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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A sex scene immediately after a dream sequence and a portion where the character fears for his life is very uncomfortable
11879420
That's fair criticism. The rush to it was intentional, but I am not sure if it the right mood/reasoning has been captured.
I will go over this chapter once more after work so that I can see how to clean it up(or what I should take out/do) on top of the tweek I just made.
Do you think the Dream should have been a separate chapter? Or is it just the fact that it came right after the nightmare(making it a bit jarring)? You can PM me if you have any ideas. I did post it at 4AM, but am wondering if I should have waited a bit to re-read it over.
11879457
Well, it being so close together makes it feel like it's definitely entrapment, and that celestia is gonna try and kill him for it
Jesus... thats an absolute UNIT of a chapter.
The dream sequence right into sex and Celestia "just trying to scare him" reveal feels a bit weird. Maybe just seperate it into 2 chapters.
The sex scene was great tho. I usually skip smut but this actually feels important to the plot and develops the characters quite a lot... also helps that its really hot.
Great chapter man.
11881576
That's two, and two people making sense so far. Probably the route to go.
Edit: aaaand done.
I like the naming scheme a little better anyway.