Author's note: I really need some cover art, so if anypony can draw that would be nice. Also, I swithched it to 1st person for some reason. Sorry!
I was roused from my sleep in the middle of the night by a bang coming from downstairs. I immedeatly sat up and made my way downstairs.
Is that a robber? Who else would just barge in here like that? Should I shift a horn? I'll just wait.
As I took my last hoof off of the stairs and turned on the bakery lights. What I saw nearly startled me half to death.
It was her.
She gasped and ran past me up the stairs and returned with a long cylinder held over her shoulder. THen she aimed the cylinder's end up at the ceiling and fired it. Long streamers and confetti flew out, as well as cupcakes, cups, tablecloths, balloons, and even a punch bowl. Then she pulled a small black box out of nowhere and pushed a small red button on it. A loud noise blared out of the building.
"PARTY ALERT! PARTY ALERT!" The noise buried every single other sound, including the one of my jaw meeting the floor.
Ponies started filing in through the doors, including the five that I wanted to see the least.
They were all there. The shy yellow pegasus, the rainbowy-sky blue one, that horrible fussy white unicorn, and the purple nerd.
The Elements of Harmony were attending a changeling's party.
Oh, buck.
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"So, why is Pinkie throwing you a party in the middle of the night?" The purple one was talking to me. I learned that her name was Twilight Sparkle.
"I work here now, and the Cakes offered for me to stay in the second spare apartment. I was sleeping and heard the door open, so I went downstairs. She was there, and then she just made a party pop up out of nowhere."
"That does sound like Pinkie Pie.' She led me over to the other five ponies.
"Wah hey there! Nice ta meet ya! Mah name's Applejack, what's yours?" The orange one shook my hoof and nearly removed it from its socket.
"St-t-tel-l-l-er Shi-i-i-ift-t-t-." I somehow pulled out of her death grip. "Pleasure to meet you." I held my hoof and feared that it would fall off.
"Did my friend harm you? Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry, she's a bit of a... ruffian." At this the white unicorn
speaking gave an angry glare towards Applejack. "My name is Rarity, the local fashion guru and dressmaker."
"Hi, my name is *mumblemumble*" The yellow pegasus now spoke, although you could hardly call it that. She spoke in sort of a whisper. Quiet, but spoken in a normal tone.
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."
"I said, my name is *mumblemumble*"
"Again, please?"
"Her name is Fluttershy. Mine is Rainbow Dash, flastest flier in all of Equestria!!" The blue one introduced herself.
"So, I take it you're an athlete? Pleasure to meet you." She raised her hoof in a sort of rigid way, like she was proffering it to me. I raised my brow quissically. I mean, I was just a basic infantry unit. I wasn't taught but the basics of pony society, unlike those pretenstious [That's not how you spell it, I know] special ops bastards. They really think they're better than us grunts, secretly invading pony society... Sweet Chrysalis, I can sense them all around me, trying to blend in and acting like ponies.
I was shaken out of my deep thought by the rainbow one (I guess I should start using their names.), Rainbow Dash.
"What you've never been given a brohoof before?" Rainbow asked, giving a light chucle.
"Umm..." I stuttered, trying to imagine a response.
What the buck is a brohoof?
"Can't say I ever thought about having to teach a colt how to be a colt. Here, just take this," She lifted my hoof into the air, "and do this." She tapped mine and her hooves together. what kind of strange greeting ritual would have you tap somepony else's hoof? These ponies certainly are strange.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you! Well, I say that in the sensethatI'mjustmeetingyoubutintruthwealreadymetbutthenagainthatwashardlymeetingitwasmorelikeme going"GUASP"andthenshootingapartymissleinyourfacebutwhereI'mfromthatISmeetingaponybutanywayhowareyouandwhoareyouandwhydoyoulivehereandwouldyoulikepunch?" This peice of dialogue needs no explanation.
"Let me try... Good, my name is Stellar Shift, I am the new baler here, and buck yes." Pinkie shot off and raced back with two red plastc cups (They have those in equestria? jeez...) filled with purple liquid.
"Wait, so you're a baker? Ooh, this is so fun! I don't have any bakerfriendsexceptforApplejackandtheCakesbuttheyalwaystellmetogoawayorleavethemforsomeprivatetimeto"Make icing"Idon'tknowwhytheymakeitbecauseweorfermostofouricingunlesstheywerakingtheicingfortheMMMMsoIguessthatmakessenseanywaywhat'syourfavoriterecipeandhowdoyoufeelaboitcupcakesandwhyareyounamedStellarShiftandwhat'syourcutiemarkfor?" Out of curiosity, I decided to test some of the emotions she had. She seemed like a sweet pony, and I needed a little kick to keep me going. While food might sustain me, emotions give us life. How about one eemsy weensy little OMYGOD SHE IS THE BUCKING GREATEST THING EVER! HOW THE BUCK DOES A PONY GET SO MANY FEELS?
"Umm..." (Chrysalis, I need to stop zoning out.) "Oh, I like this custom recipe I made where I mix orange zest with the mix and orange juice with the icing and bake a chocolate orange cake, cupcakes are like fun-sized cakes, it's a family name, and..." I looked at my cutie mark. Buck. You know when you know something is something but you don't want it to be because it would be horrible? You now have a label for this moment. My cutie mark was dog tags. Bucking dog tags. In this Chrysalis-damned, middle of the most powerful country in the world, which was in a state of constant peace, my special talent was killing anything that moves.
"I used to make dog tags for a living?"
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Author's note: Sorry for this chapter being 3 months late. Also please comment. I'm feeling lonely.