Chapter 17: The Winner is…
There was an intense silence in the air. The dust slowly began to settle as the shadowy image of a pony pileup became visible. All the other ponies moaned and groaned as they rubbed their head trying to shake away the dizziness. Twilight, Celestia and Luna stared with their mouths wide agape at the incredible sight, with their horns still lit.
Somewhere beneath that pile of ponies was Alex, the weight of all of them having knocked the wind out him. Unsure of which of them had their magic locked on Alex, the two monarchs and Twilight simultaneously lifted Alex off the ground, pushing away the ponies above him. As soon as he was in view, everyone’s eyes widened with more surprise and disbelief.
Somepony had succeeded in getting to him first before Twilight and the princesses’. Once they got a better view of the lucky pony, Celestia smiled and cleared her throat.
“The hunt is over! The winners are… THE CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS!”
Everypony looked up and saw Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo all clinging on to Alex for dear life.
“Aaaaw…” the other ponies groaned with disappointment.
“YAY!” cheered Pinkie Pie.
As Alex was lowered gently to the ground, he slowly opened his eyes and saw the Cutiemark Crusaders all holding on to him. One by one, the fillies opened their eyes and blinked with surprise.
“Did… Did we..?” uttered Scootaloo.
“Ah guess we did…” uttered Applebloom.
“We really did it!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle. “We caught him… WE CAUGHT HIM!”
“Ya’ll know what that means?”
Alex gulped. “Oh no…”
“CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS: HUMAN OWNERS! YAY!!!”
‘My poor ears…’ Alex mentally sobbed.
The Crusaders released themselves from Alex and quickly lined up as they regarded their flanks with great expectations. Any second now, their cutiemarks would appear and their quest would finally be-
“Nothing?” lamented Sweetie Belle as her flank was as blank as it was this morning.
“Groan! What gives?!” yelled Scootaloo. “We caught him and still no cutiemarks?”
“Ah don’t understand either.”
“Maybe we should…”
“Well Ah’ll be…” Before Sweetie Belle could finish her sentence, she and the Crusaders recognized Applejack’s voice and saw her, Rarity and Rainbow Dash eagerly galloping towards them. “That’s my Applebloom!” Applejack immediately embraced Applebloom in a big hug. “Ya really made yer big sister proud!”
“Uh… Thanks Sis..?”
“Well done Sweetie Belle darling!” Rarity hugged her tight. “You actually caught him. Marvelous job!”
“Crushing… Me…”
“Way tha’ go squirt!” cheered Rainbow Dash as she gave Scootaloo a noogie. “I knew you could do it!”
“Thanks Rainbow Dash!”
They were soon joined by the other ponies. “Congratulations Cutie Mark Crusaders.” said Celestia proudly. “I have to admit, that was quite a unique way of capture I have ever seen.”
“More like they were just lucky…” Luna muttered quietly beneath her breath.
Celestia trotted over to Alex. “Are you alright Alex? You’re not hurt are you?”
“No… I’m fine…” said Alex while rubbing his one ear with his finger. “My ears however-”
“WE’RE FINE TOO PRINCESS! THANK YOU PRINCESS!”
Alex shut his ears and whimpered as he didn’t know how much more punishment his ears could take.
“That’s good to hear.” said Celestia, painfully rubbing her one ear with her hoof. “Now that you have him, what are you going to do with him?” Celestia asked curiously
“Isn’t obvious?” said Rainbow suddenly as the girls were about to answer. “Scootaloo here caught him so that I could play with him.” She playfully ruffled Scootaloo’s mane.
“Huh?!?”
“Now hold on there one pickin’ minute!” Applejack protested. “Applebloom caught ‘im so that he could help me earn Bits fer tha farm!”
“But Applejack…”
“That’s absurd!” exclaimed Rarity as she gracefully trotted up to them. “Sweetie caught him so that I could take him the Evening Gallop Party. Isn’t that true Sweetie darling?”
“Well… uh…”
“Sweetie dear, you know how important the Evening Gallop Party is to me?”
“Come on Scootaloo. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your Number One idol?”
“Applebloom, think of the family!”
The Crusaders didn’t know what to say. “Gee Applejack…” Applebloom struggled while nervously rubbing the back of her head. “We didn’t actually catch ‘im fer y’ guys… We jus’ wanted to catch ‘im so we could get our cutiemarks.”
The three mares looked at eachother and didn’t know what else to say. Then Rainbow Dash had an idea.
“You know girls… Helping somepony in need is important. Really important. You might say it’s worth, oh I don’t know… a cutiemark?” Rainbow finished with a wink.
“A CUTIEMARK!?!” The girls exclaimed in unison.
Rarity and Applejack shot Rainbow a seriously confused look. “What? What in tarnation are ya-?” It took only a moment for the realization to sink in and they understood what she was doing. If that was the way Rainbow wanted to play it…
“That’s right girls! An’ ya know what else? Ya’ll get a reward fer it too!”
“A REWARD?”
“Of course Sweetie!” said Rarity. “I’ll recommend you and your friends to the best sponsors in all of Canterlot! Your faces will be recognized all over Equestria!”
“Think ‘bout it Applebloom! Piles of Bits! Big as mountains! Ah’ll even give ya twenty percent!”
“Front row seats to the upcoming Wonderbolt Show starring yours truly?” Rainbow winked at Scootaloo.
The Crusaders eyes sparkled with glee. Overcome with the excitement of this news, the fillies quickly went into a huddle.
“This here is too good to be true…” Applebloom whispered.
“We can’t pass up this opportunity!” replied Scootaloo.
“I agree with Scootaloo.” Sweetie Belle chirped with excitement. “Let’s do it!”
“YEAH!”
“CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS; PONY HELPERS! YAY!”
The girls immediately rushed over to Alex. “COME ON ALEX!”
TUG!
They didn’t get far however as they quickly realized something was wrong. The more one of kept pulling, the more the others pulled just as hard.
“You girls didn’t think this whole thing through, did you?” said Alex as he was being pulled in three directions.
“Let go! He’s gonna help Applejack!” said Applebloom angrily.
“No way! He’s going to Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo.
“Na-ah! He’s going to help Rarity!” argued Sweetie Belle.
The more they argued, the more they pulled. Alex was now standing on one leg whiles both his arms and left leg was being pulled in separate directions. He felt like he was at a Quartering. “Easy girls…”
“Girls! GIRLS!” yelled Applejack. “Now what in tha’ Hay is wrong Applebloom? What’s keepin’ ya n’ Alex?”
“Ah want to help ya Sis, but they won’t let me!”
“That’s because I want to give him to Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo.
“No he ain’t!” said Applebloom. “Besides, Ah was the one who caught ‘im first!”
“WHAT!?!” Both Scootaloo and Applebloom suddenly let go of Alex. “What are you talking about? I was the one who landed on him first!”
“But usin’ the tree branch as a catapult was MAH idea!” Applebloom argued and pushed her muzzle against Scootaloo’s while glaring at her. “Therefore he’s goin’ with Applejack!”
“No!!” yelled Sweetie Belle as she squeezed her head between them, their muzzles pushing against her cheeks. “I was the one that lost my footing that caused us all to get launched into the air! He’s going with Rarity!”
“APPLEJACK!”
“RAINBOW DASH!”
“RARITY!”
All three growled at eachother like angry dogs and started fighting.
“GIRLS! GIRLS!!” Applejack dove in and managed to separate them. “Now this here ain’t the way to settle things! Ah’m sure we can work this out somehow!” She thought for a moment and then had an idea. “Ah got it! Why don’t we all take turns? Ah gets to keep ‘im first and then Rainbow Dash-”
“Hey! Why do you get to keep him first? Why can’t I keep him first?” Rainbow argued.
“Because Ah said so! Ya wanna settle this with a hoof wrestle?”
“Any time 'Applesnack'!”
“Now girls, if there’s anypony who is going to keep Alexander, then it should be me!” said Rarity. “It’s ladies first after all, and everypony knows its pearls before swine.”
“SAY WHAT?!?”
Rainbow and Applejack tackled Rarity and began to fight. Soon all three mares and three fillies were at eachother’s throats arguing over the possession of Alex while everypony looked on with deadpanned expressions. Alex too just sat there and stared at them. While he knew was popular, he never expected them to actually fight over him.
“GIRLS! EVERYPONY!” Twilight suddenly stepped in and finally stopped the fight with her magic. Everypony was instantly frozen in place and once all had calmed down, she released them. “Now I’m sure there’s a reasonable way to settle this…” She spoke to her three friends. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders were the ones that caught Alex, therefore the decision on what to do with him lies with them. And nopony gets to tell them otherwise.”
