The Governance Question
The Governance Question
In the years immediately following The Great Warming, there was little in the way of an actual, central government. It was decided that that particular issue would come later, with a congress agreed to meet in five years time, to see if the three races could even live side-by-side, and forge a society. In the meantime the three tribes still needed to finish settling in to the land, and more importantly get used to the idea that the three races were now to live together. To do this, the three leaders acted in their own ways to help the situation along.
Chancellor Puddinghead stepped down from power, and helped organize get-togethers that would encourage inter-ration friendships, whose tones ranged, depending on how lucid she was while arranging them, from calm, dignified banquets that many of the Earth Pony Gentry and Unicorn Nobility found most enjoyable, to rowdy fracases that no sane parent would want their children attending.
In fact, the three common synonyms of such celebratory gatherings all come from the same Ancient Equestrian root word, each one from the connotation meant by the three types of celebration Puddinghead arranged: the kind that was calm, social, and acted as more of an especially large gossip event with the occasional Ball turned the root word into 'Soirée,' the more rambunctious, energetic gathering with cheap but tasty foods that focused on games, dancing to common music and having a good time descended from the root into 'party,' and the final type changed the word into the Modern Equestrian word the word 'orgy,' which had alcohol aplenty, and tended to result in either foals, or an epidemic of venereal disease, depending on who showed up. Given the population boom the records show in these three years, Puddinghead's last, in proportion to the cumulative population growth in the years previous, it can be reasonably speculated which type might have been the more popular.
Hurricane, meanwhile, did what was no doubt a very difficult thing for him to do: He actually disbanded a full third of the former Junta's army, and ordered the troops to branch out and learn what they could about the kinds of work that the Earth Ponies and Unicorns did. The intention being that, since all three tribes were now supposed to work in direct cooperation now, rather than mutually leaching off of each other, the Pegasi needed to learn new skills other than simply controlling the weather, or waging war.
To assist in this endeavor, and to set a good example, the Commander actually stepped down from power, and, with the help of Smart cookie and her family, set up his own little farming estate to the north of where Canterlot now stands. This in spite of his lifetime of superior demeanor towards the Earth Ponies. No doubt it was a bitter pill to swallow. However, from his many letters after the estate was completed and in full operation, Hurricane expressed a newfound respect for the farm work of Earth Ponies, of how the fight to grow enough food to last through winter was 'a more vicious and unending war the likes of which no soldier can comprehend.' He also go on to express wonderment at the miracle of life and watching seeds he himself plant turn into a field of crops or mighty trees.
As for Platinum and the former Unicornia, the Princess had plans for the Nobility before settlement began in earnest almost a decade prior. With what she dubbed her 'new nobility,' unicorns from the lower classes who settled the land first using funds from the Royal Treasury as loans, and close allies in the court won over by being gifted lands, and the revitalized Royal Army, Platinum intended to wipe out the whole families of the most notorious members of the court, and those of their easily manipulated 'friends' whose main purpose was to bolster their voices in the court. With no heirs left to inherit their lands in the River Valley and Equestria, those same lands would either revert to the Throne, or be digested amongst the surviving neighbors. After The Great Warming, Platinum's plans went unchanged, and in fact took advantage of the fact that, with most of the populous out and celebrating, the overthrow would be either unnoticed, or celebrated, as the recent revelation of the Windigos involvement in the plummeting temperatures, and the ponies own hatred causing it, resulted in a heightened awareness of any antagonism, and fears that individuals who were especially malevolent might cause the monsters to return once more.
With this accomplished, all of the obstacles that stood in the way of Platinum's political agenda were wiped away, giving her free reign to do as she wished. Her original plans for Unicornia shot, she instead took a second glance at what the other tribes had to offer, politically, and decided that Democracy, with all its faults (Puddinghead's reign being a prominent example), had the best chance of ensuring that leadership that cared more about the position of the nation, rather than that individual. And in fact, the fact that it did not require, and in fact discouraged , a hereditary line of rule was perfectly in line with her own agenda of fading out the Line of Æthelric, and the idea of mortal kings and queens, from the pony governing concept. From Year 0 onwards, Platinum would work behind the scenes, subtly encouraging the idea of a democratic rule. But encouragement is not the same as concrete, legally outlined reality, and it was only a matter of time before the anarchy of Post-Warming Equestra was taken advantage of.
