Flitter
Bonus One
Flitter (Original one-shot)
The sound of shattering glass filled the sky. The giant purple shield surrounding Canterlot crumbled, its huge shards of solid magic crashing into the ground before they had a chance to dissolve.
"Swift Star!" the green pegasus mare yelled. "We have to go! Come on!"
The unicorn she was addressing didn't respond. He was looking up, terrified. He knew those black shapes. He knew them all too well.
"They shouldn't be here," he said, looking at the mare in desperation. "They can't do this, it'll upset the whole balance!"
"Swift, honey? What do you mean? You know these creatures?"
Swift Star nodded, and started running. "Let's go."
* * *
Their run was a futile exercise. The black creatures swarmed in from above, and spotted the runners easily. Within minutes, the two were surrounded.
One of the black creatures approached the pair, a wicked grin on its face.
Swift Star bared his teeth. "You shouldn't be here!" he yelled.
The black creature didn't respond. It glanced at the others behind them, and nodded. One by one, they were engulfed in green flames, half of them transforming into copies of the female pegasus.
The other half collectively blinked, and stared at the unicorn they had failed to copy.
"What are these things?" Morning Rain asked, terrified.
"Changelings," Swift Star replied. "They survive by taking the appearance of a loved one and feeding on love they are given."
The mare's eyes widened. "What? But..."
One of the creatures that had failed to transform walked towards the pair. "What are you doing?" it said, in a hissing voice. "The Queen commands us. Why do you disobey her?"
"I know no queen!" the unicorn yelled. "You're deranged! You can't just destroy the Old Ways!"
He looked back as he heard a hoofstep behind him, and noticed Morning Rain had taken a step back. She stared at him with a bewildered look in her eyes.
"You... you're one of them?" she said. She looked pale.
"Morning Rain, please," Swift Star said. "It's not like that!"
"Where is he?" she said, anger and desperation flashing over her face. "What have you done to him?!"
The black creature tilted his head. "Contain her!" it hissed. "What are you doing?"
Swift Star threw him an angry look, his normally orange eyes flaring with a violent green. "I'm keeping a promise," he said. He swiftly turned around, and bucked the creature into the others. Before they had time to react, he grabbed the green mare in his forehooves and flew straight up, insectoid wings appearing out of nowhere as he did.
"Who are you!?" Morning Rain yelled, terrified.
"Someone who loves you," Swift Star replied, as he flew into one of the windows of the high palace towers.
* * *
"What are you doing?!" Morning Rain yelled at the not-Swift Star.
"What do you think I'm doing? I'm saving you!" he yelled back. He pulled her through the corridors with his magic, desperately trying to avoid the swarming black creatures. As he became more frantic, his horn changed, turning black and curved like those of the creatures that were chasing them.
"But you're like them!" she said.
Swift Star opened a door to his right and quickly slipped into it, floating the mare behind him. Swiftly but silently he closed the door behind them and locked it, leaving the two alone in a large obscured room. He gently lowered Morning Rain to the ground, and released her from his magic grip.
"So what if I am?" he whispered. "Does that really matter?"
"Of course it matters!" she replied. She lowered her voice as she heard the buzzing of wings outside the door. "You're... you're not Swift Star."
The unicorn-shaped changeling smiled, and folded his insect wings onto his back. "That's debatable. Sure, I'm not the pony you fell in love with. I can't deny that. But I think I've done quite a good job filling in for him."
"What did you do to him!?" she said, anger flaring through her voice.
"I tried to save him," the changeling replied. "And I failed."
Morning Rain frowned. "And then... you took his place?"
"Such are the Old Ways. We take the place of lost loved ones."
Morning Rain walked towards him, and sat down. "And you've been... him, for how long?"
"You had only just met him. That foolish journey past the ravines. He never made it back."
"But you did."
The changeling nodded. "It is what we do. I asked him, as the Old Ways dictate. Love is a powerful emotion. I would keep you happy, instead of heartbroken over a lover that left on a foolish journey and never came back. The choice, to him, was obvious. He couldn't stand to make you unhappy, not if there was any other choice."
Morning Rain stared at the floor, and shook her head. "Twenty years. You've been lying to me for twenty years."
"I've kept you happy," the changeling said, looking away uncomfortably.
"With a lie!" she said. "How could you do that to me?!"
"What?" He turned back towards her and glared at her. "I've turned your silly crush for a stallion you really only barely knew into a life of happiness! I married you! And now you blame me for keeping a promise to that stallion. I promised him I'd take care of you. I promised him I'd keep you happy! And that's what I did."
Morning Rain sighed. "But it was still all a lie."
