Monday...
While Rarity was on patrol one Monday night, she was startled to hear a massive ruckus. "Well, that's rarely a good sign," she muttered to herself, making her way to the source of the commotion. What she discovered there left her flabbergasted. "Frankenstein's monster?" she asked, completely stupefied.
The figure rampaging in the streets did rather closely resemble the fictional monstrosity of science. A massive frame, gray skin, a barely emoting face... The only things missing were stitches and bolts. As he turned towards her, however, he let out a bellowing roar before charging towards her.
Thinking quickly, Rarity tried to shadow step through him, only to feel her energy being drained. "What the?" she gasped out as she reformed on the other side. She barely had time to dodge before the creature's fists smashed her into the pavement. "What was that?" she gasped as she moved to keep her distance.
A large part of what's making him move and live is magical energy, Nightmare explained in her head. When you tried to phase through him, he absorbed some of your magical energy.
Right, Rarity thought silently. So don't do that again. Any suggestions? You know more of magic than I do.
I'm still limited to what magic you are aware of, Nightmare commented dryly as Rarity dodged a flung car. I suggest calling on Bruce for answers. He may have encountered this being before.
Rarity nodded. "Father," she whispered into the comms, "I'm fighting a strange humanoid creature. It appears to be an undead of some sort, but the size of Frankenstein's monster. A large portion of its being appears to be magical energy-"
"Solomon Grundy," Bruce interrupted. "I'm seeing him through the security cameras. Not an easy foe to handle, especially when he's a mindless brute like he appears to be now."
"Well, that's wonderful news," Rarity drolled. "Any suggestions on how to fight him?"
"Not many," Bruce replied. "Generally, I would lead him to somewhere where he destroyed himself in his rampaging. He's not easy to take down."
"Well, what can you tell me about him?" Rarity demanded as she dodged a thrown lamppost. "I already know throwing magic at him won't work, since he absorbs my magic."
"He's reincarnated from the plant material of Slaughter Swamp, where his original body is entombed," Bruce explained. "It's a magical swamp steeped with the souls of the vengeful dead."
Rarity's mind worked quickly. "I have an idea." She began leading Solomon along, eventually leading him to where she had in mind. Dodging one last overhand smash, Solomon smashed open a gas main. Shadow stepping through the released gas, Rarity ignited it.
Solomon let out one last scream of rage as his body was burned to a crisp. "So how long until he comes back?" Rarity asked worriedly.
"It varies," Bruce admitted. "Anywhere from a month to a decade, generally. It all depends on how smart his next incarnation is."
Hopefully smart enough to keep his distance... Nightmare muttered irritably. With a sigh of relief, Rarity returned home to recuperate.
Tuesday...
The next night as Rarity was on patrol, she found Solomon Grundy waiting for her, looking bigger, meaner, and less bright than before.
"I thought you said a month!" Rarity hissed into her communicators as she continued to dodge blows. Much to her chagrin, Solomon was not using overhand swings, meaning she couldn't trick him into bursting another gas main.
"Someone must be channeling extra magical energy into Slaughter Swamp," Bruce concluded. "Tomorrow you should make finding out who a priority."
"Well, I already know fire works well on him," Rarity grunted. Drawing batarangs she'd prepared that morning just in case they'd be useful, she flung them at Solomon. The phosphorus payloads went off, igniting the shambling humanoid. However, even as he screamed in pain, he continued to lunge at her. "I guess it'll take longer for him to burn up this time!" Rarity moaned, continuing to dodge.
Eventually, Rarity was able to lead him into a condemned building scheduled to be demolished the next day. A few incautious swings on the part of Grundy and she was able to 'step out', leaving him buried and burning. Taking a deep breath, she relaxed. "I need a shower badly," she groaned, turning to head for home.
Wednesday...
"Oh, come on!" Rarity wailed as she dodged Grundy again the next night. He had appeared - seemingly out of nowhere - halfway to Slaughter Swamp and ambushed her. This time he was smaller, built more like an acrobat than a body builder, and was much faster. "Just how much magic can whoever it is have at their disposal to raise him three times in three nights?"
"Not many have that much at their disposal," Bruce replied over the communicator. "It should narrow down the list of suspects."
"Well that's a relief!" Rarity groaned, clutching her stomach after one unexpectedly fast hit caught her right in the gut. She staggered back, trying to shadow step to safety, but Grundy kept moving into the path. Eventually, Rarity had to fall back on the grappling hook the suit had that she'd never used. "How do I get something this fast to slow down long enough for me to set it on fire?"
Is that a barrel of oil? Nightmare pointed out.