“But Twilight!” Rarity pouted with her mane and coat in a complete mess.
“No ‘buts’ Rarity. That goes for you as much as everypony.” Twilight then trotted over to the Crusaders. “Now girls… You three caught Alex, so I ask you; what are you going to do with him?”
The girls looked at eachother before answering. “We wanna earn our cutiemarks!” said Applebloom.
“Anything else? The last time we spoke, you girls said something about taking him to school and show him to everypony in your class. You even said you were going to become Human Experts.”
“We did say that yes, but… But if Alex is really that important, then we shouldn’t keep him all to ourselves.” said Scootaloo.
“And besides, a cutiemark fer helpin’ somepony doesn’t sound too bad, right Twilight?” said Applebloom.
“Not to mention the reward!” chimed Sweetie Belle!
Twilight threw her three friends a venomous glare for putting those thoughts and ideas in their heads, just for the sake of getting their hooves on Alex. “Well then girls. If that’s what you want, then I suppose I can’t tell you otherwise. So… Who shall it be? Who gets to keep Alex?”
The Crusaders looked at the three ponies behind Twilight. Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Applejack did their best, greatest and darndest to ‘kiss up’ to them, by smiling and acting needier than the other. The Crusaders silently looked at eachother.
“We… We don’t know...”
Twilight rubbed her chin. “Maybe you girls should ask Alex what he wants?” Twilight looked at Alex. “What do think? Do you want to stay with the girls or do you want to go with one of my friends?”
“How about none of them? Does that count?”
“Sorry no.”
Alex sighed and took a moment to consider his best options; to be a pegasus’ toy, a unicorn’s pet or an earth-pony’s circus freak. “I wanna stay with the girls.”
Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack let out a disappointed groan.
“You are sure about this Alex? Don’t you want to settle this right now?” asked Twilight. “Or do you have other options? Perhaps you want to stay with-”
“NO CHANCE! They got me, so they decide! End of story!”
“It’s true! Says so on the title…” Pinkie Pie added.
Twilight sighed. “Fine… Whatever you say.”
‘Which is perfect! Alex smirked and rubbed his hands. 'I would have no chance getting away from either Rainbow Dash, Rarity or Applejack. But these three little fillies? I’m big and they are small. How are they going to stop me? The first chance I get, I’ll be free a bird!’
“Well, its settled then.” said Twilight. “Until you girls figure out what to do with him, I think we should get back to Ponyville now. It’s getting late and it’s been a REALLY long day.”
“Not my fault!” Alex yelled.
“I agree.” said Celestia suddenly. She and her sister had been awfully quiet throughout this whole conversation. “It has been a long and tiring day, and Alex truly deserves a rest. I trust you girls will look well after him?”
“WE WILL!” said the girls in unison.
“But where is he going to stay?” said Rainbow suddenly.
“Easy! He can stay at the farm! There’s plenty of room there.”
“Why can’t he stay at our house?” Sweetie Belle argued. “It’s way better than a farm.”
“Why not at my place? He’s never been there.”
“GIRLS!” They stopped arguing as Twilight spoke up. “You know… There is a ‘fourth option’…”
*****
Later that evening…
“Now this was a great idea!” said Scootlaoo as she unfolded her sleeping bag. “Having a sleepover in our clubhouse!”
“I know!” replied Sweetie Belle. “It belongs to all three of us. It’s perfect!”
“Now are ya’ll sure ya still wanna do this?” asked Applejack as she helped Applebloom getting settled in. “Y’ know Ah don’t really like the idea of ya’ll sleepin’ out here outdoors by yerselves.”
“Don’t worry Applejack.” said Applebloom. “We ain’t sleepin’ outdoors, we’re sleepin’ indoors. We’ll be jus’ fine.”
“That’s not what Ah…”
“Yeah! It’ll be just like camping.” Sweetie Belle chirped. “Right Rarity?” Everyone’s attention was drawn to Rarity as she and the rest of the girls entered the clubhouse.
Rarity looked at the interior of the clubhouse. “Well… It’s not the Royal Suite, but I suppose it’ll be alright…” She scraped at the wall and her hoof was covered in dust. “Blech! Though it could use a mare’s touch…”
“Besides Applejack, we ain’t that far from the farm. If there’s any trouble, we’ll gallop on over.”
Applejack looked at her sister. “Ah suppose that’s alright…”
“Well, I’m just glad you girls figured out a place to keep Alex…” said Twilight with a rather forced smile. “But are you sure you wouldn’t rather keep him in my library?”
“It’s okay Twilight! We appreciate the offer but we figured this was a better idea.” said Scootaloo.
“Well… That’s okay I guess…” Twilight had originally intended for them to sleep in her library. That way she would’ve had the opportunity to have Alex close by. Sadly for her, those dreams quickly dashed. “Just promise you’ll keep close to Alex. By the way… Where is Alex?”
“He’s over thar on the table.”
~~*~~
Flashback…
“Ah got it!” yelled Applebloom! “We’ll keep ‘im in our clubhouse!”
“YEAH!”
“What?” Twilight blinked. “Actually girls… I was thinking that maybe you could-”
“Your clubhouse?” asked Rainbow Dash as she interrupted Twilight. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Sure!” said Scootaloo. “It’s ours and we can keep him there until morning.”
“Just one question… how exactly are you three supposed to keep him there?” Rainbow trotted over and compared her size to Alex. He didn’t like the way she was eying him. She then compared herself to the Crusaders. “He’s pretty big don’t you think?”
Now that Rainbow mentioned it, Alex was way bigger than the last time they had him.
‘Shut up Rainbow…’ Alex mentally groaned. She was ruining his plan.
“What’s to stop him from just waltzing out your door and escaping into the night while you sleep? Rules or not, I don’t think he’s just gonna sit down and wait for you guys to come to any decisions.”
‘SHUT UP RAINBOW!!!’
The Crusader’s ears flattened as they knew that Rainbow had a point. Alex could easily run away from them the first moment he got and they couldn’t keep eyes on him twenty-four hours a day.
“So… What do we do?” asked Applebloom.
“Well…” said Twilight with a bright smile. “There’s still my library and-”
“Face it girls. You’re way over your heads on this one. Lexy is just too big for you three to handle.”
“WAIT!” Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared beside Rainbow Dash and grabbed the bottle from around her neck. “Not if they have this!” She then tossed it to the Crusaders.
“HEY!!”
Alex’s eyes widened. ’Oh no!’
The Crusaders caught the bottle and looked at rather confused. “What is it?”
“The answer to your problem! A Shrinking Potion!”
“A SHRINKING POTION?”
“A Shrinking Potion?” Twilight asked Rainbow while giving her a suspicious look.
“Ahehe… Long story Twilight…”
“Can’t wait to hear about that…”
The Crusaders stared at the bottle. They then looked at Alex and knew exactly what to do with it.
Alex’s eyes widened and he cringed when he saw those devious smiles on their faces. “You wouldn’t dare…”
~~*~~
‘Trapped… Like a bird in a cage… Not what I envisioned…’
Alex sighed. He couldn’t believe it happened again. His previous experience of being trapped in a jar wasn’t his greatest moment and he had really hoped of not repeating it, especially after the Cockatrice incident.
For now it served as his premature bedroom, equipped with a tiny bed that Sweetie Belle had brought with her shortly after returning to Ponyville. It belonged to one of her little dolls and claimed it was the largest and comfortable bed she had. While Alex was thankful for not sleeping on the hard glass, he wished she had brought him a bed that wasn’t so incredibly pink and girlish.
He did take one great solace from his predicament. While he was tiny again, he was fortunately not in Rainbow Dash’s hooves, despite the fact that both she and Pinkie Pie were now just outside watching him carefully from the edge of table. Rainbow had her face hard pressed against the glass and he could tell she was just itching to just grab him and fly away.
“You know…” Pinkie said. “Looking at him now, he’s really kinda cute. I think you were on to something there Dashie. Dashie?”
“So… close…”
“Poor little thing…” said Fluttershy as she approached the table with Rarity behind Rainbow and Pinkie. “I really don’t like to see him this way. He shouldn’t be trapped in a jar.”
“I have to agree Fluttershy.” said Rarity. She gently tapped on the glass to get his attention. “Alexander dear, are you okay in there?” He barely acknowledged her. “Look, you don’t have to be humiliated like this. You could object to this and just tell them what you really want. Living with me and Sweetie Belle is way better than...”
“It’s okay girls…” said Alex in a somewhat nonchalant voice and waved her off. “I can deal with this. Remember, your princess’ rules were quite clear. They caught me and therefor they decide what to do with me. And if they want to shrink me and place me inside this jar like some pathetic little bug, then who am I to complain, right?” Rarity didn’t take too well to his sarcastic tone.
