Things never change
Anon can’t stand to be in this bed with Blossom anymore. Her fur is starting to make him sweat and he really needs to use the bathroom. Yet, whenever he tries to pull away she lets out a grunt and her face scrunches up a bit. At this point, he has the feeling she’s not even asleep.
“Blossom I gotta use the bathroom.”
“Can’t you just hold it a little longer?”
“No.”
“Fine.”
Blossom removes her weird leathery wings from Anon so he can get out of bed. Anon stretches a little and trudges to the bathroom. He’s quick to do his business and returns to his room. Blossom is still in bed and he wonders if he can sneak out before she notices anything. Anon silently turns towards the door an-
“Get back here, it’s starting to get cold.” Blossom breaks the silence.
“Seriously? I got other things I can do.”
“Do you want me to tell Luna about what you did?”
Anon isn’t going to let her hold this over him. It’s time to challenge this pony.
“You know what. Yeah. Go ahead and tell her.”
Blossom sits up and looks at Anon.
“I’ll do it.”
“Go ahead.”
“I’m serious.”
“I’m waiting.”
“I’ll get up right now.”
“Need any help?”
They lock eyes and have a showdown with one another. Eventually, Blossom lets out a sigh.
“You caught me. I’m too tired.”
“That’s what I thought. Enjoy the bed, I’ve got something I need to do.”
“What is that exactly?”
“I need to talk to Luna.”
“Alright. She’s right outside the door, just so you know.”
“Wha-”
A knock fills the room. Anon looks at the door, then at Blossom, then back at the door. She gives him a wink as she tosses the covers over herself. Damn that bat pony and her supernatural ability to hear things. Anon walks over to the door and answers it. Just as Blossom said, Luna is standing right there before him. She looks rather nervous too.
“Anon, It’s good that you’re here. Do you mind if I come in?”
Anon looks at his bed, then back at Luna.
“Sure?”
Luna gives him a small nod and walks into the room. Anon closes the door behind her and watches as she stops in the middle of the room and turns to face him.
“Anon I’ve come to talk about what happened in our dreams.”
Anon can see the blankets on his bed shift slightly out of the corner of his eye. He really doesn’t want to talk about this while Blossom is here. He knows for a fact that Luna’s never told anyone about Nightmare Moon. So what would Blossom think if she found out about something like that?
“Um... It’s fine. Seriously, no reason to bring it up.”
Luna’s eyes start to glisten.
“Anon. I must tell you. I have to explain so that you may understand.”
Anon walks up to Luna. “I’m alright, Luna. What happened doesn’t matter.”
Luna stamps her hoof.
“It does matter! How dare that mare lay her disgusting hooves on you!”
Anon can see the bed shift again.
“Luna. I think we should talk about this later.”
“Nay, I must say what I feel. This may be the only time I have.”
Oh no. Anon can’t let this happen. He’s far more worried over what ponies will think of Luna if something like this were to get out.
“I swear that Nightm-” Luna tries to continue but feels her brain stop working.
What is happening?! Luna’s eyes are wide as she notices that Anon’s face is a lot closer to her than she’s used to. Not only that, but she feels an odd sensation on her lips. Is that? Her mind keeps processing what is happening. Anon is kissing her. Her wings flared out as this finally hits her. Yet even though she cannot contain her shock, she can’t move away either.
He feels so soft. Due to his lack of fur, she can feel his skin and lips against hers. Her heart is rapidly racing. What does she do? Why is he doing this? Luna’s face is covered in a blush. She, she doesn’t feel as if what is happening is wrong. She likes this. She likes kissing Anon. The realisation hits her. Does she have feelings for him? That must be what it is, right?
Anon pulls away from his kiss with Luna. It was drastic, but it seems to have worked. Luna is just standing there speechless as she looks at Anon.
“Um...” Anon doesn’t know what to say.
“A-Anon... Do you like us?” Luna asks.
Anon gulps hard. Oh boy, this isn’t what he wanted, but he’ll have to live with it.
“I think you’re a fine mare, Luna. So, don’t worry too much about what happened in our dreams.” Luna looks stunned as she backs up slightly and rests her rump on the edge of Anon’s bed. “Are you alright?”
Anon walks up to Luna but doesn’t expect what happens next. Luna wraps her hooves around his neck and pulls him into another kiss. Anon is shocked as she falls onto the bed while holding him, so now he’s on top of her as they make out. Luna’s eyes are closed and Anon looks over to see the lump on his bed try to squirm away to the edge. Luna finally pulls away from the kiss, a large smile, and blush on her face.
“I think you are a fine man as well, Anon.” Anon can feel something damp around his midsection, but he dares not look down. “Would you care to help a mare in need?”