Timing herself right, Rarity dumped the barrel of oil just as Grundy charged. As he slipped and fell into the oil, Rarity used a phosphorous charge to set it aflame, burning him up. "Please let this be the last one..." Rarity groaned to herself.
Thursday...
"...at least this one is easier to evade," Rarity groaned as she stayed just ahead of Grundy, now massive, built like a tank, and lumbering slowly over the ground. Rather than punching this time, it seemed to be focused on grabbing her to try and squeeze her to a pulp. Thankfully, it was too slow to keep up with her.
Doesn't make him any easier to burn up, Nightmare pointed out.
Rarity paused. "...for me, anyway." She ducked into a back alley. "Gone, begone child of light. Now you face the Darkest Night."
As the dark magic faded, Dark Night stepped out. "So it's my turn now?" she asked. "What do you expect me to-"
Make the dragon again! Rarity shouted internally.
Dark Night paused. "...not a bad idea," she muttered. Reaching into the ether, she pulled out the focused blob of living magic she'd made the dragon form from originally, now focused into a large gem. Pouring her magic into the gem, the beast once more emerged to burn Grundy to ashes. "Of course, that only worked because he was so slow. He won't be next time..."
Friday...
"Why in the fuck would they make him a Pegasus?" Rarity demanded as she fled from the ponified Solomon Grundy. "And what's that mark on his flank supposed to mean? A skull and crossed wood?"
It represents being endlessly reborn from the swamp, Nightmare explained.
"Ah. Any ideas for fighting him?" Rarity demanded, dodging a lightning bolt by folding her wings flat and dropping. "Especially when he's shooting me with lightning?"
Physically, ponies are far more fragile than humans. Especially Pegasi. Hollow bones.
Rarity blinked. "I hadn't thought of that," she said, shadow stepping to above the Pegasus Grundy and diving into him, settling for beating him physically. While he was stronger than her, she focused on his wings. He wasn't able to repair them once they were damaged, and he fell into a factory's smokestack where he landed in a crucible of molten metal.
"Please let that be the last time," Rarity whimpered as she flew home to recuperate.
Saturday...
Rarity let out a piercing scream as she fled the latest manifestation of Solomon Grundy. Once more humanoid, he was as massive as when he was built like a tank, as fast as he was when built like an acrobat, and completely mindless. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"The only thing you can," Bruce replied over the comms. "The amount of magical energy needed to make him function like this is quite prohibitive. This must be the last time whoever it is will be able to raise him as a weapon again." There was anger in Bruce's voice as he spoke. "You need to finish him off one last time."
"I'd do that," Rarity groaned, "but this time he's been coated in fire retardant! It won't be so easy to set him on fire."
And complaining about it is so effective, Nightmare drolled.
Rarity frowned, noticing they were approaching the docks. "I have an idea."
I hope it's a good one. Rarity told Nightmare her idea. You're insane! ...I like it.
Because I'm taking all the risks, Rarity groaned. When Grundy charged her again, she charged him right back, landing right on his face, pulling his nose, boxing his ears, then turning around to spank her flank at him.
Grundy bellowed in rage, and brought his fist up. Batmare shadow stepped out of the way at the last moment, causing Grundy to punch himself in the face.
"Gone, begone, child of light," Rarity whispered. "Now you face the Darkest Night."
As soon as Dark Night manifested, she shed her armor, leaving her looking like an ordinary dark purple bat winged unicorn. When Grundy turned to her, she pointed towards a particular ship. "She went that way."
Bellowing in rage, Grundy leapt into the oil tanker. Nightmare promptly sealed the vat Grundy had leapt into, yanked it from the ship, set it aflame, and flung it to the moon. It exploded halfway there. "I can't believe that actually worked!" Nightmare gasped out.
His one weakness this time was he was stupid, Rarity pointed out. Magic has to be balanced...so he had to be phenomenally stupid.
"Then why not just stick a fake mustache on your face and say I'm over there?" Nightmare demanded jokingly.
...I thought about it, but I didn't want to risk him having as much as a single point in intelligence.
"...a valid point." Dark Night donned her armor again, taking flight for home.
Tomorrow I'll investigate Slaughter Swamp, Rarity promised.
Sunday...
On arriving at Slaughter Swamp, Batmare gasped in shock. Solomon Grundy was waiting for her there, leaned against a tree. "How many times do I have to kill you?" she screamed out in frustration.
"Six is more than enough for Grundy," he replied. "Though being a Pegasus was fun."
Rarity blinked. "You're intelligent this time?"
Moderately so, anyway.