“Of course, I can think of a few better things to complain about…” He glanced down at his bed and silently groaned. Sleeping on a pink toy bed with white frills was sort of his lowest point ever.
“Alexander…”
“If you girls don’t mind, I’m fed up, tired and I would really like to go to sleep and try to forget where I am. To be honest, I’ve had enough of ponies…”
Fluttershy’s at the sound of those words. “Alex…”
Alex ignored them and tucked himself in as best he could. He groaned. Not only was the bed incredibly girlish, it was too small as well. ’Largest and comfortable bed in my collection… Yeah right…’
Fluttershy’s eyes welled up. “He… He hates us…”
“He’s just tired, dear.” Rarity reassured her as she tried comfort her. “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you or anypony…”
“Okay everypony! It’s time we went back to tha farm.” Applejack called out. “Let’s jus’ leave the girls and Alex alone and we’ll see ‘em tomorrow.” Rarity and Fluttershy took one last look at Alex before heading out with Twilight. “Well okay girls. We’ll be leavin’ now. Jus’ remember that we’re all at the farmhouse. Should anythin’ happen, don’t hesitate to rush on over.”
“We will Applejack.”
Applejack gave Applebloom a smile. As she was about to leave, she shot a glance back and saw that Pinkie and Rainbow were still glued to the jar.
“Cheer up Alex!” said Pinkie. “It’s only for tonight. Tomorrow will make things all better, you’ll see.” Alex just pulled the sheet over his head and ignored her. “Aw…” Pinkie’s ears flattened.
“Come now Pinkie. Leave the poor fella alone. He’s been through enough as it is.” Pinkie sighed but did what she was told and stepped away from the jar. Applejack then grabbed Rainbow by her tail and pulled her away from the jar. “Come along now Rainbow Dash. Let the Alex have his privacy.”
“So… Close…” Rainbow whimpered as she was pulled away, leaving skid marks on the floor.
Applejack glanced at the tiny form of Alex and her heart began to ache for the little guy. He looked like a condemned prisoner. But she was doing the right thing, wasn’t she? Alex was going to have a better life with her family. She silently hoped that Applebloom and the girls would come to some agreement soon. “Ya comin’ Pinkie?”
“I’m coming! Just a sec!” Pinkie looked around for a bit to make sure nopony was looking. “Psst! Alex! I’ve got a present for you.” Even though Alex could care less, he gave her a brief moment of attention.
Pinkie reached inside her mane, pulled out a blanket and covered it over the jar. “There you go! Your very own curtain! Now you can sleep in private without anypony looking at you.”
“Gee… Thanks…” Alex answered sarcastically.
“You’re welcome!” Pinkie was about to leave when she suddenly stopped and glanced sadly back at him. She couldn’t stand to see anypony being that miserable. She thought for a second and had an idea. “I know! Nopony has given you a good night kiss yet! That always cheers me up when I go to sleep!”
Alex quickly sat up and wondered if he heard her right. “Huh? Kiss?”
Pinkie lifted the blanket away and unscrewed the lid of the jar. “Want me to kiss you goodnight, Alex?”
“What? No! I don’t want a kiss! Just leave me alone!”
“Goodnight Alex! Sleep tight!” Alex’s eyes grew wide as she pressed her large head inside the jar and puckered her lips. Alex froze as the giant horse lips closed in on him.
“PINKIE!!!”
SMOOCH!
“Pinkie?” Applejack called out from outside. “Hurry up already! Granny is makin’ cocoa and if ya’ don’t, it’ll be all gone!”
Pinkie’s ears perked with wild excitement. She quickly pulled her head out and it was comically shaped like the jar.
“COCOA?!?” she muffled before shaking it back to normal.
Pinkie quickly covered up the jar and zoomed out of the clubhouse, passing everypony as if they were standing still. Applejack shook her head.
“Now WE gotta hurry befur it’s all gone.” she giggled. “Night girls! See ya’ll tomorrow!”
“Good night Applejack!”
As the girls lay on the floor of their clubhouse, all wrapped up comfortably in their sleeping bags, they quietly looked at the jar, still covered up by Pinkie’s blanket. Many thoughts went through their heads. They knew they had to make a decision on what to do with Alex. They were convinced that he held the key to earning their cutiemarks, but they also really wanted to help the ponies they cared for. The biggest problem was that Alex didn’t go three ways and they had to agree on which pony was more important.
“Ah really think we should give Alex to Applejack ya’ guys. Jus’ think ‘bout all them Bits we will earn.”
“But the Evening Gallop Party is really important for Rarity.” said Sweetie Belle. “And I would love to be recognized all over Canterlot. Think of all that attention!”
“But if we give him to Rainbow Dash, she’ll be really proud of us. She’ll give us first row seats to her opening act for the Wonderbolt Show. I really want to see that!”
Applebloom sighed. “Looks like we ain’t gonna settle this here tonight. Let’s jus’ go to sleep n’ then maybe we’ll figure somethin’ out in tha mornin’.” Her friends nodded in agreement. They yawned as they tucked themselves in. Applebloom reached for the flashlight next to her and turned it off before tucking herself in as well.
As she lay there on the floor with her two friends, Applebloom couldn’t shake the feeling that her friends would pull something while she slept. She too really wanted to help her sister and the chance of earning a cutiemark for it was really tempting. She wanted to take Alex to the farm and get it over and done with, but doing that behind her best friends backs just didn’t seem fair.
Trying to suppress any thought about it, she turned on her side away from the jar and closed her eyes.
“Good night Alex!” said Sweetie Belle. There was no response. “Alex?” She knew that Alex wasn’t really in the greatest of moods after they shrank him. He put up some resistance before Rainbow intervened and held him down long enough for them to accomplish the task. They had promised it would only be for tonight and had even been given the antidote. She took Alex’s silence as a sign that he was probably already asleep and just shrugged. “Night Alex…”
KA-BLAM!
The Crusaders jumped as the sound of lightning filled the room. They quickly got up and hurried to the nearest window. It was beginning to rain and dark clouds in the night sky indicated that a storm was coming.
“Looks like there’s a storm scheduled tonight…” said Scootaloo.
“Looks like it… Not to worry though. Our clubhouse can stand anythin’. We’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure Applebloom?” asked Sweetie Belle slightly worried. “I don’t really like lightning…”
“Ah’m sure. We’re gonna be fine. Now let’s all go back to sleep.”
The Crusaders tucked themselves back into their sleeping bags and slowly drifted back to sleep while the storm was slowly building up outside.
*****
It had now been an hour since the Crusaders went to sleep. Outside the storm went on as usual. Rain was dripping on the roof, the lightning was crashing outside and the wind made the boards and walls of the treehouse creak and snap.
Yet in spite of all that, the Crusaders slept soundly. Completely undisturbed by the racket outside.
KA-BLAM!
As more lightning flashed outside, the shadowy silhouette of a pony suddenly appeared in the clubhouse. The floor creaked as it silently tip-hooved through the darkness of the clubhouse towards the table and the jar Alex slept in, trying not to wake up the sleeping fillies on the floor.
KA-BLAM!
Another flash of lightning filled the room as the shadowy figure was now only a few steps away from the jar and just seconds away from claiming the prize inside.
“Hng…”
The figure froze. Something else began to move in the dark.
“Off! Huh? What the-”
CRASH!
There was a loud crash and gust of wind was felt all throughout the room. Applebloom woke up with a start and quickly reached for her flashlight.
CLICK!
“Hold it right thar.”
“Applebloom!?” Sweetie Belle raised her hooves as Applebloom aimed her flashlight at her.
“Caught ya red-hoofed didn’t Ah? Ah figured somepony would pull somethin’ like this, but you?”
“It’s not what you think Applebloom! I only woke up to go to the bathroom!”
The noise stirred Scootaloo from her sleep. “What’s going on?” Scootaloo rubbed her eyes and then noticed the slingshot. “Applebloom? Sweetie Belle? What’s happening?”
“Sweetie Belle was tryin’ to make off with Alex n’ get her cutiemark befur us!”
“WHAT?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “That’s not true! I was going to the bathroom!”
“A likely story Sweetie Belle! Ah ain’t buyin’ it! Admit it! Ya were goin’ to take him to Rarity so that ya could earn ya cutiemark.”
“No!”
Scootaloo narrowed her eyes. “Why you… Let’s tie her up!”
KA-BLAM!
Applebloom and Scootaloo tackled Sweetie Belle and tied her to a chair. “There! That’ll hold ya ‘til mornin’.”
“Is this how friends treat eachother?” cried Sweetie Belle. “I’m innocent!”