Oh no. He can’t do this! Not to mention Blossom is literally inches away from them!
“Luna, don’t you think this is going a bit fast?”
“Nonsense. Back in my day, it was normal to court males that took your interest.” She leans up and gives him a quick peck on the lips. “Do you wish for me to be on top?”
Luna rolls over and Anon feels his back press against Blossom as he pushes her off the edge. Thankfully, Luna didn’t notice the noise Blossom made. Now Anon is on his back as Luna sits on his lap.
“Um... Don’t you want to go out on a date first?”
“What is a date?” Luna looks at him confused.
“Well, it’s when two ponies go and have dinner. Talk about what each one does and get to know each other.”
Luna smiles as she leans closer to Anon.
“I know everything about you.”
Damn, she has him there. Why did he share memories with her? It seriously makes writing chapters harder, trying to keep track of what she does and does not know. Why did I think that was a good idea? Anyways. Anon is stumped. He has no idea what he’s going to do to get out of this. Then something comes to mind.
“What about Celestia?”
Luna raises a brow. “What about her?”
“Well... What if she’s interested as well? I can’t just have two sister fighting.”
Luna smiles at Anon. “You’re implying that my sister has a chance.”
“I don’t want to hurt either of you. I also don’t want you two fighting.”
Luna sits up some, while still on Anon’s lap and takes a second to think.
“Hmm...”
Luna’s horn lights up and before he can register what is happening. Anon finds Celestia at their bedside. Celestia looks flabbergasted as she looks around the room and then finds her eyes laying on Luna and me.
“What is going on here?!” Celestia asks with a red face.
“Anon said that in order to mate with me he wants to ensure that we do not fight over him. So I will ask, are you interested in Anon?”
Celestia looks at Anon, then back at Luna before she looks to the floor and rubs a hoof over one of her legs.
“Maybe.” Celestia whispers.
“Yes or no, Sister.”
Celestia lets out a snort.
“Fine! I do like him, alright, can I go now?!”
Luna nods at that. Now she has the truth.
“Leaving is not necessary. How would you like to share?”
“S-Share?” Both Anon and Celestia ask.
Luna nods. “We are sisters after all. Why not show Anon what two immortals know?” She looks back down at Anon. “You will never forget what will happen. We’ve had more than enough practice through the ages. Experience like this isn’t something you’ll find anywhere else.”
“Um...” Anon doesn’t know what to say.
“Are you alright with this, Anon.” Celestia asks him.
“Umm...”
“Of course he is, Sister! He’s just too embarrassed to ask.”
Celestia nods. “Well, if he isn’t against it. I guess I’m alright with sharing.”
Celestia walks over to the bed, nervousness clearly on her face as she looks down at Anon. She closes her eyes and quickly leans in to kiss him. Why is this happening to Anon? All he wanted to do what keep Luna’s Nightmare Moon thing a secret and now he’s going to have his pelvis broken by two alicorn goddesses. Celestia’s nervousness seems to die away as she leans harder into the kiss. She pulls away panting a storm.
“I’ve been wanting this for a long time, Anon. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done it for you.”
What is happening?! Suddenly the door to Anon’s room is thrown open. Standing at the entrance is a pink Alicorn.
“My love magic is informing me that a threesome is happening!” Cadance says with glee.
“Who the hell are you?!” Anon shouts.
“This is my niece Cadance.” Celestia says.
“What is she doing here?!”
“She’s the alicorn of love.”
“Can I join?” Cadance asks with a creepily large smile.
Luna and Celestia look at each other before they shrug.
“It’s fine with us.” Luna states.
“Yay!” Cadance jumps over and lands onto the bed as well.
“Not again.” A voice calls out.
Anon looks over and finds Shining Armor standing at the door as well.
“Thank god you’re here!” Anon shouts. “Get this crazy pink alicorn out of here!”
“Hey!” Shining looks offended. “She’s my wife! Well, actually, she’s not. All of Sarcastic's stories take place around season two. Most people don’t even realise that. So she’s my soon to be wife! Plus, there’s going to be an epic battle where Anon fights Chrysalis!” Shining pulls out a scroll and quill. “Yeah, that sounds totally badass. Maybe we can even change Anon’s name to Navarone? No one has that name, right?”
Anon is so confused and now he has three alicorns that want to death him by snu snu. If you would’ve asked him if he was one day going to die by having his pelvis broken by three alicorn horses, he would’ve probably agreed with you. Now look at him, he’s living the dream, that’s also a nightmare. Wait! Nightmare! She’s the only pony that can possibly save him! She hates him and something-something enemy is a friend!
Anon raises his hand and snaps his fingers before anypony notices. Anon is already in Nightmare’s world.
