Princess Luna wakes up on the day of the wedding of Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, and soon finds a bigger problem. We find out what she was doing during that hectic day, and why she was absent for nearly all of it.
Time for the technical details and other stuff! Rated T for minor blood and violence. OC label for guards and changelings, since you can't just make up a name for somepony otherwise. Cover art is "Face to face" by Einik on Deviantart.
Currently under editing.
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Well, I liked it. There were a number of spelling and grammar mistakes, but the story was pretty good. It's a better explanation of Luna's whereabouts than the "she was asleep the whole time" theory that's been going around.
I like it.
Pierce-Arrow is the name of a defunct automobile company. It's a pretty bad name for a character ... Good idea for a fanfic though!
498516 Well to be fair it was written at 4:00 AM on an insomnia bout. Would you mind listing some of the more noticeable ones?
498538 That's a thing? Well dang, I'll have to change that. *ponders*
498551
How about "Bodkin" (a type of arrowhead) or "Fletch" (fletching is the feathers at the back of an arrow) or "Longbow" or "Silverbolt" (after a crossbow bolt)?
498551
But I like my hometown being important!
498563 I think "Fletch" works. To quote Shakespeare in Doctor Who as he stole a line from the Doctor, "I'll have that off you." Then again, the Doctor took that one from Shakespeare in the first place, but Shakespeare heard it from... bah, wibbly wobbly timey wimey.
Yay going off on tangents!
498595 Yeah but as Rarity learned, you can't make everypony happy all the time, so I'll change it this once and not again.
... and the mentioning of a "defunct automotive company" was quite enough for me to make up my mind. cache.ohinternet.com/images/6/61/Cannot-unsee_cat.jpg
It was more the theme I was going for next chapter that is in question. "Fletch" still keeps it well enough.
i found this chapter to be rather short... but thats my only complaint,
heh, its not bad. Needs some more characters for Luna to interact with, maybe a little editing to eleminate grammar mistakes, and it'll be a hell of a fic.
498551
Hmm. I've looked through and found some mistakes, but it's not as many as I thought. As I said, it was a good story anyway, and I hope you'll add to it. Luna kicking flank is something that doesn't come up nearly enough.
From the prologue:
Contrary to popular belief, he didn't pass out just because her moon went down - Should be she
she certainly didn't wake up during the night she herself brings to the world - mixed tenses
Chapter 1:
Luna suddenly stopped in her tracks, celestia not taking notice - Capital letter for Celestia
The princess glowered at this, turning to face the defeated assassin. “Three parting statements parting words." - What did she say? Doesn't make sense to me.
498753 Caught that last one already, but I'll get right on those other three. Thank you very much! ^_^
I am liking where this is going, sure to be an interesting story.
Also you are doing a really good job for your first fimfic, I only saw a few errors and it looks to be really well written.
Oh Luna, you're so awesome. Great story so far, I'm liking this portrayal of Luna.
Awesome chapter, great way you built characters, AND you explained why her guards are bat-like. Cool story bro
The suspense!!
Hahaha
She's learning from her prior mistakes I see.
Also cool cover image.
I likes it! Yes, I do. This is a lunar guard that makes all the sense in the world as to its established range of duties, and the sort of talents needed to be selected as a part of Luna's elite service. And this is a Luna that has taken her duties seriously and used every bit of life experience to make herself better suited as ruler of the night and chief defense of the threats that can be found therein.
You've given us a very well-designed tapestry of Luna and her guard and what they were doing in the shadows away from all the big scenes during the wedding fiasco, and I salute you. I'll be waiting to see more of Luna and her guard in the future, protecting the kingdom from the shadows and with little or no thanks from the rest of the realm.
Excellent! I love the idea of Luna being good with military strategy! I'ts clear that this war will not take long to wrap up.
On a side note, there are some things you could do to make it more readable. First, space out dialogue. Whenever a new character speaks, add an extra space before their paragraph.
