WardenPony
Joined 13th Mar, 2012 ·
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Ha, this was sweet. It tried to do a little too much for my tastes, seeming to want to cover all the bases without sticking to something congruent, and the pacing limited it. I also think you name dropped Vinyl too much, especially in the beginning. But still, you made Vinyl a wonder character.
And what's this, original fiction? Published? Tell me what and where and I'll go buy myself a copy.
Cool concept, well written style, but the story and pacing beg to be filled in. Like the fact that she was just suddenly cool with it and didn't make sure they learned their lesson was odd to me, but it was mostly a pacing problem.
You've got a really great writing style. I'd love to see something else of yours.
I think this has strong potential to become more than a oneshot
I always hate it that the go to personality for vinyl is a druggy or a lazy (for lack of a better term) white trash. This story shows the type of personality I like. a Fun loving, spunky, work hard play hard mare.