Buried alive. Left to rot. On the edge of his fate the detective is pulled from his coffin. The city that covered him is gone and the detective is worlds away. Magic, friendship, love, harmony, someone still has to put all the pieces together.
While you had some grammar mistakes (just a few), you managed to spell her name Apple Bloom and that's just... so great You have no idea how happy that makes me. Not a bad chapter either.
The way they described the incident at apple jacks was incredibly creepy. Smeone scratching at your windows and doors. Bangin on the side of your house. That was scary as hell. Even the stakeout was cool, but I was a little let down in the capture. Just an old griffon that the let go? What? The rest was great. I really look forward to reading more.
"And it did say Detective on his back! He can totally figure out what's happening Apple Bloom!" said the Pegasus with a raspy voice excitedly. She had an orange coat, purple mane and pale purple eyes.
I thought Rarity had written his name on all symbols on his clothes instead of leaving the "Detective" label?
Bit too much telling instead of showing after the Cronus case was unwound, but since it's kind of an after action report it's mostly fine, I can let that pass.
Overall, not excellent but still quite good. I remove my downvote.
"Napping," I said and closed my eyes. I expected to hear disappointment but all I heard was a giggle and the sound of Rainbow landing to my left. I opened one eye and looked at her, she had found her own spot in the shade and laid down. She looked back at me with one open eye and a smile. "That's a pretty good skill," she said and I smiled back before closing my eye.
The last one I assumed was Apple Bloom and I also assumed she was Applejack's relative due to her name, accent and their earlier talk with Rainbow Dash. She had a yellow coat, red mane and brilliant orange eyes. And... and a cute pink bow in her mane. I felt my eye twitch when I saw that bow.
Dun dun dun!
Well meeting the Princess of the sun for the first time usually leaves people a little starstruck so its probably nothing.
Shellshocked by teleportation?
If you are a human and appear in Equestria you must faint atleast once, it's a iron clad rule.
Solar radiation's a bitch, ain't it?
Great story so far, look forward to the next chapter!
Well, the plot thickens...
At least he isnt a cold heartless bastard, though his worldview has taken a bit of a shock, hopefully for the better.
Dagnabit! Why must you leave us with a cliffhanger! I hope this will at least be updated sometime soon...
While you had some grammar mistakes (just a few), you managed to spell her name Apple Bloom and that's just... so great You have no idea how happy that makes me. Not a bad chapter either.
I was just thinking that the griffin was having a senior moment. He escaped from a nursing home and was suffering from senility.
The way they described the incident at apple jacks was incredibly creepy. Smeone scratching at your windows and doors. Bangin on the side of your house. That was scary as hell. Even the stakeout was cool, but I was a little let down in the capture. Just an old griffon that the let go? What? The rest was great. I really look forward to reading more.
teresting I like this fic because it has a detective as the protagonist
I wonder how it would be a fic with this character in NCIS
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/112/0/c/ncis__gibbs_revenge_by_silverfox2159-d62nunh.jpg
This is the seond detective in equestria fic that I've read, this one has a lot of potential, I'll be following this :D
I'm guessing some kind of reaction to a large amount of magic? maybe feedback from the teleportation or a physical attack. either way good story!
I love this story! Hope you continue!
5221823 No! Bad Carlos, bad!
That was a bad pun and you know it!
This story is so good. So. So good!
But... i have a bad felling that the last cigarette he smokes. Will be the one he lights up just before he dies.
And that's why you wear sunscreen...
Oh nuuu, he passed out....
I blame Obama.
I thought Rarity had written his name on all symbols on his clothes instead of leaving the "Detective" label?
Bit too much telling instead of showing after the Cronus case was unwound, but since it's kind of an after action report it's mostly fine, I can let that pass.
Overall, not excellent but still quite good. I remove my downvote.
1. What up with the Griffon?
2. WHAT THEY HAY IS UP WITH THAT ENDING?!
It seems that magic disagrees with him a bit
D'awww. That was such a Rain-bro moment. Love it.
Let's sing the doom song!
Awesome, The only thing missing is...
Police badge. Authority + 1 , Police wave +2.
Rainbow doesn't care.
Drama [easy] - success: "Are you sure? No spurned ex-lovers that still hold strongly to some unrequited love?"
To leave a griffin suffering from insanity to the mercy of fate is inhumane. Take him to the hospital!