Hell Followed
Outside the hall, the clouds closed shut and rain fell down through the night. Inside, candlelight dimmed and guttered as the four spoke. Rotting tapestries and bare metal flagpoles loomed over them.
“Let me guess the shape of your proposal, then,” said Sombra. “An alliance between us four, aimed at Celestia?”
“Correct.” Iridium glanced at each of the others. “With the bulk of the Lunar Rebellion finally subdued, our princess shall be looking to crush whatever small targets present themselves. Pooling our efforts will let each of us withstand that assault and carry the fight past it.”
Corn Rose smirked. “Seems needless, from where I stand. Equestria's a ruin, and so are Celestia's forces. She and her government huddle in Canterlot and shore up its walls while the countryside burns. She can't convince many more of her nobles to empty their vaults for the war effort, and soon she'll have nopony left to draft into the Legions. The battles so far have bled her dry.”
“Don't be so sure,” said Mercy, her voice a soft whisper on the edge of hearing. “Her generals remain loyal. Capable. What soldiers she still has are hardened veterans. Her defeat of the Lunites will help consolidate her power. Don't underestimate her.”
“There's a hard shell left, certainly, but it's wrapped around a soft interior,” said Corn Rose. “I don't care how many generals and tough soldiers she has left, because you don't ever have to fight her on her terms. You move ahead of them, aim for the settlements, and torch as you go. I should know.” The mare grinned and gave Mercy a hard clap across the withers. “Like you should know. Thorough work you did on Hooveston, by the way. My compliments.”
Mercy wobbled slightly with the force of the clap. Her expression didn't change. “Necessary,” she said quietly.
“Mercy is right,” said Iridium. “My forces are substantial, but outnumbered regardless by Celestia's combined Legions. I would prefer to see a leveller playing field before circumstance obliges me to engage her head on.”
“We lend our strength for your benefit, then?” Sombra's tone came flecked with acid.
“I'm not so stupid as to propose that. Let us agree to some fundamentals. We don't attack each other's forces, and leave Celestia and her Equestria as our focus. We assist one another whenever it is passingly feasible or by prior arrangement. The important thing is to bolster ourselves while keeping Celestia on the backhoof. She will find it much harder to fight my armies with her cities burning at her back. Equally, these same cities will find themselves less guarded if her troops have a front to focus on.”
There came a collective silence, undercut by the low growl of the storm without. Corn Rose pursed her lips, while Sombra casually studied the world outside the window. Mercy didn't speak or shift her stance, her expression remaining impassive. Iridium studied them all.
“It has merit as a proposition,” said Sombra after a while, with a shrug. “Mutual non-agression and a gentlecolt's agreement to consider future negotiations from one another. I'd be content to agree here and now, but I'd see another factor considered.”
“Which is?”
“When will this accord have had its day? When Celestia lies dead? When whatever structures and regents she will have set up crumble?” Sombra's eyes narrowed. “We shall have to consider the closing time. Because once this accord has served its purpose of keeping each of us alive to this long war's end, we may be at cross-purposes again. Let's not have one of us be so rude as to steal a march on the others in eliminating the last of the competition.”
He turned his gaze to Iridium and Corn Rose and Mercy in turn, a measured and hardened quality now infesting it. “Let us be honest with each other. We all want different outcomes from this whole mess, and some of these shall almost certainly be mutually exclusive. Let us be clear on that. What do you want, Prince Iridium?” His gaze alighted on Iridium, taking in the unicorn from hooves to horn. “Did being a mere duke chafe?”
“It is the end of days for old Equestria and alicorn rule,” said Iridium calmly. “Before Celestia and Luna, we ruled ourselves through our own monarchs. The blood of Platinum herself still runs deep and fierce in my family. Let us spare ourselves the trash spawned by the earth pony councils or pegasus stratocracies. One strong and united Equestria under one strong prince. If I cannot claim it by right of blood royal alone, then let right of conquest serve as well.”
Sombra smirked. “Taken as a yes. Don't be embarrassed. The joy of control, of taking and ruling is one I'm sure we all share here. Do we not?”
Corn Rose shrugged. “Not particularly.”
“Oh? Then why did you rise, and why do you persist in your fighting?”
