Dark Eclipse: A Tale of One's Past

This story is about the history of Dark Eclipse, who will show up in a later chapter of Journey to Equestria: Homeward Bound that is by Justin Daniels (Check him and his story out, if you don't know). This is for all of you who are wondering what happened to Dark Eclipse before he met Justin and the crew. I hope you all enjoy!

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Justin Daniels

Justin Daniels #1 · Nov 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: When He Was Young ·

Gotta admit, I'm impressed with the structure of this story! Of course, like my stories, this one, however, had a few cons, but the pros seem to outweigh them! Hopefully this advice can help you in later chapters!

+ PRO: Nothing appears to conflict with my story, so it's a good start!

+ PRO: The fact that you made characters speak in their own separate paragraphs is a great way to keep the infamous "Wall of Text" out of the way! Nicely done!

+ PRO: Your characters' names are close enough to be official in MLP, itself! That's a good thing, also!

0 NEUTRAL: (Neutral ratings are more optional suggestions, and aren't necessary, but sometimes could be recommended.) You could use the "Tab" key while beginning new paragraphs, and it'll give the readers the idea that they are starting a new paragraph, and make the story seem more like it's in a book, instead of on a web page.

0 NEUTRAL: A few minor typos here-and-there, but not too much to be considered a con. (They were planning to leave, instead of "too". Don't worry, the same thing still happens to the best of us. Just a part of the learning curve, my friend! )

0 NEUTRAL: If you want to separate different scenes, you could just type in (without the spaces between the hr and the brackets!) [ hr ] . That, or spice it up even further with an image of a "divider line". Google has so many of them available, it's easy to get lost in the list! Also be sure to add a blank line above and below the divider line to make it less jumbled up!
(IE: (This is what not to do!)

Sentence, sentence, sentence, sentence.
Sentence, sentence, sentence, statement!)

(IE: (This is what it looks like with the spaces between it (Or in other words, what should be done!))

Sentence, sentence, sentence, sentence.
Sentence, sentence, sentence, statement!)

Trust me, it's a lot easier on the readers' eyes that way! (Plus, it makes it easier to find out where you were if something in life distracts you from reading. )

- CON: There's no need for all of those apostrophes, my friend! Apostrophes are normally used in contractions, as well as to show ownership in certain situations. If using an apostrophe for a group of subjects (a plural noun), then you don't need to add an "s" at the end, but rather, the apostrophe alone. (IE: That sword belongs in bandits' hands, only!) As such, you also don't need to add the apostrophe "s" at the end of a family name, either. Instead, if you are referring to their residence, it would require an "s", followed by an apostrophe. (IE: The Waters' Residence). Otherwise, if you were simply referring to them, just an "s" at the end is all that would be necessary, without the apostrophe.

That's about all I got so far, but I hope to your story progress! I gave it a "Like", and am looking forward to seeing your character progress even further!

By the way, sorry for my long absence! I've been babysitting my niece and my nephew, who are both still in diapers. Yeah, they're quite a handful, if you ask me... but at least I'm getting paid for my services!