willysfilly
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yeah this is pretty much a rape story
Nope. Didn't read this expecting rape. Just, no.
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5428262 Non-consensual generally means "forced". So in a way, yes.
If you were going for an ellipses, you are one period short. If you were going for a period, you have one too many.
Same here. You need one more for an ellipses or one less for a period.
You may have left out a word or two here.
The narrator should not refer to the character by their nicknames, or, in this case, their abbreviations.
Applejack loses her accent at the end here.
Missing comma.
Applejack's accent drops off again.
This should probably have an Alternate Universe tag. I am pretty sure Equestria does not have televisions or automatic coffee makers.. The story idea itself is not bad, but there are a few things that are... odd. The main issue is that Rarity does not even try to fight back. It does not even occur to her to fight back. She just lays there like a wimp and takes it. Rarity is part of the Unicorn master race and Applejack is just a mud pony. It would be easy for Rarity to fight off Applejack.
KBO.
5428788
Equestria has cinemas, movies, radio technology, and other highly advanced things in the show itself.
5428788
Their technology level changes depending on the need of the plot or jokes.
They have night vision goggles, industrial dryers, and phones.
This is well within canon.
5428788
Perhaps I was taught wrong.
Fixed
I tried not to keep overly using "the mare", "the earth pony", and "Applejack." But I suppose I'll fix it.
She always has to say "marshmalla"?
Fixed.
Are you really sure? Ponies seem like a highly advanced society that have the intelligence and ability to overrun humans (as you recall from the first generations that humans were included in the show.) I'm pretty sure they would be able to invent television sets and coffee makers.
I was trying to show off how they canonly act. For example, Rarity is a little bit of weakling in the show (however sometimes getting so angry that she threatens ponies, but she doesn't actually hurt them ever) so I tried to make it somewhat scared of Applejack standing over top of her. Applejack may be a mud pony, but she is strong. Even if Rarity were to try to do something, the force of the heavy pony standing on her would be too much. Sure, she could throw AJ off with her magic, but it wasn't like she was terribly afraid of what was happening. If you remembered, Rarity was feeling aroused by Applejack licking her, so she wasn't begging for her to get off. It wasn't exactly a rapefic, by that, because the girl never really feels truly aroused in rape. It's more of light non-consensual clop than rape.
So sorry. I don't know what KBO means.
Also, thanks for your suggestions~!
5429969
The general rule for avoiding "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" (or is it "Lavender Alicorn Syndrome" now?) is to use the character's name as often as possible.
Yes, she does. You wrote yourself into that corner. It is called consistency. Would you continuously change your speech patterns in the middle of a conversation?
Fair dues.
I suppose everyone sees Rarity differently. I see her as a clever, wily, strong character that only acts weak to get others to do thing for her.
They are in Rarity's house. Rarity has a lot of options. She could have her dress forms tackle Applejack. Rarity could have used Applejack's own lasso to tie her up. She could smash a chest full of gems or a sewing machine into Applejack's scull. She could summon all of her pins and sewing needles and jam them into Applejack's eyes. She could throw a dress form through a window and use a piece of shattered glass to slit Applejack's throat. All because Applejack did not think things through and use a magic dampening ring.
...Yeah, I am not touching that one with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole.
It is a Winston Churchill quote. It means "Keep Buggering On." During World War II, he finished all his phone calls with it. It means to keep going and do not give up. I use it as a sign off on my chapter review comments.
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Still, I don't see Rarity, even a mad Rarity, trying to kill one of her best friends. And once more, she was not terribly scared. How many ponies just carry a magic dampening ring around...?
Pardon my stupidity. But what?
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One would think if you had plans to force naughty stuff upon someone who can f
you up with but a thought, one would take precautions against that.
How to breach this diplomatically? Sometimes, very seldom, things that happen in pornography are real. Your body can betray you. Even when your brain knows that what is happening is a violation, an intrusion, your body may not. "The girl never really feels truly aroused in rape," could be interpreted as, "As long as she drips or moans, it is not rape." That is why I did not want to get into it. I did not want to get into a big rape debate. I like rape fantasies. That is the main reason I read this story.
5430882
Okay. Thanks for explaining that. I didn't really understand considering I've never been raped before. :I
Oh? Going what group it's added too, should I take it I'm no longer the only one in this entire fandom that has done a equine/female glory hole fic/pic? :P
Can say I'm a little contemplative how you got noncon into a glory hole though, might even give it a read just to figure that out xD
5431130 Hope you enjoy reading.
5431147 Doesn't really answer anything I asked but, will think about it xP
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i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535
I just dropped my story into the "Other" folder. No one's complained about it yet, so I'm keeping it in.
5433714 So far, I'm the only person in the world that's done a story about mlp ponies, using a "equine glory hole", which basically is one made for females instead of males, going with pony anatomy.
And as said: you put this in a glory hole group, indicating there's a glory hole somewhere in this fic :P
And as it seems to be non-con and lesbian, I am honestly curious to how you got a glory hole into this xP
5445518 I don't really know.
5445518
Maybe Rarity's hole is just that glorious? :p
5445954
+
5448955
I guess it can be a incorrect addition to that group? :P
But yeah, either case, guessing it's just accidentally there. Will see if I have time to read sometime later.
5428262
With a happy ending. Well it's more of a cliffhanger, but it's okay.
I loved the moment when Applejack made things feel awkward with just a few words. <3
5472523 Applejack has that special charm..
Why the rape...
Rape is horrible and bad and everything of that matter!
5689698 This isn't a rapefic.
It's non-consensual, but not rape.
Eh. That sounds confusing. Lemme explain:
So Applejack without asking started to touch Rarity. Rarity was also feeling aroused by this, so in a way, nah... It's not rape. Therefor I am not a bad person for writing this. I'm a kinky person, mind you, but not a bad person.
*Cough, cough* I also like rapefics.
One more thing: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it only counted rape if the guy/stallion inserts his dick into the girl/mare? Otherwise isn't it counted molestation? I feel like I'm far in the wrong here but... :I
Why is this story in the group human turns into X under the clop sub folder?
5896090 I dunno.
5917804 Why does this stop so abruptly? It was getting good with rarity getting more and more into this, even requesting for a milking, then Aj is all "Well it ain't gonna suck itself", and then it's cut.
...
Imma feel cock blocked, by an octagon.
I describe that feeling as "Something beautiful could have happened, and now you'll never know what it was".