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Just a pony named Sombra

Sombra was not always an evil being. He was a colt named Sombra Crystain.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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pinkieandraritybest

pinkieandraritybest #1 · Nov 27th, 2014 · · · A leather-bound journal. ·

Great story! I love how you started with Sombra as a colt, and addressed the fact that he's the only crystal pony besides maybe Cadance who isn't an earth pony. One thing: the pacing is a little off, kind of fast. Maybe you could show how Twilight reacts to this in more detail. Otherwise, pretty cool.

RustyKat

RustyKat #2 · Nov 27th, 2014 · · · A leather-bound journal. ·

Hell, I know this is awesome. But try even harder. Explain deeper what turned his heart into the dark cold shadows of hatred and sorrow, making him rely on it's darkest magic, and enslave the crystal empire.

Fit For a King

Fit For a King #3 · Nov 27th, 2014 · · · A leather-bound journal. ·

This isn't a bad start IMO. Maybe slow the pace a bit and try your best at explaining as much as you can here. Say all you can about Sombra and if Twilight's reading the ~~journal~~ diary then let us know a good bit of what she's thinking so it isn't like she's just thrown in there. Looking forward to a bit of expansion here.