“This has to be the weirdest method of tracking the enemy I’ve ever seen.” Twilight stated, staring at Maud.
“Shh. I need to concentrate.” Maud said, giving the rock she had picked from the ground another lick. “Hmm… no, no, too much sedimentary. The taste of the statue was almost purely igneous. It must have come from deep inside the volcano.”
“If you say so, Maud.” Twilight said, shrugging her… area-where-shoulders-would-be-on-a-human. She walked forward, then paused. “Pinkie?” She asked.
“Mmph hmmbph.” Twilight turned as she heard a noise, and nearly screamed. Pinkie’s mouth was swollen, and cactus needles were sticking out of her lips and cheeks like a pincushion. “Mmm phmmph mmph mmm.” Pinkie mumbled through the large ball cactus in her mouth, a cheery look on her face despite the immensely painful-looking thorns.
“Hang on.” Twilight said, and using her magic, she pulled the huge cactus out of Pinkie’s mouth as delicately as possible.
Once the offending plant was extracted, Pinkie’s smile grew and she started bouncing up and down. “Thanks Twilight!” Pinkie giggled. “I was really really hungry and I tried to eat that giant kiwi but it really hurt because it wasn’t really a kiwi it was a cactus which is sad because kiwis are delicious have you tried kiwis I tried them once because I thought their name sounded funny and they turned out to be really good and-“
“I now partially regret taking that out of her mouth.” Twilight said, trying to pull out the cactus thorns still stuck in Pinkie’s lips.
Pinkie’s ramble was abruptly cut off by what sounded like a lion’s roar. “Oh yeah, I forgot – I’m really hungry.” Pinkie said, smiling.
Twilight rolled her eyes as she finished plucking the thorns from Pinkie’s face. “Pinkie, you could have just asked.” She levitated up her saddlebag. “I have plenty of…”
Twilight looked into the very empty bag.
“food.”
“That is a problem.” Maud stated needlessly, looking into the bag.
“But… how… I haven’t…” Twilight stuttered.
“Oh wait… was that ALL the food you packed?” Pinkie asked. She blushed, smiling sheepishly. “Sowwy…”
“But… but… I had a huge box of bagels in there!” Twilight cried.
“Ate ‘em.” Pinkie said nonchalantly.
“A wheel of cheese!”
“Meunster; my favorite!”
“Pinkie, there were raw eggs in my bag!”
“Hey, don’t look at me. A snake took those when I wasn’t looking! Darn egg-sucking snakes…”
“You ate everything, absolutely everything?!”
“It was my greatest work. I dubbed it, ‘A Midnight Snack’. Copies soon sold at your nearest local bookstore.”
“I can’t believe it…” Twilight said, still staring into the bag.
“Hey, I thought you had more!” Pinkie said. “I mean, I thought for sure that that wasn’t all you brought!”
“Pinkie…” Twilight stated, slamming her hoof into her forehead. “…for starters, where would I be keeping any more food? Up my-“
“But can’t you just make more with your fancy magic?” Pinkie asked.
“Magic doesn’t work that way! I can’t just summon something from nothing! If I could, I wouldn’t have needed to pack food in the first place!” Twilight cried.
“Well, can you… teleport some more in?” Pinkie questioned.
Twilight slammed her other hoof into her face. “If I could use teleportation on the island, we wouldn’t be walking in the first place!” She said, almost screaming.
“Um… can you transmogrifimutatechangemabibble the sand into food?” Pinkie asked, holding up a hoofful of desert sand.
Twilight temporarily detatched her back legs with her magic, then manipulated them so that she could facehoof with all four hooves at once. “I can’t… I… AUUGH!” She cried out.
There was an awkward silence as Twilight’s legs returned back to their normal positions. “So… no food then.” Pinkie said awkwardly.
“What are you talking about.” Maud said in her usual mono-tone. “There’s food all around us.”
Twilight looked around. All she could see was sand, a couple of cacti, the mountain (the base of which was almost right in front of them), and a tumbleweed idly bouncing along the ground. The tumbleweed had an odometer which had quite a few miles on it.
“That plant is due for an oil change.” Twilight said quietly. Then she shook her head. “What food, Maud? I mean, it’s not like we can eat the animals; we’re herbivores!”
Maud picked up a rock from the ground, and ate it.
“Oh no. nonononono.” Twilight said, backing up. “You can’t honestly expect us to-“
“It’s either rocks, sand, or air, Twilight.” Maud said somberly.
“Mmph mmphmm”. Pinkie had gotten another cactus stuck in her mouth.
Rolling her eyes, Twilight began to extract the second cactus from Pinkie’s oversized cheeks. “No, Pinkie. We’re not eating the cacti, either.” She stated.
“It’s really not that bad when you get used to it.” Maud said. “In fact, I find rocks quite delicious.”
“Remember what happened with Princess Celestia, Maud? Normal ponies – I mean, other ponies can’t eat rocks.” Twilight told Maud.