“Quiet piggy or else we’ll put an apple in yer mouth!” Applebloom pulled Scootaloo in to a private huddle. “We can’t trust her Scootaloo. We’re gonna have to stand guard n’ make sure she ain’t gettin’ loose.”
“Good idea Applebloom! You sleep while I take the first watch.”
“Alright!” Applebloom was about to trot over to her sleeping bag when a thought suddenly crossed her mind. She turned around and narrowed her eyes at Scootaloo. “Nice try.”
“Huh?”
“So that’s yer game huh? It almost worked, but Ah ain’t that stupid!”
“What are you talking about Applebloom?”
“Don’t play dumb! Ya’ll take first watch n’ when Ah’m not lookin’… POW! And then ya’ make off with Alex to get yer cutiemark!”
“WHAT?!”
“Ya ain’t foolin’ me Scootaloo. Ah know ya’ll would do anythin’ fer Rainbow Dash.” Applebloom reached for the gavel on their podium. “We’ll it ain’t gonna happen sister! Ya ain’t gonna get tha drop on me!”
“That’s crazy! You’re talking crazy Applebloom! I’m going to tell Applejack!”
“Sweetie Belle? Can ya’ll tell Scootaloo what we do with squealers?”
“I don’t know Applebloom. Is it worse than not letting ponies use the bathroom?”
Scootaloo suddenly rushed towards the jar. Applebloom dropped the gavel and immediately threw herself at Scootaloo, tackling her to the ground.
“Oh no ya don’t!”
“He’s going to Rainbow Dash, Applebloom. And you’re not going to stop me! Let me go!”
“No! He’s goin’ to Applejack!”
The two fillies started wrestling around in the clubhouse. Sweetie Belle could do nothing but sit and watch helplessly as her two best friends fought on the floor. Their fighting caused the jar on the table to jump around.
“GIRLS! GIRLS!!! STOP THAT!” She then began to whisper. “I mean… Stop that! You’ll wake up Alex!”
*****
KA-BLAM!
Back at Applejack’s farm, all of the Mane Six rested comfortably on their pillows and enjoying some fresh warm cocoa. Everypony seemed to have a good time, expect for Rarity who couldn’t help but glance out at the nasty weather outside.
“It’s really coming down… I’m getting a bit worried for the girls and Alexander.”
“Ah’m pretty sure they’re fine Rarity. They might be young but them girls are quite good at takin’ care of themselves. Ain’t that right Pinkie?” She glanced at Pinkie who was facing away and seemed to be muttering something while searching her mane. “Pinkie?”
“Yes?” Pinkie turned around with her one hoof in her mane still rummaging around.
“Don’t ya agree that the girls and Alex are perfectly alright?”
“They sure are! ” said Pinkie while still searching for something in her mane.
“What’cha doin’ Pinkie?”
“Now where is..?” She pulled out a red herring. “Nope! That’s not it.” She searched some more and finally found what she was looking for. It was a large cup labeled ‘#1 Party Pony’. “There we go! Bring on the cacao!” Applejack just rolled her eyes. “Wonder where Rainbow Dash is..?”
“Still…” Rarity continued. “I really wish we could make sure…”
Seeing how worried she looked, Applejack pondered for a moment and called out to her brother. “Hey Big Mac! Could ya’ll get in here a minute?” It didn’t take long for Big Mac to arrive. “Rarity is a wee bit worried ‘bout the girls. Could ya’ll be so kind as to go n’ check on ‘em?”
Big Mac looked outside and a faint sigh escaped him as he wasn’t too thrilled with going out in the rain. “Eeyup.” He put on his yellow raincoat, big boots and headed out towards the Crusader’s clubhouse. Rarity watched him as he left.
“I do hope the girls are okay.” She noticed Twilight as she trotted up next to her. “I shouldn’t have agreed to this. That clubhouse is probably drafty. Sweetie Belle could get a cold.”
Twilight was more focused on the weather outside. “It’s strange…” She muttered to herself. “I don’t remember reading there was a storm scheduled for tonight…”
*****
As Big Mac slowly approached the club house, he could faintly hear loud commotions emitting from it. Trotting closer to get a better view through one of the windows, he saw Applebloom and Scootaloo scuffle and tumble around inside. There was a strong gust of wind and a lightning bolt struck down at the roof of the club house, knocking off some tiles.
KA-BLAM!
He calmly went back to the farmhouse.
*****
The sound of Big Mac returning caught Applejack’s ears and approached him as he entered the room, dripping wet.
“Well? Everythin’ alright with the girls?”
“Eeyup.”
*****
Back at the clubhouse, both Applebloom and Scootaloo were still going at it. They wrestled violently on the floor, each one trying to overpower the other. Sweetie Belle however wrestled with a problem of her own.
“Aren’t you girls finished yet!” She crossed her legs tightly and clenched her teeth. “I’m going to burst here!”
Scootaloo finally managed to pin down Applebloom. Applebloom gritted her teeth as she struggled in vain to get her off. “You’ve lost Applebloom! Surrender now and I’ll let you go! Just let me leave with Alex!”
“N- Never!”
Using all her strength, Applebloom managed to slip her hind legs beneath Scootaloo and kick her away. She sent her flying through the air and landing on top of the table. The sudden weight of Scootaloo caused the legs beneath the table to break and inadvertently sent Alex’s jar flying off the table, sail through the air and out the nearest window.
“NO!!!”
CRASH!
All three fillies paled as the horrible sound of shattered glass filled the air outside.
“Ouch!”
“ALEX!!!”
KA-BLAM!
Applebloom and Scootaloo nearly burst the door off its hinges as they quickly stormed out and down the boardwalk. “Hang on Alex! We’re coming!”
“Ah can’t believe this happened again!”
They ran to where the jar had supposedly landed, only to grind to a sudden halt as they were met with an unexpected surprise.
“Uh... What hit me..?”
“Rainbow Dash!?” exclaimed Scootaloo with surprise. “What are you doing out here?”
An equally surprised Rainbow Dash froze up for a brief moment as the two fillies approached her. “Oh! Hey Scoots!” Rainbow laughed nervously while painfully rubbing her head. “Nothing! I… I was just-”
“There ya are Rainbow! We’ve been lookin’ all over the house fer ya!” Everypony turned and saw Applejack, Rarity and the rest of the Mane Six, minus Pinkie, emerging from the bushes nearby.
“A- Applejack?” Rainbow stuttered.
KA-BLAM!
“Big Mac told me ya’ll were out here.”
“I thought it was strange that there would be an unscheduled storm tonight.” said Twilight. “And since you’re a member of the Weather Patrol, that only left me to deduce that this was your idea.”
Rainbow gulped and smiled sheepishly. “Ahehe… Twilight… I can explain…”
“This whole storm was part of some dumb ploy to steal Alex away from the Crusaders, wasn’t it?”
The two fillies gasped.
“I…”
KA-BLAM!
“What nerve!” exclaimed Rarity angrily. “How could you?”
“Of all tha low down…!” Applejack glared at her. “Have ya no shame?”
KA-BLAM!
“Applejack, I…”
“Before you say anything Rainbow, could you please stop the weather? All that lightning is really annoying.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “You heard her guys!” Above them were a small group of pegasi, busily shifting the clouds around and kicking them to make rain and lightning. “Pack it up!”
“What about the front row seats you promised us?” asked one of the pegasi.
“Just go!” Rainbow yelled. The pegasi group shrugged but did what she said. They packed up the clouds and flew them away, leaving a bright and clear night sky. “Sorry guys…”
After shaking themselves dry, Twilight approached Rainbow Dash. “I’m not going to ask why you did it, but I’m curious as to why you thought a storm would help at all?”
Rainbow scratched her head and confessed. “I figured they probably wouldn’t hear me when I snuck in. It would’ve worked too, but somepony woke up before I could reach Lexy, so I had to pull out. I spent nearly an hour waiting in the rain so they would go back to sleep again.” She then glanced down at Scootaloo who couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I’m sorry kid…”
“Well… At least we got here befur ya did anythin’ more stupid.-” Applejack suddenly noticed the shards of glass on the ground behind the fillies. “What is that? Applebloom, why is there glass behind-” She then noticed the tears in her and Scootaloo’s eyes. “Applebloom? What’s wrong?”
“Applejack… Sniff! Alex… Ah… We…”
Applejack suddenly went pale and her pupils shrank as she realized what had happened. “Girls… Is that..?” Everypony saw it too and gasped. Even Rainbow Dash was utterly mortified.
“By Celestia… What have you girls done!?” exclaimed Twilight.
“It was an accident Twilight!” said Scootaloo. “I-”
“It was mah fault!” said Applebloom.
