If it weren't for those meddling ponies!
Another day, another heckling. It was the same old routine that he'd gotten use to over the years. Prince Blueblood was tired of listening to his adopted aunts, and his adopted sister, lecturing him on how to behave. So what if he'd treated a mare, who had hoped to pursue a romantic relationship with him, a little harshly? If she couldn't put up with his behavior, she clearly wasn't cut out for him.
It certainly did not give her the right to splatter cake all over his coat after he'd used her as a pony shield. She would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Why did everyone get on his case just because of what that mare had said? He was a prince, and as such he had a reputation to uphold.
"Blueblood, are you listening to me?" Princess Celestia asked sternly.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Prince Blueblood replied, pretending to be interested in the conversation.
Princess Celestia didn't believe his lie for a second "This is serious." she said sternly, casting an angry glare at her adopted nephew "Your treatment of Rarity during The Grand Galloping Gala was disgraceful. I have been trying to explain to you why, but apparently you are not interested."
"You're darn right I am!" Prince Blueblood snorted "I've heard this garbage from you, Aunt Luna, and Cadence several times already. In fact, I've lost track of how often you've been lecturing and scolding me."
"Scolding? You're not a little colt anymore Blueblood." Princess Celestia said crossly "You are a prince, and it's time you started acting like one."
"I've been acting like a prince since the day I became one." Prince Blueblood snapped "I take my title seriously. You, on the other hoof, just sit on your throne all day, and do nothing except raise and lower the sun. Even your faithful student has contribued more to Equestria then you have ever done."
"You leave Twilight out of this!" Princess Celestia replied, her usual calm tone had been replaced by a very angry one. Prince Blueblood took no notice.
"And don't get me started that on that Captain of the Guard that Cadence married." Prince Blueblood went on "He does not deserve to be a prince, he has done nothing to earn that title! Heck, as far as I'm concerned, he shouldn't even be Captain of the Guard!"
"Shining Armor has proven himself to be more of a true prince then you will ever be." Princess Celestia stated, sighing slightly "Obviously you still haven't learned your lesson after all this time."
"That's because I have done nothing wrong!" Prince Blueblood said crossly "Why can't you and everypony else see that?!"
"I see that simply trying to talk sense into you will not work." Princess Celestia said sternly "Therefore, I have decided to revoke your princely powers until further notice."
"What?!" Prince Blueblood gasped "You can't do that!"
"I'm afraid I can." Princess Celestia replied "Effective immediately, you will no longer be allowed to attend royal summits, or travel outside of Canterlot. If this does not inspire you to change, then your very title may be revoked if I see fit to do so."
"But auntie-" Prince Blueblood pleaded.
"No excuses!" Princess Celestia shouted "This discussion is over, now leave my sight! The next time we meet I hope you will have come to your senses."
"It's not fair." Prince Blueblood thought to himself as the day went on. Just because of one mare his title was now little more than a joke, and the word quickly spread. Everywhere he went he was shunned and mocked, whether it be by the royal guards, diplomats, or even the nobility. Needless to say, he was glad when he could finally leave the palace.
Perhaps a night of fun and games at his favorite hangout spot would cheer him up. At the very least, it would certainly take his mind off of things.
The Royal Flush Casino had a reputation for representing the ugly side of Canterlot. Many ponies who were down on their luck were often said to stop by here, hoping to make it rich and get rid of all their troubles. But few ever trotted away richer than when they came in. Even so, it was one of the few places in Canterlot where you could be a prince or a pauper, and ponies could care less. Naturally, this was the perfect place for a humilated prince to waste some time.
It helped that Prince Blueblood was a skillful card shark. He often enjoyed deciving his opponents, making them think he was weaker than he really was. Then, when he knew they had let their guard down, he would make his move, humiliating anyone foolish enough to challenge him.
Tonight, however, Prince Blueblood found that his usual table was occupied by a few other figures. One of them was wearing a thick coat, so it was impossible to tell who it was. But the other two were a pair of identical unicorn stallions with light yellow coats and red manes and tails. The only difference was, one had a mustache, and the other did not.
"I told you we never should've told Applejack anything, we should've just politely shown her the door." the stallion without the mustache argued.
