Twilight Makes a Mistake
Twilight Sparkle stood in front of the portal to the human world, thinking. What were the human counterparts of her friends up to? Was Sunset Shimmer behaving herself? There was so much she didn't know! And due to the nature of the portal, she wouldn't know for quite some time.
It was for this reason that she was there then. She had gotten permission from Celestia to examine the mirror, but had been warned against trying to change anything about it. In the words of the diarch, "That mirror is intrinsically tied to the fabric of the universe, any attempt at changing it will prove catastrophic."
It was a good thing that Twilight wasn't changing anything. At most, what she was doing was tampering. Maybe meddling. Certainly short term. Any lasting effects would be a mistake on her part, and she’s been doing this magic thing long enough to not make mistakes.
She powered her horn down, causing the magic mirror to cease to glow. She walked around it, seeing if her magical nudging had changed anything major about it. When that unsurprisingly failed to show her anything, she trotted around the room, looking at the magical instruments she had set up all around the mirror. Still nothing. She frowned, and reapplied her aura to the mirror, watching the instruments while she manipulated it. They showed slight variations that weren't even in line with her tweaks, and they stopped the second she stopped pushing.
Twilight looked around the room, double checking she was alone. "Poop," she said quietly.
Then her eyes caught on something. The meticulously bundled and organized cables connecting all her instruments were a bit off. She had plugged a couple cables between devices wrong. A quick job replugging the errant cords fixed her problem perfectly. She still couldn't make a tiny bit of the magic powering the mirror change in the way she wanted, but now her instruments at least properly recorded her attempts.
Twilight paced in circles around the mirror. This thing wasn't stronger than her, she knew that from the fact she could change the specifics of the enchantment. It changed itself back and actively resisted her, but she couldn't figure out why. She fiddled with the mirror as she walked up to it to look at her reflection, thinking that might change when she tweaked the enchantment. As she stepped forward, however, her hoof caught on one of the hastily-laid cables around the mirror. With a yelp, she fell through.
Wherever the mirror's twin was, it wasn't on the floor, as Twilight soon realized. She shortly hit the ground, landing in a sprawl in a cramped room, a door to each side. As she went to pick herself up, she noticed that she was bipedal once more. Did it work? A quick self-examination revealed that she was the right shape, size, and color. She ran a hand through her hair in relief, but froze when she came into contact with a horn. She felt around, and found two more, smaller than the first and on each side of it. "What in the—"
She would have to finish her introspection later. A cream-skinned human in a bright orange jumpsuit burst through the door, followed closely by five more of near-identical color and in identical orange clothing. One spotted her. "Hey, what are you doing, standing there? The civilian evacuation ships are back that way!" He jabbed a thumb back the direction they had entered.
"Wh—"
Another member of the squad slapped the first on the back of the head. "The way between here and the civvy evac ships is absolutely crawling with Imps. Do you think she'd make it there? She's gotta go out on the military ships." He walked up to her, offering his hand. "We gotta go fast, miss. Don't want to get a shot in the back."
A confused Twilight took his hand hesitantly. The first soldier rubbed the back of his head. "We don't have time to argue, so if we get in trouble, it's your ass."
"Of course," the second said. "Introductions will have to wait, miss. We gotta run."
"Okay?" With her consent given, the soldier nearly pulled her over as he started running again. Slightly out of practice in a bipedal form, Twilight was always being tugged along, despite her best efforts. They ran up and up, taking each of the seemingly-endless staircases two steps at a time, flashing past hundreds, if not thousands of rooms filled with things that in any other situation would make Twilight stop and spend hours studying. Twilight’s stumbling, zig-zagging running directly contrasted the straight and easy way the soldiers around her ran.
Soon enough, the group emerged into the light. Twilight expected to stop at the top, maybe take a little break. Instead, she felt her feet leave the ground for a moment as the soldier holding her hand kept running. “Can’t stop now, miss. Any second now, the Imperials are gonna bring down a lot of hurt on this planet.”
Not knowing how else to reply, she just nodded dumbly as she did her best to keep up with the soldiers. They ran down an alleyway, coming to a wide street. The buildings flanking her route were tall, and built in a way that Twilight had never heard of before, let alone seen. Every few alleyways, more soldiers—some dressed identically to the group escorting Twilight, most in armor of less jarring shades—emerged, creating a veritable river of humans of varying cream complexions.