Also, when writing characters' thoughts, make them in italics, not inside of quotations. I believe this is standard practice, so it will be nice and easy to interpret.
Holy crap
That was awesome, it was like an action movie in my head. My mind is full of fuck and I love it
This story is brilliant. Excellent use of Luna's, Royal Guards/Lunar Guards. Luna captured the entire changeling swarm and sent them to Tartarus, very nice
Alright everypony, my tale is at an end, and I hope you enjoyed the ride. Since this story wound up with a much more positive reception than I had ever anticipated, I may end up making another tale, when inspiration strikes me of course. I'm feeling quite a bit more confident than I was when I had published this and written my author's footnote. Of course, now I know how to use comments before I publish a chapter, so hah! Take that, story interrupting footnotes!
I'll still be making edits to the story, the most pressing at the time of writing this being italicizing thoughts. I'd to it now, but I'm procrastinating. Nope, not making an excuse, just admitting to procrastination.
I wish to make a blog shortly and write some of the moments I'm particularly proud of, some of the themes I wanted to get across, and some other tidbits somepony may or may not find interesting.
Thank you for all your feedback, everypony, I hope to see you soon.
Great story, I really enjoyed the creative backstories to your Lunar Guards. Well structured and told tale. Looking forward to seeing more stories from you.
Great ending to a great story!!
Awesome story bro!
So did she sent only the changlings to Tartarus or also Chrysalis?
Haha nice story :D
The aforementioned blog is up if anypony cares to read it.
All right, you've got things wrapped up pretty neatly. We've had enough characterization to flesh out the members of the Lunar Guard that we got to interact with, Luna herself did a pretty kick-ass job of proving that the night rules for combat still do the job of keeping the realm safe from all threats, and once again Pinkie proves that she can find a way to wriggle into any story she wants.
You've done a great job of setting up a believable guard force under Luna's command, I hope that at some point in the future you and your Muse will find another situation that calls for their special touch. Great work, and I'll be looking forward to your next story offering.
Ah, crap, it's over. I was hoping this would stretch on a little bit. Will we perhaps see these characters again in another story? I rather liked this one, and I'd love to hear about more of their secret exploits.
Oh well, Like and Favorite!
523496 *chuckle* Well first I have to come up with a basic premise for a story. I can't write in a vacuum of "muse", you know!
Don't worry, I doubt we've seen the last of our Lunar Guard.
This was quite the enjoyable read. A rag tag team of covert ops taking care of the messes no one knows about, and doing it without anyone knowing, is just plain fun. The lunar guards had some engaging, if a bit cliche, personalities, but its stuff like this that make me smile. Not to mention Lunar displaying why she is the princess (lets be honest, Queen) of the night. Nicely done.
Exquisite. The Lunar Guard is a force worthy of its patron and your avatar. And Luna regurgitating the changelings into Hell? That was simply epic. Great work.
AMAZING background stories for the certain mention Lunar Guard.
This story sounds like it actually happened!
Especially the part where you put Luna coming in saying " Hello everypony, did I miss anything?"
Wow, just WOW.
“FOREEEVERRR!” a voice called out. Luna looked around. “WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?!?!” she yelled
This cracks me up.
“FOREEEVERRR!”
Some technical issues and nowhere near enough time given to your OC's, but overall a solid and enjoyable piece.
*Reads sequel first*
*Turns and reads this*
*Hesitantly comments*
... So Luna just came along and more-or-less killed an entire species of creatures that had the potential to be good, earnest members of pony via casting them into a firey pit of death in the underworld, all because they were easily led and currently under the control of a single, corrupt individual?
... All in order to mentally punish the aforementioned individual? (Who was, even then, given a chance to remain alive and by extension a chance to start over?)
... And finishes by happily partying at the castle for a few hours?
While that's fine and swell for everypony involved, I must express my dismay at how everyling (each one sentient and with a unique personality, like Silk says in "Remnant") was mercilessly punished for - as pretty much stated in the first chapter of the sequel - doing whatever the queen willed, simply because she was the queen.