"And I told you we should've never promoted that bumbling Silver Shill in the first place." the stallion with the mustache argued back.
"How were we suppose to know he'd let the cat out of the bag?" the stallion without the mustache asked "Don't forget that when he came to us, he said he was willing to do anything and everything to help us."
"But he ran into that know-it-all know nothing Applejack, and I find it hard to believe that it's not a coincidence, that he developed a conscience soon afterward." the stallion with the mustache argued "Heck, it was only after he met her that he even bothered to ask for a promotion. That should've been a warning sign. Besides, Applejack would've found out the truth about our tonic one way or another. Telling her was the best way to get her off of our backs."
"You two think you have it bad?" the figure in the coat asked "At least you still have your machines to fall back on. Me? I've got nothing. And it's all thanks to a certain pegasus deciding to play filly scout and be a tattle tale."
"Pardon me." Prince Blueblood spoke up, as he sat in his usual place "I know it's not polite to easedrop on other ponies conversations. but I must say your conversations sound absolutely fascinating."
"And who are you?" the figure in the coat asked.
"I guess my reputation does not preceed me, but that's to expected with commoners like you." Prince Blueblood replied "If you really want to know, I am Prince Blueblood. THE Prince Blueblood to be precise."
"A prince huh? Big deal." the figure in the coat muttered in a gruff voice "Name's Lightning Dust, and I'm a pegasus. That's all you need to know for now."
"What about you two?" Prince Blueblood asked the two unicorn stallions.
"I'm Flim." the non-mustached stallion replied.
"And I'm Flam." the mustached stallion replied.
"We call ourselves The Flim Flam Brothers." Flim explained.
"We're traveling salesponies, who are unfortunately without a product to sell." Flam finished "Thanks to Applejack and her family connections."
"Say, that Applejack wouldn't by any chance be the same one who was running that pathetic apple stand at The Grand Galloping Gala would it?" Prince Blueblood asked.
"It probably is." Flim guessed.
"If she was selling apple products and had that thick country voice, I'd say it's her." Flam nodded "What did she look like?"
"Well, I remember her having an orange coat and green eyes." Prince Blueblood explained.
"That's her all right!" Flam exclaimed.
"How do you know her?" Flim asked.
"Let's just say that a friend of hers and I have a 'history'. A troublesome one at that." Prince Blueblood stated, then he turned to Lightning Dust "I'm willing to bet that the pegasus you were complaing about was none other than a Rainbow Dash from Ponyville. Am I right?"
"You are." Lightning Dust replied "Let me guess, you know a friend of hers. The same one you have a 'history' with."
"You took the words right out of my mouth Lightning Dust." Prince Blueblood said with a nod "And you wanna know something else, both her and Applejack, as well as that friend I told you about, are connected to Princess Twilight. Equestira's newest princess."
"I should've known!" Lightning Dust grumbled.
"Just great!" Flim said sarcastically.
"As if we didn't have enough problems to deal with already!" Flam complained.
Prince Blueblood was quite surprised to see that the three ponies seated before him were no better off than he was. He couldn't believe his luck. He'd finally found ponies who would hopefully understand how he felt, and who wouldn't get on his case because of one event.
"So, are we just gonna sit around here talking or are we gonna play some cards?!" Lightning Dust asked "I'm itching to kick some plot tonight!"
"Hey, got room for one more player?" a voice asked "I don't mean to boast, but I've got some pretty good card skills."
Lightning Dust instantly rose from the table, still keeping the thick coat on, and confronted the figure. Said figure happened to be an earth pony mare with a light pink coat, an inky purple mane and tail, dull brown eyes, three buttons for a cutie mark, and a checkered blue scarf. "Beat it lady! The game's about to start!"
"For your information, I have a name!" the mare snapped "It's Suri Polomare, and you'd do wise to remember it m'kay?"
"I don't care who you are!" Lightning Dust growled "You don't belong here!"
"Ah, what's the matter? Afraid you'll lose to a girl?" Suri taunted.
"You couldn't even beat me in a fight!" Lightning Dust snorted.
"Oh really?" Suri replied "Care to bet?!"
"Nope, but you wanna join the game you'll have to get past me!" Lightning Dust said seriously "And you don't stand a chance."
