The Melancholy of Vinyl Scratch

by AnimalGirl

Chapter 2

The first period of class had finished. I gave myself a small break for lunch. Having nothing else better to do while eating, my thoughts began to wander. Now that I think of it I had yet to make any friends. Which is alright. You don't always need friends.... I'm so lonely. I gave out a sigh, and looked down to my half eaten pansy sandwich. I remember when I was in high school, I hanged around Lilly Valley, and Note Worthy. But neither of them had come to this university. They went to Manehatten Arts Academey.

Oh well... No point in getting all depressed about it, I thought. I finished my pansy sandwich and headed towards my next class. Professional music writing.

Along the way I noticed that Vinyl was coming along too. When I entered the classroom I noticed that this classroom had the long tables set along the stairs. I sat in one of the long tables that was located on the right side of the stairs, and was basically in the middle. Across from me Vinyl had sat down, and was playing her music at full volume in her black XX headphones. (Or whatever brand they are) The teacher then walked in, and called names for attendance. Once again echo's of 'here' and 'present were heard. Even Vinyl joined in. She didn't even bother in making an announcement, or creating a scene. I was surprised by her actions.

"Okay, students, I shall introduce myself as Mrs. Octenlead," the teacher began to say. She was a mare that looked a little bit older than the previous professor. Her coat was burgundy, and she had a purple mane. She also wore glasses, and had a eighth note being written by a pencil as a cutie mark. I had also noticed that she was a Pegasus.
Mrs. Octenlead, looked around the classroom, studying our faces.

"Alright everypony. Class shall begin," she said. Mrs. Octenlead then began to give her lesson. It was mostly what Professional music writing was, just on a higher level. It was insanely boring. I could hear Vinyl's snores from here.

How rude, I thought. Though I was feeling rather drowsy myself... Several ponies in the room were giving out big yawns. Some things that Mrs. Octenlead said was actually rather interesting, and the class would soon wake up again. But she dragged the explanation out far to long.

"Ms. Scratch! Please do not fall asleep in my class room," Mrs. Octenlead cut herself off and scolded Vinyl.

"Huh? What? Is Skrillex here? Huh?" Vinyl responded with a snort. She then looked around the room, and noticed that everyone was looking at her. Several ponies gave out some giggles.

"Oh... Hehe... Sorry, please continue Mrs. Oftenlead," she responded blushing in embarrassment.

"It's Octenlead, Ms. Scratch," Mrs. Octenlead responded, not amused. Class was soon over and I headed home. My first day at Canterlot University was over. It was pretty fun I think, well excluding the annoying white mare.

The next day I noticed that Vinyl Scratch was wearing different headphones. But of course, she was always blasting out her noisome music. As the week went by I noticed that every day she would wear different headphones of different brands.

Just how many of those things does she have?! I though surprised that a pony like her had so many expensive headphones.

She must be totally broke now, I thought with a giggle. I had also noticed that for whatever reason her schedule was exactly like mine. Every class I had, she was there, no matter what day, she was there.

An entire month had already passed. I had finally gotten adjusted to see Vinyl in every single class I had. For pete's sake, I already knew what headphones she was gonna wear. Tuesdays was Beats. Fridays Sony, Wednesdays Shure. Today was Thursday, she was wearing purple and gray Skullcandy headphones. I rather liked those headphones to say the truth... My first class today was with Mr. Stringsberth, a music class where you put everything that you've learned so far in the other classes to use. I gave out a sigh. In every class, Vinyl either sat behind me or across/beside me. In this class, she was behind me. I turned around.

"Vinyl, why do you wear different headphone everyday? Is it to attract people who like your music?" I asked in curiosity. Vinyl looked up and looked at me straight in the eye. Her eyes wear a gorgeous scarlet colour. I had never noticed them, since I never really looked at her...

"How did you know?!" She responded in surprise. That's when I realized my mistake. I had promised myself that I would never get involved with Vinyl yet here I was. Talking to her. What have I done?

Author's Note:

Ok so I edited chapter 1 and 2. Hopefully it made things better. However there were some things that I was unable to edit because I either didn't understand as to what you guys ment, or I had no idea on how to make that work. Thank you so much for the advice guys!!
-AnimalGirl

Comments

[soulknight13]

Caught in the beautiful chaotic web that is vinyl aka Dj pon3 lol

[Bynoan]

Ill elaborate on my first post then. It really depends on where this story goes. Based on what i saw Sad/Slice of life tags would work (based on the title and story, I suspect Vinyl has her issues yes?). Comedy wouldn't really do atm as you said yourself. The rest doesn't really apply here, except perhaps Romance but don't know if its gonna be in there afterall.