“That’s because she didn’t know how to eat rocks.” Maud said. “It’s all in the mentality. I admit I shouldn’t have started her off with something so hard. Here, try this instead.” Maud held up a light brown chunk of rock. Twilight took it in her magic as Maud said, “Sandstone. Great for beginners to rock-eating. Soft as it comes. Rich in quartz and feldspar.”
Twilight gulped, then looked at Maud. Seeing her unwavering expression, Twilight turned back to the small chunk of rock. She began to levitate it up to her mouth.
“Pinkie, will you please stop the drumroll?!” Twilight said abruptly, looking over her shoulder to Pinkie.
“Party pooper.” Pinkie pouted, putting the massive drum away.
Twilight looked back to the rock, slowly lifted it to her mouth… and took a bite.
There was a dramatic pause.
And then…
“BLECCH!”
Twilight hacked and coughed, scraping the chunks of sand off of her tongue. “That was the worst thing I’ve tasted since the last time I tried cooking for myself!” she cried. “Maud, I’m sorry, but I just can’t-“ she stopped.
“I assume you did not like it.” Maud said quietly, blinking slowly. Her face was covered in sand from Twilight’s spit-take.
“Oh my gosh, Maud, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-“ Twilight paused, her eyes widening, as Maud extended her tongue, and slowly, ever so slowly, dragged it across her face, wiping off all of the sand. “…now I know where Pinkie gets some of her traits from.” Twilight said quietly as Maud’s tongue retreated into her mouth.
“So what are we gonna eat?” Pinkie asked happily.
“Nothing, I guess. We’ll probably starve to death, even if we do catch the bad guy.” Twilight said, laying down on her stomach.
“Are you sure we can’t-“
“NO, Pinkie!” Twilight almost yelled. “We’re not eating the-“ she stopped, blinking. “Cacti…” she said quietly. Then she leapt forward. “Pinkie, you’re a genius!” She cried, hugging the pink glutton.
“No I’m not. I’m a pony. Neiggh!” Pinkie said happily.
“C’mon!” Twilight said, rushing over to a nearby ball cactus. Pinkie and Maud followed.
“If I’m not mistaken…” Twilight said quietly. With a magical blast, she zapped off the top of the cactus, and looked inside the hollow plant. “Yes!” she cried victoriously, seeing the shimmering inside. “We’re saved, girls!” She called back.
“What is it.” Maud said blankly as she and her sister approached.
“Water! Glorious water!” Twilight cried. “Cacti have to store as much water as they can, you see – rain is so sparse in the desert, they have to soak up as much as they can! As such, they are absolutely filled to the brim with water!”
“Um, Twilight?” Pinkie said. “That’s good and all, but we’re kind of looking for food, not water.”
Twilight paused. She looked at the cactus again.
“Oh, phoo.”
5257299 hmm. Point taken, thx. I may take that into consideration.
Probably not though. I'm lazy.
WOO, MOAR Pinkie hate fuel! POUR IT ON POUR IT ON!
Contrary to the myth started by Bugs Bunny cartoons, cacti don't have large internal pools of water that can be reached by cutting them open. They store water in their internal tissues, just like every other plant. To get to their water, you have to either pulp them up and strain out the solids, or just eat them like any other vegetable.
Of course, as Pinkie pointed out, they're after food rather than water, so they could eat the cacti, I presume. Just yank out the thorns and hope that particular species of cactus isn't poisonous to pastel-colored cartoon ponies.
Holy crap. I read this story today, and then all of a sudden it updates again within a span of about 30 mins or so of reading it? That is excellent timing if I do say so myself. Well played sir...well played.
This chapter was a good one though. Especially with Pinkie continuously trying to eat the cacti.
~ Super-Brony12
Your sense of humor is strikingly like mine.
I've got a feeling thy ou and I are going to be the best.
Friends.
Ever.
5257410 technically, we are in a cartoon. ..
Love the chapter.
Oh, Pinkie, this is why you're awesome.
5257780 Well, maybe *you* are...
At any rate, FiM is a cartoon, yes, but in spite of everything, it's surprisingly accurate about the general physical (if not mental) traits of flora and fauna.
5257113 Well, she forces herself into a situation where she is not welcome, her mood is irritatingly inappropriate for a scenario involving the death of a changeling, she triggers an ant-lion attack and now in the new chapter she eats all of their food supplies in her idiocy, believing that they have more food supplies even though she can clearly see they are carrying nothing else.
That was in relation to this story, in general I just hate her because of her real/faked obliviousness to the impossible, annoying and outright stupid things she does, it really grates on my nerves. Her inability to take a single situation seriously is just the icing on the cake.
Maud & Friends: The Alicorn Adventures!
On this episode, we find our heroine and her two friends with a significant lack of food! Will Twilight ever learn to eat rocks? Will Pinkie stop eating cacti? Will Maud simply give a sh*t? Find out now!