Grundy shrugged his shoulders, settling his top hat and monocle. "Funny Rahzzy man used Grundy as weapon. Dumb muscle didn't work against Batmare, so he gave Grundy back his brain. Grundy didn't want to fight Batmare again, so Grundy punch Raz in the face. Raz make a fuss, so Grundy kept punching him till he left."
Nightmare cackled in Rarity's mind. I like him already.
"So what now?' Rarity asked.
Solomon shrugged. "Grundy not know what to do with self in funky future world. Not find soul. No bird nose girl to help Grundy find self. Batmare have suggestion?"
"I hear they're shooting a new Frankenstein movie in Hollywood," Rarity offered, pulling the first thing she could think of and throwing it out there.
Solomon thought for a time, then smiled. "Be nice to be rich again without being evil," he agreed. "But Grundy need agent."
"Tell them to contact Wayne Enterprises," Batmare replied. "They'll have someone to represent you by the time you reach Hollywood."
Grundy grinned widely, waved, and walked off.
"He seems nice," Rarity admitted.
"He is," Bruce replied over the comms, "when he hasn't been led down the wrong path. He died a hero for what we thought was the last time, many years ago."
"Now he can get his reward," Rarity replied.
A spoiled actor in Hollywood being cheered for playing horror movie monsters, Nightmare sneered. Some reward.
How often do Hollywood actors get propositioned? Rarity replied silently.
...some reward, Nightmare replied again, though this time there was a hint of jealousy to her tone.
Ow. Just... ow.
So, Rahz Al Ghul (pretty sure I've spelled part of that wrong) raised Solomon Grundy no less than seven times in a week. Bastard's got to be exhausted by now.
Haha, that's hilarious.
Especially a swearing Rarity.
Hehehe. Good one!
5824237
It's Ra's Al Ghul. Thank you, Arrow season 3.
Oooh...Ra's Al Ghul is getting involved, eh? Fantastic!
SOLOMON GRUNDY IS THE NEXT BRAD PITT!
5824237 I'm pretty sure life force is s pretty good magical sub/empowering agent in DC. So he could just use that then his Lazerus (probably misspelled) pit and respawn.
I don't even... Dash alone slammed into something at or above terminal velocity in nearly every episode in season 1, culminating with bisecting a statue with her spine at the gala... and it took her 42 episodes to even injure herself. Rarity and Twi carrying Tom from Canterlot to Ponyville speaks for itself.
The magic inherent in all ponies seems to be as much of an enhancer as the chakra in Naruto and the magic in Harry Potter as far as durability and injury mitigation goes.
5824459
Thus why Nightmare specifically said physically. Ponies naturally focus their magic into their bodies to strengthen themselves. An artificially created undead pony, however, won't do that naturally.
5824464
As far as Grundy is concerned, yes.
The way it worked in that scene was perfectly reasonable.
But Nightmare should have experience of real pegasi, and therefor the way she said it seems to be completely contrary to her own experience.
Besides, if pegasi have hollow bones, so do alicorns... do bats? Not sure, lemme google... Nope. Bats have marrow, just finer and narrower bones.
5824497
Except she doesn't want Rarity to know how much she knows yet. So she deliberately phrased it in a way that wouldn't lead to awkward questions from Rarity.
5824505
So you say...
5824459
Well, it could be changed to just pegasi having hollow bones so them being weaker that Batmare with her armour on.
******
"Hi, I am Pinkamena Diane Pie, goddess of War, Laughter and Cupcakes! But you can call me Pinkie Pie."
"Oh, is the Pink One again."
"Uh... why are you attacking the league using The Armour of Wrath?" Rarity asked, confused as she was kinda expecting Ares, not another pony.
"Oh, that's not me, I haven't used that thing in ages. Plus you need anger to fuel it, useful in a war, not facing superheroes. What's the problem? They should have defeated it by now."
"The problem is that nothing works. Not even non violence, hippies and love songs."
"Mm, then something else must be powering it. You know the deal, find wizard, smash magical thingie or and smash wizard, and the armour stops working. Do you need anything else?"
"Yes, have we meet before?"
"Maybe in another life. Now sorry I gotta go, but you can have a cupcake." Pinkie pie have Rarity a cupcake that had a a drawing of Rarity cutie mark on it and then disappeared in pink smoke.
Rarity ate the cupcake "Wow."
"I can't believe that one ended as a goddess."
"She was rather nice for a god of war."
5824532
No no no.
Kratos is the God of War.
Pinkamena is a wad of gore.
Poor Grundy. Stupid Ra's! They need to beat him up.