“No Applebloom! It was mine!”
“No! Ah thaught one of us was gonna sneak away with Alex and give ‘im to one of ya guys!”
“We had a fight and Alex was thrown out the window!”
Twilight quickly rushed past them and stopped over the remains, her hoof trembling as she reached for the blanket to pull it away, dreading the worst. Applebloom and Scootaloo looked away and sought comfort from Applejack and Rainbow Dash, afraid to see the damage they had done.
As the blanket was pulled away, Twilight gasped. The girls cringed and braced themselves for the bad news.
“He… He’s not here!”
“What?” Applebloom and Scootaloo broke away from the two mares and pranced up next to Twilight. And sure enough, there was nothing but glass and a destroyed toy bed. Alex himself was nowhere to be found.
“But… But he was in there when we went to sleep. What happened to-”
“Everypony spread out! Search everywhere! If Alex is still here, we have to find him!” Twilight then looked at the girls. “I’m very disappointed in you! I shouldn’t have trusted you girls to take care of Alex. Now he’s gone and possibly seriously hurt!”
“Hi everypony!” Everypony turned and saw Pinkie Pie arriving at the scene, in her usual bouncy and cheerful demeanor. “The rain finally stopped. So what’s up?.”
“Pinkie! Alex is gone!” Applejack yelled.
“What?”
“Help us look for him Pinkie!” said Twilight. “He could be seriously hurt!”
Pinkie just laughed, causing everypony to look at her curiously. “He’s not gone silly!” she said with a big smile. “He’s not hurt either!”
“What do you mean? Where’s-”
Pinkie suddenly reached inside her mane and pulled something out. Everypony’s eyes widened and jaws dropped when she showed them what it was. “Hi!” It waved at them “Missed me?”
“ALEX!?!”
“ALEX!!!” Applebloom and Scootaloo immediately rushed over, their eyes streaming down their cheeks with tears of joy at the sight of him. “Yer alive! YER ALIVE! But… But how? We thaught ya were in the jar!”
“Yeah Pinkie…” Alex smirked. “Tell them how that happened.”
“Well…” Pinkie blushed. “It’s kind of a funny story. You see…”
~~*~~
Flashback…
“Want me to kiss you goodnight, Alex?”
“What? No! I don’t want a kiss! Just leave me alone!”
“Goodnight Alex! Sleep tight!” Pinkie pressed her large head inside the jar and puckered her lips to kiss Alex.
“PINKIE!!!”
SMOOCH!
“Pinkie?” Applejack called out from outside. “Hurry up already! Granny is makin’ cocoa and if ya’ don’t, it’ll be all gone!”
‘Cocoa?’
SLURP!
Pinkie quickly pulled her head out the jar. “COCOA?!?”
Pinkie zoomed out of the clubhouse, passing everypony as if they were standing still. She ran clean across the orchard and burst into the Apple Family home.
“COCOA!!!” she muffled, higher this time. “Cocoa! Where’s the cocoa?”
“Almost ready Pinkie dear.” Granny Smith called out from the kitchen. “Keep yer shoes on. Jus’ addin’ tha last few ingredients.”
“O’boy! O’boy!” Pinkie cheered as she bounced around the living room. As she did, she suddenly felt something moving in her mouth. She stopped dead in her tracks and stuck out her tongue. She then saw the tiny little figure glaring back at her. “Oh boy…”
~~*~~
“So before I had a cocoa, I had myself an O’Boy first!”
Everypony just looked deadpanned at her while cricket noises were heard. “O’boy..?”
“Like I said. It was a funny story! Squee!”
“Not one part of that was funny…” Alex grumbled.
Pinkie Pie just laughed “At least I got to know what you taste like.” She then leaned over to Rainbow dash. “And by the way Rainbow Dash,” she whispered. “…he tastes awful.”
“HEY!” Rainbow and Alex yelled.
“I was going to put him back, but I didn’t want you all to think that I had stolen him. So I hid him in my mane. But by then it was starting to rain and I didn’t want Alex to get wet.”
“You didn’t have a problem getting me wet earlier..." Alex muttered and cringed at the thought.
“Wait… You mean to tell me you had Lexy this whole time?” asked Rainbow Dash with surprise and annoyance.
“Yup!”
“And all my effort out here was all for nothing?”
“Yup!”
“This… This is so unfair!”
“Yup!”
“Alex?” Twilight asked. “If you were in Pinkie’s mane this whole time, why didn’t you show yourself or call out to us?”
“Hey! You try yelling with your mouth full of horse hair!” Alex then blushed. “And… I couldn’t get out because I was… Cough! Lost…”
“LOST?!?”
“I couldn’t find my way out! It just went on and on…”
Twilight just blinked. She made a mental note to one day ask him in full detail about Pinkie’s mane. For now, she decided to let it be. “Well, the important thing is that you’re safe and sound.”
“And so are we.”
Everypony turned and saw to their surprise both Luna and Celestia.
“Princess Celestia? Princess Luna? What are you doing here?”
“We just stopped by to say hi.” said Celestia. “And to make sure that Alex was being well taken care of.”
“Judging by what we just heard however, it would seem that he hasn’t.” said Luna with a disapproving frown. Both Applebloom and Scootaloo hung their heads in shame as Celestia approached them with a scornful look in her eyes.
“I hope you girls have learned a lesson from all of this?” Celestia regarded them with a serious look. “You are fortunate that unforeseen circumstances had a part to play in all this.”
“We have princess! We’re really sorry we let you down.”
Celestia face soon changed to that of a warm smile of forgiveness. “While I am disappointed, I forgive you my little ponies. You meant no harm.”
“We only wanted to help the ponies we cared about and get cutiemarks for it.”
Celestia cocked an eyebrow. “Really? It sounded more like somepony was telling you what to do with false promises and empty rewards against your better judgement.”
Applebloom and Scootaloo silently glanced at eachother and blushed with embarrassment.
“Listen girls. You don’t get cutiemarks for doing what other ponies want you to do. You get them by discovering your true talents and finding your destiny.”
“And whatever your talent and destiny is, it will come to you all in due time.” said Twilight as she joined in. “Just be yourselves and don’t let ponies talk you into doing something you don’t want to.”
“Does that include Alex as well, Twilight?” asked Celestia.
“Uh…” Twilight just realized what she had just said.
“It would seem that the Crusaders aren’t the only ponies here who has learned something today.”
Twilight blushed. She slowly trotted over to Alex and Pinkie, looking at with him with heavy regret in her eyes. “Alex… I… I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean…” She glanced back at her friends and saw the sadness and guilt in their eyes. “We didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay Twilight.” said Alex. “I forgive you. I just hope the next human that comes along doesn’t get the same treatment like I did.”
Twilight giggled. “I promise that won’t ever happen again.”
“Does that mean you don’t hate us?” asked Fluttershy with a hopeful look in her eyes.
“I don’t hate you Fluttershy. I don’t hate any of you.” Alex reassured. “I’m a bit grumpy and annoyed, but I don’t hate you.”
The rest of Mane Six drew a great sigh of relief. They knew they had acted pretty silly and done stupid things. They were now just so glad to be forgiven for it.
“Alex?” Alex glanced down and saw Applebloom approach. “Ah know ya probably hate us fer all this. But would ya please come and be a part of our Show n’ Tell project fer school? Ah promise we’ll not put ya in a jar or anythin’ eva again.” She nervously scraped the ground with her hoof. “An’ if ya don’t mind, we would also like to be yer friends.”
“Please?” pleaded Scootaloo as she too approached. “You can help us find our talents and earn our cutiemarks. We’ll even make you an honorary Crusader!”
Alex took minute to think about it. “Gee… I don’t know…”
“Aw! Come on Alex! Don’t be a party pooper now!” said Pinkie.
“Alright.” Alex laughed. “I’m teasing. I would love to help you girls out with your project and your crusading. But only on two conditions...” The girls listened carefully. “The first is that you turn me back to my normal self…”
“And the second?”
“THAT YOU’LL STOP SHOUTING EVERY TIME YOU HAVE CUTIEMARK IDEA!!”
“Ow…” said Applebloom as she painfully rubbed her ear.
“Sheesh! Alright! You don’t have to yell…” Scootaloo frowned, trying to ignore the bleeding sensation in her ears.
Celestia smiled even more. “I’m proud of you my little Crusaders. It would seem that everything is now going to work out just fine between you and Alex.”
“Not yet…”said Applebloom as she turned towards her sister. Scootaloo did the same with Rainbow. “Sis… Ah ain’t givin’ ya Alex. He’s gonna help us with our Show n’ Tell project fer school.”