While in the years after the Warming ponies began to tentatively intermingle, there were still large swaths of territory dominated by Earth Pony, Unicorn and Pegasus society, and thus the typical trappings of the now dismantled states of Celestine, Kingdom of Unicorns and Hyracotherium were still lived by, and in some cases imposed upon. By year 4 AW, tensions began to rise in more evenly ruled areas over who was truly in control. This came to a head in the Wet Hooves Massacre.
The very name of the incident is an example of the politically-charged nature of The Governance Question, as it was not a massacre at all. In fact, nopony was even harmed, physically at least (and even then, not seriously). The small village of Wet Hooves (in present day Trottingham), one of thousands founded during and after the colonization period, was founded as an Earth Pony settlement, but after the Warming retired pegasi warriors and unicorn serfs flooded into the area, creating a unique blend of cultures in the short time period. In the spring, the son of the noble that the Unicorn serfs of Wet Hooves had in fact fled servitude of, one Count Atropine, came into the village to call the ponies back to his domain. However, he and the small army of mercenaries he had with him were surprised to find that not only were the former peasants highly antagonistic to the idea, but their fellow villagers, earth ponies and pegasi all, were actually standing in protection of them.
According to the accounts of the few literate villagers, Atropine was confused and off-put by the unexpected resistance, and tried to regain control of the situation in the typical noble fashion of boasting and general saber-rattling. However, at least two of the pegasi did not even give him the chance and in fact body slammed him before he could unsheathe his sword, resulting in maybe a black eye and maybe a lost tooth, after which the count, no more than a colt, turned tail and ran. Not precisely a horrendous episode, but to hear the count tell the tale one would be mistaken for assuming that more monstrous actions occurred. And with the nobility of the former Kingdom's love of gossip, the entire situation grew so far out of proportion that even the most proficient teleporters could not reach one end of it to the other. And with the recent death of Puddinghead there was no pony to help stem the tide, by way of utterly confusing all the ponies involved if nothing else.
When the talk finally began to die down, it was clear that the breaking point of anarchy was being reached. Princess Platinum wrote to Smart Cookie, Pansy and Clover the Clever immediately to begin organizing a Governmental Congress.
'...If a government is not established soon, then the less nationalistic amongst our number will force a government upon the land, and thus instigate a civil war the likes of which none of us in our lifetimes, or our ancestors' lifetimes, have ever seen. The [Lake Trot] Crisis will seem an amusement in comparison. And whomever wins will impose a despotic tyranny upon the land and all ponies, crafting a steaming hatred in the hearts of two-thirds of the populous. This will lead to another civil war, whose end will lead to another tyranny when the majority victors eventually turn upon each other, creating more distrust and hatred, repeating the process ad infinitum.
'Clearly my friends, a convention simply must be held. One whose intent is the form a government all three races can live under happily. Otherwise, everything we and our loved ones fought and sacrificed for will come to naught.'
In the month leading up to the fifth anniversary of the Warming, the four mares began inviting representatives from each tribe to the cave the six founders fought off the windegos, now called Friendship Cavern, to hammer out a constitution for a government for Equestria. Even before all of the delegates arrived, it was clear that the simple fact that the four-fifths majority needed to even decide on the type of government was going to be a clear hassle.
The representatives of the Earth Ponies wanted a democratic government, the pegasi a stratocracy (or at least something very similar to it) and a majority of the Unicorns wanted either a return of the Monarchy with Princess Platinum on the throne (the majority of which were the landed gentry and ascended nobility set up during the decade of colonization), or a return to the pure feudal system before the monarchy (the majority of which being the survivors-by one way or another-of Platinum's purge).
Even with four of the five living founders in favor of democracy (Smart Cookie due to her believe in the ideals of the system, Pansy by default due to her dislike of the idea of a monarchy, Clover by her belief in ponies instilled by her mentor, and Platinum by her personal dislike of the nobility) there was still strong opposition centered around two individuals. For the Pegasi this was in Colonel Thunderbolt, Pansy's half-sister and a strong believe in the concept of "The Might of the Mighty," a political ideology where the Right to Rule was granted by a strong military to enforce the Rule of Law and grant protection from Foreign Threats.
In the years before and after the Warming, Thunderbolt wrote many treatises and pamphlets defining The Might of the Mighty and how in functioned in the context of government. The writings proved very popular amongst the Pegasi and even many Earth Ponies and Unicorns thought her arguments were well articulated. Smart Cookie in particular was impressed with the mare.
