Welcome, Blacksheep (Edited)
As I stepped out of the wagon my hooves hit the ground, pressing some of the dirt a little bit up inside, but it was fine. What really gets me is the ground, place, and location of this dirt, Ponyville. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with Ponyville itself very nice area, small town, peaceful, I even hear princess Twilight lives around the center of town in a crystalized castle. But, Ponyville is not my home I belong in the Foal Mountains with my mother. I've moved a lot throughout the years. Before Ponyville it was Canterlot, before Canterlot it was Manehattan and before then was home. I could tell you the story of my life until now but, that’s a long story in itself. This one is about my life in Ponyville, and who am I? My name is Black Sheep, a unicorn stallion, like my father, my mother is a Pegasus mare. Kind of odd couple when you think about it, but mixed breeding doesn't make Alicorns according to a book I’ve read. My father moved me, him, and his wife. To Ponyville so that I may get a fresh start “Canterlot is a very big and beautiful city, but there are too many bad influences for you young one.” He said when I asked him why we left. He also told me the house we were getting was great and I will make plenty of new friends. Ponyville is well-known for its kind hearts and friendly crowds from what I was told.
The house I see today in front of me is not quite how I imagined it, but nothing will be just like my house on the mountain with mom. Unlike that house, this one had red walls, a white roof, 2 floors, 3 bedrooms, as well as 4 bathrooms. Living with my father, I could never complain about the conditions, only that I didn't want all this. I look around seeing all the muscular earth ponies carrying in our stuff to the house. I went to my dad, even though most of the time I don’t talk to him, I figured I had nothing else to do.
“Hey, dad. Do you guys need any help or you got it all under control?” I asked.
“We have it son. Why don’t you go in to town? Go see if you can find some friends you know what they say about Ponyville.”
I cut him off before he could finish his sentence “One of the friendliest places in all of Equestria I know”
I picked up my bag with my magic and put it on as I went towards town. Coming in town I walked past a cottage. Animals surrounded the small cottage, besides that, I paid no attention to them. Upon entering the town, I was welcomed with the sound and eye pleasing delight of a sonic Rainboom. I had only heard of these until now this majestic trick is trademarked by the fastest pony in all of Equestria… Rainbow dash. She is just as popular as the Wonderbolts. I wish I could have stopped her to talk to her but she isn't known as the fastest for no reason.
“Well howdy there! You’re new here right?” I heard a filly say in the distance as I turned around to see her.
Her coat was a light yellow, her mane was red as an apple, and also on her flank I didn't see any cutie mark.
“Well yes I am my name is Black Sheep I just moved in over there.” I pointed in the direction of which I came from.
“Well that where I live too I live in Sweet Apple Acres my name is Apple Bloom and my friend Fluttershy lives in the cottage over there too.” Apple Bloom said.
“Oh is that your house? I saw it on my way over here. Didn't know what it was for though”
“Well I can tell you now that’s where Fluttershy lives she can talk to all animals and there are her friends!” Apple Bloom said with excitement.
“Oh well that sounds awesome! She must be so cool like wow!” I said then look up in amazement imagining what Fluttershy was like.
“Yeah she’s great. So anyway Black Sheep, I can’t help but notice that you don’t have your cutie mark.” said Apple Bloom
I look down at my flank, nodding in agreement, “Yeah I know, I’m not sure when it will come along. I’m not good at much so I might not get one.”
Disappointed, I stared at my flank, my bare brown fur.
“Well it is okay I don’t have mine either.” she said showing me her flank
“That’s why a couple of friends of mine and I are part of the Cutie Mark Crusaders! CMC for short… We are trying to find our cutie marks.”
I look at her thinking about this. Cutie Mark Crusaders? It sounded kind of weird, but awesome at the same time.
“Could I join? It sounds really awesome! I promise I won’t be too much of a disappointment.” I responded.
She looked at me like she was examining me for some type of test “Well I don’t know. I will have to clear it with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle first.”
“Oh but wait.” I said in sudden protest. Just thinking about not being able to join something so cool made me competitive
“I know how to use my magic.”
I focused, my horn shinned a bitter shade of purple. Then my magic picked a flower off the ground near us and put it in Apple Bloom’s mane. She looked at me in a very off way now.
“Uuummmm. Ta-da!” I gave a fake smile.
“I've seen a unicorn use their magic before but not no one around our age had done so well, like you just did.” She stared at me for a second.
“Oh umm is that bad? I’m sorry.” I took a step back.
“No no it’s alright I just,” she cleared her throat, “Hi! How about we go and meet the crusaders before Luna raises the moon?”
“Um okay, but I need to get home soon so we should make this fast. I don’t my dad flipping out the day we first move in.”
We started our walk out of town. I looked from the corner of my eye revealing the flower I had put in Apple Bloom’s mane still laid there upon her gorgeous red apple mane. But I didn't say anything about it much, the flower was a nice touch.
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I like OC stories so I'll stick around for this.