That was just entirely hilarious and unexpected, especially at the ending
Solomon Grundy in a top hat and monocle is one of the most funniest images I've ever pictured.
really didn't like this chapter, should have just left Grundy alone. had something else. this was just rediculous
5824331 lol is more like magic is the substitute to life force, you learn to use it so you don't end killing yourself
5824459 but if you have your own magic to negate it..
so he gave Grundyback his brain
1. Forgot your spacing.
Why does the villian name here make me think of one of Blizzard's games? I keep thinking a unit says that name along with another phrase...
Well it's going to be a fun time when someone tries to take on Batmare in the future.
5824507 As the author, that would technically make it "Word of God". So yes, he did say.
5824532 5824568 Given that Pinkie is currently the DAUGHTER of Kratos, and that I really don't think the FORMER Ghost of Sparta would actually want the job, yeah I really could see her taking the title. It allows Kratos to rest in Elysium with his human daughter, though I hope he can get his wife out of Tartarus to join them. It also doesn't prevent Pinkie from visiting any time she wants, as Hades owes her a huge favor. Hell even if Zeus tries to pull his double cross, half of Olympus owes Pinkie a favor, and even those that don't crave her cupcakes more than Ambrosia. Really its my only real issue with "You can't spell Slaughter without Laughter". As it stands I can't see the Olympians turning on Pinkie. Honestly I am actually hoping what the author does it come up with something different to drive the plot of second game. Because barring some damn good explaining, there isn't a good reason for the Olympians to turn on Kratos and his daughters.
Before it's pointed out, I DO know the canon explanation for what caused it in the games. And it's a pretty fucking flimsy Deus Ex Bullshit. It would have been MUCH more believable simply to have gone "Because the Olympians are all assholes.". That at least is a well known fact. The Greek Deities were ALWAYS portrayed as being a collection of spoiled asshats that don't like to share. Saying "They didn't like the idea of a mortal being their equal." would have been far more convincing than the Deus Ex Idiocy that actually got used.
5825438
Yeah, that does work better.
Figuires Ras al Ghul would try somthing like that, but isn't he possessing the body of Talia at this point in time?
Gundy
5825830 I get that now.
5825438
Keep in mind I have no idea what you are talking about. Is that another story? I was unaware of it.
My reference to Cupcakes may have been in err since I didn't realize the original comment was a reference itself.
Also, no. The author of a fanfiction, regardless of how respectable, in no way can lay claim to "word of god". That would be the creators of the properties this is a parody of.
Now if you had said it was because Stone Cold said so. Well that is more valid.
5824662 i believe that was the point...but it was still enjoyable to read...
5831877
In answer to your questions...
No, and yes.
Ordinary. Right. Because those are so common. Can't take a step without bumping into one. Yeah.
5824497 Actually, while birds do have hollow bones, it's been discovered that the bones have a very complicated internal support structure to compensate, making them a lot tougher than they should be (compared to if they were just hollow like, say, bamboo reeds). So RD weathering her crashes just fine makes perfect sense.
Bruce isn't even shocked at Rarity politely getting Grundy to knock it off. Maybe she'll make Social Links with everyone she Heel-Face Turns next. XD
5835412
Oh I agree.
Then there is also the fact that not every bone in a bird's body is hollow and because of magic a pegasus would probably only need hollow bones in the wings to flap them more quickly with less effort and support feather quills. So attacking the wings was definitely a good move because it is really hard to damage a pony overall. I mean that entire want-it-need-it battle royale involving nearly the whole town including the strongest pony in town resulted in apparently no injuries, while a few baked bads laid up ponies left and right.
5835767 To say nothing of the fact that the injuries Twilight sustained from having the contents of a moving van dumped on her lingered for less than an afternoon. (Or that she survived it to begin with.)
My headcanon is that ponies are just really, really tough.
5835530 "You've become friends with Grundy! Grundy will now die for you."
5835070 Damn. My OC is the son of Poseidon, and took down Typhon with minimal help from a goddess. Though, he did perish after the fact. Is the army good or bad from a super hero's perspective?
SOLOMON GRUNDY WANT PANTS TOO!
5836222 S-social...link...go...?
... Lucky bastard.
5835412 What is Trixie holding in your avatar?
6461563
I am assuming a box of cigarettes...there's a high chance I might be wrong, though.
I actually have this chapter bookmarked for when I am in desperate need of a laugh...
Thanks for making these stories, Tats.
You would think that Ra's would have learned the fallacy of targeting a Bat by now...
Then again, I'm pretty sure the only thing he's ever really learned is to not involve himself directly. Not that he ever does anyway.
That's what subordinates are for.
...Now that I think on it, what kind of gal would hit on a living corpse? Well paid actor or not, it has a certain...ick factor.
10657273
Some people are into that
Raz' Al Gul