ALL IN ALL, this is an amazing story by itself.
Its just that, when combined with a sequel showing the other argument, I find this canon's Luna to be, for lack of a more precise term, a monster.
Plus the vice-versa is never implied in this story! Luna implied that the changelings have been evil for all time right off the bat in chapter one, and it was this implied evilness that justified her to kill off the entire species.
Sigh.
I suppose these kinds of stories can't be read from sequel to original - so much of the magic that I see in the above comments was lost thanks to my realizing that the heroes of this story, the Lunar Guard (+princess), so nonchalantly killed off thousands of individuals capable of growing unique personalities (like Silk!) - and all simply because Luna didn't bother disposing of the queen when the swarm was disabled, instead opting to dump everyling into Tartarus and completely ignore Chrysalis while the corrupt leader was completely at her mercy. For this, I was sad.
And, the above, it seems, are my two bits on the subject.
Apologies if it wasn't exactly what you wanted by 'feedback' :/
821885 Oh indeed, there's a reason the sequel is labeled "dark". Remnant, told primarily from Silk's point of view, is there to portray the other side of the story. So honestly, I'm rather glad your view is like that!
I think you're going to like chapters 6, 9, and the epilogue.
822011
Something tells me that chapters 6, 9, and epilogue are either going to be very heart-warming...
... Or very opposite :c
Either way, great work on this + Remnant, eagerly awaiting dem chapters :D
Oh Pinkie...
So this is what Luna was doing? I'm okay with this.
I'm liking this Luna so far. Two chapters to go.
The fight scene was clever. Nicely done.
This was a solid story overall. I liked the OCs, but I felt not enough time was spent on them. Hopefully that's fixed in the sequel. Nicely done.
That is just evil.
Trying not to starve to death?
Well tough, you can go burn in hell.
Well done. This story was indeed very well done. Of course it felt a little quick at a few points, particularly the defeat of the changlings. But I did really enjoy the tales of how some of her guard ended up joining.
Pretty good fic overall. Really well done, and interesting to see how Luna would end up fighting any opponent. Though the way the changelings were defeated bothers me a little. For one I am not sure they would become that connected to Luna just by mimicry of the ShadowBolts. While changelings could indeed copy practically anything and take on the targets traits to better blend in, taking on such extreme magical properties even when they are not aware of them is pushing it a bit. Also the changelings should be just as good as the night guard at stealth missions and subterfuge. While their tactics in the show might not have been too impressive, I have a bit of headcannon that the changelings were doing a heck of alot more behind the scenes than what we saw. Besides their whole plan isn't something that was hastily thrown together. It was actually very well thought out and excellently executed. Pretty much the only flaw in Chrysalis' plan was that she put Twilight so close to Cadance. The fact alone that the Changeling Queen could get into Canterlot and replace the Girlfriend and Fiancee of the Captain of the Day Guard with nopony being the wiser is nothing to scoff at.
Honestly I think that if the Changelings wanted to remain hidden, they can very easily do so. Even giving the stealth based Night Guard a run for their money. Neither the Changelings themselves nor their Queen are stupid, they can't if they want to be effective predators using their shifting abilities. So it feels like their defeat was far too fast. Don't get me wrong the story is still quite good and an enjoyable read. Just a bit of a nitpick for me is all.
514400
THAT ending with the clock. i now have to feel sorry for the luner gaurd now
1127671
That's what i thought actually when Luna sounded like she was going to kill Chrysalis I was thinking 'If you kill Chrysalis you are a monster' but still those changlings she sealed away were Chrysalis' son's and daughter's so Luna's still seems a bit like a ass to me errr now offense Donkey.
"Non takin"
Still a good story though eat a thumbs up!
498596 Oh? So that's how Fletch's name came about... I think Pierce-Arrow was quite cool, but Fletch is more catchy as it resembles those military code names.
Doctor who did what? Oh god... I so need to watch that series....