"That's what you think." Suri replied, dodging out of the way when Lightning Dust lunged at her. Lightning Dust fell to the floor. "Told you so." Suri snorted "Now let's what you look like without that coat."
"Don't touch it!" Lightning Dust protested, but it was no use. Suri pulled off the coat, revealing Lightning Dust's true identity as a pegasus mare, with amber eyes, a bright blonde mane and tail, and a lightning bolt cutie mark. It was easy to see where she'd gotten her name.
"I knew there was something familiar about you." Suri admitted, taking Lightning Dust's seat at the table "You look just like your sister."
"And how do you know my sister?" Lightning Dust asked with a groan, as she managed to find another seat.
"Well, when you've worked in Manehattan for as long as I have, you get to know a lot of influential ponies." Suri explained "One of them was your sister, and she told me a lot about you. Never thought I'd see you face to face, but life is just full of surprises."
"So, how much do you really know about me?" Lightning Dust asked, as the cards were dealt.
"Pretty much everything." Suri admitted.
"Then, you know about what happened at the Wonderbolt Academy?" Lightning Dust asked.
"Actually, no." Suri confessed "Your sister told me you stopped comunicating with her after you headed off to that academy. Last time I checked, it'd been a long time since she'd gotten a letter from you."
"So what's a Manehattan mare like you-" Flim asked.
"Doing in a place like this?" Flam finished.
"I must admit, that thought has crossed my mind." Prince Blueblood admitted "So, mind filling us in?"
"Not really." Suri said, sighing slightly "I was betrayed by two ponies I thought I could trust. And one of them was my old friend Rarity."
"Rarity?" everyone else gasped.
"As in, the same Rarity who came to drop off a care package for Rainbow Dash at the academy?" Lightning Dust asked.
"And helped Applejack and her family win the cider contest?" Flim asked.
"Which we should've won hoofs down, need I add." Flam stated.
"Not to mention, the one who ruined my life?" Prince Blueblood asked.
"Yes, yes, and yes." Suri replied "At least, I'm pretty sure. After all, I swear I heard the names Rainbow Dash and Applejack being tossed around when Rarity's friends came to see her at fashion week. I still can't believe they were what convinced Coco Pommel to turn on me. And to think I was about to make it big in the fashion world."
"Eh, I was MUCH closer to having my dreams come true!" Lightning Dust proclaimed "If it hadn't been for Rainbow Dash's friends and their silly care package, I'd be flying with The Wonderbolts by now."
"Neither of you have come as close to suceeding as my brother and I." Flam boasted.
"Not only did we very nearly corner the cider market, but we also almost broke into the world of medicine with our own tonic." Flim finished "But that retched Applejack and her family had to go and throw a wrench in our plans."
"I think the truth of the matter here, is that each of us have our own story to tell about how Twilight Sparkle and her friends foiled our chances at success." Prince Blueblood spoke up "So, as we play our little game, why don't we each compare our stories? That way we'll know for sure who truly came the closest to having a good life, before those do gooders went and messed everything up. I'm pretty sure that my story's the best, but let's hear your stories anyway, just in case."
"Sounds good to me. I know I'll win that contest!" Lightning Dust boasted.
"You're going to lose to me in more than just cards Lightning Dust." Suri said with a smug grin.
"My brother and I are sure to win this time." Flam proclaimed.
"Sorry, but none of you will ever be able to top our stories." Flim boldly stated.
"Well, I'd say 'ladies first' but seeing as there's two present we'll need to decide." Prince Blueblood explained.
"That won't be necessary, I'll go first m'kay?" Suri replied.
"Very well, go ahead." Prince Blueblood encouraged "I'm eager to hear your story, though I doubt it'll beat mine."
"We'll just see about that." Suri said, as she looked at her cards "Well, although I came to call Manehattan home, Ponyville is where I grew up."
"What's that got to do with anything?" Lightning Dust interrupted.
"Don't rush me m'kay, I'll explain as I see fit." Suri snapped "Anyway, I was a part of the Ponyville Knitting League, and it's there that I met the pony who later stabbed me in the back, Rarity."
"But didn't you two keep in touch?" Flim asked.
