Apple Loader

by shortskirtsandexplosions

E

"Psssssst! Applejack!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed hoarsely, eyes bright and alive with excitement. She levitated a program aside and pointed at a roped-off exhibit. "Come take a look at this!"

Whurrrrrrrr! Applejack leaned in with her apple loader. "Now just what is this ol' thang?" She rubbed her muzzle from within the cage of the mech. "Looks like plain tree bark."

"Not just any tree bark!" Twilight turned and grinned at her. Around the pair, ponies—mostly elder equines—shuffled quietly from exhibit to exhibit within the confines of an immaculate white hallway. "But a petrified sample of ancient deciduous trees that grew in Maresopotamia several millennia ago! We're talking about the great-great-grandparents to Malus domestica and all apple tree cultivars to follow!"

"Well, Golly!" Applejack grinned. "Now that's somethin'! Why's it so funny-lookin'?"

"Huh?"

"The bark looks like it's seen better days."

"Those are the signs of petrification, Applejack. The tree that this was grafted from most likely endured the Near Extinction Event of 5211."

"What happened in that year?"

"Modern day scientists aren't entirely sure. Either a cataclysmic asteroid impact, or a really angry dragon. Whatever the case, the ancestor to modern day apple trees just barely survived!"

"Yer darn tootin' it did!" Applejack cackled.

"Shhhhhh!" an old, wrinkled mare frowned. Ten steps away, a security guard glared suspiciously at Applejack and her loader.

"Ahem... Darn tootin' it did," Applejack said, leaning towards Twilight. "Though I dun get why we've gotta be so quiet-like in our celebration of the knowledge."

"Well, Applejack..." Twilight smiled and trotted toward a series of pedestals with glass-encased fruit. "When one visits the Equestrian Museum to the Apple, a bit of quiet civility is expected."

"Oh, I get it now!" WREEEE—THUNK! WREEEE—THUNK! WREEEE—THUNK! Applejack stomped after Twilight, summoning many glares from the browsing guests. "But still, this is some mind expandin' stuff! It's a real shame not to show one's appreciation for it!"

"Welllllll..." Twilight smirked over her shoulder. "You could start by leaving that loader outside like the security guard kindly asked us to when we came in here."

"Awwww ponyfeathers." Applejack stuck her tongue out. "What did he know? Besides..." She gazed up at a finely woven tapestry depicting two distraught equines and a serpent in a lush apple garden with fig-leaves between their legs. "...the dag-blame'd fool ran off like a maniac the moment I tried explainin' to him that my loader was harmless!"

"Applejack, that's because your blowtorch was frothing when you leaned over to hoof him your ticket stub!"

"Hah! Some security guard, ya reckon?!"

"Nnnnngh..." Twilight ran a hoof over her face. Calming herself with a trademark Cadance hoof-wave, she then smiled and gestured at the glass-encased fruits on display. "Well, think about it this way. So long as you're in that big, bulky suit, you can't get low enough to the floor to observe these artifacts—"

"Well, shucks, I've got that covered!" Whirrrrrr! CRKKKK! Applejack ripped one of the pedestals out of the floor, splattering the museum with pieces of tile and plaster as she raised it up to cage-level. "Heh-HEH! I can see this thang perfectly now!" She squinted. "Uhm... just what in tarnation is it?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Twilight gritted her teeth as she glanced at the distracted security guard behind them. "It's... the l-last surviving fl-flower bud of the long extinct Bitalian Sand Apple Tree." CRKKK! The glass display fell off the pedestal and shattered into a million places. Twilight gulped. "Well... it was."

"Hmmmph..." Applejack tossed the pedestal behind her, filling the hallway with the echo of shattered drywall and shrieking ponies. "What good is an apple tree if it can't even stay alive?"

"You know, Applejack, m-maybe this was a bad idea." Twilight gulped. "Perhaps we should have gone to the Equestrian Museum to Steel Girders instead."

"Nonsense!" Applejack beamed. "I'm havin' a knee-slappin' good time with ya, darlin'!"

"Oh! Th-that's good!" Twilight chuckled nervously. "Then perhaps you would like to get out of the loader b-before stumbling into the picture gallery—"

"What's this thang right here?!"

"Huh?"

WHIRRRRR—CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Applejack marched over to a gigantic apple-shaped chunk of wood. The vehicle was painted red and sat on a set of cedar-thick wagon wheels. "This thang!" Applejack snickered. "Gosh, it sure is funny-lookin'!"

"Applejack!" Twilight gasped, trotting over. "Don't you know your ancient history?!" She flipped through her program and held it up for the mare-in-the-mech to see. "This is none other than the Trottian Apple!"

"Heh... no kiddin'?"

"It's the thing of legends!" Twilight closed her eyes and smiled, reciting the tale from memory: "Millennia ago, when Greequine ponies of the Marediterranean Sea laid siege to the City of Trotty, their wisest general—Neighlysses—came up with a brilliant tactic! They planned to leave this large, brightly-painted apple outside the gates to Trotty. The Trottian ponies, thinking that the Greequines had finally given up on the attack, opened the gates and rolled the apple in! Then, at night, when all the ponies had fallen asleep, a secret band of Greequine mercenaries climbed out of the apple and began sacking the city from the inside! Trotty fell within the span of a day, and the Ancient Greequines emerged as the ruling power of the Marediterranean! Now... don't you feel happier and wiser for having learned all of that?"

CRACKKKKK! "Hah! Brilliant tactic my left flank!"

Twilight winced. She opened her eyes and gasped, her muzzle nearly hitting the floor.

WREEEEEEE! Applejack stood on the inside of the roped-off exhibit, holding the shattered pieces of the ancient wagon. "Pffft! Take over a city with somethin' this brittle?! I've seen Apple Bloom hammer together see-saws that could make better battering rams than this sorry excuse for a siege tank!"

"Uhhhhh..." Twilight sweated, her eyes twitching. "Uhhhhh... uhhhhhhh..."

"I'm tellin' ya, girl!" THUD! Applejack dropped the shattered halves of the vehicle and dusted her metal limbs off. Cl-Cl-Cl-Clank! "The Trottians must have been plum idiots to have lost to them Greequine fellers! No wonder their extinct, along with yer so called Bitalian Sand whatsit..."

THUD!

"Hahah! T'ain't nap time, Twilight!" Applejack smiled. "C'mon, now, we're in a museum! Ain't proper to be lyin' around all limp-like!" She blinked. "... ... ... Twilight?"

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

The aftermath:

Twilight: "Just send the bill to Celestia. Please."

~Skeeter The Lurker

[RoboRed]

[cringing intensifies]

[Aatxe360]

5060356

Yeah. Still, Applejack!