When Monologues go Wrong
“Twilight.”
plink.
“Twilight!”
plink.
...
CRASH!
Twilight jerked up as a deafening noise penetrated her eardrums. Shocked, she looked to see a huge chunk of rock in front of her.
Behind a set of bars.
Curious as to why a rock would be caged, Twilight looked around, only to see bars on the other sides of her as well. The rock wasn’t in a cage – she was in a cage!
“That works too. Good work, Maud.” Came Pinkie’s voice, and Twilight looked to see her two traveling companions nearby, also in cages.
“What happened?” Twilight asked her traveling companions.
“Your guess is as good as ours, Twily!” Pinkie said, cheerful even though she was trapped in a cage.
“Maud, can you break us out of here?” Twilight asked. “C’mon, these cages are rock – that’s your specialty!”
“Actually, these cages are made of a mineral – carbon, to be precise.” Maud said, rubbing a hoof along a bar of her cage. “under high pressure for many years, the carbon has been pressurized into solid diamond –the hardest substance on the planet. Even I can’t break this – not without help.”
“Diamond? Are you kidding me?!” Twilight cried, expecting the shiny bars of her cage. “Who the heck makes cages out of solid diamond?!”
“Not who, but what.” Came an unfamiliar voice, and light suddenly blasted into the darkened area.
Twilight’s eyes overloaded, and she squinted them shut. Blinking furiously, she managed to regain sight, and looked around. She now could see the area properly, and realized that they were in a fairly small cavern. She looked up to see a crystal radiating a bright light, which illuminated the cavern.
Twilight turned to see a pair of insects. Very large insects. “Changelings.” Twilight growled, her eyes narrowing.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about them. They’re just here to make sure you don’t get… antsy.” Said the voice. Twilight looked around; the changelings hadn’t spoken the words, and the voice certainly wasn’t that of Pinkie or Maud.
“Who are you? Why are we here? Show yourself!” Twilight cried out.
“As you wish.”
As abrupt as a surprise party, sand began to swirl around the room. Twilight covered her eyes as she saw the sand thicken and coalesce at the center of the room. Slowly, a figure began to take shape. A figure that was certainly not pony or changeling.
The creature was so bizzare, Twilight didn’t know how to describe it. The closest thing she could compare it to was a centaur of myth – a creature said to have the body of a horse, but instead of a head, there sprouted the torso of a mythical creature – a human.
This creature looked vaguely like a centaur, and yet nothing like it. It had six insectoid legs, connected to a segmented insect body. In place of an insect head, though, there sprouted sprouted a human-like torso, which bore thick arms that ended in massive pincers. The head was completely alien – diamond shaped, with massive jaws and four piercing red eyes. Finally, it bore a massive scorpion tail, complete with a stinger dripping a sickly green venom.
The strangest thing of all, though, was that the creature seemed to be made of rock. As it moved, there was a sound like rocks scraping against one another, and sand seemed to stream from its legs onto the floor.
“Perfect.” The scorpion-like creature said. “All according to plan.”
“Plan?” Twilight questioned. “What plan? Who are you, even?”
“My name… I have had a good few names.” The monster muttered. “I was once a changeling, named Thorax. Now, however, I have ascended. I have transcended beyond the mortal concept of names. I have grown more powerful than-“
“Hey, guys, look!” Came an abrupt cry. Twilight, Maud and Thorax turned to see Pinkie. Pinkie held up a skeletal pony head, the bones bleached with age. “I just found this guy in my cage with me!” Pinkie said, holding up the head.
“Hey, hey! This reminds me of a joke!” she cried. “Why was the skeleton miserable when he was at the prom?”
There was an awkward silence. “Can I continue now?” requested Thorax.
“Because he had no body to dance with!” Pinkie cried, before rolling over and laughing hysterically, her little legs waving in the air.
“…right then.” Said Thorax, who turned back to Twilight. He raised a claw, and opened his mouth, only to pause. “Son of a...” Said Thorax, reaching behind his back and pulling out a list.
“Let’s see here…” Thorax muttered as he placed a pair of reading spectacles over two of his eyes. “good few names… yadda yadda… transcended… ah! Here!” he said, poking a spot on the paper with his claw.