“Nightmare! Nightmare I need you!”
Nightmare appears before Anon.
“What do you want?”
“Alicorns want to snu snu!”
“Oh... That... Yeah, when alicorns get a mate they tend to release all the years of sexual frustration at one time. So, like. Luna has a thousand years since she was on the moon, plus some change since she’s returned. Then you have Celestia. She’s going on a two thousand year dry spell. Faust help you.”
“Hide me!” Anon begs.
Nightmare’s face lights up in a blush.
“Why would I help you?! It’s not that I like you or anything!” She’s quick to summon a door and toss Anon out. Once he’s gone does she let out a sigh. “Why can’t I just tell him how I feel?”
Anon wakes up screaming. His breaths are heavily labored. He looks around in panic and finds his room is empty.
“What’s your problem?”
Anon quickly looks over to find Blossom in bed with him. He lets out a sigh of relief. So, that was all a dream? Anon falls onto his back and chuckles a bit. Wow, that was really weird.
“Just had a crazy dream.”
“Seems like it was a nightmare, seeing as you kinda woke up screaming.”
“I guess.”
“Whatever. We still have a few hours. Get some rest.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Blossom wraps her wings around Anon as they snuggle close. What Anon doesn’t see is the devious human standing beside his bed.
“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” He whispers, chuckling as he fades away.
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Da fuck just happend....
wat
is this some cruel april fools joke
Ummm...
Wat
Is this an April fools joke?
Y'all just got fooled lmfao
ah yes it's April Fools
April Fools
God dammit.
Took an embarassingly long to time to realize it was an april fools chapter.
Eat shit, you glorious bastard :D
I came!...
...to the conclusion that I like pizza with pepperoni on it.
1,000 years will give ya such an itch in the puss. Dream or not.
7084954 look at today's date
i dont get it? dont you love us anymore!?
So, when the REAL chapter coming up? It's a April fool chapter, and a funny one at that.
*gasps*
*looks at date*
i.giphy.com/ANbD1CCdA3iI8.gif
*sigh*
i.giphy.com/Er45OmKg8ZbYQ.gif
i.giphy.com/4jYTyowPjc9qw.gif
100% canon
You're a right cheeky cunt you are mate.
Thanks for the ride, we enjoyed and you did a good job with thes story a nice ending for such story.
What the fuck am i sayong?is april fools get out of there and start wrting for real.
XDXDXD
This story got dark real fast
Should.... should I even bother reading the next chapter?
You're joking, right?
7085131 I actually skipped it to search for a comment like this
I think I wait till there is another chapter, otherwise I don´t need to read it anyway.
Damn. I forgot that today is April Fool's Day. Even though I told myself to remember that a bunch of fanfics will probably be having joke chapters.
When is the real chapter?
tbh I kinda hope the story is over just because of how absolutely savage that shit was lmao
Heh... sure, it's an april fools chapter... but given the way it's written, maybe it's actually canon? X'D
I feel like this is an aprils fools thing
so I won't leave >->
Well April Fools or not, I thought it was a good chapter.
Well that is one way to end the story.
i.imgur.com/tMJZujv.png
well, he did tell us to get out and probably off his lawn...
Wait a minute................me thinks something is not kosher about this
Wrong link. Fixed
s16.postimg.org/wvpsuj6f9/Untitled_1.jpg
the april fools joke is disappointing crap. i always hate it when authors pull stupidity on this level.
April fools. shit wouldnt move that fast...
7085501
So I can't have fun with my story once a year? I'll be sure to keep that in mind when I find a fuck to give.
7085501 HEUL DOCH
damed april fool. I was hoping for a real chapter, i can take a joke and all but i hope the complete status is bullshit after that dam chapter
WOW
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/PL36S
Bloody brilliant. Couldn't stop laughing throughout this chapter. What made it even more hilarious was the image of Blossom just lying next to the bed hearing all of this happen. Amazing work as usual.
An april fools that can fit in cannon wise due to the ex machina of "it was all a dream". Eh, it amused me and put a smile on my face. I can live with this.
I didn't realize this was an April fools chapter until Cadence busted in. Nicely done.
7085534
. Good one by the way.
Yeah Yeah you got us you bastard
"Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.."
This is not the Royal herd ending I wanted xD
The greatest April Fool story ever!
Wow author.
For a moment there, you really gaffed me. As in, I just got seriously goofed and gaffed.
Must say, it felt pretty good.
7085534
I can't believe it took me until Cadence bust in saying “My love magic is informing me that a threesome is happening!” to realized that this was an April Fool's Day chapter. Well played, dear author, well played.
Death by snu snu? well at least it will be an honorable death.