“Applebloom…” said Applejack. “Whatever ya do, I is fine by me. We’ll make by with what we have. Ya don’t need to worry ‘bout that. Ah’m sorry fer puttin’ that pressure on ya. We were wrong to put our needs ahead of yers.”
“Thanks Sis.” Applebloom hugged her.
“I’m sorry Rainbow Dash. You can’t have him either. Sorry…” Rainbow Dash just blinked. “I guess you probably don’t like me now, huh?” Scootaloo looked sadly away. Rainbow said nothing at first, but then she smiled and placed her hoof gently around Scootaloo shoulders.
“Aw kid! I like you more than ever! What kind of pony would I be if I didn’t? Besides, I didn’t want Lexy anyway…”
“Liar!” Alex shouted. Rainbow shot him a glare.
“Ahehe… I also hope you guys can forgive me for what I tried to do earlier.”
Scootaloo smiled wryly. “Give us front row seats to your show and we might consider it!” she teased. Rainbow Dash just laughed and hugged her.
“Aw…” Having watched this rather tender moment, Rarity decided she had to follow said example. “I suppose I can find some other way to impress the nobles at Canterlot… Sweetie Belle, I… Wait! Where’s Sweetie Belle?” Everypony soon noticed that Sweetie Belle was not among them.
“Up here Rarity!” yelled Sweetie Belle from inside the clubhouse. “Is Alex okay?”
“Sweetie Belle? Why are you still up there? Are you alright?”
“Well… I’m kinda tied up at the moment.” replied Sweetie Belle rather sheepishly.
“We’re SO sorry Sweetie Belle!” yelled Scootaloo. “We’ll be right up and untie you!”
“No rush girls… I… I kinda don’t need to go the bathroom anymore…” Applebloom and Scootaloo wondered what she meant by that when it suddenly dawned on them and they cringed. “Does anypony have a mop?”
EW..!
*****
Twilight never received her Hoofbel prize. Yet in spite of this, it didn’t stop her from learning more about Alex and where he came from. She visited him regularly and he would tell her all he knew about his world and its workings. She in turn would teach him all about Equestria and gave him free access to her library any time he wanted to borrow a book. She apologized for the hard time she, Spike and her friends had put him through and she especially apologized for hurting his feelings.
Using her magic for much better use, it didn’t take long before they both eventually became good friends.
Alex managed to pay Applejack back for the apples he ate by helping her out with some odd jobs around the farm. While she never got the chance to make a fortune out of him, she was impressed with his working skills. She apologized for her behavior and even wanted to hire him as a farm hand.
She even went as far as practically making him a part of the Apple Family.
Fluttershy never got the chance to care of Alex like she wanted, but she did however provide for him a house in which to live as a sign of apology. Moving it closer to Ponyville, it became a second home with all the comforts that he required.
Fluttershy would visit him regularly to check on him and see how he was doing.
Pinkie Pie never got to throw Alex his ‘Good Bye Human’ party. Instead she threw him a ‘Welcome Human’ party and it turned out to be a huge success. She apologized for her behavior and was happy to see Alex getting along with the other ponies and that they in turn got along with him.
Even though she had lost her pet, Rarity never gave up on her creativity. In an attempt to salvage her ruined dress, she unexpectedly created a design so unique and so retro that it became the talk around Canterlot. Needless to say, her dress earned her more than enough Bits to repair her boutique and buy more supplies.
Seeing that Alex had been responsible for ruining her dress in the first place, she gave him his share of the profit for the trouble she put him through. She even offered him a time at the spa as a sign of good will.
Rainbow Dash forgave Alex for the troubles he had caused her, just as long as he forgave her for acting like a real jerk. She felt really bad about her behavior and promised to never bully him again. She even went as far as wanting him to punch her just to make things even. Alex didn’t punch her, but instead forgave her and pranked her with a buzzer he had borrowed from Pinkie Pie.
Surprisingly enough, their wild chase had actually inspired her with some ideas for some new moves in which to impress the Wonderbolts with during their visit.
While it did take a while, Alex eventually forgave Luna for bringing him to Equestria. Luna made it her solemn vow to watch over Alex and to make sure nopony and nothing threatened him. On occasion she would visit Alex in his dreams as often as she could and through his creative mind, they had many grand and fun adventures together.
With the magical tether binding Alex to the mirror gone, Celestia eventually admitted to herself that humanity probably wasn’t ready for her and her ponies just yet. Still, when she told Alex about her true intentions, he did feel rather embarrassed after that. Still, that didn’t mean all was lost. She continued her work on the mirror, and with new notes based on Luna’s actions, she believed the answer to cross the barrier safely was very close…
In return for him being a good sport in letting her and her ponies hunt him, Celestia let Alex ride her and he had her parade through both Canterlot and Ponyville, earning a lot of surprised looks from her subjects.
*****
A few days later, at the Ponyville Schoolhouse…
The sound of the school bell rang as it signaled the end of another day of school. The doors opened wide as the little equine students rushed home to eat and play. The last ponies to exit the school were the Cutiemark Crusaders. While all the other students beamed with joy over school being over, the girls however looked incredibly disappointed.
“Seriously? Still no cutiemark?” Scootaloo lamented. “And after all that work we did…”
“Ah guess we jus’ weren’t meant to be Human Experts after all…”
“At least we got good grades…” said Sweetie Belle cheerfully.
“And you girls deserve it.” They turned around and saw Cheerilee standing behind them. “That was really an impressive presentation you girls had. Very detailed and well written. I also want to thank you Mr. Alex and your participation. It was a real pleasure having you here in my classroom.”
“No problem. I had a wonderful time.” Alex smiled. He had been quite the attention magnet. All the fillies and colts in the classroom didn’t take their eyes off him. Not even for a second.
They were all excited and many were very eager to talk with him in person. Two fillies however didn’t seem that keen on meeting him and seemed to have grudge against the Crusaders for having upstaged their presentation, which Alex had to admit wasn’t really that good since all they had to show was themselves and brag about how important they were.
There was one crazy moment when one mint green filly approached him and wanted to touch his hands. The filly was later revealed to be a full-grown mare wearing a rather terrible disguise and was quickly escorted out.
“Well, I better be off. It was nice meeting you Mr. Alex! Have a nice day Crusaders! See you tomorrow!”
“Bye Miss Cheerilee!”
“You girls have a nice teacher.” Alex smiled proudly. “You girls did really great in there! Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash will be proud of you for those grades.”
“Well… We couldn’t have done it without you.” Scootaloo blushed before looking a bit sad. “Didn’t give us cutiemarks though…”
Alex just smiled some more. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll get them eventually. There’s always something you girls haven’t tried yet.”
“Speakin’ of somethin’, do ya wanna come and hang out later?” asked Applebloom. “We’ve got another great idea on how we can get our cutiemarks this time.”
“Really?” said Alex mildly surprised . “Sure. What is it this time?”
*****
“Cutiemark Crusaders; Football Team! YAY!”
‘At least they’re not yelling so much anymore.’ Alex thought with relief as he stood hunched over facing the three fillies, all of them wearing body protection and helmet gears. Alex’s gear however was rather uncomfortable as it was normally designed for a pony. ‘How did I get talked into this..?’
The Crusaders had gotten the idea of Football from Alex’s stories of his time in Highschool as a Running Back. They were excited with the idea and immediately decided to have go at it.
Alex of course was going to be the Running Back, while the Crusaders were going be the Quaterbacks trying to tackle him.
“We’re gonna get our cutiemarks fer sure this time!” said Applebloom with a smirk.
“Yeah!” added Scootaloo as she boasted with self-confidence.
Sweetie Belle however didn’t say anything. She wasn’t too comfortable wearing something so bulky.
“Alright girls! Listen up! Just take it easy and don’t get too carried away! This is only for fun.”
“We’ll be alright Alex!” said Scootaloo. “Just don’t make it too easy on us!”
“Yeah! Next to Bungee Jumpin’, this here is gonna be a snap!” Applebloom squealed.
‘Bungee Jumping??? Are these fillies for real?!?’
“Um… girls?” Sweetie Belle tried to get her friends’ attention. “I don’t I-”
“Good luck everypony!” shouted Twilight as she sat on the sidelines taking notes. She had gotten the wind on Alex and the Crusaders Football idea and was eager to learn more about it. Equestria had its share of ball games, but any game of alien origin was interesting nonetheless. She was curious to know just how different it was. “Just be careful!”
“We will Twilight!” shouted Scootaloo. “Alex doesn’t stand a chance!”
‘We’ll just see about that…’ Normally three against one was unfair. But since he was bigger, it was as fair as it could be.
