Buried alive. Left to rot. On the edge of his fate the detective is pulled from his coffin. The city that covered him is gone and the detective is worlds away. Magic, friendship, love, harmony, someone still has to put all the pieces together.
I really hate it in HiE when Rainbow knocks out the human for little to no reason at all, and being labeled as a potential 'threat' isn't gonna cut it since he did absolutely nothing other than saying "yo" prior to that. I'm also disappointed at Twilight. As smart as she it, it took Fluttershy to inform her that the 'creature' they're restraining is too battered enough to even put up a fight, much less stand given that he has a broken leg and ribs.
"I understand that, but when it comes to any sort of undiscovered creature I just don't want to take any risks."
Unless Twilight is going to dissect him, it makes no sense for her to proceed to her 'sciencey experiment'. With his condition like that, there's a chance that the 'undiscovered creature' might lose his life if he doesn't get treated first before moving on with her shit... It's kinda alarming that Twilight doesn't have any sympathy for him. He is an undiscovered creature. Hello, medically treat him first or atleast even a little bit, dumb dumb. He was in a coffin for fuck sakes!
"Three... no, F-four! Four different head injuries! Oh dear..."
See
The two main characters being OOC keeps me from fully enjoying the story. However, this is just the first chapter. This is interesting enough to make me keep on reading. The first chapters of most HiE I encountered are cliched anyways. Rainbow being a douche is kind of a given. Twilight on the other hand...
Curious to see how this goes. Also got me a new webcomic to read so thanks for that
EDIT: well those 7 pages went by in a flash. Shame that this comic looks abandoned, Still Keeping an eye on it and this story. I am nothing if not ever hopeful
Well, this certainly looks interesting. Very nice descriptions, along with good writing quality and a pretty unique idea.
It's just a shame the ponies are so ridiculously OOC that pretty much any enjoyment is utterly ruined. Seriously, the characterization in this single chapter was beyond terrible. Honestly, there's no way you can hand wave their actions with idiotic and nonsensical justifications, because they just don't work. The only way to fix this would be to rewrite it and have them act, you know, in-character.
Also:
Also, I guess 'Yo' isn't a very good indicator of intelligent speech or thought.
Because obviously the signs of thought along with him being clothed while carrying a bunch of stuff with him gave absolutely no sign of intelligence.
Honestly, the fact that Fluttershy was the only pony even slightly in-character is just sad... Rainbow doing her cliched "beat up main character at first sight," them having him tied up, none of them recognizing how obviously injured he was (so, what, now their stupid and blind?), the list just goes on.
Well, that's my impression of this chapter. It's an awesome idea, and you have the skill to pull it off, but the execution here (mainly characterization) is just poor. Sorry.
I wasn't expecting to be found out so quickly, or at all, or noticed in any way.
But my horrible secret is revealed! Yes I started a webcomic project in March of this year and have since June put it on Hiatus because of life issues, overall disappointment in art design and direction. It was easy enough to put on hold because the only ones who read it were some family and friends.
Fast forward to just a few weeks ago. I'm indulging in my guilty pleasure of My Little Pony fan fiction(mostly erotic) and I have some ideas enter my brain.
Feeling particularly adventurous, I decide to put my writing brain to work and start an incredibly self-indulgent story using the Detective himself. I even drew a thing for it I was so inspired.
Then a whole mess of people said stuff like, 'Well isn't this interesting.'
And I was thinking along the lines of, 'Okay just calm down.'
The "human gets knocked out by Rainbow Dash, is bound in all manners and seen with sickening distrust" schtick was old years ago. I'm downvoting this based on this chapter alone, but I'm gonna keep reading. Let's see if it's worth it to revert the vote.
Anyway, you'd do well to rewrite this, because I've never thought I'd agree with TheArchive of all users.
I like this keep up the good work.
Sound like he will help everything they need.
Nice story, I like this story.
this was very good. interesting opening to what appears to be a great story... another Fic to add to my list...
I really hate it in HiE when Rainbow knocks out the human for little to no reason at all, and being labeled as a potential 'threat' isn't gonna cut it since he did absolutely nothing other than saying "yo" prior to that. I'm also disappointed at Twilight. As smart as she it, it took Fluttershy to inform her that the 'creature' they're restraining is too battered enough to even put up a fight, much less stand given that he has a broken leg and ribs.