A bright flash and an explosion over her head drew her eyes upwards. A large, metal triangle was overhead, and a multitude of small dots were spreading from it. For a moment, every soldier on the road stopped with Twilight. "That," the soldier leading Twilight said slowly, "is a big bird."
His words seemed to snap the world back into action. Instead of the panicked sprinting that Twilight expected, the soldiers put on a grim air and kept their retreat even more orderly than before, murmuring softly between each other. One of the soldiers running alongside the group Twilight was with said, "What's with the civvy?"
Not even sounding out of breath despite Twilight being sore and tired already from doing the same thing, the soldier replied, "Found her deep under. Couldn't just send her back into the Imps."
"What was she doing deep under?"
"No clue. Haven't had time to ask." The soldier looked upwards. "Imp invasion and all."
The other soldier's mouth pressed into a line. "Never thought I'd see one of those in person."
"Never wanted to."
With that, their conversation ended. Silence reigned around Twilight while she ran. She focused straight ahead, even as explosives rained down on the city behind her. She could faintly hear the screams of those that survived the initial explosion. She squeezed her eyes closed and held on to the soldier's hand as tightly as she could, trusting him to lead her where she needed to go. He did his job faithfully, even as the bombs started landing on the fleeing soldiers.
Suddenly, Twilight felt a premonition. She looked up, and saw a bomb dropping right for where she would be, and there was no way they were going to survive it. The adrenaline rushing through her body allowed her to trace where it would land, dig her feet in, and pull the soldier at the end of her arm to the side, knocking him off balance from the unexpected change in velocity. She threw her free hand up in an attempt to create a magical barrier, forgetting that humans couldn't use magic.
The rippling explosion stopped before it reached them, seeming to find the air too solid to go through. All around them, the shockwave knocked soldiers off their feet and shattered near windows, but directly behind Twilight, there were no effects.
Twilight helped the soldier stand. "Sorry," she said.
"Not a problem," he replied, wiping himself off for a moment. "C'mon, it won't be long before the Imperials drop another bomb on us. We need to get moving."
Twilight nodded, considerably calmer than she was before. She'd been in mortal danger before. Maybe not quite like this, but that short burst of calm she felt was all she needed to get control of herself. At least until the adrenaline wore off.
Not too much later, the now-thinned soldiers arrived at the doors of their hangar. The group split, most of them heading in one direction, while the rest of the soldier's squad went with just a few others dressed like them in another direction. "Where are they—"
"They're going to distract the Imperials long enough for us to get to orbit," the soldier said without slowing down. "From there, we'll pick them up and get the heck out of dodge."
Orbit?
Twilight just followed him as they ran. The doorway they went through opened up into a massive room absolutely filled with the largest, strangest vehicles she had ever seen. Each one was the size of a small town, oblong, and coated in what she assumed was weaponry.
"One of these babies has over thirty turrets and a state-of-the-art shielding system on it," the soldier explained as they trotted up to one. His words brought forth pictures of Canterlot's numerous large towers behind a translucent purple shield, making Twilight feel homesick. "There isn't a better-defended ship of its size. We'll be fine, now."
An orderly line of soldiers had formed at each one of the near half-dozen ships. Twilight was led to one seemingly at random. They waited impatiently as the line advanced quickly. Twilight took a moment to look around. Curt stood out more than her, due to him being dressed in bright orange and the few people in lines that had skin in different colors. Twilight locked eyes with an attractive woman two ships over who was a bright blue and had two long tentacles protruding out the back of her head instead of hair. The woman gave her a smile, before facing forward, saying a few words to a man at the bottom of the ramp of her ship, and walking away.
Twilight rubbed her neck, trying not to think how the woman got the scars she had seen there.
Soon enough, they were face-to-face with a woman holding onto a clipboard of some kind. Twilight couldn't see a pen anywhere, though. "Name," the woman said without looking up.
"Not on the list," the soldier said. "Curt Valadme, pilot, plus one."
"We don't have space for cowards shirking their jobs," the woman said, giving Curt a look so full of venom that Twilight was sure he'd drop dead and leave her on her own. "So go to your own ship. We're full."
"I'm escorting a civvy," he explained. "The way to the civilian transports was too far and too filled with Imps for her to have made it."
"We're full," she repeated. "Go to the other hangar and get in your ship."
Curt ignored her curt reply and brushed past her. "Bring it up with the admiral." The woman sputtered indignantly and uselessly as he led Twilight onto the ship. "Let's find you a seat and talk."