"Nope, Rarity forgot all about me. She had her sights set on Canterlot." Suri explained "I knew I had to be more realistic in order to suceed. So when I was old enough, I packed my bags and headed to the big apple. Eventually, I was making enough of a name for myself to enter into fashion week, hosted by Prim Headline."
"Ah yes, I've heard of her." Prince Blueblood interrupted "She's a stickler for punctuality from what I've heard."
"Indeed she is." Flam replied "That's why my brother and I have made certain to stay as far away from her and fashion as possible."
"Ahem, I'm telling the story, thank you very much." Suri said crossly "Now if there are no more further interuptions, I'm about to get to the important part. So, when Rarity finally makes it, we spend a little time catching up. And then she 'generiously' gives me some of her fabric for me to use. Naturally, I had my assistant Coco Pommel copy Rarity's line, with some improvements courtesy of me. Then when Rarity finds out, she snaps at me as if she's forgotten that she let me borrow her fabric. I could tell then and there that she didn't know that, in the fashion world, it's everypony for themself. And when I tell her, she runs away crying like a baby."
"So what happened then?" Lightning Dust asked, trying to hide how good her hand was from her opponents.
"Well, she somehow managed to put together a new line and despite missing her run-through appointment, Prim let her compete." Suri continued, her voice now taking on a much more bitter tone "And somehow, because she knew Hoity Toity, Sapphire Shores, and Photo Finish, they all started singing her praises and the crowd went wild. I couldn't believe it when she was actually declared the winner even after running off. So naturally, I felt like Prim was giving Rarity too many chances, and I told Rarity to stay away from her. Everything was going my way, and then Coco decided to expose my so called 'copycat' line to Prim, and I lost. What's even worse is that once Coco got the trophy, she quit. And worst of all, that meddling Rarity gave her a job designing costumes for a theater!"
"Really? You were cheated out of your victory by your assistant?" Lightning Dust asked "That's pathetic, and it just goes to show that you can never trust anyone. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself."
"That's a very fascinating story Suri." Prince Blueblood spoke up "I just hope you'll have better luck at poker then you did with fashion."
"I haven't lost a match yet." Suri hissed "Once I've won enough bits here, I'm going back to Manehattan and teaching that ungrateful Coco a lesson she'll never forget. Generosity is pointless, because you'll never get compensated for it."
"I hear ya." Lightning Dust stated "But once you've heard my story, you'll see why my story is undoubtedly the best!"
"Go ahead, I'm listening." Prince Blueblood encouraged.
"I thought that once I made into the Wonderbolt Academy, everything would work out." Lightning Dust began "I just needed to impress Spitfire with my moves, and I was sure I'd land a spot on the team. I even showed her how determined I was, by having her set the dizzytron to maximum intensity. Something that no other recruit even thought of doing."
"I'll bet you set an academy record." Flim said enthusatisaclly.
"After a performance like that, you certainly would've deserved no less." Flam added.
"Well, I would've if Rainbow Dash hadn't gone ahead of me." Lightning Dust admitted "But that was the least of my troubles. I was thrilled when she and I got partnered up, with me as the lead pony. I thought for sure that once I proved myself as a leader, I'd have my dream of being a Wonderbolt, in the bag. But as the days went by, Rainbow Dash kept complaining about my behavior. She kept saying that I was pushing myself too hard. I guess a lazy slacker who got kicked out of flight school wouldn't know the difference between determination, and slacking off."
"And that's when she complained to Spitfire, right?" Suri asked.
"Close, but not quite." Lightning Dust said with a sigh "It all went down during the cloud busting exercise. I decided to set a new record by using a tornado to clear away all the clouds, and Rainbow Dash went along with it. Then, when it went out of control and struck a balloon that just so happened to be holding her friends, she had the nerve to pin the blame on me. As far as I'm convinced, she sabotaged it on purpose to make me look bad. That care package wasn't part of the plan, but it worked to her advantage because it made me look like a monster."
"So, Rainbow Dash told Spitfire after that, corret?" Flam asked.
"That's a pointless question brother." Flim stated.