“Because ...” Corn Rose just looked confused by the question. “Because of the fighting? Because of the plunder and fun? Because … because of the smell of smoke from cities that kept their underbellies too soft. Because of the warmth of the blood that coats my hide after every battle. Because of the stupid villagers that try to run where they haven't learned to evacuate in time, and the way they scream as we gallop them down.” She circled her hoof vaguely, and broke off with a laugh. “Why do fires burn and storms gather? Why not?”
Mercy shifted from hoof to hoof, and Corn Rose immediately slammed down another thunderous clap across her withers and drew her in close. “Tartarus, Mercy, help me explain it? You'll know the joys as well.”
Mercy looked down and to one side, away from Corn Rose. “No.”
“No? What do you mean, no? I saw what was left of Duncirrus after you tore it from the skies. I saw the bodies you left piled up in -”
“Too many burnt farms and empty fields,” said Mercy softly. “Too many dead. Too many orphaned and broken foals. Too many hurting. Drums beating under storm after storm and over red field after field, again and again. Nopony can stop it. Or stop it happening again. It all has to end. All of it.”
“All of it?” Iridium frowned.
“Sow salt,” said Mercy. “Lest more weeds grow.”
Iridium prided himself on having nerves as close to steel as brute biology would permit a pony, but even he had to suppress another shiver. There was differing methods in occupation and exploitation, some more pragmatic than others, and then there was … Mercy's approach.
If he took a town, resistance would be quelled and the locals subjugated, but not with reckless cruelty or needless butchery. Sombra kept his rule in the breakaway Crystal Empire to himself, though Iridium had heard a few reports of mass enslavement and psychic thralldom. Reasonable enough in these times. Corn Rose left her targets plundered abattoirs, which was all you could expect from her breed. But the cities Mercy left in her wake … well, 'quiet as the grave' was a term the spies assigned to her fanatic host presumably used with good cause.
“And what of your own ends, Sombra?” said Iridium, breaking in to keep the discussion on a proper course, as the bewildered Corn Rose seemed ready to argue.
“Mine? Oh, for now, all I wish is to keep the Crystal Empire in my grasp.” The sickly green wisps of magic leaking from the edge of the unicorn's eyes brightened as his face creased in a smile. “I imagine it'll sustain me for long years to come.”
“You just want an independent kingdom of your own?”
“No. I just want the ponies in that kingdom.” Sombra waved his hoof, and on the floor before him, a flickering image of mixed green and red flames took form. Circles of tiny, trudging figures were connected to a centre by flickering red lengths. They grew smaller and fainter, and the fires coursing around the lengths flared as the black heart broiled.
“They are all within my grasp now,” said Sombra as the little figures vanished one by one. “They are mine, body and soul, blank canvas for my will. They wither on the vine, and my power waxes. I can already do much after only a few months of work. Once the process is finished … I think I shall be able to do very nearly anything.”
Iridium breathed out and briefly closed his eyes. If that was a short-term effect … then there was nothing he could do about it, he could scarcely turn his stretched forces towards the Crystal Empire's frontier with Equestria's Legions at his back. He'd hope the full consequences would take some time to reveal themselves and prepare to march north as soon as Celestia was dead.
“That sounds like it presents no great peril to any of our plans,” he said aloud. “I see no reason why we can't all have what we want and find a suitable settlement after the war is won and Equestria acclaims me as Prince. For my part, I would be happy to support the Crystal Empire's sovereignty and independence under your rule. Corn Rose, Mercy, if you were open to shifting your endeavours eastwards and out of Equestria after the war, then I see no reason why I couldn't sponsor your efforts. Supplies of armaments and wealth from home could keep you fighting for as long as you drew breath.”
“A blatant bribe-and-go-lose-yourself, is it?” said Corn Rose. She grinned. “I'd be game. The Kingdom of Asinia's been sitting pretty and peaceful this last long while. Doubt it'll be expecting my attentions once matters settle.”
Sombra's own smile held daggers. “A fair offer in exchange for my support. Mutual collaboration followed by non-interference.”
Only Mercy remained expressionless. Her gaze fell towards the floor. “The eastern realms suffer as much as us. But … as devil's advocate, peace talks might be possible now for some.”
“Peace talks? With whom, and what for?” Iridium frowned.