“Alright! Everypony ready?” Alex grabbed the ball and got ready. The Crusaders too got ready and waited for Alex’s signal. Twilight took a brief moment to chew on a Haydog while she looked on with excitement.
“HIKE!”
The Crusaders charged at Alex, but he easily avoided them. Realizing they had missed him, Applebloom skidded to a sudden halt to turn around, only to have her two friends collide with her from behind. Before they could free themselves from their little pileup, Alex had taken his sweet time and made a touchdown.
“Come on Crusaders!” yelled Scootaloo as they all got back up. “We’re not going to give up that easily!”
“Aw… Can’t we?” pleaded Sweetie Belle. “This is hard and my body is already aching!”
“Push it aside Sweetie Belle! Now let’s go get him!” Scootaloo and Applebloom rushed to take their positions again. Sweetie Belle groaned but followed after.
After an hour and 64 attempts, the Crusaders did their best to tackle Alex who continued to dodge them with ease. He jumped over a charging Applebloom. He ducked and avoided a flying Scootaloo and he calmly treaded past a trembling Sweetie Belle, who just sat there shivering with her eyes covered.
With Alex’s score pilling up, Scootaloo was starting to get impatient.
“Okay! That’s it! No more Miss Nice Crusader! It’s all or nothing! If we don’t tackle him soon, we’ll never get our cutiemarks. I’ll take the left! Applebloom! Take the right! Sweetie Belle! Take the middle.”
“Can’t I just take the rear?”
Scootaloo pushed her muzzle against Sweetie Belle and narrowed her eyes. “You want that cutiemark, don’t you?” Sweetie Belle gulped and nodded. “Take the middle!!”
The Crusaders took their positions and got ready. Alex grinned and got ready to make another touchdown.
“HIKE!”
The Crusaders charged forward towards Alex and split up. They were going to flank him from three directions. Sweetie Belle gulped as Alex charged straight at her.
“Don’t chicken out Sweetie Belle! Tackle him! Tackle him!” But Sweetie Belle suddenly stopped and covered her head as Alex leaped over and passed her.
“Oh for Celestia’s sake!” Scootaloo groaned. “After him! Get him!” Scootaloo and Applebloom raced after him. “Come one Sweetie Belle! Hurry up!” Sweetie Belle hesitated but soon followed suit.
The Crusaders charged as fast as their tiny legs could muster and were slowly gaining up on him. “We’ve almost got him! Come on!”
Before they reach him, Alex had already reached the goal and scored yet another point. “AHA! Touchdown! Go Alex! Go Alex! G- OFF!”
CRASH!
Alex was suddenly tackled to the ground by all the Crusaders, who were unable to stop in time. They tumbled and rolled uncontrollably across the grass, straight into a nearby thorn bush.
“GAH!”
“YIPES!”
“OUCH!”
“EEK!”
Twilight gasped and galloped over as fast as she could. “Alex! Girls! Are you all alright?”
“We’re fine Twilight.” Applebloom grunted as she pulled herself out of the bush, completely covered in thorns. “A bit thorny though but fine…”
“Fine? We’re far from fine!” Scootaloo huffed as she pulled herself out of the bush and showed them her flank. “We still didn’t get our cutiemarks!”
“My mane! Rarity will kill me!” wailed Sweetie Belle as she popped out of the bush, her mane completely covered in thorns.
“Yet another thing we’re not good at.” Scootaloo sighed. “All that work for nothing…”
“Ah guess Football just isn’t our destiny…” Applebloom sighed as well. “We’re neva gonna get our cutiemarks…”
“Well…” Twilight smiled. “At least you’re all still in one piece.”
“That’s right girls.” said Alex as he slowly got up. “Man! You guys can really tackle!” he laughed.
Scootaloo blushed. “Sorry about that…”
“It’s alright.” Alex grinned. “Even if you still didn’t get your cutiemarks, that still doesn’t mean you’re losers. I mean, look at me. I’m a human with minor talents and I make my own destiny. You don’t see me with -”
RIP!
Alex froze at the ripping sound on his pants and noticed a great big hole on the one side of his rear. “Aw great…. I’ve torn my pants!”
Seeing his pants torn made Twilight and the Crusaders laugh. Even Alex had to admit it was rather funny. But then something caught Twilight’s eye and she stopped laughing. She gasped. “I don’t believe it…”
Her action caught the attention of the Crusaders. Applebloom was the first to approach. “Twilight? What’s-” She then eyed the same thing Twilight was seeing. Her pupils shrank and she was utterly speechless. She was joined by her friends who also saw the same thing.
“Is… Is that..?” Scootaloo’s wings dropped. Sweetie Belle didn’t say anything but instead just held her breath.
“What? Is there something on my pants?”
“It’s… not on your pants Alex…”
Alex started to get worried. Was he injured? Was it serious? Curious to find out, Alex let down his pants just slightly to get a better look and his eyes widened.
“Wha… What is this?!” He half expected there to be a bruise or a cut, but instead it was something else entirely. “Twilight..?”
“I didn’t think… no, BELIEVE this was possible!” She inspected it more closely. She then started to giggle. “Well Alex… It would seem congratulations are in order. You just earned yourself a cutiemark.”
CLANG!
The jaws of Applebloom and Scootaloo literally fell. Sweetie Belle still said nothing. Her face contorted and she seemed to turn red.
“A c- cutiemark..?” Alex was just stunned beyond belief and his left eye was twitching. He never thought this was possible. He dreamed of getting a tattoo one day but not like this!
“And if I’m not mistaking,…” Twilight rubbed her chin as she studied it more closely. “…it appears to be a-”
“OH! COME ON!!!”
THE END
wait, what was his mark?
5465295 That's a mystery we may never know
Im lost was the cutiemark a football or the cover art or something else?
5465371 Your guess is as good as mine. It could be a football or a running shoe. It could be a color palette with pencil or a brush. Hay, it could even be a mouse!
We may never know, and that's the joke.
you should make a bonus chapter where lyra comes out of nowhere and catch alex
5465487 Hm... I may have something like that in mind
We'll see...
Pinkie ya
Oh...That's just cruel...
Poor CMC, even Alex has an easier time getting a cutie mark. The ending made me laugh.
5465317
my best guess is a something related to a girlish scream or a pedobear symbol
I want to punch these ponies
5465295 probably either a football or something that symbolizes running.
5465317 You didn't actually plan what his mark was, did you?
God dammit Lyra
5465728 He in fact did not. Of that I am sure.
5465487 stop giving him ideas!
5465514 stop getting ideas!
Great chapter. And a Happy New Year to you too.
Yay for the Pinkie chapter. Question is will it be a stallion or a mare she tries turning him into? And let's not forget the four possible types of ponies to choose from as well which makes 8 possible outcomes.
what would his cutie mark be anyway
You probably wouldn't, but please make the the pinkie ending be romantic! I think it would be so sweet.
5465728 I had some ideas, but I figured it would be funnier to not show it and instead just leave it to the imagination of the Readers.
5466049 Depends on what kind of cutiemark you think Alex truly deserves after everything that has happened.
It could be anything. Hay, it could even be the cover art
5466049 probably a ripped pair of pants
5466861 Maybe that's his destiny? To make like his pants and split!
Makes sense
5466884 my first thought was a football, to be honest
5466825 That actually is the best way to go, but why don't you share some of your ideas anyway? Give us some fuel for discussion.
...formal review of the fic pending total completion. But let me say now that this fic was the funniest pitch-black comedy that I've read in a long time.
5466837
It's a cardboard cutout on it's side. Depicting just how much a one-dimensional pushover he is. Or a jellyfish, indicating his lack of spine. Or sugar, spice, and everything nice, referring to his absolute inability to hold a grudge and/or hate someone who has done him wrong multiple times over, regardless of how cute they are.
5467377 Alex is more of a runner than a fighter. His only weapon is being clever and just lucky (most of the time).
5467628 Alex in a nutshell
5467111 Glad you like it
If you look back at some of the previous pages, there might be some clues. We know Alex is an artist and was a Running Back in Highschool. He's also somewhat of an idiot. Too nice for his own good and a coward with a girly voice.
Before being taken to Equestria, he was struggling art student with no girlfriend, no job and still living with his parents.
If he ever had a special talent or destiny, it was either before or after he came to Equestria.
please tell me one of these bonus chapters will be about him snapping and screaming at them instead of following along like a dog.
5468155
I'm a terrifying one. I am a very fight-oriented sociopath, with the cleverness to plan for many, if not all details, and the tact to prevent you from knowing you're in danger until it's too late. It's just a good thing I have a very, very good sense of justice.
