Cloud Flare is just an ordinary young pegasus, doing what all fouls do play, go to school, and make friends. Until one day his life is turned upsidedown with the death of his parents. Now he has to move to canterlot with his godmother Princess Luna. Six years later, after becoming a professional and very famous actor, and voice actor he decides to move to Ponyville to escape the fangirls and the poparatti. But he will find out that he was destined to movee there. Why? Well lets start at the begining, the day that started a chain reaction of event leading up to then.
Chapters (1)
Warning Signs (based on the story description):
- OC's name matches the writer's user name.
- OC has a color scheme unlike any pony in the series (except maybe Nightmare Moon).
- OC has a mysterious past.
- OC is or becomes non-canon royalty.
- OC either somehow replaces an active Element of Harmony or becomes yet another Seventh Element of Harmony.
Additional Warning Signs (based on the cover art):
- OC gets romantically involved with a canon character.
- Said canon character is a member of the Mane Six.
- Said member of the Mane Six is Rainbow Dash, Ponyville's town bicycle. (Everybody gets a ride.)
This doesn't look good.
Edit after reading: Sometimes I hate being right.
Hey, writer! You need an Alternate Universe tag! If this character and Rainbow Dash are the same age, there's no way Princess Luna was there at his birth. She was still under the influence of Nightmare Moon and imprisoned in the moon during RD's childhood.
OH
CKING
MOTHERF
GREAT.
dont mind me
"was" does not indicate good things to come.
That's what I expected. You know what would make your OC really unique? If your OC wasn't unique and special. Tons of new writers write about how their OC is special, and saves and/or destroys the world. Very very few writers make stories about how their OC is normal.
Congratulations, you completed the cliche checklist!
No it isn't. It's actually somewhat on the low end. 1000 words is the minimum, but 2600 is fairly short. 4000 is about standard length and 10000 and more is a long chapter.
5306860 Like I said in the autor's note Nightmare moon never happen. And I might alter it later on if it is not liked.
5307477
That means you need an AU tag.
5307477 If Nightmare Moon didn't happen, you should be looking at what Equestria would be like if it knew the rule of both sisters throughout all its history. What becomes of the holiday of Nightmare Night? How does the absence of the event affect the lives of the ponies we know, assuming they'd even still have been conceived and born? How has it affected the student-mentor dynamic Celestia shares with some of her subjects, and what happens with Twilight in terms of moving away from Canterlot? If the girls never received the Elements of Harmony, shouldn't they still be associated with the princesses, and if not, why? What is Luna's role in Equestria, and most pressingly, what the actual hell did she do to stave off her bitterness and jealousy and decline the temptation of the Nightmare?
Don't just say "NOOP" and toss canon out.
5309118 Well Fallen Primeyour questions will be answered later in the story so relax and wait for those chapters, please.
5309472 ...
Later chapters.
You're going to explain that stuff in later chapters.
Even though that stuff is integral world-building that should be exposited from the very start.
You're just making shit up as you go along, aren't you? That's only in your plan because I said something, isn't it?
5309492 No I planed this all out ahead of time.
5309566 Clearly you've got some revisions to make with your plan.
5309573 Yes this is NOT the final product.
Here we go...
5574221 Read the new intro and tell me which of the two sounds better. Be 100% honest and please do not be afraid to give criticisms.
5886974 You want 100% honest? You got it.
reactiongifs.com/r/pcpt.gif
5574221
Indeed, brace yourselves. Winter is com- no wait. Wrong line.
I got a bad feeling about this... no thats not right either. I'll come back with the right line. Just give me a few days.
Well you all gotta give the writer one thing, despite all this hate thrown his way he still hasnt abandoned his account...
...Well he has been gone a week which is kind of a while so for all I know he's abandoned his account but only recently so it doesnt seem like it. I dont know, maybe he's still around. Hey author! If your still active reply to this comment!
6555329 to answer your question sir no I have not abandoned my account and I have not abandoned the story and I will not abandon the story until am complete the reason I have not been on is because I am working my butt off getting chapters of the story written I've decided to not start posting them until I get the first part of the story complete that way I can updated regularly while I'm working on the next part that's alright I am getting a lot of negative comments but I'm not letting that affect me but I am NOT ignoring them either I'm taking them to heart for future stories I am going to write I already have it planned out and I'm not changing it gardless of what others think I'm sticking with my guns and I am not giving up because that is just the kind of person I am.
6568174 in the prologue and chapter 1 are just rough drafts the final products are complete but I am NOT uploading them until I am complete with the first part
6568174
Well here is a tip, it was hard for me to read that comment because of the way it was written. You not only need to work on story telling and the like but clearly need to work on your general writing/typing.
Break up your paragraphs with spaces in-between them and put in more punctuation, as otherwise it makes it seem like your supposed to be reading paragraphs worth of words without pause.
I only saw one period in that entire comment and it was at the end, you fit an entire paragraph into one sentence. The way I was taught it was that paragraphs should consist of around six or five sentences at-least, and paragraphs shouldn't run on too long or else you'll have massive blocks of text occasionally separated by a space. In this comment just about every one of my sentences was separated by a paragraph space however I would never do that in a story, I'm just putting emphasis on certain sentences and separating my points.
I would also recommend you don't ship your own character with an OC, ESPECIALLY Rainbow Dash. Mostly just because seemingly every single one of the most immature bronies in the fandom want to get with RD for some reason, she's practically an icon of 'clopping' as unfortunate as it is, Especially because your character is a pony creator model with a dark backstory about becoming orphaned and moving in with their stepmother and yada yada batman.
I have seen maybe two or three stories ever that have gotten away with shipping an OC with a main character, more specifically a Main Six member. I'v seen plenty of more stories that have gotten away with shipping more minor characters like Luna or any other character other than the main six, however that's unrelated and additionally still difficult if not experienced.
6568682 Yes, I realize that. I sorry I wrote the comment while I was really tired. And like I said the chapters showen are only rough drafts. I have changed a few of the characters.
Now he is shiped with an OC mare named Stary Night. Because I noticed that RD shippings were both overused and overated. But the other events are the same as before, but with Stary Night instead of RD. Thanks for the suggestion by the way I always like constructive criticism.