Twilight stood by a window in the ship, looking at the battered planet in wonder and horror. Curt stood next to her, watching a too-small number of four-winged ships returning with the fleet of civilian and military ships. The Imperials didn't send any ships up at them, instead focussing on bombarding the planet. They were free to go, unmolested.
"I don't remember having a Zabrak of quite that color in my navy," someone said from behind them. Twilight tore her eyes away from the spectacle with some effort, looking at the speaker.
He was a middle-aged man, with dark skin and greying hair. Underneath his simple clothing, Twilight could tell without trying that he kept himself in shape. Curt saluted. "Admiral Demos, sir."
"At ease, soldier," the older man said with a hint of amusement in his eyes. "I think you're allowed a bit of time to relax after something like that. Come, let's talk over drinks."
"Sir?" Curt asked hesitantly as the admiral began to walk away.
"Chop chop," Demos said. "I've got a nice bottle of Alderaanian wine that I've been meaning to find an excuse to open."
Twilight and Curt shared a look before the latter shrugged. They followed the admiral through the ship to a relatively large room that was relatively lavishly appointed. The woman from outside the ship was standing behind a plush chair, which itself sat at the rear of a heavy desk. The older man sat down at the desk and gestured with one hand to the two seats suspiciously prepared on the other side while the other hand grabbed a bottle and three glasses. "Sit." Curt sat first, followed by Twilight, who kept her eyes on the ground.
"So why is one of my X-wing pilots on a transport ship?" the admiral asked, placing a cup in front of Curt and pouring a small amount of wine in it. "On top of that, what's a civilian doing on a military transport? The sergeant here had some words to say about you two, but I thought I would speak to you first. We have the time, after all."
The woman lifted her not-clipboard, tapping the face without looking, saying, "Sir, Curt Valadme is in violation of three different regulations under the most recent update of Alliance protocol. The first is—"
"Innocent until proven guilty," the admiral interrupted, pouring Twilight's wine. "Give him a chance to defend himself."
"I'm actually curious as to my 'crimes'," Curt said, putting his heels up on the desk.
"Four regulations," the sergeant corrected herself. "Bringing a civilian on board a military vessel in an active battlefield, disobeying a direct order in an active battlefield, abandoning a combat spacecraft, and blatant disrespect of a superior officer."
"Disobeying a direct order? I'm a higher rank than you are, sergeant," Curt said.
"During a planetary evacuation, all relevant personnel are to be obeyed as if their orders were coming from the mouth of an admiral," the sergeant said. "This was a part of your basic training."
Curt shrugged. "I was faced with a decision. I could send a civilian into an active Imperial purge, or I could bring her along." He took his feet off of the admiral's desk, pointedly looking at the sergeant. "Do you think she would have survived if the Imps saw her? I joined the Alliance to save lives, sir, so I made my choice."
"The loss of a single X-Wing is—objectively, of course—worse than the loss of a single civilian life," the sergeant said. "That spacecraft could have potentially saved dozens, even hundreds of lives."
"The funny thing about decisions made under duress," Demos interjected, "is that logic very so often takes a back seat. Was it the right decision? I very much doubt it, no offense to you." The last part was aimed at Twilight. "However, there were much worse ways to handle that situation and," he put his cup of wine down and picked up a not-clipboard of his own from off the desk, "my records here put you as one of the best pilots stationed on that planet. We'll need you."
"So you're just handing him a pardon?" The sergeant exploded. "In the Republic, he would have gotten a court martial, if not a—"
Demos slammed his fist down on the table, shocking the woman into silence and causing Twilight to raise her eyes for the first time. "Don't lecture me on the Republic, girl," he said, much calmer sounding than expected after his outburst. "The Republic fell when you weren't even in school yet. I lived and breathed Republic military my entire life." He took a deep breath. "I'll handle this. You're dismissed. I'll call on you later."
"Sir?"
"You're dismissed!"
The woman hastily saluted before practically scurrying out the door. After a moment, the admiral sighed. "Why don't you explain what happened?"
"My squad and I were on the way to the hangars when we ran into Miss..." Curt trailed off. "I'm sorry, in the chaos, we didn't have time for introductions."
"Twilight," Twilight murmured.
"My squad and I were on the way to the hangars when we ran into Miss Twilight. With the Imperials having made landfall between us and the civvy ships, I made the decision to take her with us." Curt smiled. "That was the best decision I have made in my life."