“Between us and Celestia. She'll be weary as well, for all her strength. She might be open to concessions.” She looked up to each of them, her grey eyes sharp. “You, Iridium, might be permitted to secede with much of your conquests. For the sake of peace alone. Independence also for the Crystal Empire, if its citizens are returned to Celestia. For myself and Corn Rose ...” She faltered. “Likely no settlement. We have wrought too much, for purposes she will abhor.”
“Then to Tartarus with peace,” sneered Corn Rose. “If Celestia's not going to surrender to me, then she can keep on trying to get me. She can follow me by my usual trail.”
“Likewise,” said Sombra. “Why would I release the Crystal Ponies? They are the point. Will she give me some other equal population? I very much doubt it.”
“All Equestria is the prize,” said Iridium. “Equestria, and beyond in due time. By right and by conquest, without relenting or quarter. I do not accept half-measures.”
Mercy looked back down at the floor. “Devil's advocate,” she whispered, something hollow about her voice, something missing that had been there before.
“An unneeded distraction. Let us turn our thoughts towards practicalities,” said Iridium, turning back to Corn Rose and Sombra. “My troops in the field threaten Prance and Neighvada, and if successful there, stand to threaten Canterlot itself if a siege can be quickly invested. Where do your own forces stand?”
“Mine are nearer, but Canterlot would be a tough nut to crack. The walls have been built and built up again, and it's garrisoned by nigh-on half a Legion's worth. Outnumbering me, certainly,” said Corn Rose. “Good rewards therein, true. But tremendous risks as well.”
“March to reinforce his armies, then,” said Sombra. “You would have to be quick, but falling upon her army's northern flank in unison with a wholesale assault from Iridium could give you both that clear path to and strength to overcome Canterlot.”
“Agreed. Do you have forces from the Crystal Empire to lend?” said Iridium.
“None that aren't currently serving other, more vital roles. But a storm … a wyld storm, appropriately crafted and launched, could wreak havoc when it lands and compel Legion troops to be diverted to contain the damage. Three days would be all it would take, and if that were to be combined with your own advance -”
There was a whisper of blue at Iridum's side, and he turned to see a scroll unfolding from out of flecks of sapphire-blue fire. He raised a hood apologetically to Sombra, said, “A worthy proposal, if well-timed. My pardon for a moment,” and turned his attention to the scroll.
“Where did that come from?” said Corn Rose.
“I opened negotiations with the Fire Queen before I went to war,” said Iridium, unrolling the scroll as he tore off the ribbon containing it. “Her intent is not fixed, but one of her ensorcelled servants was sent to demonstrate good faith. His draconic fire allows messages to be sent, as Palladium's just done. I assume it's for a good reason. One moment.”
He looked down at the scroll, away from the looks of Sombra and Corn Rose and Mercy, and picked his way through his younger brother's execrable hoofwriting.
Dear Irid,
Advance stalled at the west bank of the Maresissippi. Sol's sent General De Gendarme's Legion to stall our advance, and he's fortified the crossings and destroyed every bridge he can get his hooves on. Tried a sally, achieved little but turning the waters a little redder. Debating whether to force a path at the risk of high casualties, or to spend time on preparing boats for an amphibious attack. Winter's drawing in here and supplies are low, and each day's starting to count. Would appreciate your sage-like elder brotherly counsel on the matter.
Outgallopers reported a strange finding also – they found Mercy and her lot slaughtered in one of the mountain passes, a few days old. Sol's forces must have caught a lucky break and ambushed them. Thought the sun was shining a little brighter this last week for some reason. Now know why. Hope she wasn't too vital in your grand schemes. Really. Mare was a damned lunatic.
Come back soon. It's strange, not having the ugliest stallion in Equestria around and barking orders at ponies. Lends a homely atmosphere.
Your Handsome Co-Prince Palladium
Iridium released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding since the second paragraph.
Corn Rose regarded him with a bored expression, while Mercy just looked on blankly. “Bad news?” said Sombra.
Iridium hovered the open scroll over before Sombra's snout. At the same time, as discreetly as he could, he reached for his bow and closed his magical grasp around it.