"I love you. And that's not a lie. He never asked me to marry you; that was all me. I don't know what that crazy queen out there is trying to accomplish, but love isn't something you can simply harvest. It takes love to get love. The only thing she's harvesting is terror. And as someone who has fed on emotions his entire life, let me tell you, that stuff tastes foul."
A groan suddenly came from further in the room. A sleepy head with rather large horn appeared from under the covers.
"Hmm? Tia?" the dark form said. She then promptly turned over, pulling the covers over her head.
The two figures stood still as statues, before very carefully stepping back to the door. The thought that the Moon Princess could help defeat the menace outside didn't even cross their minds. In fact, at that very moment, they'd forgotten all about the changeling swarm. The only things they knew, at that moment, were the fact they had accidentally snuck inside the bedroom of the Princess of the Night, and the fact they did not want to be caught doing that.
* * *
Silently, they made their way up to the Royal Observatory. Like much of the Palace, it was empty, and the changeling swarm had long checked it out and left it behind. The unicorn-shaped changeling looked down at the chaos on the streets below, and shook his head.
Morning Rain looked at him, thinking over the words he'd said to her. "So... who are you, then?"
He sighed. "I've been Swift Star for more than half of my life. Does it really matter? I'm still the same, you know. I still love broccoli, still loathe alfalfa, and I'm still good at music spells. Please don't ask me to throw that away."
"I'm not!" she said, defensively. "If those things... are really you, then they're not Swift Star, are they?"
The changeling blinked. "I... guess not."
"So, what is your name?" she asked.
He frowned. It had been such a long time. He'd grown so used to being Swift Star.
"Flitter," he said. "That's the name I had." He gave her a pleading look. "Do I really need to take it back?"
She nodded. "I'm sorry. I can't keep calling you Swift Star." She joined him at the balcony, and looked down at the chaos below. The changeling swarm was apparently occupied by a team of half a dozen ponies that seemed to plough through everything in their way.
"So... where do we go from here?" she asked.
"We're getting out of here. We can't do anything to help. Princess Celestia is down there, and so are the Elements of Harmony. The only thing we can do is get caught."
"That's not what I meant!" she said. "What about us? The two of us?"
"I know what you meant," Flitter said, pulling himself away from the balcony and walking towards the other side. "And it'll have to wait. It seems our rampaging ponies have been caught. Come on, let's go before they notice us."
Morning Rain glanced at the swarm of changelings below, who were focusing their attention on the six ponies they held. She gasped, and ran after Flitter. "Those were the Elements! They captured the Elements!"
Flitter stopped. "Are you sure?"
"We saw them perform the Heart Warming Eve play, remember?"
Flitter ran back to the balcony overlooking the city, and peered down at the six equine forms dragged along with the mass of black changelings.
He shook his head. "We can't help them. We're just two ponies."
"You could help them, couldn't you? If you change back, you'll look just li—"
"NO!" he yelled, cutting her off. She threw him a confused look.
"I can't change into a pony that doesn't live any more!" he yelled. "Don't you understand?"
"You... you'd be stuck in your normal form?"
"Don't call it that," he said, focusing his attention on his wings and horn, and restoring his complete Swift Star form. "Once I change back to my Changeling form, Swift Star will be gone forever."
"I don't mind," she said, hesitantly. "I don't care what you look like."
"But I do!" he yelled. "Don't you see?! These changelings have made themselves enemies of Equestria! I can't be one of them! I need to be Swift Star to be with you!"
Morning Rain sighed. "If their queen wins, it won't matter anyway. Wasn't that what you said? It'll upset the balance?"
Flitter groaned, and nodded. "If this mad Queen actually manages to defeat Celestia, the balance of Night and Day will be disrupted. Whoever she is, she obviously hasn't thought that far ahead. Already they're terrorizing ponies to feed on their love. Soon, nothing but terror will remain in their hearts. By the time she notices what she's done, her power won't even be enough to keep the solar cycle going. And then, it's all going to Tartarus."
"We have to go back and wake up Luna," Morning Rain said. "She's their only chance!"
Flitter nodded. "Yes. Let's do that."
An odd feeling stopped him, though. He felt a shiver crawl up his spine, and looked back over the balcony. Morning Rain clearly felt it too; her ears perked up, and she looked at him.
"What is that?!" she asked, looking at the bright light shining out of the wedding hall.
"Love," he said. Then, he frowned. "But it's channelled... into a spell."
His eyes widened as he saw the purple sphere expand from where the white glow had been. "Oh no."
He backpedalled away from the balcony, spread his insectoid wings once again, and flew away from the oncoming shield. Morning Rain followed him without hesitation.
"Flitter!" she yelled, flying after him as he tried to get out of the shield's reach.
