MANY Broken Things
'I Hate Ponies!'
By: Scripture
Chapter 14: MANY Broken Things
SMASH!
“N-now Kelly, let’s talk about this for a second…”
SMASH!
“WHA! KELLY!”
KER-SMASH!
“YOU’RE GONNA HURT SOMEONE KELLY!”
“I KNOW THAT JACK! WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS TRYING TO DO?!”
I yelped, dodging another vase that she had been able to procure from her end of the room. It crashed into the wall breaking into pieces, landing with its brethren on the floor. Twilight and Luna were over by her, trying to calm her down, but to no avail. They didn't want to use magic against her unless it was a last resort, but she was starting to get to that point with them. Pushing herself through them, she chucked another vase at me which I avoided by inches.
It would have been a lot easier to avoid the vases normally, but my hurt leg greatly impeded my movement. I sighed and glared at her, stamping my good hoof down on the ground. “Kelly! After what happened at the party, I don’t think we should even together anymore! I was going to talk to you about it, but you went on vacation and then-“
“SHUT UP!”
“YIPE!”
SMASH!
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE VASES FROM?!”
“FROM MY ASS!”
SMASH!
“Oh dear Celestia…”
Sighing, I looked over at Twilight for help, but she was busy trying to calm the feisty mare down. As I dodged yet another thrown vase that she was somehow still able to chuck at me, I stomped my good hoof on the ground.
“Kelly! Stop! I’m sorry we had to break up this way but…”
Luna spread her wings wide, her own slanted in both aggravation and worry, and looked down at Kelly. “Kelly, Jack is right. Please, can you stop with all this-“
“NO!” Another vase flew in the air.
I ducked again, expecting a medical table or something being thrown at me this time, but was surprised when the crash came not from behind me, but from behind Luna. Tilting my head, I looked at Kelly in curiosity as her angled brows bore down on the Princess, who only returned the glare back.
After a minute of silent staring, Kelly exhaled violently, shaking her head around a bit. Her eyes were closed, her body rigid as she went through her thoughts. Cautious, since I didn’t want anything else being thrown at me, I took a step towards her. “Kelly?”
She didn’t look up at me but I still took another step forward towards her, knowing what I needed to do. The look she was giving, what she was doing… I had seen it many times before, when we had been dating. Carefully, I walked over to her.
If I’m correct about this… I think I know what I have to do…
I was standing in front of her now, her head still low and her eyes still shut. Gently, I nudged my hoof against her leg.
“Hey. Hey, Kelly.”
“…”
“Kellllllllllyyyyyyyyy~”
The pegasus before me opened up an eyelid, peering out at me through her mane.
“…What?”
“PBLTTTTTTT!”
Not caring that Twilight and Luna were watching, I blew the biggest possible raspberry that could ever be emitted by a pony mouth right in front of Kelly. In all honesty, I didn’t think I could do a raspberry for an entire two minutes. My face at the end definitely showed how hard it was. Have you tried to blow a raspberry for two minutes straight? Yeah. It’s pretty hard.
Huffing, puffing, and panting like a dog, I smiled a little at the pegasus in front of me who hadn’t moved during the whole skillful procedure. Eventually, she lifted her head with a smile, flicking her hair to the other side of the head. Both of us were smiling now and she even gave a small giggle. Relieved, I chuckled once myself.
Good… she’s back to normal! Hopefully now we can-
WHAM!
The next thing I knew I was sailing through the air, my right cheek throbbing like a son-of-a-bitch and I landed on my back in Derpy’s bed. Somehow the gray pegasus was still asleep, mumbling something about banana nuts and crab ghouls. At that moment though, my mind was focused on the hoof shaped pain spiking through my head and the headache that was already starting to form.
Kelly stepped towards the bed, Twilight taking a step behind her just in case anything else happened. Luna just sighed and sat down, rubbing her temples with a hoof. Kelly wasn’t on fire, but her eyes were full of hurt and anger. Pointing a hoof at me like we would a finger, she jabbed it a few times at me to punctuate her message.
“THAT was because you broke up with me… and spit all over me with that raspberry!”
Rolling my eyes, I began my retort, rubbing my now painful and heartbeat induced cheek. “Hey! You chucked all those vases at-“
“Mmmmm muffins…”
“-me and- MMMF!”
DAMN Derpy sure likes her muffins!
I admit it was strange at first. Making out with a horse wasn’t exactly something I had done before, much less a pegasus. It felt like any other kiss though, but there was an element of awkwardness to it all. My now official ex-girlfriend was wide-eyed and jaw agape, completely taken aback by the situation. Twilight was blushing, turning a peachy color in her cheeks while Luna was smiling wide, both hooves trying to hide her giggling face, though it didn’t make much of a difference. Oh, and the pegasus had rolled on top of me to make out, both of her front hooves clasped onto my cheeks.