Sombra read. His expression flickered briefly, but held still. His whole frame remained casual, but some calculating light crept into his eyes. “Intriguing news, certainly,” he remarked.
Iridium hovered the scroll over towards Corn Rose, who read it much more slowly and muttered some of the longer phrases.
She then froze, and turned to Iridium and nodded.
“What is it?” said Mercy, when the scroll wasn't immediately passed over. Her gaze flitted from the scroll, to the nigh-imperceptible magical energies holding Iridium's bow, to the new tenseness in Corn Rose's stance.
By way of response, Iridium raised the bow and bent the string back in one smooth movement. Runes along its length glowed faintly, and the ghost-form of an arrow took shape. With a cry, he loosed the arrow straight at Mercy's throat.
There was a hiss, a grey blur in the air, and the arrow spun helplessly across the room while Mercy alighted several metres back in an instant. A thin cut across her right leg, and nothing more. Her gaze was straight and cold, her posture poised.
“Reveal yourself,” said Iridium. “Reveal your own cursed self!”
Mercy regarded him, and then with one shrug, her form fell away. Her wings grew, and grew, and grew, along with her legs and torso. Ash fell from her mane and tail, and pink suffused with the colours of the dawn flourished into the darkness of the hall. A horn extended from her head, above her gleaming magenta eyes.
Celestia unadorned stared down the three. Bright gold magic flared around her horn, and one of the rusty flag poles at the room's side was snapped clean away to hover at her side.
“What now?” she murmured. Her voice was as soft as a feather's descent. From his earliest foalhood, Iridium couldn't remember it being anything other than soft, gentle, uplifting.
“Now?” Corn Rose strutted forwards with a wide smile. “Now you've put yourself in hoof's reach of us and revealed yourself. And now you die screaming.”
“Tartarus,” hissed Iridium, striving to hear his own voice over his pounding heartbeat. “Tartarus, Tartarus, Tartarus take it.”
“I give you all one chance. More than any of you gave any of those caught in your conquests, more than I should give.” The metal pole trembled, and Celestia's voice cracked into hardness. For an instant, and no more. “Surrender. While you have that chance.”
“You know,” said Corn Rose, circling to Celestia's left, the metal pole's tip tracking her all the while, “I've never killed an alicorn yet. Not one. Sombra froze away your pretty little Cadance in the ice before me and the troops could visit her. Looks like that delayed gratification nonsense is working in my favour.”
Sombra spoke then, the casualness of his voice a shade too affected. “I believe this is where I must take my leave. Farewell, Duke Iridium, Lady Rose. May our next meeting be delayed for a decent while.”
“What? No! Stay! Come here in full form and fight, skyfire take you -” Iridium screamed at Sombra. The unicorn's form was already dissipating, his wary gaze on Celestia until the very last moment. In that moment, he turned to Iridium and gave one sympathetic smile.
Then he was gone, and Iridium cursed as he turned back to Celestia. He fumbled with his bow again, drawing the string back and letting another arrow materialise into place.
Corn Rose charged with an ululating battle-cry, lunging straight at Celestia with the wicked spurs on her metal shoes raised and ready. The metal pole struck out and was knocked aside in the space of an eye's blink, and Corn Rose crashed down upon Celestia. Two sets of cries filled the air, and then Celestia was gone in a flash of golden light. Corn Rose fell to the ground and quickly rose to her hooves. She looked around for Celestia, and then looked up.
The alicorn flew above her, and the metal pole descended. Corn Rose reared on her hind legs to bat the tip away as it flew down. She struck it aside, and the pole's whole body circled in the air. Iridium let off his shot, and as it neared, it burned briefly and fell apart into flakes that pattered off Celestia's hide.
No chance. They had no chance. This was it.
The pole resumed its rise, and cracked up across Corn Rose's head, knocking her helmet free and sending her staggering back. She still swayed on her hind legs, her unarmoured belly an open target.
Another swift circle, and the other end of the pole slammed right through Corn Rose, striking out through the other side of her armoured back in an eruption of metal fragments and crimson spray. Corn Rose staggered, blinked, and then slumped, her mouth opening and closing as blood began to drip from its edges.
“B – burned your precious towns,” she whispered. “C – came for your precious ponies with lance and spur and bloodied hoof, burning and k-”
Celestia's eyes glowed golden, and the pole blazed incandescent. From Corn Rose, before the light consumed the world, there was a cut-off scream.