"How so, soldier?" Demos asked.
"She saved my life. Pulled me right away from an Imperial bomb."
"Hmm." The admiral turned to Twilight. "You've been quiet. Do you have any questions?"
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Why what?" Demos asked.
"Why did they burn that planet?" Twilight lifted her head, showing the tears running down her face. "Why kill everything? I don't understand!"
Demos recoiled slightly. That was not what he expected. "The cruelty of the Empire knows no bounds, Miss Twilight. This planet is just the latest in a too-long line of others just like it, and it won't be the last."
Curt hesitantly put a hand on Twilight's shoulder. She jumped slightly, but otherwise didn't react. "That's why we're fighting them. Tooth and nail. At every turn. Even if we don't win in the end, we'll inspire someone else later who will."
When Twilight didn't respond, Demos cleared his throat. "In any case, we're a week away from the reserve fleet, if we want to avoid Imperial patrolled space. We don't have the time or resources to drop her off somewhere safe, so she's your responsibility. I don't expect her to fly an X-Wing, but I do expect that if push came to shove, she could at least defend herself. I'll talk with the sergeant about a blaster or some armor. You'll likely be sent to the quartermaster within a couple days." He turned his attention to Twilight. "Welcome to the Rebel Alliance to Restore the Republic."
There was a dramatic silence for the next few seconds. "You two should really try this wine. It would be a shame it you just let it sit there and forced an old man like me to drink the whole bottle."
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oh Wow a brilient start good sir.
I've been waiting for an mlp/ star wars crossover
I got excited when I saw Spike in the cover image...
The start was just brilliant, and I can hardly wait for more.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
You have caught my attention
Interesting....I shall be watching this one closely
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There's dozens, if not hundreds. This here group has a good hundred of them.
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I didn't even see him until you pointed him out. Whoops. Still, I was unable to find a better picture with a few days of looking around, so I think it'll stay.
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Why thank you kindly, sirs/madams.
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And I somehow missed you with the reply I made. Whoops. Danke.
5234370 LOL, your quite welcome
Keep up the great work
I'm pretty sure the Empire and the Alliance didn't engage in battles of this scale until after the Battle of Endor and Battle of Coruscant, when the New Republic was formed. The Alliance simply didn't have the resources.
When does this take place?
Nice start, love the cover art!
Though, if like to know why the imperials glassed the planet, this definitely had to occur after Endor. No way the Imperials would glass a planet just to root out a rebel cell. Other then that.
m.quickmeme.com/img/cf/cf4afac9410f7440943a70a7fdcaf7aac9a6adf2ef5d33e47cc94bafdbad2c88.jpg
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Think less battle, and more curb stomp. There was no way in hell the Rebels were going to stand a chance at taking out a Star Destroyer. I tried to show this with the way the Empire just let them go. They aren't a threat.
Any Star Wars peripheral stories are considered noncanon as far as this story is concerned. I'm running off of the OT, and some repressed memories of the PT. As far as timeframe, chapter one is set between 3 BBY and 2 BBY.
For those who don't know or want to Google it, the first Death Star is destroyed 0 BBY/ABY, and the second is destroyed 4 ABY, if I recall correctly.
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That plays in to the story later. Let's just say someone's getting a bit of a talking to about this. A Vader-style talking to.
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Upon further thought, the word "glassing" is not exactly the word I was looking for, and has been changed to "bombarding". Thank you for pointing that out.
My Little Pony crossed with Star Wars.
Interesting.
Liked and followed for future updates.
Faved. I'd like to see where this goes.
When i saw the title for this story, the first thing i thought of was "In brightest day, in blackest night...."
Poor Twi, to find hersef in middle of a war and with no way out.
Looking for where this story is going to...
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah, everybody will be here for support!
Except those assholes who dislike, but who needs them! PSHAW!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ENJOYED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...No grey jedi in this setting?
Know that Lucas himself hated the concept of those, but I've always found their philosophy far more interesting then the Jedi or Sith teachings.
Not that I'm the largest Star Wars fan or anything, but it just struck me as odd for a character named Twilight to be forced to pick the light or dark path.
Well, I'm hooked. I wonder how Twilight will learn about the Force. Hopefully she finds some holocrons or encounters a Force ghost. It'd be interesting to see. Either way, I can't wait to see more!
-W.S.