'That youth [Thunderbolt being only 29 at the time of the convention] is like a prize rooster: She looks pretty enough, but she has some nasty claws that can scratch you up something fierce.'
While the Pegasi were the more monolithic in their opposition, the Unicorns were fragmentary. From her diaries, Clover confides in Platinum's thoughts on the matter.
'The Princess is both grateful and dreadful of the disunion of our fellow unicorns. Grateful because the disinclination to come together means that there is no wave to batter through in order to gain support. Dreadful because so many factions makes it most difficult to work. Like a fire that has worked into the very walls of a home, the moment the flames or irritation of one faction are dispersed, another faction with widely different grievances arises. However, I can tell that she, and I agree in this, that a thousand little waves are a better prospect than a singular mammoth wave, as all of the little factions will be too busy fighting amongst each other to be heard that by the time of decision comes about, that many of them will be in effect abstain entirely, not counting any alliances and coalitions we convince to our side.'
On the opening day, it was decided that, in order for the convention delegates to debate toward their true consciousness', the public at large would be barred from witnessing the proceedings, enforced by soldiers from all three races. However, Clover the Clever insisted that accurate minutes be taken to preserve the convention for posterity. Thanks to this, little episodes of drama have been shown for us to witness as they happened. In the first day, when each delegation was given the chance to propose and explain their pet model of government, both the Pegasi (represented by Colonel Thunderbolt) and the Earth Ponies (represented by Smart Cookie) each gave their arguments as a singular body. The Unicorns on the other hoof, gave no less than thirteen speeches by thirteen representatives. In fact, most of the first day was taken up by hearing the opening arguments of the Unicorns, at least four of which were totally alike except in wording that reflected their faction's vision of Equestria.
However, the fourteenth and last representative of the Unicorns, Grand-Duke Benzatine, gave not a plan for a government, but a call for his fellow Unicorns to come together in a unified front, otherwise "[they] will be stung up singly, if we cannot make ourselves hung uniformly." He then motioned that the meeting be adjourned for the day, which was seconded simultaneously by the entirety of the Pegasi and Earth Pony Delegation, sans Pansy and Smart Cookie respectively. Benzatine then invited the entire Unicorn Delegation to his new mansion for a feast and a bed to spend the night, which a large portion of the delegates accepted.
The next day, Benzatine proposed a Unified Unicorn Proposal that would have established a Monarchy with Platinum on the throne, with the nobility granted a degree of autonomy, in addition to being expanded to include the most respected members of the other two races amongst their number. The proposal was not surprising to the Founders, but the fact that a vast majority of the other unicorns either were for it or at least unopposed was very unexpected.
Benzatine, in addition to being very charismatic, was one of the few nobles of the court who had worked in the best interests of the throne rather than his own selfish goals, thus ensuring that he survived the Purge five years previous. Plus, as his title suggests, his own personal mines were rivaled by none in the former Kingdom, and surpassed by few other than the Royal Treasury itself. Altogether, the Government Convention may well have stalled or even failed had he lived. However, within a week he died after indulging in too much wine, after which the alliances with the other unicorns he had been working on broke apart before he was even buried as the multitude of factions turn upon each other.
In the days and weeks that followed, Princess Platinum, Clover the Clever and Pansy managed to produce a steady flow of defectors from the Unicorn delegates. The reasons for the conversions being either a true desire to see democracy at work rather than the constant bickering of the nobles, a sense in the changing winds and wanting to be a part of it, or simply to spite one rival or another.
The Unicorns dealt with, all that was left was to break the back of the Pegasi's call for a Military-Government. However, whereas the Unicorns came pre-broken and requiring more effort to hold together than to break down, the Pegasi had a culture of unity in the face of opposition, and thus Divide and Conquer would not work, and may in fact have backfired. For months, every day, Colonel Thunderbolt and her supporters would bicker with the Democracy Party over the merits of one form of government over the other, with tensions slowly rising every day. Finally it came to a head when Thunderbolt gave an ultimatum: Kneel to an Equestrian Junta, or be forced to. After which she and the Pegasi delegation stormed out.
The next day, just as the meeting was to come to order, the entire Pegasi Delegation, plus what must have seemed like the entire Pegasus population of Equestria in arms, marched upon the cave. At the lead was Colonel Thunderbolt, demanding the convention's answer.