And as the light cleared, there was a smear of molten metal across the ground, thin ash already being carried off by the smallest of breezes, and Celestia, breathing heavily and bleeding from multiple small cuts.
She turned, and fixed her gaze upon Iridium.
Iridium let off an arrow as Celestia began to stride forward. It struck off some unseen shield and fell to pieces in the air. Another, and it too fell into ash. Another, and it stood no chance. It and his bow were simply torn from his grasp and ripped into splinters mid-air.
He hastily stepped backwards, and the crown tipped from his head and landed with a clatter on the ground. One last chance, and he scrabbled for the candle with his magic and threw it at her. It fell apart, and the light vanished. Only the faint glow of Celestia's magic. Only her eyes, stark in the darkness, all there was to see the world by.
“You think you've won?” yelled Iridium. “My army still fights! Palladium still fights! He'll march with your general's head all the way to the gates of Canterlot, and Platinum's heirs shall reign regardless!”
“Half of General De Gendarme's army commands the river,” came the voice of Celestia. Iridium had never heard anything so hard, so cold. “The rest march to encircle your brother under De Gendarme's direct command, to cut off your army's supply lines. In a few days, they'll run out of provisions. In a week, they'll be eating each other if they don't surrender first.”
Fire seared from the tip of her horn, illuminating her face. Haggard, with new lines etched. Her eyes, cold and wet and red. “Your head will help them make up their minds.”
“If you think that'll help Equestria, then you -”
“Equestria screams for the end of the pain,” continued Celestia. “The wars are finished. The chaos is finished. The butchery is finished. It will once more know the peace and stillness that harmony gave. Without you, and without the others. I stand at the last, and I reign alone. Alone. In peace.”
Iridum felt magic hold him tight, saw the magic brighten and sharpen to a razor's gleam, saw Celestia's face and voice crack. Magenta eyes met his own, and she whispered, “Peace at last.”
And the magic fell, and Iridium's world ended.
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...Daaaaaaaaaang.
...
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang...
5341877
Good dang? Bad dang? Indifferent dang? Confused arousal dang?
Work with me on the danging, bro.
5341960
"In awe" dang.
A close second
5341970
Only second? Bollocks, hold on, rewriting from scratch.
5341981
It was close, though! No need for a rewrite!
5341988
If I haven't compelled a thousand bewildering erections to the utmost of my ability, then I have failed.
5341995
Oh.
Okay. Fair enough.
Oh, damn. I'm completely with Csquared08 on that ending. The whole story, really.
More like this.
Damn
First things first: Short as it is, this really should have been published all at once. I'm neutral on whether it works better as one chapter or two, but as it is, you've got a chapter of prep followed by a chapter with all the action, and that meant none of the juicy stuff was up when the story went live. I hope it didn't cost you too many readers, but I suspect it did.
Second:
Oops!
Even before seeing that I was definitely seeing the patterns, but that's the only place in the story where they're name-dropped as such, so it looks like an editing error. (And it did get me doing some research, and realizing that Conquest was the original Pestilence, which makes your mapping make much more sense, so there's that.)
You've done a good thing here, which is to make it hold together as a story pretty well even if the allusion doesn't come through, but the extra layer is pretty delicious as well. Celestia's choice of appearances makes some interesting statements (above and beyond the Fluttershy-like characterization of Mercy).
I do wish — especially given Sombra's appearance — that you'd had more canon to work with. The combination of OCs and canon characters to fill your four roles was a bit jarring. I can buy Iridium's backstory, but Corn Rose (while fitting her thematic role) felt dramatically un-pony; a more familiar name (Tirek?) might have fixed that, or perhaps making her a different race entirely.
I also can't shake the feeling the title should have been The Pale Horse, maybe? Thematically tighter.
Regardless, enjoyable. Thank you!
5342421 5342919
Invocations of 'damn'? I'm clearly doing something right.
5342956
Firstly:
Glad you approve! Secondly:
Aaargh, I am a moron. Well-spotted. I was aiming for the pattern (which you correctly identify) to be relatively subtle; making it that overt merits an 'oops' response. Fixed, though I'm glad it got the research flowing.