I think the situation might have been just a little awkward for me. Just a little.
After the initial shock had worn off, I gently tried to pry the still-asleep pegasus off of my body, though with minimal luck. Squirming a bit now under herself, I looked to the sides of me, looking for any help whatsoever. The Princess was now leaving the room. Kelly had her back turned on me but was quite red. And Twilight couldn’t help but blush at us and…
Wait, what the fuck?! Is she really writing notes right now?! OF ALL TIMES?!
Ugh Celestia dammit… if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself, though this is NOT how I imagined this scene!
Using all of my hooves in sync, I practically had to pop Derpy off of my mouth, lifting her body into the air like a father would with his kid. My injured forehoof absolutely KILLED, but it was, well… Honestly it wasn’t better than making out with Derpy, but the situation called for a splitting of the lips. She felt lighter than most kids I knew actually, surprising me the first few seconds.
I wonder if they have similar bone structures to birds to make them lighter… Hmm…
The sudden and awkward moving of her up in the air woke the mare up, her eyes fluttering open after a few seconds of yawning. She smacked her lips, looking left, then right, then down at me, her hooves dangling beside mine. Her face cracked open a small smile. “’Mornin… did I miss much Mr. No Cutie Mark?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle a little.
Twilight, slightly grumpy at being interrupted with her research, lightly enveloped the mare in a purple sheen, bringing her onto the ground. “Welllll… let’s just say that you made someone’s day… At least, I think you did anyways.” The purple mare winked at me, my face flushing a bit.
“Yeah, you CERTAINLY made his day! The other pony in the situation isn’t exactly happy with the events though!” A glare from the tan pegasus made my coat grow pale.
Derpy looked from me, to Kelly, then back to me, her eyelids still half drooped and sleepy. “Well. I’m gonna get some muffins for everyone! Maybe they’ll have blueberry…” She smiled, casually walking out of the room.
Kelly gawked at the pegasus for a second, then flared her wings, snorting in derision. “M-muffins?! What the hell is she thinking?! The whole town outside is decimated and she has the nerve to go and grab some-“
“Kelly, please. Shut. The. Hell. Up.”
I glared at her, daring for her to say something else.
The mare opened her mouth but shut it soon after, deeming that she shouldn’t press the issue any further… Especially with a purple unicorn standing around, giving her the same intense look as me. Groaning out loud, she grumbled out a bit of unintelligible language and plopped herself into a seat, defeated for now.
I sighed, rolling myself onto my stomach carefully so I wouldn’t injure my leg more. After all the jumping around from my earlier vase-dodging experience, it was a small miracle that my leg wound hadn’t reopened.
Looking at my hooves, I pondered a bit about how the grabbing mechanics worked with them, when Twilight cleared her throat. I rolled my head around at her quizzically.
“Yeah?” My voice growled a little. I wasn’t feeling up for more surprises at the moment and just wanted to think a little. Was that so much to ask?
Twilight walked towards my bedside and sat down once again, smiling however. “Get some sleep. You’ve had a pretty eventful day after all, and I don’t think you want to reopen that wound again…”
Chuckling, I shook my head. “Well… No, not yet. I just slept for awhile and I’m wide awake now…” I rolled my head over at Kelly, giving her a stern look. “…Especially with all the exercise I got.”
The mare stuck her tongue out at me in response and sighed, getting up from her chair. “Whatever. I’m going to go over and see how Matt’s doing… Apparently you fucked him up real good. Poor guy…”
I glared at her back as she exited the room, putting my hoof to my face to rub my forehead. Out of all the girls in the world it just so happened that my new ex-girlfriend happened to be here as well. How does that happen, I mean really? Out of all the chances possible, how could she-
Then it clicked. The gears in my brain clacked together and my mind started to churn.
“Twi…” I asked, gazing out in the distance.
“Yes Jack?”
“How much do you know about teleportation?”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin for a moment, contemplating the question. “Well, teleportation was first created when-“
I waved a hoof at her, cutting her off. “Don’t give me a lecture. Can you just help me get to the library? I have some questions that need answering…”
Although she nodded in agreement, she still seemed hesitant in letting me go down to the library, to which I questioned her about. The unicorn bit her lip and shuffled in place as I got out of my bed, taking off the hospital rags. “Well… uhm… remember your friend Xavier?”
“Yeah?” I flopped the cloth on the bed.
“Well, that’s where we are holding him at the moment…”
I smiled and began to walk out the door, waving my good hoof around. “Well duh. You were all in there when we tried to get at you and you had a magic dome around the place… It’s kind of obvious something important was happening in there!”
