Without looking, Wits End smacked the back of Light Patch’s head. “If anypony, I’m Winnychester III, M.D.”

After a moment under the nurse’s glare, Light Patch relented. “Alright, Okay! The name’s Light Patch. But I am a cleric.” The nurse sighed and shook her head.

“It seems only magical healing will alter his injuries,” she explained. “I’m certain that any remedies and poultices we have at our disposal will be poorly insufficient with the kind of damage that’s been inflicted on him.”

“You heard her,” Applejack said, gesturing toward the purple pony. “Do that Cleric stuff.”

“You got it Appledoc.” Light Patch walked over and sat down next to his friends bed. He rubbed his fore hooves together for a couple of seconds. “Clear!” he shouted, surprising the nurse who was unused to the grey pegasus’ antics. With a small buzzing noise coming from his mouth, he slapped his hooves down and used his healing magic. A flash of white ran through the barbarian pony as the healing magic worked through him. Purple Heart jerked awake, his eyes wide at the shock. The nurse trotted over and moved her mask out of the way as she looked into the purple earth pony’s blue eyes. She lifted the probe once more and poked him.

“Did you feel that?”

“Feel what?” Purple Heart squeaked. “Everything REALLY hurts!” The nurse smiled and turned to the dumbstruck Mane Six and Amber Glitter.

“See? I told you he’d feel it. He should be fine now,” she declared. “He needs to stay in bed for a few days though.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Purple Heart hissed, laying back down on the pillows. “I am hurting so bad it isn’t even funny. I have no intentions of leaving this bed.” He blinked before amending his statement. “Except for toilet things.”

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie giggled. Purple Heart glared at the two mares.

“What did I just say?!” the bedridden earth pony snapped. “No funny!”

“You should know better than that,” Wits said, taking a seat at the end of the infirmary bed. “Still, you managed to win the fight. As long as you can keep this up, you’ll be free in time to pick up your insurance policy.”

Purple Heart rolled eyes. It was the only thing he could do without invoking pain. “Welp, I hope you nine manage to find some good dirt on Bastion. Cuz I can’t do squat until I get my freedom. So, what’d you all find so far?”

Rainbow Dash straightened up, smirking self-importantly. “Well, we found exactly the dirt we need after talking with the Princess. The… uh. The two places. Falala and Gila Monster.”

“Phloren an’ Ghuildur,” Applejack corrected. “With a ‘h’.” Purple Heart began to cough. While most of the ponies present ignored him, two colts in particular, an alicorn, and a unicorn could have sworn he was laughing.

“Yeah,” the rainbow-maned mare shrugged, “them. They wanna fight over something or other.”

Fluttershy raised a hoof. “Actually, they’ve been in discussions for a couple of months. There have been border disputes, and they’ve both been threatening to, um, go to war if something goes wrong.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “That’s what I said.”

Purple Heart narrowed his eyes as he digested the explanation. “Was a princess involved? Somepony by the name of Buttercup?”

Applejack looked around at the assembled ponies. “No… Ah mean, that’s what th’ poor, lost circus performers we talked to said.”

Any possible reaction Purple Heart could’ve done if he weren’t in a ridiculous amount of pain was reduced to him merely arching an eyebrow. Even that caused the purple earth pony to grimace. “Huh. So what does this have to do with Bastion? He shouldn’t care what happens unless they’re both his allies.”

“They are,” Amber piped up, her brow furrowed. “I’m actually concerned about whose side he’ll pick.”

“He might take the third option,” Wits said with a frown.

Rarity’s mouth curled up in a smile. “Oh darling, are you going to tell us what you had to seduce out of that information broker?”

Wits’ face went blank. “I didn’t seduce him,” he said flatly.

“Really? The hole punched in that card says otherwise.”

The sound that came out of Wits’ mouth was halfway between a choke and shush. “ANYWAY.” He cleared his throat, avoiding eye contact with the smirking fashionista. “It looks like King Bastion’s been acting as a negotiator between both kingdoms. If the info is good, then talks are going south fast.”

“Charming,” Purple Heart mused. “A double-dipper. Continue.”

Rarity flipped her mane. “That’s all we could get. After that, our mister Wits had to excuse us before things got too personal.”