I'll cop guilty to the liklihood that this would have flowed better as one piece - 'prep' followed by 'action' was only part of my reasoning, a lot of it came down to wanting to get this written and published as soon as possible. Corn Rose's relative 'unponyness' compared to the other four's also fair enough. My own mental timeline of the show's backstory wouldn't allow for Tirek's appearance, and I wanted to keep them all of the same equine species, due to the pattern you recognised. I'd argue she's not inherently more dissonant than the larger world I allude to going down around them - but then that could be fairly turned into its own critique, so it's a fair point. Thematic concerns overrode setting congruity on that front.
As for opting for the White Horse over the Pale Horse, I did have some motive behind my madness, as much as the latter would make sense. Opening it with the former seemed to allow for some misdirection when the story immediately opened on a white unicorn, as well as alluding to Celestia's future appearance.
5343898 You my friend, are doing something incredible. Never doubt that.
5343898
> Thematic concerns overrode setting congruity on that front
Amusingly, Bad Horse was talking about that yesterday, too.
I'll concede that The White Horse as a title does what you wanted it to do; just wanted to plant the Pale seed, but if it doesn't fit your goals, that's a reasonable response. Anyway, hope I was able to offer some food for thought in response to yours, and keep up the good work!
5344852
That's a good blog piece, and I'm sure I've read a story or two by the same author. Following him seems like it might be very worthwhile.
Aye, the title as it stands is largely not-awfully-smart smartalec misdirection on my part. The reader in an ideal world reads it, starts, thinks "Gosh, that must refer to this white unicorn here," and ends thinking, "Golly, it was that other white horse that it referred to all along. Maybe there's parallels being drawn as well. What a clever and handsome author, I must send him baked goods and money to show appreciation." Results vary, ideal world may not match reality. Oddly enough, it's perhaps one of the easiest titles I've generated - the story nearly emerged from it, rather than the usual procedure where I sweat blood in front of a keyboard until something appropriate-sounding surfaces.
Cheers again for the food for thought and link. They're much appreciated.
And so ends the Equestrian Warlord Era. Long live the Princess!
5351034
Ooh, good name for it. And long may she reign, indeed!
Now that was something different.
Though I agree that the two-chapter-split may have cost you readers, that certainly doesn't hold true for me. I very much enjoyed the prep chapter and was eagerly awaiting the continuation.
I like these slow starts, especially when they prepare the ground for the action in such a nice way.
Wasn't entirely convinced by Corn Rose though... seemed stange to have no goal whatsoever except more bloodshed. That might be good enough for her but almost certainly not for the whole of her forces. They'd become weary and fall apart sooner or later without a goal to achieve. Then again, her character could make sense if she's simply a madpony... but that perspective is unsatisfying considering how well you portrayed Iridium and also her strong and atmospheric entry.
Can't say much about Mercy other than I again don't see how her army would follow that scorched earth policy forever. Maybe if they were all complete fanatics (for what? certainly not religion), but then it is difficult to imagine whole armies with such a mindset.
So, don't get me wrong. I very much enjoyed this, especially since it shed light on the period immediately after Luna's banishment; a period that very often simply is described as 'wartime' but never specified why that was so. An empire falling apart due to overly ambitious factions is a very realistic take. Celestia offering mercy even after all the atrocities she has witnessed is also very much in character for her, just as well as her steely resolve and necessary brutality. A very good portrayal.
So, all in all a very good story with a few narrative shortcomings, at least for me.
Have a green thumb and keep up the good work!
5388909
Glad you approved, on the whole. I'm always keen on delving into these parts of the background lore and wondering what might have gone down. I'm glad you also think I handled Celestia well - I anticipated her actions attracting some amount of critique, and so far, nobody seems to have called me out on them.
Onto your other points. It's fair to be unconvinced by Corn Rose and Mercy - as horizon observed (5342956) there was a layer of allusion I wanted to play with, and moulding each of the characters to each respective archetype means that some of their essential dimensions might have been lost and their congruity with the setting lost. By way of realism, in my defence, psychotic leaders and armies bent on mass pillage and slaughter are regrettably common for us - and even apocalyptic nutjobs spring up more than they should. The extent to which they could acquire and sustain support from troops in a relatively nice setting like Equestria is probably minimal, though, so that's a fair point. Thematic concerns, like I noted to horizon, probably overrode more than they should.
by right of royal blood alone
out of Equestria after the war
5388909
Corn Rose's army almost had a Mongolian Horde feel to it, though they were much more about empire expansion and just used absolutely brutal methods to achieve it.