SQUEE!!!
Regarding brightest light and darkest shadows...
Well, when an author on fimfictio puts up the tags sex, gore and dark on a single, teen rated fic I generally assume they are trying too hard to sound edgy. You planing on adding BDSM porn to this? Just asking. Because that's what that combination of tags spells for me.
As a brave canary I have decided to surpress my instincts and struggle onwards.ñ
Story begins with Twilight doing explicitly what Celestia said not to do, presumably for science and a chance to grab a burger in canterlot high. Allright I'm beeing facetious. She does it to help her friends on the other side by doing sñcience to a transdimensional mirror, I naturally approve.
Tripping through said mirror on the other hoof is... bad.
She imedeately gets whisked away by soldiers evacuating presumably because we want her to forget where the portal is.
She gets a premonition that saves her life from a bomb. (Do they use bombs in star wars? I don't remember any?)
While the premise is not bad I kinda feel like Twilight is going along for a ride there. Maybe she has a concussion? No wait, it started before she tripped and fell into the mirror, she was doing science to the mirror but did not understand what she was doing. And yet she still powered it up.
Essentially during the entire chapter Twilight has not made a single decision.
Preaumably the dinner invitation is after they took off and things settled down and the admiral was checking nicely if the soldier (apparently an xwing pilot?) Should be shot for cowardice?
Because that was implied when the woman holding a clipboard (note how she is using pen and paper not star wars techy bits. Alsonote that despite this beeing a miltary vessel it's 'a woman with a clipboard' and not a female sargeant, or soldier) Wanted to leave them for the imperials because they weren't on the list.
Analysis of chaper 1 summary: meh. Too soon to judge but first impressions are what most people run on.
TLDR
It's.... fine. Not gonna go back to it unless someone recommend this to me later. But so far no glaring badness aside from lack of agency, a bomb (there are other ways to foreshadow force sense and premonitions) and using pen and paper as means to count up who is loading, where on a planetary level evacuation.
5250642
As I am on mobile, I cannot easily respond to this comment. However, the one thing that I feel the need to mention is that while the story may be in third person, it's told from Twilight's perspective. She doesn't know what a datapad is, so she uses words she does know ("clipboard of some kind.") but it doesn't quite fit ("couldn't see a pen anywhere"). She also doesn't know the hierarchy of the Rebel military. All she knows is she sees a woman at the bottom of the ramp, so that's what is said. Is it the best way to do it? Probably not. But it's the way I did it.
I do thank you for your explanations of what you did and didn't like, and rest assured that I'll take what you've said into account in further chapters.
interesting, a star wars mlp fanfic
5250723 you mean third-person limited perspective
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Thanks y'all! I have chapter two hovering around 3k words with only two scenes left to write, so it should (don't quote me on this) be out soon, and I've revised chapter one to fix some inconsistencies and things that just didn't make sense, and it is over 3k words now as well. The revised chapter will be posted at the same time as chapter two.
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Now I'm not sure, but I think that you enjoyed this and want more.
5261728
A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not always a square.
5240073
I hate the concept of black-and-white morality, personally. I think that grey Jedi are far more interesting than either Jedi or Sith. Not saying anything about the story, but ya know.
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You're going to be disappointed, then excited.
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No evil shall escape my sight
5266474 dude, shouldn't this be tagged with Human, and in the characters list 'Other'?
Is Spike going to be included in this fic? (judging from the picture)
5266474 yeeees, that's the schtick
5266542
Human tag is assumed with the crossover tag. Unless that's changed since I last talked with Eldorado about it while making this story. As for character tag, why the hell not? It's up now.
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If you look at my first mass reply comment (5234366), I didn't even see him until someone mentioned him. With most—read: all—the plot planned out not capable of supporting him, I will have to not put him in. I wouldn't do him justice, anyway.
5266928 You really need to update soon, if you already have the 2nd chapter done
5285887
It was almost done, but I'm dealing with a move—the realtors are coming tomorrow to tell us how much to sell the house for—the end of the semester, and mi madre getting into a car accident that may have totaled one of our cars. Despite all that fun stuff, I'm finished getting words down on paper, and I'll hopefully finish up a quick revising and get it posted today or tomorrow.
5236108 Actually, I believe the second one was closer to 5 ABY, with the whole Bakura debacle happening soon after. Regardless, this looks interesting... Though 3-2 BBY is close to Unleashed 2...