"Exactly, because the answer is yes." Lightning Dust replied "So when Spitfire finally decides to listen to Rainbow Dash's bellyaching, she completely sides with her. And instead of asking me for my version of the story, or even giving me a second chance, she goes and kicks me out of the academy. So thanks to her, and my snitching wingpony, my dreams were crushed forever. And I'm certain that had it not been for that little 'incident', Spitfire would've made me a Wonderbolt. Or at least, put in a good word for me with the rest of the team. But no, she tells me I'm pushing myself too hard and that I need to be more careful. But since when does being soft get you anything?! Since that day I've vowed to get back at her and Rainbow Dash somehow, and prove to them just how useless loyalty really is!"
"Funny, your sister never spoke highly of you." Suri teased "She told me herself that she was surprised you made to the academy at all."
"You just keep smiling while you can Suri." Lightning Dust said omniously "Cause' once I've beaten you and the others in this here game, you're going to be begging for mercy. And just to forewarn you, right now, half of me wants to punch your lights out."
"So what does the other half want?" Suri asked.
"To plow into you with a carriage." Lightning Dust replied.
"Considering your ego, I doubt you stand a chance against of us." Prince Blueblood said smuggly "But if you really think you can beat me, by all accounts try. It's been a while since I've had someone to amuse me."
"That's so funny I forgot to laugh." Lightning Dust said with an angry glare.
"Now then, I intend to save my story for last. So Flim and Flam, let's hear your tale of how this Applejack character ruined your lives." Prince Blueblood encouraged.
"Well, we have two tales actually." Flim stated.
"We know." Lightning Dust replied "You've told us already."
"So, which would you like to hear first?" Flam asked.
"The cider story sounds interesting." Prince Blueblood replied "Enlighten us, if you would be so kind."
"Very well then." Flim spoke up "My brother and I had just put the finishing touches on our latest, greatest creation. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000."
"The what now?" Suri interrupted.
"Geez, I didn't know you guys could get so cheesy." Lightning Dust smirked.
"Hey, it's a very catchy name!" Flim said crossly.
"Anyhow, we roled into Ponyville and showed what our invention could do." Flam continued "Everyone loved it, even Applejack and her family. But then the instant we offer them a 75/25 profit split, which was a pretty fair deal in our book, they turn us down. So we drive off and decided to do what any sane pony would've done in that situation. Run them out of business, and take over."
"So the Apple family agrees to our contest, and then the instant things start looking bad, they call in 'honoray' family members to help." Flim explained "If we'd know they were just her friends, we never would've agreed to let them help. But we did, and because of that, they started to beat us."
"And then what happened?" Suri asked.
"We increased the power on the machine, and started making more barrels then we knew what to do with." Flam stated "And we won the contest. But then, those ponies are stupid enough to go right for the last batch of barrels we made, and they think our cider tastes horrible. So naturally, we made a quick getaway and went back to the drawing board."
"So when does this Silver Shill figure come into play?" Prince Blueblood asked.
"Well, after that cider 'fisaco', no one was willing to give us a chance." Flim spoke up.
"And just when it looked like we were down on our luck and had nowhere to go, we happen to bump into this earth pony named Silver Shill." Flam explained "Turns out, he has a sort of concoction that he's hoping to sell. And out of desperation, he turns to us. Out of the kindness of our hearts, we take him in. Then we work up a routine to market his creation as a cure-all tonic, we even get him to agree to 'pretend' to be cured."
"But Applejack saw through your routine, didn't she?" Lightning Dust asked.
"I'm afraid she did." Flam said somberly "Apparently, she wasn't grateful for the fact that we made her granny feel young again, and just had to know what was in our tonic. We thought Silver Shill would be clever enough to avoid being caught, but I guess we gave him too much credit."
"So, against our better judgement, we tell Applejack what the tonic really is." Flim continued "And for a while, the thought of making her granny unhappy is enough to keep her quiet. Everything was going our way, and we even gave Silver Shill a promotion. But when we encourage Granny Smith to do what she always wanted to do in her youth, Applejack decides to speak up and expose our tonic for what it really is. And then Silver Shill decides he wants to be honest as well, and reveals that our tonic isn't even a tonic. So once again, we run off. But along the way we lost almost all of the money we earned from the tonic sales. I guess it never dawned on those two 'nitwits' that honesty isn't always the best policy. Would you really want to tell someone they look ugly, or would you want to lie in order to make them feel better?"