Thorax continued speaking. “I have grown more powerful than any mortal being upon this planet. I have been granted power over all Equus. Everything under the surface obeys my command, be it rock, sand, magma, or-“
“Wait, is that a script?” Pinkie said, peering over Thorax’s shoulder. “You actually made a script for your evil speech?”
“STOP INTERRUPTING MY MONOLOGUE!” Thorax roared at Pinkie. “How did you even – you’re out of your cage! What on-“
“Because really, this is a really cheesy villain speech.” Pinkie continued. “You think you could spend more than five minutes thinking up your big dramatic reveal?”
“Hey, I worked hard on this!” Thorax growled. Then he shook his head. “I mean… Silence, whelp! You don’t know who you’re dealing with! Back in your cage!”
“Okay, okay, sheesh.” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes as she disappeared. Thorax turned to see Pinkie, once more sitting in her cage. “Touchy, aren’t you?” she asked.
Thorax stared at Pinkie, before shaking his head. “All right, where the heck was I…” he muttered. “Oh, yeah. Omnus has granted me power beyond imagining, and even now he isn’t yet at full strength. We shall-“
“Wait, Omnus?” Twilight asked. “Who’s Omnus?”
Thorax roared, so loudly that it shook the cavern and caused silt to rain from the ceiling. “Anyone else?!” he cried. “Anyone else want to interrupt me? Speak or forever hold your bloody peace!”
There was silence in the cavern.
“Good.” Thorax turned back to the paper, only to sigh. “Forget it. The mood’s gone.” He grumbled, crunching up the paper and throwing it over his shoulder. “Omnus is going to remove the cancer that is life from this world, and return it all to rock and dust, the way it was billions of years ago. Okay? Okay.”
“Wait, what do you mean? How is he going to-“
“Forget you guys. I’m going home.” Thorax grouched, storming out of the cavern. “Totally ruined the moment… little pink…” he muttered as he skittered off down the hall.
There was an awkward silence in the room. “What was that all about?” Twilight asked.
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the cocoon.” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes.
Twilight looked at the crumpled up paper on the floor. “Hmmm.” She hummed, before lighting up her horn. The crumpled paper levitated over to her, and she unwrapped it, reading the contents.
“Exposition dump.” Twilight said, reading the title of the paper. She then read over the paper, and her eyebrows raised. “Huh.” She said. “There’s actually informative stuff in here about this ‘Omnus’ guy’s plans.”
Twilight continued, “Apparently, Omnus is an ancient life form which has existed since the beginning of the planet – in essence, he IS the planet. He has grown tired of how ponies ‘pollute’ and ‘infest’ the surface surface, so he plans to use his immense power to end ponykind once and for all! He’s going to use his power to wipe us off the face of the earth with an earthquake of cataclysmic, global proportions!”
Pinkie’s eyes widened as Twilight continued, and even Maud looked ever-so-mildly shocked. “He actually mind-controlled the changelings and other insects to serve him, because they are the oldest, most basic forms of life on this world, and as such are the only ones he’s willing to associate with.”
“Ohhh.” Pinkie said. “This is much more informative than if he’d taken an hour explaining it to us!”
“That’s not all.” Twilight said. “It reads that the changeling which attacked all that time ago – the one which was turned to stone – It was sent to capture Celestia. The magic of an alicorn is needed for the Omnus to awaken.”
“The Omnus.” Maud said suddenly yet blandly. “TheOmnus. ‘It’s The Omnus.’ That’s what the changeling said when the guard interrogated him.”
“Yeah, exactly!” Twilight said, reading onward. Then her face turned pale. “Oh dear.” She said.
“What?” Pinkie asked nervously.
“It basically says that The Omnus’ power has waned over the countless years, and he requires the life blood of an alicorn to be spilled in sacrifice to him, in order to restore him to full strength! It says something about absorbing her power through blood… it doesn’t exactly say how the process works. Seems a bit abstract if you ask me.”
“So… he’s going to kill one of us.” Maud said, still monotone despite her words. “Either Twilight or me.”
“But I don’t want either of you to die!” Pinkie said, clutching the bars of her cage.
“And we’re not going to.” Twilight said confidently. “We’re going to escape. We just need to…”
“Excuse me.” Stated Thorax.