Its just really to judge the story, having a slice of story turning tragedy halfway would be a bit surprise for example. Don't feel forced to add them though, its your story in the end.
If you feel confident enough, you can add th story to the dedicated groups of Octavia and Vinyl that float around here. Bound to give you more readers and opinions far better than myself

Pretty good sofar though. But enough of my ramblings, hope it helps.

[AnimalGirl]

5143525 Hey thanks for the advice. I'll totally post the story on some group thing a mijgs. Anyways the title/story is based of an anime and it was a comedic kind of anime so thats why I was thinking of putting comedy. The name of the anime is The melachony of Haruhi Suzumiya you should totally check it out it's really interesting

[The Letter J]

A story about Vinyl and Octavia that isn't shipping them? Okay, let's see where this goes.

I think the biggest problem here is that you need to slow down, or at least reconsider what you want to spend time talking about. If you're going to make something a scene, then make it a real scene. And if not, then just quickly pass over it in the narration.
For example, let's look at the first few paragraphs of the first chapter:

I opened my window to smell the refreshing smell of morning mist. Today was the first day of school at Canterlot University. A five star university only for the best of the best, I had earned my place there with hard work and determination.

"Octavia Melody, known all over Equestria for her amazing, fascinating, gorgeous music played on the cello," I whispered to myself, fantasizing of my great future. I gave out a sigh of accomplishment and relief. Finally after so many years of hard work, I have finally gotten to my last step to take, to become the world's greatest cello player.

"Alright, let's get going." I packed my bags and left for CU.

This scene really has nothing to make it special or important, except maybe a small look into Octavia's character. But there's no reason it needs to be it's own scene. If there's nothing important about her house (and I don't think there is at this point), don't start her there if you're immediately going to have her leave. So I recommend either expanding this scene by quite a bit, or just starting the story off with her on campus on her first day, fantasizing as she goes to class.
Speaking of which, let's look at the next few paragraphs:

I finally arrived to CU. Around me were ponies of all kinds! Pegasi, Unicorns, Earth ponies, there were even griffins. I could also spot out a zebra! I gazed in awe at the majestic stature of Canterlot University. The entrance had a huge blue arch to it, with three large, yellow, droplet looking accents hanging down from it. The building itself looked like a castle. It had two large white towers on each corner of the university. You could also tell that it had more than one floor to it.

I wonder where my classroom is gonna be... I wondered to myself. I grabbed a booklet that they handed out to us at the orientation from my bag,and looked at the map it had, where I circled where my classroom was. I followed the map, until I was able to arrive to my classroom.

Again, this is a really short scene that doesn't actually accomplish much. Again, you could combine this with the previous few paragraphs to make a larger scene, but I really only recommend that if you want to expand them even more, maybe describing CU and it's denizens in more detail. Or the better option may be to cut pretty much all of these first few paragraphs out, and start the story with Octavia in the classroom. She can have her fantasy and tell us whatever she needs to about the school while she waits for her class to begin. That would make the entire chapter one nice, self-contained scene of an acceptable length.

I haven't been to university yet. So I'm trying my best to make this as close as university as I can. If you guys could help me out that would be great.

A few points on that matter.
First of all, I have never had a professor take roll like teachers did in high school. Most of them just don't care whether or not students bother to come to class, and the ones who do take attendance usually do so by either passing a roll around or by having in-class quizzes of some kind.
Second, there's this bit:

What was odd is that this classroom had your common desks that you would find in a high school, rather than your usual long tables, or the seats set in rows with the movable small tables. Or at least I think that's how it was supposed to be. To me this classroom looked exactly like a high school classroom, rather than a university classroom.

I imagine that this can vary quite a bit depending on the school, but I've had plenty of classes that fit each of those descriptions. The high school-like desks are actually quite common (at least at my school), and the long tables are the least common (I think I've only had them in lab classes).
Third, in the second chapter, you say that "They gave us a small break for lunch." That's not how schedules work in college. "They" don't give you anything. You make your own schedule with whatever available classes you want to take. You can give yourself a three hour lunch break in the afternoon, or you can take classes from 8AM to 4PM without any break, or you can have your first class of the day be at 1PM, or you can do whatever else you want with your schedule. It all only depends on what you want to do and when the classes you want to take are available.

As a final note, I recommend finding someone to edit this for you. There are a number of grammar mistakes that you'll want to take care of.

[AnimalGirl]

Hey guys thanks so much for the advice!! I'll try my best to improve however... I'm not the most amazing at describing things... I really try my best in writing well. To say the truth, English is not my first language, but I have been speaking for most of my life (totally using that as an excuse for my incompetence ) I'll definitely try to improve, hopefully things will work out... hehe...