Wits End narrowed his eyes at the marshmallow-colored mare. “In any case,” he continued, “there’s not a whole lot that gives us. It’s not enough reason to trouble unless…”

“Unless Roania has claims on provinces owned by Phloren and Ghuildur,” Twilight finished. “Which they do.”

Purple Heart turned his head slowly to smile weakly at Wits End. “Bet you’re happy you had those hundreds of hours in Coltsader Kings 2, huh?”

“It makes scheming a lot easier,” Wits said with a nod. “How’d those provinces get lost?”

Twilight closed her eyes for a moment as she called up what she had read. “Phloren and Ghuildur use to be in a union. Between the two of them, they pressured the last king of Roania to give up the provinces. The union was split when the royal line ended, but they still hold control over the provinces. Wait...” Her eyes opened, her ears perking up. “At that point, the king would’ve been Bastion’s father!”

“So, Bastion is looking to reclaim the birthright that daddy dearest had to give up?” Light Patch guessed, rubbing his chin.

“And by getting involved in the peace talks,” Wits said, continuing from Light Patch’s thought, “Bastion can set off a war between Phloren and Ghuildur, then step in as a sort of peacekeeper and take back that territory.”

“But what good would killing off his sibling do him?” Purple Heart asked, glancing around at the other healer ponies in the infirmary. “If he already has the throne by being the one to succeed his father, killing his sister serves no purpose other than ensuring he doesn’t get stabbed in the back.”

“Well, it could be as simple as making sure the way stays clear,” Light Patch chimed in. “After all, dead ponies don’t claim thrones… or he found out that she was plotting to off him, so he acted first. Or he never did.” Light Patch trailed off.

“Maybe Twilight’s right,” Pinkie interjected. “What if King Bubble Bath didn’t have anything to do with Valley General? Maybe it was somepony else? Like Hold-the-Phone? Or Boom Bang Pow? Or Minty Fresh?”

“What was that last one?” Wits End asked.

Amber rolled her eyes. “I don’t know much about Vale Blossom, but Bastion could have gone after her because she found out he wanted the provinces and fiefs that are his by right. I don’t think he would’ve cared how he got those lands.”

Twilight inclined her head in agreement. “We’ll keep that in mind. Regardless, I think we need more information on all fronts. Why don’t we reconvene after Purple Heart’s next bout?”

“Fine by me,” Purple Heart chimed as the rest of the Mane Six nodded in agreement. “I’m gonna need maybe a few days before I go back in the arena looking for more pain. I’d rather hurt one bout at a time, thank you very much.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Light Patch said, lightly slapping the purple barbarian with his hoof and a healing spell. “There’s one for the road.”

“Try to not fail so much next time, too,” Wits End said as the group left.

Purple Heart harrumphed and growled under his breath. “I’ll try not to. Gits.” Amber smiled and ran a hoof over the purple barbarian’s mane. Purple Heart froze at the contact. The golden unicorn brought her face closer to the still purple barbarian.

“Get well soon,” Amber whispered before kissing the stunned earth pony on the cheek. She left him then, walking through the infirmary door. Purple Heart stared after her, his cobalt eyes wide with shock.

“Whadacarp just happened?” From beyond the doorway, the sounds of a particular mint-colored stallion shouting the words ‘Kiss, Kiss, Fall in Love’ echoed in the hallway.

Author's Note:

Authors: Purple Heart, Wits End, Light Patch

Comments

[susykabloozie]

OK, OK, OK.
What about Foalan and Geldur?
When can we meet a graduate of Hoostra?

[Dravkwn]

That should be an indication of how much hurt I am in.”

Is that one of those purposely misspoken phrases or was it supposed to be pain? I find the how much hurt I am in to be funny, but I have to question its correctness.

There have been border disputes, and they’ve both threatening to, um, go to war if something goes wrong.”

both been threatening

“Oh darling, are you going to tell us what you had to seduce out of that information broker?”

This one amused me for some odd reason. I demand you seduce me with more such amusements!

[bluemoon1996]

I’m a cleric,” Light Patch said stepping forward, “My name is B.J. Ponicutt, and this,” he gestured to Wits End, “is my partner and philosophical focus, Ferret Face.”

Without looking, Wits End smacked the back of Light Patch’s head. “If anypony, I’m Winnychester III, M.D.”

I am pleased by this mash reference