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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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... The lion sleeps tonight. Very good, but now that song is on repeat in my head.
Ho-
Holy shit.
Kinda wish a favorite would = a upvote :( 115 favs and 61 makes me a sad panda
Fluttershy went bright crimson. Holding her hood under Zecora's chin, pulling her close she whispered in Zecora's ear. "And just think, we get to do that every night for six more nights."
hoof???
and also ''...''
and then how far did zecora traveled to get in the everfree? if so the morning would be crouded with zebra willing to get a piece of meat, and that aint a good thing >.<
1006298
thx for catching that typo, corrected.
1006958 NP
Good story, but are you actually planning to use that plant thing? I mean, you spent so much time building it up and it kind of just died.
1015567
originally yes, but the requestee of this fic suggested I avoid weird hentai like play in favor of something a bit more traditional. I left it in there for a false pretense twist of sorts.
But if you're not gonna use it then I don't really see what else you could do with the story. The only other things you could do is something about what Zecora was thinking about or something else with Bronze Hoof. I'm not trying to tell you how to write the story, I'm just saying, in my point of view, there's not many other directions you could take the story.
1015680
there's multiple unresolved plotpoints, like Zecora's grandmother, the ghosts at the spring and other things. Trust me, I plan 2-3 chapters ahead sometimes.
holy shit, that was hot! whoever dislikes this obviously has little imagination for what it must feel like. great story btw.
Wow...um...so...I need to stop reading clop before work it always has the same result.
Anywho, this was awesome in so many ways, porn with plot or plot with porn... whatever.
I'm wondering how far you plan on taking this? Their is not enough Zecroa fics out there let alone longer ones, and I would love to see more of this.
I notice in this chapter you forget to use 'an' a lot.
She never took Zecora for the strong muscular type mainly becuase if didn't show in her body shape...
I believe it should be it.
1022242
Oddly enough I noticed many fics avoid using the word 'an' unless the author is British as Americans seem to have habit of short handing 'an' into just 'A' for usage when stressing a noun.
anyways, thanks for pointing out the typo.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/346/057/670.png
1022275 If they aren't using an, then they aren't doing it right. 'An' should always be used in place of 'a' when put before a word with the first letter being a vowel (unless, if you're like me, it just doesn't sound right at all with 'an' instead of 'a'). You wouldn't say a elephant, because that's stupid and it sounds stupid (i.e: 'That is an ugly cow.' as compared to 'That is a funny cow.'). Seriously, the butchering of the English language nowadays irks me to no end.
This could definitely use some grammatical assistance (much to lazy to point anything out myself, but a good editor/proofreader could help where I won't) and maybe a small toning down of the vulgar sex language (really. That isn't sexy.).
However, this is interesting. Some of the dialogue kills it (make that a lot of the dialogue), but I love me some futa ponies. Too bad there won't be any tentacle graping going on, but I can definitely settle for this. I'm interested in seeing what the tribe does about the whole forsaking thing and I'm curious as to where this relationship will go. Zony babies go!
Overall, so far, I give it a 6/10. I'll hold any further judgement until it's finished.
1044758
Read the wiki on the word and yes 'an' is typically associated with straight British English and not the American dialect (where we have been using both interchangeably since the turn of the 20th century). Even a English professor at Harvard mentioned that the word is almost non- existent in American written publications, favoring shorthand 'A' over the British counterpart.
Grammar Nazi is one thing but I find too many people treat English as a rigid never changing landscape instead of a fluid, ever changing and breathing creature it truly is. (Like how professors get all uppity when someone uses the word "literally" as a placeholder for "metaphorically" despite the fact people have been using it with intentional hyperbole as far back as the 1700s.)
Also I'm not toning down the vulgarity any so feel free to down vote me now.
anywho the next chapter should be out sometime later today.
1044815 It's almost non-existent cause Americans are lazy. It's, unfortunately, a fact of life and kind of sad, but oh well, what can you do? If people what their sentences to sound stupid, all the power to them. I'll keep my 'an's and 'a's and use them properly to improve the flow of my story.
Can do, though. Excessive vulgarity = porn star bullshit. It's bland, unattractive, and detracts from the intimacy of the act (especially if you are going for romance).
1045077
I wouldn't call it excessive exactly. Zecora's silly rhymes seem to counterbalance it fairly well but to each his/her own I guess. (it also seems to kinda match Fluttershy, as the shy reserved ones are always the loudest when doing "the act")
IE on your stories the constant paragraph indents and florid over describing structure makes me want to club a seal. Everyone has bones to pick with different styles of writing I guess. To this you must agree though: at least it's not a wall of text or ponyfall >>.
1045098 I just realized that you don't indent all your paragraphs. *sigh* Another rule of the English language being thrown to the wind over time. I guess I'm just old fashioned (considering that's how I was taught). I'd like to say that I love description, though. It really helps to truly pull you into the story and paint the world in a better image. I know that a fuck ton of description, though can be bad (i.e. you can't even get a story told due to describing how nice/bad the tree bark looks.)
While I have absolutely no idea what ponyfall is, I will agree on the first part. Walls of text make me want to murder and bleed from my eyes.
1045098 I would like to say, however, that the rhyming does help to alleviate the vulgarity, but I just can't see Fluttershy being the pony to... express herself? in such a way. Perhaps Rarity or maybe Twilight, but the only time I could see Fluttershy being loud is during the Iron Hoof episode or when she gets super stressed.
1045118
Ponyfall is a humanized POE story where pretty much more than half the stories in the series were "hey lets haz sex with humanized mane six" self fulfillment stories, the worst of them being ponyfall rainbows. Anywho the next chapter will be rolling out soon, even though you thumbs it down I hope you at least stick around for how it ends.
1045171 Of course. I'm still interested in what you're gonna do with the uhhhh. Other stuff. I'll hafta read back to previous comments to remember seeing as it's been more than five minutes since I've check, but omfg why do people even read ponyfall. There isn't any faith in humanity. They aren't even ponies anymore. Human x Pony is bad enough, but when you take out the pony all together, you might as well make it a Harry Potter or Twilight fanfic or something. Just change the names and, bam! You won't even be able to tell the difference.
Sooo....did Zecora forget that she didn't have to rhyme, or was it simply habit that she continued?
1050512
Excitement of the moment can bring out old habits/old habits die hard :p OR the author is extremely lazy. Take your pick
1015680 i must disagree with you by there. , there are plenty ways to go even then it suddenly turn from an clopfic to an tragi action romance story, just remember the tribe is about to come hunting zecora and Fluttershy down
Dunno if it's been mentioned by anyone else here, but didn't Zecora state that she had officially abandoned her rhyming pattern? It seemed to pop back in randomly, then became a conversation point for Fluttershy to parody during their dirty talk.
1298671
In response, I have this to say:
Old habits die hard. *shrugs*
In the Jungle, the mighty jungle, Fluttershy sleeps tonight.
Just started reading but I see them getting raped by the plant in the morning.
That is SO Fluttershy.
I like this, nicely worm clop, bit everyone is in character. And you kept Zecora rhyming even during sex.
Cya
Raziel-chan