As for the rest of the piece, barring the issues of established canon-continuity mentioned in my comments on chapter 1, this was indeed very cool. The reveal on Mercy worked well I felt, and looking back, you could see the hints dropped. Nicely done.
5411706
Second error corrected, and much obliged to you for spotting it. Though 'blood royal' isn't an error so much as an archaic way of phrasing 'royal blood.' As far as I believe, anyway, it's possible A Song of Ice and Fire's gotten my terminology muddled.
Glad you approve for the most part. Luna's banishment preceding Sombra's was a mistake on my part. I think it makes sense to leave it as a simple muck-up, rather than something that merits the story an intended AU tag, though I could be wrong.
5411706
The comparison between Corn Rose's army and the Mongolian Horde is quite good, I agree.
I'm just fairly certain though that the Horde didn't do it just for the pleasure of bloodshed and the joy of destruction. So, tweaking Corn Rose just a tiny bit towards having some kind of ultimate megalomaniac goal in the light of your comparison would have been nice.
Anyway, the author intentionally molded her after a pure archetype villain and I can be happy with that explanation.
I really like this. Freaking shame it has low views
5511020
Glad you like it.
Wow...I really don't know what to say. The story, it just...wow! This was a very interesting read.
...
...WOW!
5582602
Glad to have impressed you!
Hot damn.
You know, out of all of them, I honestly think the one I detested the most was Corn. Mercy seemed a tragic figure, Sombra was Sombra (so pretty darn horrible), and Iridium, while a racist and hugely amoral, seemed to at least have some sort of goal of a strong Equestria. Corn though...
That final line from her. Eeesh.
Edit: Quick question: What were you going for with the meaning of the title? Obviously Celestia fits, but so does (sort of) Death of the Four Horsemen, as does (rather more fittingly) Conquest. Just curious as to whether there were other potential meanings that I missed.
5637691
They're all uniquely and varyingly contemptible, but I agree she takes the cake amongst them - probably natural when you match up that petty and base a motive with those sort of deeds. It's probably why other commenters here found her massively off-kilter for the setting. Glad she appalled, at least.
5637808
Yeah I noticed some people didn't seem to like her much - I actually thought it made her a fascinating (and terrifying) character.
So, uh, any thoughts on my earlier question?
5637844
Floops, didn't clock the question. You've touched upon all the meanings I intended there. Theoretically, the reader begins the story and thinks, "Gosh, it must be about Iridium, this white unicorn here." And that's fair enough, since it's all from his perspective and, in a sense, about his own end of days. However, you've also got the revelation of Celestia near the end, and she's undeniably a white horse who's the most influential figure in both the background and eventual actual events of the story. And the title and theme and everything riff off the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, whose introduction is kickstarted by a white horse bearing Conquest. Death of the Author kicks in at this point if there's any other interpretations I may have missed.
5637946
Thanks - I personally didn't get anything beyond what you just said, but I loved how you used the title in that way.
Legitimately gave me goosebumps.
5673778
Happy to grant them! Much obliged for the Follow, as well.
“The Empire, long divided, must unite: long united, must divide." Or not, if Celestia has anything to say about it.
I have to admit I didn't pick up on the Four Horses of Apocalypse thing until after I had finished, but in retrospect it's obvious. Giving Iridium the bow and the crown was a nice touch.
They also match up nicely with different villain archetypes: Iridium is the arrogant noblepony conquering a kingdom for himself. Sombra is the evil wizard doing unspeakable experiments with his unlucky subjects. Corn Rose is a rampaging barbarian warlord, who loots and pillages almost as an afterthought to sustain her campaigns. And Mercy is the leader of an apocalyptic death cult who has looked at the life's ills and taken it to the ultimate, absurd conclusion that the only way to end suffering is to make it so there is nopony left to suffer. (And does this all make Celestia the Hard Mare Making Hard Decisions?)