"Gee, that's really too bad boys." Prince Blueblood said, pretending to be sympathetic "But then, I guess you'll both always come in second. Speaking of which, let's see who's won this little poker match."
Everyone proceeded to show their hands. "Well, wouldn't you know it? Lady luck has smiled on me." Prince Blueblood said eagerly "Two aces, two kings, and a jack. Looks like I win again!"
"No way, I can't believe this!" Suri exclaimed.
"Impossible!" Lightning Dust said crossly.
"You must've cheated!" Flim protested.
"Let me see those cards!" Flam demanded.
"Sorry everypony, but those cards are legit. No sore losers, you all lost fair and square." Prince Blueblood said with a smile, scooping up his winnings "If it makes you feel any better, I still have to tell my story of how Twilight Sparkle and her friends ruined my life."
"Well, get on with it! We've got nothing better to do!" Lightning Dust demanded.
"Very well then." Prince Blueblood said, sighing slightly "It all started with The Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot a few years back."
"Oh yeah, I remember that." Suri interrupted "It came to Manehattan not that long ago. It's a party for the rich and famous."
"Indeed, but a few outstanding individuals are allowed to attend as well." Prince Blueblood explained "Apparently, my aunt, Princess Celestia, decided to invite her faithful student and her friends. You know, despite them esentially being from a backwoods town called Ponyville. I didn't learn til after The Gala that she did it solely to 'liven things up' as she put it."
"And did they?" Lightning Dust asked.
"Oh they did more then that." Prince Blueblood said with a scowl "Miss. Rarity continuiosly expected me to do things such as open the door or pay for food. She didn't seem to understand that I am a prince, and I have more important things to worry about. Then there was her friend Applejack, who tricked me into eating her pathetic carnival apple treats. And that was just the beginning. When I came back into the ballroom, Pinkie Pie, who was another one of Miss. Rarity's friends, decided to team up with Applejack and attack me. She did a stage dive onto one of Applejack's baked goods and sent it flying at me. Then, Miss. Rarity snapped at me, just because I used her as a shield. She made me bump into a statue, and that's when her friend Rainbow Dash decided to try and be the big hero. But she only succeeded in destroying most of the ballroom. And the icing on the cake, was when Miss. Rarity's friend Fluttershy came barging into the room, with a bunch of wild animals, turning The Grand Galloping Gala into a zoo. I'd never been so humilated in all my life."
"Wow, sounds like you had it bad." Flim spoke up.
"That alone sounds like it could top any of our stories." Flam admitted.
"It gets worse." Prince Blueblood continued "Just recently, because of what happened at The Gala, my aunt has decided to revoke all of my royal privlages."
"That must suck." Lightning Dust stated.
"Indeed it does." Prince Blueblood replied "But I guess meeting all of you has been a decent consolation prize. Hey, I've just thought of a brilliant idea."
"You gonna tell us what it is?" Suri asked.
"Of course." Prince Blueblood said with a smile "Seeing as we all share a common foe in Twilight Sparkle and her annoying do gooder friends, why don't we form an alliance? As the old saying goes 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'."
"Count me in. I won't rest until Coco and Rarity pay for ruining my fashion career." Suri said crossly.
"If you need the technical know how of my brother and I, just ask." Flim stated.
"We'll show Applejack why you don't mess with The Flim Flam Brothers." Flam proclaimed.
"What about you Lightning Dust?" Prince Blueblood asked.
Lightning Dust was silent for a moment, then she said "I'm not exactly fond of teaming up with any of you, but I guess you can include me as a reluctant ally. Just don't expect me to like it all that well. If, however, you know of a way for me to pay Rainbow Dash back, let me know."
"Excellent." Prince Blueblood smiled "This looks like the start of a promising partnership."
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For anyone who might not know that awesome episode, here's a preview:
Not bad, not bad at all.
love this story
5143332 Most likely not.
5143352 It's the villans at their very best, and most human.
5143692
Plus, it has this hilarious line:
Indeed it is.
Joker: Anyone else want to go?
Killer Croc: ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came snooping around. He was getting closer... closer...
Poison Ivy: And?
Killer Croc: I threw a rock at him!
(the others stare dumbfounded for a few moments, then decide to just ignore Croc)
Killer Croc: (sheepish) It was a big rock...