Unfortunately, the expanding shield didn't stop where the old one had been. It blasted on, pushing all changelings with it. His own speed prevented Flitter from getting blasted away as violently as the others, but still, the shield reached him, and as the purple wall smashed into him he felt his pony form scorch away in purple flame. He looked at his hooves in pure desperation as the last glimpse of yellow coat disappeared, making way for the dreaded black of his original form.
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Swift Star was gone, forever.
He stopped struggling, and allowed the shield to blast him away. It was all over. As he looked at the ground approaching him with deadly speed, he noticed that, ironically, he was going to end up in the same ravines where Swift Star died.
And now, he'd die there again.
"Don't you dare leave me!" a voice came from behind him. A green blur shot over the ground into the ravine, collided with him, and shot back up.
* * *
A pony and a changeling were lying on the dusty rock next to the ravine. Both of them were utterly exhausted, thoroughly shaken, and glad to be alive.
"Flitter?" the green pegasus asked.
"Yes, Morning Rain?" the changeling replied.
"Where do we go from here?"
Flitter smiled, got up, and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. His big icy blue eyes looked into her purple ones.
"Wherever we want, my love."
So, I noticed I was on the third spot of Fimfic's most popular stories ranking... wow. Seems it went down now though, due to some silly downvoters
So don't forget to upvote when you fave! Faving doesn't affect the story rating at all, and I seem to have a load more trackers than the upvotes on the story show.
Anyway... here it is: my shame and my pride, all wrapped into about 2000 words: the original short story, "Flitter".
Frig yes, Jaffa cakes.
Also, loved the story when it was just a one-shot, still love it now. A nice, well-imagined piece of work.
1694750
I for one, am glad you put this up.
It shows how far you have gone, how far you
have striven, all to achieve perfection.
You have earned a rest.
Eddie
I like it. It started small, but you nurtured it with love and now it's all grown up.
1694750
You've still got 12 down votes compared to over 1000 up votes, I'm pretty sure that's one of the best upvote/downvote ratios I've seen. And I always upvote fics that I've favourited.
1694876
As I said, it was on third place. On ALL of fimfic. So it's not surprising that even with a few more downvotes that's still amongst the top
At the time I'm writing this, I'm around #14.
1694753 1694764 1694794 1694853
Oh, and thank you all for your kind comments. This story was quite the trip, and I'm absolutely baffled by the amount of feedback it generated. I love you all
1694899
No problems, I have had that same rushed feeling,
and now I have a 15000+ prologue, that I'm still not
happy with...
Eddie
1694899
I got 99 problems and this fic.... ALL of it... Aint one.
I just want to tell you that this is a damn fine fic and I think I have told you that before. Just keep on writing and soon enough you will have a bestseller. I love it man just dont forget that all of us love this fic.
1694794
b'aaww
This story feels very movie-trailerish;
*shot of Canterlot, shield crumbling around it*
Swift: "They can't do this, it'll upset the whole balance!"
*Swift and Morning running through Canterlot*
Swift: "You should not be here!"
*First close-up of a Changeling*
Morning: "What are these things?"
Swift: "Changelings, They survive by taking the appearance of a loved one and feeding on love they are given."
*Morning stepping backwards and realizing what Swift is*
Morning: "Who are you?"
Swift: "Someone who loves you!"
*Hell breaks lose*
*Fast shots of Changelings attacking people*
*Morning and Swift are in the tower, Canterlot burns in the background*
Swift: "We can't help them. We're just two ponies."
*Shot of how the love-shield expands*
*Flitter and Morning flying through the air*
*Screen fades to black*
i58.photobucket.com/albums/g273/blastdragon/Untitled-5.jpg
Morning: "Where do we go from here?"
Flitter: "Wherever we want, my love."
And now look how far we have come!
ponycraft.net/wp-content/forum-image-uploads/dj-v0rt3x/2012/08/Clap.gif
I'm guessing this is back in the featured box because it was updated. Maybe. But I notice the Changeling tag.
1695283
Apparently, all stories which ever got into the top 7 of most popular stories get in those 3 last Featured spots whenever they update. Unfortunately, back when Flitter was in that top 7, the feature box was only 5 spots
1695423 Wow lol
1695020 A movie on a fic about ponies. THAT WILL BE THE DAY!
SEQUEL SEQUEL please
1694750
Eh... how could anyone downvote this?
i know who it was >
1695020
1695510
Heh. We did the same thing in the Fallout Equestria related fics group forum. Just as challenge: "write a movie trailer for your story". Produced some pretty awesome trailer scripts, actually
isnt this chapter 1?
1695799
Did I forget to add author's notes to the top of this? And a chapter title saying exactly what it is?
[edit]
Huh. Nope. I didn't. Well look at that.