Naturally Clover the Clever, as President of the convention, would have declined, regardless of what the dozens of other delegates may have said, but in the end it would not come to that. The reason being that at that time, Hurricane, in full armor, his personal War Banner flying, with the entirety of the surviving members of his Chiefs-of-Staff from throughout his tenure as Commander of the Junta (all twenty of them, also in full battle dress) marched upon the mob. Thunderbolt welcomed the Commander, taking his presence and state of dress as a sign of Hurricane's approval. However, the old war-horse famously said "Junta ponit eam non solum resurgere."
"I did not put down the Junta just to see it rise again."
In the stunned silence that followed, Hurricane then praised Thunderbolt for her well argued political tracks, but then began to pick apart her points and arguments from each and every one of her pamphlets with personal experience and historical incidences within the Junta, from corruption to simple abuses of power. Sullamander and Mareinus were surely mentioned, but other past tyrannical commanders were certainly mentioned as well. It is a great tragedy of history that the minutes-takers were either too far away or caught unprepared to write down what he said, as the debate would have most certainly filled a number of chronological and historical gaps in what is known about the history of Celestine.
However, Smart Cookie mentioned the incident in a letter to her husband, and gave the best of a transcript she could manage for the end of it.
'Thunderbolt, bless her heart, seemed all sorts of torn up by this. Oh would wouldn't tell from the audience by the way she was standing and the tone of her voice, but if you were right there front and center like I was, and you could tell she was heartbroken to see her daddy dead set against her. I know you always say I look to far into things and all of that. However, I know little fillies Able Smith. I carried seven and raised four, and I know when a young filly wants to make her daddy proud and knows she's only made him upset in the trying, and the look on Thunderbolt's face was exactly the same as when Rotekraut broke the wagon axel trying to carry the produce to market on your birthday.
'Now, I've said many a time of how I don't like how Hurricane never played a role in rearing his own kids, pegasi culture be damned. I don't care what clover says it's not right. However, I dare to think that Hurricane, somehow, knew that look on her face too. He was more of a daddy to Pansy than he was to any of his other little army of ankle-biters so I suppose he has practice. Because then he put his hoof on her shoulder, and said in a voice real quiet like, "I agree with you on one thing though daughter, a strong military is mandatory for a safe home. But what is the point of freedom from the threats from outside, when the inside is vulnerable from attack? You were two [sic] young to remember Sullamander's madness, but trust me when I say that I shudder at the thought of her like coming to power, and no pony being able to get rid of her."
'Then he did something I found right peculiar. The old boy cantered on over to Clover, and took her hoof in his own, putting his other hoof over it. He had this real sweet and warm smile on his face looking at Clover's. Bless her heart, I would have thought that that little filly would have just died right then, what with that big blush on her cheeks, wide eyes, ears as far back as you please and chewing on her lip all nervous and surprise. Cutest little thing I ever saw. Pansy and Platinum have mentioned now and again of how Hurricane was all smitten over Clover, and she was the same way but too shy to admit it, and Ill tell you what, after what I saw I'd buy it. I know stallions like to do big and fancy things to show off for their Lady Love, but I'd say that circumventing a coup and turning into a political rally for the movement of said lady's pet government type is a new one in my book. Of course, when one is giving a speech, it's important to not leave it off being vague about what you're trying to say, so he said this bit loud enough to be heard. Amusingly right in Clover's face.
"That is why I toss in my lot with this 'Democracy' idea. Let those being ruled decide what is the best sort of leadership for their land. And when that leader proves ill-fitting or unworthy of that title, let those being ruled have the power to cast them out, all without the loss of a single drop of blood."
And Able Smith, I don't think I've heard cheering so loud since the Warming. I'll admit it. I cried a little.'
The convention was adjourned for the day, to allow everypony time to recover from the scare. After the next day, Colonel Thunderbolt offered the pegasi's support for a democratic government.
However, that was simply the biggest hurdle to leap. There were still scores of other issues and subjects needed to be ironed out. Who got taxes? Who collected them? Who said how much each demographic paid? Just how much territory did the Equestrian Republic actually encompass? Who was eligible to vote and/or serve? How long would they serve? And how often?
Furthermore, Puddinghead, being the last Chancellor of the Hyracotherium Republic, did not provide a positive example of the sort of pony most would want to see in a position of Executive Power, and thus requirements limiting on who could run would also be needed, plus hundreds of other little things debated, weighed, debated again, voted on and finally decided.