Have I ever mentioned just how much I despise people like this? Not like there are people like this, because even the nicest of us snaps at some point. There's a reason "Beware the Nice Ones" is a trope.
5468266 Not so much... Besides, if he tries screaming at them, they'll probably just laugh.
However, he will have an opportunity to point guns at somepony in one of the three remaining endings Won't say which one. I'll leave you to guess...
THAT CUTIEMARK BETTER BE SOMETHING TO REPRESENT HIS ESCAPE ABILLITIES.
5468296
Well he could kick Scootaloo as hard as he can to prove how serious he is.
I am now utterly convinced that this story is really just a self-insert horribly disguised as a 'comedy'. The "official" ending references the author's previous bio (it included "twilight is best pony"), and practically screams "Twilight is my waifuu!" The other endings as of now are just as bad. They consider him an animal (even though he can talk), and only think otherwise if it's that character's chapter to learn a lesson ( and the lesson is never learned until after the MC actually does what they wanted him to do, which is something very degrading, I might add! And he doesn't resist it!!!). The main character doesn't ever try to convince them that he should be treated differently I.e. NOT AS AN ANIMAL!!
They blame him for events and situations that they forced him into.
The main character doesn't even seem like he wants to escape, not doing anything whatsover until the author gives him a deus ex machina, only to beat the undead horse and have him be captured again right away. The given reason of why he hasn't been utterly traumatized and disliking/fearing/hating the ponies is because he is a 'nice guy' and the ponies are "too nice/cute to be mad at"(utter bullshit: Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the 'cute' cannibalistic rabbit in Monty Python, the parasprites, Angel, Blueblood for Rarity before the Gala. Need I go on?).
The MC is also apparently a 'cartoon human' and shouldn't fear death, even though he never: gets literally smashed pancake-flat, and then 're-inflates' himself; got hit on the head by an anvil; have injuries that comically throbbed, and glowed bright red; pulls stuff out of his hammerspace; and regenerate from comical deaths in general, while off-screen. No examples of him being a cartoon were ever shown.
The story crosses the line from "ha ha, what an idiot, just blah blah blah" to "Okay, dumbass, you're being bullied, tormented, tortured, and about to have your body be forcibly changed; why the hell haven't you tried convincing one of them that you aren't an animal, and get them to help you escape the country?"
Taking everything into consideration, the grammar and spelling is excellent, with the few errors seen being in the copy/pasted sections of the alternate endings. 4 out of 5 for that.
The idea for this was good, but executed rather poorly. The comedy part dies off because of repetition and what starts to be seen as the copy/pasted situation of escape, capture, escape, capture; there was never any pause where the main character could enjoy his freedom before being captured, instead of using this as a 'surprise readers, he's caught again! And he was *this* close to nver being found!' Because of this, there's no suspense.
The characters (including the MC) care about his dignity on the author's whim (Celestia and Fluttershy are the most prominent with this). The characters ONLY develop on their designated ending; nothing about them changes until it's "their turn". They don't ever question the morality of their actions before the endings. None of the other characters ever do things that would definitely give the story more of a comedy feel, like Fluttershy could have been made to 'mummify' Alex's entire head just to treat his broken nose. Little differences like that is what makes a comedy.
Making Alex be this stupid can be seen as a failed attempt at not creating a Gary Stu, so that they wouldn't become 'instant friends', as he suddenly has "bouts of genius" in order to escape, which just screws with Alex's already established "too high" levels of idiocracy.
2 out of 5 for not being an unfollowable mess, just wasn't executed well (details, characterization is sporadic even when supposed to be OoC, shipping Twilight and none of the others in the alt endings reinforces the self-insert idea, story seems more focused on shipping TwilightxAlex because "reasons" why he even got away in the first place only for him to end up captured again and shipping them is "not possible" if he actually gets away.)
Conclusion, or tl;dr: 6 out of 10 Don't let shipping get in the way of executing a good story. The story should be able to create a ship smoothly on its own if written right.
Try not to let your own whishes leak into a character's choices, unless their whole characterization was made to be like yourself. Then be upfront that the story is a self-insert. If not, then make sure the character you made doesn't need 'author's divine intervention' for every problem that shows up, and has their own unique way to solve them.
Unless an underdog, seriously under-ranking a main character is just as bad as making them OP.
A main character that fades into the background no longer is a main character i.e. people forget to put lines in for Spike all the time, making him become a 'ghost' or even 'ninja' character.
5470624
Couldn't agree more. I have no clue why this is tagged comedy, because there sure as hell is nothing funny about someone suddenly finding themselves on an alien world, where everyone they encounter instantly plans to enslave them and exploit them for financial profit without even thinking twice about it until the very last moment.
I KNOW WHAT HIS MARK WOULD BE! :D
s5.postimg.org/tiujffecn/Super_Stock_4141_11185.jpg
(get it? )
5470624 Dude your taking it way to seriously. Don't get me wrong everyone's entitled to there own opinions. But it's a fimfiction. Something for us to read and enjoy while we wait for the next season to start. I just don't understand why some people complain about certain things.
5468497 what if its the cover art.
5470563 While Scootaloo would've had brief moment of flight, child abuse is not really Alex's style...
5470624 Oh well... You can't please everyone... But 6 out of 10 ain't that bad for a first try
Pinkie Pie... PINKIE PIE... I WANT TO SEE THE PINKIE PIE ENDING!
derpynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/tumblr_m0pm6aenSS1ro9en2o6_250.gif
...
mate, are you sure you aren't into vore?
Although this was a pretty funny/interesting story to read, I just can't... well... "like" it as I do with most stories. Alex seems, to me to be unrealistically written seeing as he forgives anything at the snap of a finger even though other people would be traumatized, gone insane or at least be a little more hateful to those who tried to do what they did to Alex. The story was written well, although a few minor spelling and grammar errors but I just can't like it because of the way you wrote Alex's character.
Like I said before, I enjoyed reading the story but I just don't like it because of Alex and how unhumanly forgiving he is. Hope this helps you with perhaps writing another story! Regardless, I'll give it a favorite cause I still enjoyed!
I still want an 'Alex snaps and (at the least) burns down Ponyville' ending...
5475919 Thanks
I understand your opinion. Alex is... extremely forgiving than most humans normally would. But you have to remember that this is still MLP, so no matter how cruel and unjust the ponies may appear, they do treat him well. They don't harm him, they just have plans that needs to be seen through and thus feels that Alex has to be "persuaded" to go along with it. Sometimes ponies like Rainbow Dash go a little too far, but deep down she shows that she really cares.
One other little hint to Alex's inability to resist can be traced back to the Human Hunt chapter. If you remember, Celestia had a private conversation with him. Whatever she whispered to him, it was enough for him to not only give her the hunt she wanted, but to also resign himself to the pony (or ponies) that caught him regardless. And from what you've read so far, all attempts by the ponies to elevate themselves through fame, fortune and entertainment has been met with disaster and regret for all. Some more so than others.
The point of the story is that Alex doesn't need to get violent to have justice. Karma eventually hits them like a ton of bricks.
It probably wasn't that clear in the story itself.
Oh well. Lesson learned for another fic
5474023 Needed some way to get him out of the jar...
5476411 Well... I wouldn't say they treated him well... they did put his life in danger multiple times throughout the story. And besides, if people would've told me they wanted to do the things to me that were referenced in this fic I wouldn't be afraid to resort to violence since everypony seems to be intent on taking my freedom away. Knowing that makes people resort to some pretty extreme measures just out of instinct.
And that Celestia just whispered something to him is a Deus Ex Machina plain and simple. (And dare I say a tiny bit lazy.) Actually telling what Celestia said to Alex would've made it better, since the reader gets to know/understand why he decides a human hunt and doing whatever the winner wants them to do with no protest is a good idea. I would've liked to know what Celestia said to him that convinced him, because there's is no way you would be able to convince me.
But then again, this is you're first story so mistakes and weird storytelling is only to be expected. Still, I think it's pretty good for a first.
5476509
'Well*ish' maybe..? Not "well" as in well, but rather "well" as in without pure malice
Most of those were unforseeable and some were unintentional. They would've never allowed him to get hurt otherwise.
That's if they actually wanted to take his freedom away. They never revealed the full details of their plans since he kept running away...
Teach a lesson maybe..? Sometimes realizing what you're doing wrong is a more effective punishment than being simply told what could go wrong At least according to this story...
In any case, it's your opinion so I respect it
How is Alex still sane? Swallowed by Pony's, lost in Pinkies mane, involved in earning a cutie mark. I am suprised he isn't losing his marbles!
5483655 Simple
Alex is not your average human being. He doesn't act like a normal human being would. For him, this is just one of those days where he wishes he had just stayed in bed