Twilight caught up to me and walked beside me, catching me a few times as I tripped up from my wounded leg. “But…” her face scrunched up in worry. “Aren’t you worried about your friend and what he will do? From what I got, he is in no shape-“
“Ahhh don’t worry about it! He’s one of the questions I’m going to answer. It’s kind of the reason I came to Ponyville anyways!”
Twilight smiled and opened the door to let me out of the building. “Kind of the reason? You mean you didn’t want to destroy the town?”
Rolling my eyes, I began my way across the still-mostly ruined town of Ponyville, taking care to avoid the broken shards of glass everywhere. Even with hooves, I still wasn’t going to risk getting any more of my legs injured. After a few minutes of traveling though we arrived at Twilight’s library. Thanks to the dome she had created, it was left in perfect condition, with all the limbs still on the tree, blaring music coming from its walls, and strobe lights shining through its windows.
Wait…
What?
“MY LIBRARY!” A purple flash zipped by me as I began to race over towards the tree, surprised at the speed in which the unicorn could run. And yet she didn’t win her race… I chuckled as I finally caught up, a huffing Twilight gawking at the scene inside of her home. Looking over her shoulder, I could see why.
“Heyyyyyyyyy Twilight! Get your ass in here and enjoy this new music! It’s crazy good!”
Vinyl smiled broadly, scratching some records on her turntable, to which I could see was connected to a very familiar looking device through a thread of blue magic. She had on her famous glasses, taking them off so that she could see us both in the doorway.
“Xtra Loud here had some sweet jams and he let me borrow his… uh… what’s it called again?!”
“MP3 Player!” Xavier then came out of the kitchen in Twilight’s home with a plate full of grilled cheese encased by his dark blue magic. He put it down on a table nearby and began to bob his head in rhythm to the music. “Mmmmm yeah! Gotta love that noise!”
Twilight’s mouth hung open as she watched the scene before her. “But… but how did…”
“Precision cutting magic, duh!” Vinyl shouted over the noise. “It was a weaker shield you said cuz he didn't know how to use his magic properly! So it was a snap for me to slice open a door for him!”
“Yeah!” Xavier smiled, walking towards Vinyl. “You have no idea how it is to be cooped up in that bubble for so-“
Without warning, Twilight’s horn glowed bright and she charged straight for Xavier.
A/N-
Jeez... Finally got it out here, huh? :P well, your wait has finally been quenched for now hopefully~ I'm sorry its taken awhile but I have been terribly busy with life, college, finances, family, blah blah blah~
I'm officially a part of iBrony now, yay~ So you can look me up and chat with me there as well :)
Also, I may or may not start up a Blog specifically to highlight Brony accomplishments and new things that other may or may not have heard of yet~ Its an idea, almost fully done, but its going to take a bit of work which i am stretched thin for at the moment...
Like many of us XD
Anyways, as always, I LOVE MY EDITORS~ I feel like i was half asleep typing some of this stuff up but after the editing, I am much happier with how it came out~ Without some of my editors, like
and
these stories wouldn't be nearly as good as they are right now! (If I forgot someone who helped with this chapter, please tell me~)
On a final note, I am so happy how my new profile pic turned out~ <3
Comment, rate, thumbs up, favorite, follow.... Anything you wish! :)
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YOU'RE clearly a busy jackalope.
1756704
Always am, always are~
This story's getting goooood.
1756759
What? It wasn't good before?
lol just messin~
Thats a lot of bloody (~) in the authors notes lol...
My brain is full of buck right now. Who is this girl? Kelly?
1756775
It's getting better and better, then.
1756834
lol yes... didn't you read the last chapter?
1756808
nahhhh~~~
Not that many really~~~~
2nd paragraph:
Shouldn't it be: I don't think we should even be together anymore!
Anyway...Don't worry about being so busy that you can't update quickly. I'm in the same boat as you, after finals are over I'll actually begin typing again.
1756993 Well I know that she is Kelly but what is she doing in Equestria? xP I wasn't asking for her name ;D
So, i read this? i Don't think i have and yet there it is. those fancy green check marks on half of the chapters written
Dfaq?
1757060
lol thanks for that~
1757075
Lol well thats spoilers silly!
1757098
Dfaq is right...
YOU MUST BE UNCONSCIOUSLY READING IT! 
Yay update!!!
What? What? Only I started to read that chapter, it SUDDENLY already over?! I need moar!
That scene with Derpy seems a bit forced to me, by the way.
1757321
>.>
<.<
*knocks you out and throws body in a river* NOBODY HEARD ANYTHING!
1757401
It was changed a little bit afterwards, yes~ sorry if i confused you~
Well, from what I gathered, he deserved to be hit by all those vases.
I something good happens to Kelly.
Oh and Xavier and Vinyl are my OTP in this fic.