Smart Cookie had drafted a provisional constitution that addressed what she saw as flaws in the Hyracotherium's constitution that allowed Puddinghead to both get into power, and stay there. Granted some changes were made and almost every sentence was heavily debated, but by and large what Smart Cookie had written was what was passed and ratified. In all, the Constitutional Convention lasted eleven months, with almost all of the delegates meeting every day, on one occasion even as one of their number gave birth, refusing to abandon the floor during her speech. But at long last Equestria had a solid government with all the powers and responsibilities that suggests. And much to her chagrin, Smart Cookie was nominated and unanimously voted in as the first Premier of the Equestrian Republic.
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APRIL FOOLS MOTHERBUCKERS!!
Don't worry, tomorrow I'll unpublish this chapter. Maybe transfer it to the Side Stories.
You son of a bitch. I've been waiting so long for an update on this, but this is just so hilarious I can't actually be mad at you for posting it
Well played, good sir, well played
WELL PLAYED.
When I first saw it was updated
Three paragraphs in:
Continues to read:
In the intro: "no single book cannot replace a properly structured and scheduled classroom" , don't you mean can?
Well.
Although it was the addition of a mandatory April Fools Chapter that brought me here, I am still glad that I found this piece of literature (since "story isn't quite accurate description for this). It was interesting to read someone else's headcanon, especially since the said headcanon is quite extensive.
Some of the ideas and names and locations you had vere almost same with my corresponding, while others clashed almost violently with my own. That clashing kind was much more preferable, because it challenged my own headcanon, and allowed me to improve my own.
(I too have written down much of my own headcanon, though purely for my own use; I have the Worst bucking memory ever, and if I don't write these things down, chances are that I forget them.)
I hope you don't mind if I
shamelesly stealuse some aspects, ideas and small details of this historical overview tofix my broken headcanonimprove my own headcanon, and hopefully, my future stories.Edit: Celestia damn it, I just can't write english at all. I so need a pre-reader. And proof reader. And then some regular readers...
Ah, how nice... *Readies baseball bat*
Don't worry, Twilight. It happens to the best of us. Next time, save it for the historical fanfiction.
(Honestly, I thought Pinkie had decided to make a few additions to the manuscript, but this works too.)
Ok I admit it I laught at this
>Smart Cookie, with a bedside manner I can only describe as maternal, kept Trencher awake by asking him questions, about what he saw in Pansy that made all of this worth it. I will not repeat what he said, as it is private, but I will say it was very sweet.
Umm, I have a humble request: could you publish this exchange in your Side Stories?
Anyway, I was brought over here by the feature-bar, and have no idea why I didn't stumble upon this sooner. You have a compelling and engaging story, with easy-to-read word choice which makes up for the occasional typo, and I find myself in anticipation of the next real chapter.
Nice one my friend I didn't see that one coming.
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MAKE THIS A SEPERATE SIDE STORY NOW!!!
Hilarious chapter, do keep this up and don't unpublish it or just move to the Side Stories either works for me.
This is the most well done April Fools chapter I've seen today
Ha. Thought the chapter was real until after the first video. Very good sir, very good.
YES
YEP! Real chapter this time, on this fine April 10th! For realsies!
Anyway, Benzatine is a portmanteau of "Benzine" and "Byzantine." The former is a poisonous compound, and the later pertains to the Byzantine Empire (Or, the East Roman Empire, the half that survived the West by about 1000 years), whose court politics was notorious for its political games that often resulted in assassination via poison (not that West Rome was any different, just look at the events of how Nero came to power).
Also! Did you know that Methanol, or 'Wood Alcohol,' is all but indistinguishable from Ethanol or 'grain' alcohol, in taste or flavor? And yet it is much more toxic.
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Well of course you can! It's part of the point of this little project: To create a unified Fanon for fans to draw from.
"Why do you halfwits keep giving me power!?!"
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Methinks that "much to her chagrin" was a sizeable understatement...
Reading this, that Benzatine actually sounds like a reasonable and responsible fellow.
Well, right up until the bit about allowing the nobility 'autonomy', of course.
Amazing what the history books leave out sometimes. (The rest of the time, it's tragic.)
I actually thought this was a real chapter, well played.
I totally love Hurricane!
That's one of the best declarations of love I've ever come across in any work of fiction! It's different, kinda strange, but sweet all the same!
I'm very disappointed in Thunderbolt. So Hurricane points out all the problems with the Junta, so what? She had the perfect example of the problems with Democracy in Puddinghead, and she didn't even bother. Puddinghead's rule was illegal for over a decade, but the lunatic was still in charge! Yep, that's a fine example of the "better government system"