Unless Twilight is going to dissect him, it makes no sense for her to proceed to her 'sciencey experiment'. With his condition like that, there's a chance that the 'undiscovered creature' might lose his life if he doesn't get treated first before moving on with her shit... It's kinda alarming that Twilight doesn't have any sympathy for him. He is an undiscovered creature. Hello, medically treat him first or atleast even a little bit, dumb dumb. He was in a coffin for fuck sakes!
See
The two main characters being OOC keeps me from fully enjoying the story. However, this is just the first chapter. This is interesting enough to make me keep on reading. The first chapters of most HiE I encountered are cliched anyways. Rainbow being a douche is kind of a given. Twilight on the other hand...
Their pointless violence kinda throws me off :/
interesting Let's see what happens.
*looks at picture*
i dont think you understand how oxygen and fire work.
lol but on a serious note i like this fic, i have never read anything like this.
5129844 well he lights up right after he's unearthed in the story, so it makes more sense then
This story has the potential to be very nice. Hopefully it wild blossom into it's own little fandom. Good luck
And if you need a content proofreader feel free to ask me!
Missing a crossover tag.
Curious to see how this goes. Also got me a new webcomic to read so thanks for that
EDIT: well those 7 pages went by in a flash. Shame that this comic looks abandoned, Still Keeping an eye on it and this story. I am nothing if not ever hopeful
So Rainbow Dick strikes again
Well, this certainly looks interesting. Very nice descriptions, along with good writing quality and a pretty unique idea.
It's just a shame the ponies are so ridiculously OOC that pretty much any enjoyment is utterly ruined. Seriously, the characterization in this single chapter was beyond terrible. Honestly, there's no way you can hand wave their actions with idiotic and nonsensical justifications, because they just don't work. The only way to fix this would be to rewrite it and have them act, you know, in-character.
Also:
Because obviously the signs of thought along with him being clothed while carrying a bunch of stuff with him gave absolutely no sign of intelligence.
Honestly, the fact that Fluttershy was the only pony even slightly in-character is just sad... Rainbow doing her cliched "beat up main character at first sight," them having him tied up, none of them recognizing how obviously injured he was (so, what, now their stupid and blind?), the list just goes on.
Well, that's my impression of this chapter. It's an awesome idea, and you have the skill to pull it off, but the execution here (mainly characterization) is just poor. Sorry.
Nice story, please continue it
Is this an OC, or what?
5152092 Had the same thought as you
Here is what I could find. It looks interesting but hasn't updated since June.
5152138
5152092
I wasn't expecting to be found out so quickly, or at all, or noticed in any way.
But my horrible secret is revealed! Yes I started a webcomic project in March of this year and have since June put it on Hiatus because of life issues, overall disappointment in art design and direction. It was easy enough to put on hold because the only ones who read it were some family and friends.
Fast forward to just a few weeks ago. I'm indulging in my guilty pleasure of My Little Pony fan fiction(mostly erotic) and I have some ideas enter my brain.
Feeling particularly adventurous, I decide to put my writing brain to work and start an incredibly self-indulgent story using the Detective himself. I even drew a thing for it I was so inspired.
Then a whole mess of people said stuff like, 'Well isn't this interesting.'
And I was thinking along the lines of, 'Okay just calm down.'
But I'm happily writing away.
And that, I guess, is that.
5153670 Oh You're the original creator! Neat And here I was thinking this was a Rule 50 momment.
5153670 Meh. I don't blame you.
I like it, the way of his intruduction was strange but funny in a way
fear of inclosed space's and feeling trap is reasonable fear for him.
The "human gets knocked out by Rainbow Dash, is bound in all manners and seen with sickening distrust" schtick was old years ago. I'm downvoting this based on this chapter alone, but I'm gonna keep reading. Let's see if it's worth it to revert the vote.
Anyway, you'd do well to rewrite this, because I've never thought I'd agree with TheArchive of all users.
This is promising.
5129844 Speaking of the picture... anyone else notice that those are their tails at the edges?
5357958
More like manes
Well, this should be interesting. Kinda wondering how being buried alive equals transporting to Equestria though...
6472172
Maybe he died and he got transported across realms when he was a spirit
PS: this is just the type of stuff I believe in so it might not be true