I'll do some Star Wars stealing here: I have a bad feeling about this.
W00t. Update.
UUUUUPDATE!!! HAHAHA!
So, a bipolar bitch comes up, starts giving the guy hell... And the Equestrians sit back and watch like it was supposed to be funny?
Yeah, no. Eff that noise, I am out.
So it appears that Xavier and Vinyl are now getting along, after their epic battle. Like Jack Kellar said why the hell is is ex girlfriend giving him so much shit and why is this so damn funny for everypony? And what part does Luna have in this? Does Celestia not know what is going on? And why the hell is Twilight charging Xavier after he clearly has calmed down, and it doesn't seem like Twilight to attack like this. Wouldn't she be more curious to ask him questions?
Well that was uploaded pretty quickly.
yay more
735558
Wait was that an actual thing the Hub did?
1758017>>1758837
Patience patience....
Firstly, would you get between a fight between a girlfriend and boyfriend? I certainly wouldn't... Maybe say something on the sidelines but that's about it. Their fight, not mine.
Xavier/Vinyl will be explained, as will Twilight's behavior in next chapter.
Obviously Celestia knows whats going on... She sent them to Ponyville in the first place?
And yes, Luna does have a role and no its not about the human appearances here.
So patience, patience~
1758837
lol i gave out the emails to the editors like... beginning of the week. So actually a little bit, not very quickly~
1758983
Well, kinda. I believe they had a commercial about Dan vs. FiM but they never added it to his actual show XP
1759554 I wouldn't. Not until the moment they started flinging shit at one another. By then, things are already out of control and someone has to step in. Plus, I'm not a pony. Empathetic as they are, they would've reacted just as soon as there was a risk of injury.
But that is not what I'm iffed about, holmes. I am peeved at Twilight and Luna finding that bullshit funny. That does not fit their profile (much less Twilight's), or that of any non-antagonist in the series. And I doubt you'd have written the scene, gender-flipped, with the same "comedic" effects in mind.
So yeah, no.
Here's what I predict, Twilight gets cut off mid-charge by a bitch of a bitch slap.
...
...
...
See what I did there?
1759650Yes, I do... Not funny, at all man.
Still though, to Scripture. I started reading this this morning and I kind of hate that it's over already. Funny stuff man. Here's hoping you have more luck with getting chapters out. And if it means anything, I don't mind volunteering my pre-reading services to you. If you're interested, reply back.
My previous knowledge of the story has long since expired in the length of time it has taken you to put this out... I remember nothing
1759589
All right. I see your point~ Thanks for the perspective~
1760397
And sure, always looking for people to look at new chapters~
When I do the next chapter, I'll send over an email~ 
1760429Sweet. Btw, I never check my email (and you don't even know what it is), so give me a second to PM you the specifics.
Keep the supplies rollin'!
Silver out!
1759554 I know, I'm one of your editors. In my experience, some authors still wait like 2 weeks to upload it. It was a different site though. And they uploaded in the chapter in parts...
1760676
Orly? Hmm... seems a bit weird...
but if you think about it, I only give it to you guys when i feel its good enough to be edited. Then, i usually wait for at least three of you guys to take a review. You all reviewed and nobody else had today so... yeah~ just went with it~
1760397 I detect major butthurt.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl2.png
1761830What?
Well, took a few hours to charge through this fic.
Liking it so far, keep it up!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png
1761859 Your reply to my comment emoted a major amount of drama, seriousness, and general 'your not funny, so top trying-'ness. When someone says something that contains all prior traits, it's considered to be known as Butthurtt. And I can detect some massive butthurtt coming from you.
You change his ex girlfriend name awesome. Now I won't be thinking of my mom when I read this fan fic. Thanks.
1763764All I said was not funny.
1756775 this just proves my theory: self inserts, even if they have cliche beginnings can be good (i dont know how much my word is worth sense i haven't found a human-who-went-to-equestria-and-may-or-may-not-have-been-turned-into-a-pony story that i haven't favereted)
how in the nine hells, the four domains of the warp, tutares, Hades, and neffilhime do you have four editors when i cant get one (not for a lack of trying) i might as whell ware a seine that says "dont help me be a hafe descent aouther"
1767532 I take insults to my sense of humor very seriously. Plus, you didn't actually have to tell me that it wasn't funny. I dam well understand that what I see as funny, isn't as funny to others. I've used the word 'funny' so many times it sounds funny......I mean weird.
1768370meh. You have your opinion, I have mine.
1768370>>1770893
Guys, please, stop. Please just drop the subject....
1771034mmkay. G'bye.
1771034 Only because you said please.
1771088>>1772848
Thank you~
1773010No problem. Sorry, sometimes I'll get caught in an argument with someone online. Usually never leads to anything bad, but still sorry.