5689173
I'd personally peg her as the Benevolent Mare Making Oh God Why The Hell Would These Decisions Even Exist What Kind Of Horrible World Is This Decisions. But the rest of the archetypes ring pretty true.
This story reminds me of when I read Moonlight Palaver. Great story.
5737062
Thank you!
I noticed the Four Horsemen symbolism early on (what true metalhead wouldn't?) and guessed the ending, but that didn't do much to lessen the impact when the ending arrived.
When a lost of people go to write world-building stories such as these, they often abandon storytelling and meaningful themes--and often, established canon--in favor of propagandizing their own vision of things. Good on you for not losing sight of what's important!
5857289
I'm glad the themes and worldbuilding seemed appropriate.
Thank you!
I think I like this. A dark mirror of Moonlight Palaver, set in ages past and with a more serious tone? For what you were going for, I think you certaintly hit your mark, even if the Four Horsemen imagery was kind of lost on me until I read the comments (I'm still not sure which pony is meant to be which Horseman exactly).
Where I find fault, though, is in the most obvious and glaring discrepency, which I'm extremely surprised more people haven't commented on already - How is Sombra here? This is never addressed in the story itself, nor in any of your comments, and I'd really like an answer. We see in the show that Celestia and Luna defeated him together, and then the Empire vanished while he was imprisoned in ice. If this is indeed after Luna's banishment, as the description claims and some dialogue in the story itself suggests, then how is Sombra communicating with them, ghostly projection or no? He should be as out of the game as Luna herself. It would've made far more sense if Sombra's defeat had been explained as being relatively recent and he was Celestia's disguise.
6006409
That discrepancy's pure muddle-headedness on my part, I'm afraid. I'd gotten it into my head when I was writing this that it was Celestia alone who vanquished Sombra after Luna's banishment.
Infallibility is a terrible thing to discover you don't possess.
6007553
In which case, I'm afraid that this sin is unforgivable. We must never speak again, for you have shattered my faith in your godlike perfection, and I must now become a recluse.
6007598
I have no-one to blame but myself for this tragedy. At least honourable seppuku remains open to me as redemption.
6007603
Judgement awaits you in the next life. Meet your fate with honour, noble warrior.
6007610
I'd say something noble and courageous at this junction, but I'm too busy regretting all my life-choices and trying to shovel my organs back in. The seppuku solves nothing!
6007618
Welp, your soul is in God's hands now.
Say nice things about me when you meet him.
The there is a whole back story to these four that I would love to read.
6012161
No promises I could ever write it, but it'd be worthwhile exploring if I got the time.
There certainly is.
So Sombra shows up in this story, which takes place after Nightmare Moon's banishment, even though he was vanquished the first time by both sisters. And he apparently imprisoned Cadance in ice one thousand-ish years before she would foalsit Twilight as a teenager (give or take). Uh, continuity?
6090495
Blame my deficient memory for the first one. For whatever reason, I'd gotten the impression Celestia alone had banished Sombra and didn't think to confirm that. As for the second ... it delves in head-canon territory beyond the story's remit, but I personally roll with Cadance being a former student of Celestia and Luna's who ascended (a la Magical Mystery Cure) to alicornhood just before Luna's banishment, was contained away by Sombra, and who was freed by Celestia a few years before the current events of the show.
6090937
Human-centric idioms are a pain, curse them. Glad you like it, though.
6091221
In the two part episode regarding the Crystal Empire, two alicorns are shown, but only in black profile. One is smaller than the other, but it could be either Luna or Cadence. Celestia informs Twilight the Empire disappeared 'a thousand years ago', around the same time Luna was exiled. Again, it could or could not be Luna. The question then is; how old is Cadence? We are shown, in the 'Canterlot Wedding', that Cadence was Twilight's foalsitter, and she is some what smaller in the flashback than in the 'present' as the bride, where she is almost equal in size to Luna.
My conclusion is that it was Luna aiding Celestia in subduing Sombra, shortly before she became Nightmare Moon.
I also suspect that some Crystal Ponies escaped, thus alerting Celestia, and that Cadence is a descendent. The reason she is not 'crystaly' is that over the centuries the usual attributes of the Crystal Ponies have been bred out.