I'll have to echo that. More descriptors of characters are needed in the first chapter when you have important details like that. Even just a passing mention would work. Just needs to be made available.
So…magic make him had a full recovering to the point of no scar but whatever it was in that potion made his eye, useless? but complete?
Hmmm…interesting, if there are a lot of colors, instead of just white or a white scar it could mean his eye is still adjusting, wow I can't wait to see what will result when he recover his vision, maybe will be able to see auras, or perhaps be able to had magic x ray and be able to see, ponies magic inside of them instead of bones and all that
P.S: He is working in a factory that made love potion? isn't that dangerous? also I kind of wonder what happen with the pony that cause the accident?
5233774 His eye has been fucked up for a while, he's permanently blind in his left eye. And he works in a potion factory, love potions are just one of the things they make.
5233784 But his eye can return? maybe like with some new spell they will create or maybe some special potion that revert it? I mean that pony that cause it most feel like shit and will probably wish to fix his eye
On behalf of the citizens of San Antonio, I tell you we most certainly do not cuss a metric fuckton. That's just for the ***hole drivers, motards and for a few other things.
Okay, since you ask for comments: The story looks great so far (even though I find the human protagonist weird) and I did love the "Cheeseburger" thing. You get me to chuckle - I like that. The hole eyepatch thing came unexpected but works, since you didn't describe any of that in the first chapter that could contradict it. Lactation and crotchboobs are my fetish, so you totally have my attention.
I'm bad at constructive criticism but you wanted a comment so "I like it so far but I'm slightly put off by how often the main charater references his heritage." That's the most you'll get out of me at 4AM on a work night.
Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect His pillow is cool on BOTH sides He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take
He is the most interesting human in Equestria
"I don't drink Dos Equis often, but when I do, I drink with pretty pastel ponies. Stay thirsty, my friends."
Others, people who came here first, they'll adapt slower, they'll fit in slower. They came running, for something or from something, and that's not going to make a healthy person right away.
I never actually thought of it that way. Suddenly your other stories have a whole new dimension.
Ok, i can agree on two things: (1) - that milky thinks anythin three degrees or lower is buckin freezin n' (2) that Joel will spill blood if anybody tries to wax him . Which is ironic or whatever on t last one since i usually hate gettin violent unless i hav to
You didn't say that he had an eye-patch.
That's both kinda cool and sad that this happened.
Hey milky
yeah
wanna beer
fuck yeah I do
I'll have to echo that. More descriptors of characters are needed in the first chapter when you have important details like that. Even just a passing mention would work. Just needs to be made available.
5233683
It's not really important to him. It's part of him, but something people tend to avoid. Thus, I kept it hidden.
Organic character building.
You don't know his haircolor, size or weight, but you might. This guy is going to develop over time.
Is it wrong I want to see a picture of this eye? It sounds so awesome I want to see it.
So…magic make him had a full recovering to the point of no scar but whatever it was in that potion made his eye, useless? but complete?
Hmmm…interesting, if there are a lot of colors, instead of just white or a white scar it could mean his eye is still adjusting, wow I can't wait to see what will result when he recover his vision, maybe will be able to see auras, or perhaps be able to had magic x ray and be able to see, ponies magic inside of them instead of bones and all that
P.S: He is working in a factory that made love potion? isn't that dangerous? also I kind of wonder what happen with the pony that cause the accident?
5233774
His eye has been fucked up for a while, he's permanently blind in his left eye. And he works in a potion factory, love potions are just one of the things they make.
Never leave a beer unattended! If you do, You'll never see it again!
5233784
But his eye can return? maybe like with some new spell they will create or maybe some special potion that revert it? I mean that pony that cause it most feel like shit and will probably wish to fix his eye
5233903
I have a plan...Read Broke's latest chapter, you'll see the idea.
5233910
Ok thanks
On behalf of the citizens of San Antonio, I tell you we most certainly do not cuss a metric fuckton. That's just for the ***hole drivers, motards and for a few other things.
Okay, since you ask for comments: The story looks great so far (even though I find the human protagonist weird) and I did love the "Cheeseburger" thing. You get me to chuckle - I like that.
The hole eyepatch thing came unexpected but works, since you didn't describe any of that in the first chapter that could contradict it.
Lactation and crotchboobs are my fetish, so you totally have my attention.
Do you actually plan to finish this one :p
Seriously though. I love your stories and ideas, but it seems like you don't actually finish them... Then again. I kind of have the same problem XD
I'm bad at constructive criticism but you wanted a comment so "I like it so far but I'm slightly put off by how often the main charater references his heritage." That's the most you'll get out of me at 4AM on a work night.
5233910 i am leaving a comment. because that is the most unoriginal thing ever.
Potion....factory?
Details please
5233657
Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect
His pillow is cool on BOTH sides
He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take
He is the most interesting human in Equestria
"I don't drink Dos Equis often, but when I do, I drink with pretty pastel ponies. Stay thirsty, my friends."
I commented
i for one like where this is going and cant wait to read what happens next
I never actually thought of it that way. Suddenly your other stories have a whole new dimension.
Ok, i can agree on two things: (1) - that milky thinks anythin three degrees or lower is buckin freezin n' (2) that Joel will spill blood if anybody tries to wax him . Which is ironic or whatever on t last one since i usually hate gettin violent unless i hav to
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/518/255/716.jpg
Their place is 3 degrees inside? 3 degrees Celsius? Which is 37 Fahrenheit...
Why the heck is their place so freaking cold? It's like living in a refrigerator.
This is great and I'm having a lot of fun reading it. Thank you for writing it!
what a twist ^^ lovely story :D
This is fun!
This feels weird to read.
5238606 What if it's not Celsius? Gods above...That'd be cold as hell.
Nice...
FUCK YEAH, WISCONSIN
This story is filled with syntax errors, continuity errors, and messy/unnatural dialogue.
But I still love it, because boobs. Keep up the good work