1695808 i know its the original story but its identical to ch.1
1696211
You may want to reread the first chapter in that case. It's about twice as long as this
You know... this makes me wonder what it was like with the two of them being together for 20 years... I feel like there might be a few stories there.
1696340 Now that would be another interesting story to read. Or at least the part with Flitter getting used to pony etiquette and general life.
Possible prequel?
1695511
oh god yes the mere thought makes me drool.
1696463
i support this notion.
1696527 We can only hope
1696463 That would be rather interesting... especially seeing as how at 1st apparently she was rather cold towards him when he 1st came back... this story sounds exciting!
I was eating jaffa cakes while reading this, nothing better for restoring the brain cells that committed suicide while listening to a little girl playing with a furby, I can't tell which one wants to eat my soul!
I agree with those who want a sequel, as 1696340 put, a prequel could be quite interesting as well!!
1694750
Someone downvoted this?
GRAB YOUR TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS!
TODAY WE RIDE ... TO WAR!
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTvMDYzqbafgBdRduXTeC7r9UEFaQ6jsTro8CUjIAMa8snnunBk
Brilliant
This story needs a sequel.
I frikkin' loved this! Wish it was a longer read though. Still, it ended at a good point, and I think a sequel would only detract from th' epicality of th' original.
1696709 1697462 1698101
Well, as I said before, I'd only write a sequel if I actually have another story worth telling set in this same world, anyway. Just like I wouldn't have continued this beyond the original short story if I hadn't had a good story to tell
The same kinda applies to any prequeling, though. Even slice of life stories need some kind of point to get over and conclude with.
When I first read this story many months ago, I loved it. It was sweet, tender, and that ambiguous ending just left so much for my imagination to explore on it's own.
Then a few months later, the story popped up on the top of my Unread favorites list, and immediately I thought [youtube=saC13RJ8CUs]
I then spent weeks humming and hawing over whether I should read it or not, because I knew it wouldn't be the same as what I fell in love with.
Finally I broke down last night and read through half of it before I fell asleep (4AM, beat that), then finished it this morning (9:30AM and not a grain of eye sand anywhere).
It was better than I expected.
Now, I still loved it more when the ending was ambiguous, but I liked this extended version enough to accept this as being a good continuation. (That took me a while to write out without sounding like a "nose in the air" ass, still think I might have failed though)
It was an excellent read Nyerguds.
1700455
Thank you. Opinions were mixed over whether the original ending was "too open" or just "perfectly open", but seeing as there was still a story worth telling right behind it, I do think I made the right choice in continuing it
And hey, even this ending is pretty open
Lovely story and lovely prologues that add to how it ends.
1700455
...you know, ironically, that's pretty much exactly what happened to me when writing it. People started asking for sequels, ideas started forming, I wrote a few down but was never really convinced I'd be able to produce a release-worthy story. Then one day I said, "screw it, I'll try, and if I don't succeed, I simply don't publish it".
It came really close to never getting published, too. My friend Ember/Tango really helped me out at a point I kept struggling with. I knew I couldn't post it without any kind of satisfying climax and ending, and Spike's panic, which made the Princess overreact, and which triggered the Hive's Last Stand, really did the trick. The original ending I was going towards (the Equestrian Court hearing) was horribly boring, to a point I simply couldn't get myself to publish it.
1700559
The big amount of dialogue is not necessary a bad thing. For example, just look at "Murder on the Orient Express" by Agatha Christie - it consists nearly only of dialogue. And Woody Allen's movies? There is not much of an action (in it's common meaning) in "Midnight in Paris" but it's a great movie. In fact, many talented artists base their stories on dialogues. Not the amount dialogue but how you are using it is what makes a story great or not. At least that's what I believe in.
1701519
Actually, I played only WoW III (without the Frozen Throne), but I think I get what you mean. I guess I'll have to make do with "The Daily Unlife" for now.
1701808
Um, that's Warcraft III, not WoW 3. WoW is the mmorpg, and only the mmorpg. The RTS series is called "Warcraft". On a related note, the actual expression "world of warcraft" comes from the intro of Warcraft 1, which ends with the words "Welcome to the world, of Warcraft."
1701834
Okay
1701856
Anyway, as I was trying to convey here, this is what is commonly called an "open ending". May have sequels, may not, but either way, you'll have to wait to find out
Your story could become a novel if you continue writing. Just a few touches here and there.
1703743
It's, um... finished, y'know? I'm not writing more onto a finished story.
i need to get my hands on some Jaffa cakes i keep hearing they are the best thing ever anyone know where i can get some in the U.S.?
1708866
Heh. They're awesome. Only problem is, there's no way to eat less than a whole pack at the time, since they get stale after you open the plastic.
Of all the changling fanfictions I've read, this one is the best
1737163
Thank you