5257410
Yeah, I don't know why Twilight wouldn't be smart enough to just telekinesis all the thorns out and munch on cactus. She'd even be OCD enough to get the nearly-invisible thorns if it's one of those species.
Couldn't they just de-needle it and eat the cactus then?
Good
5258534 Ever hear of "panicked and not thinking coherently"?
5257348 As to why the thumbs down...
are
__________
So
_________
Poor Twi. Pinks ate all her food, and Maud's a professional rock eater.
5258378
Actually cacti are toxic, as is their sap [At least the kind Pinkie put in her mouth.]. If there were any of the fruit bearing cacti that'd be one thing. Prickly Pears are awesome. But Here's a useful Link.
5258648 Thx. Chapter was kind of rushed, i admit.
Lawdy lawdy, fillies, the water will keep you going just fine. So you lose a few pounds, so what? Twilight and Pinkie could probably stand to lose a couple. Or just eat the cactus flesh WITHOUT jamming all the needles in your mouth, that works too.
(I am making the completely unfounded assumption that Pinkie's metabolism works in any way, shape or form like that of other, non-bizarre ponies.)
5258731
You're welcome. So far this is a pretty decent fic. I'm enjoying seeing where this goes, and congrats on 500 upvotes.
In relation to the chapter:
Stop making me think of old cartoon references.
5258090 Was that so hard? Next time explain your points without making broad exclamations of hate. Hate towards a sentient creature that's entire life goal is to make other beings lives happier. I hope you learn to let things like this slide a little bit more.
I personally disagree that this is actually the fault of Pinkie and that this is actually the fault of fanfiction authors handling her very poorly. I can't think of a situation in cannon where her obliviousness actually causes the situation to get any worse.(Minus Baby Cakes, but that episode handled Pinkie horribly anyway.) To each there own I guess.
Edit: I didn't get a notification of your original reply, and stumbled upon it by luck. Thanks Knighty.
5257316
You should have them drink it anyways, so you can make a cactus water joke. Like in Avatar: The Last Airbender.
5258081 >Implying plants have minds
5259167
You beat me to it.
I don't know whether to be happy or disappointed.
5259262 You should be happy. Happy that even over the internet across what could be a thousand miles two people remembered and thought of a reference to something that left an impact on them. Happy that another person that you're unlikely to ever meet again is like you in a small significant way. Happy that you've had another human being respond to and recognize you as being similar to themselves.
Have a good day, and for that matter. Have a good rest of your life, be it ten minutes or eighty years.
5259167 I don't know about this whole "broad exclamations of hate" thing, it kinda feels like you missed the tone of my comment, understandable in text based media but it was not intended to be a serious stab at Pinkie's character, (although I do dislike her even in the cannon) it was simply my attempt at humor due to the way she was acting in this fanfic.
5259326 I thought when posting in a "humorously mean" manner that a stuck out tongue was customary. Either ":p" or would have indicated a joking manner to your comment. While currently it has no difference to a regular "I hate x" statement that occurs way to often in this fandom.
5259236 I'm implying nothing. Some of the plants must be intelligent. It's the only thing that makes sense.
5259548 ...Elaborate.
5259559 ...? I realize that jokes and sarcasm don't translate well into forum posts, but I thought that's what emoticons were for.
5259622 I was under the impressing Trixie was for an inquiring post. Isn't it?
5259670 I always took it as a sort of conspiracy theorist kind of "I suspect something." But anyway, I figured an emoticon would show I wasn't serious.
5259798 Rule 56 of the Internet: Speak as literally as possible, joking and sarcasm is something that is nearly impossible to properly get across through a text medium.
5259815 Corollary: Emoticons show that you aren't serious.
...Why doesn't twi just magic the thorns out of the cacti? My family eat cactus as a snack all the time.
Y'all ponies need Celestia.
5258090 everyone who isn't a whiny bitch likes pinkie, she's always like that, the antlion attacked fire plot reasons explained later, and that was a joke. Respectively.
Blocked.
5258081 indeed, the cartoon with plunder vines abd manticores I'd completely accurate about flora and fauna.
5258534 also pinkie.
5257316
I would like to amend what blitz said. The best time to travel in the desert is mid morning and early evening. It may be hotduring the day but just the same, it is too cold at night. In the desert there is nothing to absorb heat so temperatures drop down close tod freezing, especially if they are gaining altitude. At noght they would definitly need a fire or to curl up in blankets to conserve heat.
It appears I've gotten on somebody's bad side, considering that all my comments have been down voted.
I don't care.
5261633 um. ... yes! Exactly what I intended!
Nice chapter!
Dis waz BOOTIMUS!
BOOTIMUS!
Well, at least they won't get thirsty...
No, Pinkie, you're a monster.
Silly Pinkie, trying to eat Cacti 8'D
So silly.
Nice job once more dude!