Author's note: I really need some cover art, so if anypony can draw that would be nice. Also, I swithched it to 1st person for some reason. Sorry!
I was roused from my sleep in the middle of the night by a bang coming from downstairs. I immedeatly sat up and made my way downstairs.
Is that a robber? Who else would just barge in here like that? Should I shift a horn? I'll just wait.
As I took my last hoof off of the stairs and turned on the bakery lights. What I saw nearly startled me half to death.
It was her.
She gasped and ran past me up the stairs and returned with a long cylinder held over her shoulder. THen she aimed the cylinder's end up at the ceiling and fired it. Long streamers and confetti flew out, as well as cupcakes, cups, tablecloths, balloons, and even a punch bowl. Then she pulled a small black box out of nowhere and pushed a small red button on it. A loud noise blared out of the building.
"PARTY ALERT! PARTY ALERT!" The noise buried every single other sound, including the one of my jaw meeting the floor.
Ponies started filing in through the doors, including the five that I wanted to see the least.
They were all there. The shy yellow pegasus, the rainbowy-sky blue one, that horrible fussy white unicorn, and the purple nerd.
The Elements of Harmony were attending a changeling's party.
Oh, buck.
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"So, why is Pinkie throwing you a party in the middle of the night?" The purple one was talking to me. I learned that her name was Twilight Sparkle.
"I work here now, and the Cakes offered for me to stay in the second spare apartment. I was sleeping and heard the door open, so I went downstairs. She was there, and then she just made a party pop up out of nowhere."
"That does sound like Pinkie Pie.' She led me over to the other five ponies.
"Wah hey there! Nice ta meet ya! Mah name's Applejack, what's yours?" The orange one shook my hoof and nearly removed it from its socket.
"St-t-tel-l-l-er Shi-i-i-ift-t-t-." I somehow pulled out of her death grip. "Pleasure to meet you." I held my hoof and feared that it would fall off.
"Did my friend harm you? Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry, she's a bit of a... ruffian." At this the white unicorn
speaking gave an angry glare towards Applejack. "My name is Rarity, the local fashion guru and dressmaker."
"Hi, my name is *mumblemumble*" The yellow pegasus now spoke, although you could hardly call it that. She spoke in sort of a whisper. Quiet, but spoken in a normal tone.
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."
"I said, my name is *mumblemumble*"
"Again, please?"
"Her name is Fluttershy. Mine is Rainbow Dash, flastest flier in all of Equestria!!" The blue one introduced herself.
"So, I take it you're an athlete? Pleasure to meet you." She raised her hoof in a sort of rigid way, like she was proffering it to me. I raised my brow quissically. I mean, I was just a basic infantry unit. I wasn't taught but the basics of pony society, unlike those pretenstious [That's not how you spell it, I know] special ops bastards. They really think they're better than us grunts, secretly invading pony society... Sweet Chrysalis, I can sense them all around me, trying to blend in and acting like ponies.
I was shaken out of my deep thought by the rainbow one (I guess I should start using their names.), Rainbow Dash.
"What you've never been given a brohoof before?" Rainbow asked, giving a light chucle.
"Umm..." I stuttered, trying to imagine a response.
What the buck is a brohoof?
"Can't say I ever thought about having to teach a colt how to be a colt. Here, just take this," She lifted my hoof into the air, "and do this." She tapped mine and her hooves together. what kind of strange greeting ritual would have you tap somepony else's hoof? These ponies certainly are strange.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you! Well, I say that in the sensethatI'mjustmeetingyoubutintruthwealreadymetbutthenagainthatwashardlymeetingitwasmorelikeme going"GUASP"andthenshootingapartymissleinyourfacebutwhereI'mfromthatISmeetingaponybutanywayhowareyouandwhoareyouandwhydoyoulivehereandwouldyoulikepunch?" This peice of dialogue needs no explanation.
"Let me try... Good, my name is Stellar Shift, I am the new baler here, and buck yes." Pinkie shot off and raced back with two red plastc cups (They have those in equestria? jeez...) filled with purple liquid.
"Wait, so you're a baker? Ooh, this is so fun! I don't have any bakerfriendsexceptforApplejackandtheCakesbuttheyalwaystellmetogoawayorleavethemforsomeprivatetimeto"Make icing"Idon'tknowwhytheymakeitbecauseweorfermostofouricingunlesstheywerakingtheicingfortheMMMMsoIguessthatmakessenseanywaywhat'syourfavoriterecipeandhowdoyoufeelaboitcupcakesandwhyareyounamedStellarShiftandwhat'syourcutiemarkfor?" Out of curiosity, I decided to test some of the emotions she had. She seemed like a sweet pony, and I needed a little kick to keep me going. While food might sustain me, emotions give us life. How about one eemsy weensy little OMYGOD SHE IS THE BUCKING GREATEST THING EVER! HOW THE BUCK DOES A PONY GET SO MANY FEELS?
"Umm..." (Chrysalis, I need to stop zoning out.) "Oh, I like this custom recipe I made where I mix orange zest with the mix and orange juice with the icing and bake a chocolate orange cake, cupcakes are like fun-sized cakes, it's a family name, and..." I looked at my cutie mark. Buck. You know when you know something is something but you don't want it to be because it would be horrible? You now have a label for this moment. My cutie mark was dog tags. Bucking dog tags. In this Chrysalis-damned, middle of the most powerful country in the world, which was in a state of constant peace, my special talent was killing anything that moves.
"I used to make dog tags for a living?"
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Author's note: Sorry for this chapter being 3 months late. Also please comment. I'm feeling lonely.
I'm watching this story and will probably keep watching it, but please get a pre-reader (people will do it for free on this site I think). It will cut a lot of mistakes and will make the story flow better. Otherwise, keep going.
1410357 Yeah, the first chapter was written a while back, before I knew what I was doing, and so was the second up until the RD part. That was written tonight.
1410384
Just saying for future reference. Pre-readers do help a lot to see errors that your own eyes skip over.
1410402 I'll be sure to find one.
You want a comment?
BAM
Here's your god-damn comment. You are no longer lonely. YAY!
Hey dude, not bad for a first timer.
Thing is, you need a proofreader. (I know you already discussed this with other peoples, just needed to get it out there)
Make sure it is well written, I suggest looking at comments for ideas.
Example:
Maybe one of the Elements already knows about him being a changeling, but won't let him or the others know unless forced.....
just a thought.
1410794 Yeah, about that...
This is actually the third or fourth I've written. I'm hardly a first timer, and zi'm working on getting a preteadr but its really early, so I'll do it later.
1410755 I feel so much better. Thank you.
I like it, it could be better, but I already like it.
Dog tags?
He should have put more thought into his disguise.
1411989
You know those days where you stay up till 2 in the morning and say completely random stuff? That's not my thing.
Honestly, it looked like a first timer, sorry to say.
Ah well, I apologize for that, but the story is still what I said it was last time
like the others said:
get a proof reader, edit the mistakes, MAKE MOAR, profit.
1412036>>1412995 Thanks. also, how was he supposed to know to check his cutie mark? He's only an infantry unit! The only reason he should change is to disorient foes en masse.
1412054 well, I was a rookie back then. i've grown over time, so expect better work from now on.