“Gah!” Twilight said, jumping. “When did you get here?”
“Just now.” Thorax said happily. He seemed much more cheerful now. “Anyways, guess what time it is!”
“Party time?” Pinkie asked, grinning widely.
“No.”
“Snack time?”
“No.”
“Nap time?”
“No.”
“Dinner Time?”
“Closer.” Thorax stated, before raising his arms. “Iiiiit’s sacrifice time!”
“Yaaaaay!” Pinkie cried, jumping up and down.
“Pinkie!” Twilight said indignantly.
“What?” Pinkie asked, smiling at Twilight obliviously.
“We’ve been in cages for all of five minutes. It’s already time for the sacrifice?” Maud asked.
“Yeah!” Thorax said. “We don’t want to risk you guys escaping, now do we?”
“No… No we don’t…” Twilight muttered, as Thorax and the two changeling guards picked up a cage each, and carried them into the darkened tunnels.
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Definitely a Pinkie Pie Moment. (With occasional Twilight.)
Ah, the classic villain monologue. A good monologue doesn't just give the viewer an exposition dump about the evil plan; it also builds up the villain and sets the tone for any later encounters with them. The Joker's monologues are always insane rants, Bond Villains always get self-aggrandizing gloating, and so on.
Thorax will always be kind of a joke.
Lol. I love how Pinkie interrupts Thorax's speech and forces the villain to go "Screw this. I'm outta here". Never change, Pinkie. Never change.
Okay, Thorax definitely had me laughing.
I'd like to see that kinda villain on the show: the kind who knows he's like a stereotypical Bond villain. It'd be funny and something new.
Also I kinda think you're making a Pinkie a little TOO ditzy and oblivious to danger. I get she's scatterbrained. But she's not DUMB.
I'm considering doing a fic similar to this one, only it would be about Fluffle Puff becoming an alicorn princess.
Thorax cumfirmed bust villain.
ALRIGHT WE'RE BACK IN POWER!!!
Normally the heroes escape as the villain finishes their evil monologue. This villain made the heroes read his evil monologue for him and miss their one chance to escape.
Oh he's good. He's damn good.
Thorax is going to break his sacrificial dagger against Maud's skin isn't he...
Well, at least some variant of that anyway, like Thorax brags about how strong his carapace is and Maud reacts by using him as a pry bar on her cage. Either that or you'll mix it up and Twilight will actually be pragmatic enough to just vaporize him with a blast of concussive force.
I love Pinkie's antics.
5584405
But those are good ideas.
Loved it!
5583731
whatif she's reached a level of thought where she has simply realised that due to her being a main protagonist, she can never lose to an antagonist? and there for just does not give any fucks. Allowing her to reach a state of zen. And in that perfect calm, shoutinf for the whole world to hear
"Screw this noise! I'm havin a party!"
Okay, funny's back!
And finally for once a rational villain in not keeping prisoners in cages needlessly long
I guess it wouldn't be most people's favorite thing to be interrupted while they're giving a speech. And, a villain that gives up before finishing his or her speech isn't something we come across in literature very often.
I wonder, how far into his speech did Thorax get before he gave up? And, was he so distraught over being interrupted that he didn't think to check the security of Pinkie Pie's cage?
5588292 Well, all he had to do was look over his shoulder. Besides, if one of your prisoners suddenly was close enough to literally stab you in the back, wouldn't you be a touch unnerved?
5588487
I suppose if I had a prisoner, and her or she suddenly did that, then yes, I would likely be bothered by it. But, I was thinking after he'd discovered Pinkie Pie'd escaped, and then she'd gotten back into her cage so easily. Wouldn't then have been a good time to check its security?
MaudXOmnus OTP
Cool!
Wait a minute, did, Omnus just trick our heorines into reading his evil plan FOR him so they wouldn't escape? That, is a stroke of pure genius.
Cool!
Wait a minute, did, Omnus just trick our heorines into reading his evil plan FOR him so they wouldn't escape? That, is a stroke of pure genius.
Why didn't he just ask one of the ghouls?
Because he didn't have the guts!
Omnus...
Omnus...
Ominous...
You clever bastard you.
Awesome chapter!
When was the ep Thorax was introduced? Because this kind of predicts the Changeling Thorax which i find it funny.