As I was reading the description, all I was thinking about how much this sounded like an episode of Batman. Then I saw that you put that that's what it was based on and I was like
So awesome!
5143775 Best moment of the episode, right there.
The story was decent enough, even if I felt some of their perspectives felt a bit exaggerated. I know they're the antagonists and all, so a self-serving bias makes a lot of sense, but I felt that even considering that, it went a bit too far in places. I also find all of the others agreeing that Blueblood's story was the best at the end especially odd; this kind of agreement was not present in Almost Got 'Im for a good reason. If they're all so self-serving, this kind of reaction seems off.
A problem I had was a high number of grammar issues. Ignoring some spelling problems (e.g. "generoisty" should be "generosity" and "undoubtly" should be "undoubtedly") the story also does what a lot of stories unfortunately do: Get the punctuation of dialogue completely wrong. There's a great guide right here on this very site for how to punctuate dialogue. The whole thing is worth a read, but the dialogue part I think is especially useful because reading it would cure so many errors I see in stories. The story is still quite readable, but there are enough errors that I took notice of them.
space after the ","
_____________
Okay two biggest problems of this fic.
1) Your indentions are all over the place. If you hit the Tab button once. All of your paragraphs will be uniformly indented.
and
2) Happens a lot in this fic. When doing dialog. You need a comma [or some writers a period] when starting it up again. I'll use one of your dialogs as an example.
This is how it should look.
______________________
Why is it marked complete? After all, rather than an ending, you open it up into a larger fic. Since rather than ending after their little game they decide to team up. What now? What will they do? How will this all play out? You basically set up a premise of Equestria's first real life League of Villains, yet end it just as the fic starts.
Although I'll admit the fic all in all, other than feeling incomplete do to a lack of an ending. Was nice. I'll give it an upvote.
5145119
I hear you, but I think the perspectives worked here because these guys simply do not wish to face the facts.
Sometimes, when some folks wrong someone and do not acknowledge it, they'll tell themselves that the victim deserved it, or that 'it really wasn't THAT bad', or anything else that might ease their own minds. Basically, they rewrite the story in their heads to place the blame on someone else or on the circumstances. It's a normal, but unjust practice, sadly.
Great story, do you plan to write a sequel.
5147158 Don't think so. If you want to write one though, go right ahead.
Good story, but one other part that was missed:
should be the last batch. Had they gone for the first batch, the brothers would have won. It was the last batches that were contaminated, the first were perfectly fine.
I have no read it yet, but Jazzy has not left the site, but simply goes by JazzieQ now
5143692 I'm surprised Gilda and Trixie weren't here.
Otherwise great Story!!
Seeing the prepective of the "Villians" is an interesting twist.
This one shot sounds like a prologue to a great story idea
I've always thought of Blueblood as a villain.
6317156
um, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that, if I'm reading this story correctly, that at this point in time Trixie is trying to turn herself around and Gilda is currently in Griffonstone trying (and failing) to sell scones to earn enough money to move somewhere else entirely...
I would imagine a sequel where Trixie joins the group. However, she is secretly a mole working with the Mane Cast, sabotaging the plans of Prince Barfbag (as Spike would call him) and his cronies.
Who is Lightning Dust's sister? Suri claims to know her, but we never got a name!
7498226
Probably Spitfire, or at least that's my theory.
This would make an amazing two parter. Shame it'll probably never happen...
Ouuuh The truth hurts, doesn't it? Blueblood based
I LOVED THIS STORY.
It's a real headache to find stories that give episodic antagonists this kind of attention, and it's a shame, because they too have enormous potential.
It was very interesting to read the perspective of the events that the antagonists have, as the saying goes: "the story is told by the victor, but time gives voice to the defeated."
Reading the conversation they had made me remember the Sinister Six, from Spectacular Spiderman, with Blueblood acting as Doctor Octopus
I also once had an idea to write a fanfic relating an alliance between these antagonists (with Trixie and Gilda added), but I never dared to enter the world of writing.
Either way, excellent story, goes straight to favorites
I did a reading of your story with a full cast! I hope you enjoy it! It premieres tomorrow (August 19th, 2023) at 10:30 PM EST.