I just feel like this is a troll fic. The description would barely be considered english and is missing half the words, your first chapter struggled to overcome the 1000 word minimum requirement and your page was litteraly created with the sole purpose of this story (judging by the name).
I will not dislike this fic. I am not an ahole for those things, but please, be sure that you give us something that doesn't have obvious problem that people like me will dig through.
Yeah, no.
There are many errors in this story and to be quite frank, I think I'd rather stub my toe than read anymore of this story.
Review Time!
With the incredible mastery of the English language shown in the Summary ("Blacksheep moves to ponyville and want to make friends") I immediately knew that this would be one of the greatest examples of literature ever created by man. The prose here is so incredibly powerful and profound, and the pure emotional catharsis left me floored in awe. In pure excitement, I immediately felt compelled to click on the first chapter and follow Blacksheep in his intellectually charged adventures.
With only the first paragraph down, I could already feel the pure emotion and philosophical prose oozing from this piece of literature. The first line in particular had me edging on tears with it's sheer beautifulness, deep description and vivid symbolism. I also particularly liked the line where you didn't capitalize our protagonist's name, deftly and subtly showing that he has deeply rooted esteem problems in that he doesn't even consider himself to be a proper noun. We also start to see through his outward appearance and into his dark past, which is something that is completely original and definitely never used on any other OC fics.
Wow. Just wow. Just as I thought this story couldn't get any better, you lay down the most incredible lines of dialogue I have ever seen in a story. The contents of this incredibly intellectual yet completely natural sounding conversation is truly transcendent of anything I've ever seen. I feel like I am truly in Blacksheep's incredibly developed shoes, having a wholesome and moving conversation with Applebloom. This dialogue right here has truly changed my life.
I went through the rest of the story absolutely enthralled by Blacksheep's tale, feeling with him in his ups and downs and everything in between. I feel like this story is one of the greats of literature as it manages to truly pull the true feelings out of the reader as they embark on the endless quest for true happiness with the incredibly 3-dimensional character Blacksheep. After all, he want to make friends. Who can't relate to that?
10/10
5067456 Your profile picture reminds me of my profile picture.
I've seen you before, do you read stories to see if they are bad?
Please, make another chapter, I was enthralled by this story,
8/8 SOOPER gr8 m8!
5067170 If that's just a review, I want to read a story by you, cuz dat sht wuz craycray
I like bad stories so I think I'll stick aro--Oh, wait, no I don't.
5067020
I'm just going by my Oc's name and I will fix all the things i didn't have time for yesterday
5067170
Not sure if you trolling or not but thank you for they review i will do better next chapter
5067098
Sadly enough i have a editor I just didn't bother them for this story because i wanted to put it out there as fast as possible. I will have my editor go over this and fix anythings i might of missed. Then i will repost the story and chapter 2.
5067896
thx
I have one question for your OC: Have You Any Wool?
5068285
I'm sorry, but i just don't like this story.
i liked the storyline itself, but there were so many grammatical errors that most of it made no sense. perhaps if you added commas and periods where they are supposed to be? 
5069056
I will fix all that today
5068495
It was late last night so i think they were sleeping but i will have them go over things today if there not busy
I understand the concept that you wanted it to be done as fast as possible, and even better that you will fix all the problems today.
There was plenty of grammies, yet you said you'd get them fixed today.
:D Well then, if the storyline was decent, yet you just needed to fix stuff(of which you are doing today), I will simply like it, even if the grammar made the story funny as hell, it wont be like this forever.
5070266
Sorry it took longer than i thought but its edited now
5077582 Holy mother of...
What a difference.
Great job, Blacksheep.
5/5
8/8 rly gr8 m8 i congradul8,
By the way, near the end-
“No no it’s alright I just,” she cleared her throat, “Hi! How about we go and meet the crusaders before Luna raises the moon?”
It seems a bit strange. I think you can show pauses in dialogue like so:
"No, no, It's alright... I just.." she cleared her throat, "Hey, how about we go and meet the Crusaders before Luna Raises the moon?"
Not bad, man.
Not bad at all...
5080011
Thanks for they pointer and thanks
5066993
Wow, seems many people don't like your opinion, but I'm not of those people. Here, a like. OC stories bro, OC stories are cool.
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5104322 Hey everyone's got their opinion I'm not looking to make anyone happy they agree with me great, disagree with me fine. Doesn't bother me. But thanks for thanks glad someone thinks OC stories are good.
Ugh. Not another one of these again. The new writer writes about their OC should be a new clichè all in itself. While I myself am guilty of making a self-insert OC, you can not make it a wish fulfillment, or else you risk getting attached to that character and also risk going into Mary/Gary Stu territory. Also, good Lord, the amount of missing commas and periods makes me want to throw up. Not to be mean, but you do really need to clean this up A LOT.
5068279
Really? You can't tell?
Methinks you and I share differing opinions regarding the definition of the word "edited"...